Chapter 46
Forty-Six
Ivy
In the moments after I’ve pressed the inside of my locket, I clutch the trinket tightly, waiting under the warm glow of the meeting room’s chandelier for the men I’ve summoned to arrive. Despite all the sentiments we’ve already exchanged, I feel unexpectedly adrift when I think of why I’m here.
I need to say it. I’m heading out in a matter of minutes to try to take down a murderously obsessive conspiracy.
I don’t know if I’ll get another chance.
Here with no one to see me, I let my anxious fingers fidget with the folds of my skirt. I’ve put on the turquoise gown that’s my favorite, its vibrant hue mostly tucked away under my cloak, in an attempt to boost my spirits in every way possible.
I can become a noblewoman. I can catch a man’s eye.
I’m a force to be reckoned with, and I will wield my magic as I wish it tonight.
Casimir materializes first, his deep green eyes wide with urgency. I hold up my hand and then clasp his before he needs to ask any panicked questions. “Nothing’s gone wrong. I just wanted to see you and Alek one more time before I go.”
I discussed this meeting with Stavros in his quarters—he knows to ignore the signal. He’s already set off to join the squadron that’ll hopefully be charging to my aid in just a few hours.
I don’t need to explain anything more to Casimir. The courtesan’s expression softens with a mix of fondness and concern that squeezes my heart even tighter than it already felt.
He knows the chances of my returning are much less than any other time I’ve gone off with the Order of the Wild. Maybe altogether slim.
Who can say whether we’ll see each other again?
Alek emerges from his cord a moment later, with his dark hair swaying across the top of his mask and a similarly urgent air. I tug him close to me with a reassuring smile that I hope gives him more comfort than it’s giving me.
“I needed a little company right before I leave,” I say.
But that’s not the full reason. It’s just going to take me a minute to gather myself for the rest.
Alek slips his arm around my waist and Casimir tucks his around my elbow. The two men who first accepted me for all I am envelop me in their warmth and their different sorts of strength from either side.
If I were being perfectly fair, I’d speak to Casimir before Alek. He’s the one who welcomed me from the very beginning, who won my heart when I was so afraid of losing it.
But knowing these men as I do now, I turn to the scholar first. Casimir has the certainty of his gift showing him how much he matters to me; he has the confidence of years of navigating tender emotions.
This territory is as new to Alek as it is to me.
I touch the side of Alek’s face, and he leans in automatically to claim a kiss. The lingering press of his mouth against mine tastes bittersweet, as if he’s hoping the gesture can keep me here away from danger. I choke up despite my best efforts.
When he finally eases back, his bright brown eyes shine with as much emotion as is whirling inside me. I find the words rise in my throat with no effort after all.
I smile up at him. “I love you.”
Alek’s lips part with a moment’s shock. “What?”
It’s even easier the second time. “I love you. I love how quickly your mind works and how much information you choose to fill it with. I love your dedication to every cause you take up.” My smile turns sly. “I love how much you enjoy certain volumes of Woudish poetry.”
A breathless laugh escapes him, and then he’s capturing my mouth in another kiss, more emphatic than the last.
“I love you too,” he murmurs after, still close enough that his breath grazes my mouth. “Everything about you, everything you bring to this world. Gods help me, Ivy, if I could ride out there with you and stand with you against the scourge sorcerers—”
I swallow hard. “I know.”
When I shift my gaze to Casimir, he’s smiling so brightly I have no doubt that I made the right decision. He looks as happy to see me declare the depths of my affection for Alek as Alek is.
Here’s hoping I can make him even happier.
For all the confidence I’ve gained, the words still feel momentous on my tongue.
I tighten my grip on his hand. “I love you. I love your boundless compassion and your commitment to increasing the joy in the world. I love the generosity you’ve spoiled me with and the ways you’ve let me spoil you a little in return. ”
The courtesan dips his head, his lips brushing my temple and my cheek before reaching my mouth. I’m tingling before we’re even really kissing.
“I love you too,” he says, sounding a little choked up himself. “And I look forward to watching your delight through every bath and ride and dance we share. Meeting you is the greatest gift I could have asked for.”
I hug them both closer, willing back the tears that prick at my eyes. I need to remember this—all the faith they have in me, how avidly they’ll be awaiting my return—through every moment I’m out there among the enemy.
