Chapter 33
Thirty-Three
Ivy
Amusement rings through Julita’s coy voice. Well. The daimon too, hmm? He is rather something to look at, but I have to admit, I didn’t see that coming.
“Hush,” I mutter, hefting Rheave’s quiver higher on my shoulder and peering through the forest for a sign of our newly formed camp.
Heat is still coursing under my skin from that kiss—from the way the daimon-man’s hands started to move over my body—
I shove the memories to the back of my head. Guilt has soured the first brief rush of exhilaration that came with the passion in his words.
I’ve already devoted myself to three other men. Three men