My mind slips back to my last exchange with Stavros: the fiery kiss he gave me, the emphatic order to do whatever it takes to get away from the scourge sorcerers alive. His promise to be there to cut them down for me as fast as his steed can carry him.
I might not be ready to say those three words back to him yet, but I treasure his faith in me too.
“You’ll take the antidote?” Alek checks.
I nod. “I’m going to chew one of the tablets you made from the powder before I leave, just to be safe, and have a couple more in my sleeve for after.”
“Good. Two should be enough to offset a cupful, but it won’t hurt to have three.”
Casimir reaches into his carry pouch. “I bought this before we knew how soon you’d be going. I thought it’d make a perfect welcome back present. But seeing you in that dress now…”
He draws out a pendant with a gleaming teal gemstone, hung on a fine gold chain. “So you’ll have something from me with you no matter how far away you have to go.”
I have to start blinking away tears now. I fasten the chain around my neck and slip the pendant under the neckline of my dress where it’ll stay safe next to my heart. “Thank you. It’s beautiful.”
The bell sounds through the walls, marking the eighth hour. That’s my cue to go.
Official club meetings don’t need to be held furtively in the middle of the night like clandestine initiation tests do.
I pull away from my men reluctantly. “I’d better go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Let that be a promise and not a lie.
With a ripple of magic through my flesh, I step back through the ring of cord into Stavros’s quarters. I take a second to pat my thighs and confirm my extra knives are in place this time, as loath as I am to use them.
Then I pop one of the three antidote pills Alek gave me into my mouth. Its bitter flavor coats my tongue as I hurry out of the Domi.
I meet up with a few of the bug club members including Olari on my way across the outer field. The nine of us heading out tonight congregate along the college’s wall just beyond the gate, where two carriages are waiting.
We’re traveling in noble style this time. I guess there are some benefits to foregoing anonymity.
Ster. Torstem ushers us into the carriages seemingly at random, but I end up squeezed into the back of one directly across from him. As I peer out the window at the streets we pass, I can’t help wondering if the law professor wanted to keep a close eye on his newest college recruit.
Am I the only one from whoever he was considering at the school who passed all his tests? I haven’t seen the young man who came along that one night among the bug club members.
It’s possible he’s made a strange disappearance or met an untimely death, just like Benedikt.
I glance up at the star-flecked sky with a silent prayer. Kosmel, if you’re still watching over me, I need you with me tonight. I’ve jumped in as deep as I can get… but I’m not sure I can get out again without your help.
No divine voice reverberates through my head in answer. I catch a flicker of movement that might be a crow landing on a rooftop, but when I peer closer, I can’t make out its form any longer.
A sign or just wishful thinking?
My fellow club members stay quiet until we’ve passed through the gate out of the city. With farmland around us and no chance of anyone overhearing, Olari speaks up. “Where are we going tonight?”
A thin smile crosses Ster. Torstem’s face. “I have something a little special planned that I think you’ll all appreciate. We deserve a chance to stretch the gifts we’ve earned.”
My stomach flips over. What’s that supposed to mean?
Julita stirs out of her uneasy silence with a snarky remark. He won’t like what your gift can do to him.
She still sounds unsettled, though.
As far as I can tell from the stars and the turns in the road, we head east and a little north as expected. But about an hour into our journey, the carriages roll to a halt, and we disembark to find a large covered wagon waiting for us.
The other bug club members clamber inside without missing a beat. Clearly this is typical protocol.
I follow them, suppressing the apprehension that’s swelling in my gut.
Beneath the stretched canvas, a small lantern smolders, casting its wavering light and an oily scent through the interior. Built-in benches set with cushions line the sides of the wagon. Still more comfortable than my past conveyances, not that I find the fact all that reassuring.
As the driver taps the horses into motion, I notice the wagon lurches to the left. I think it’s heading southeast now. After a few minutes, it veers farther left again.
We’re not going to the same area where Casimir heard there’d been evidence of bonfires in the past. Will we end up closer to wherever Stavros’s squadron is stationed… or farther away?
Even with my hands tucked under the fall of my cloak, I resist the urge to clench them. Around me, the other would-be worshippers are starting to talk in eager voices, anticipation thrumming through the air.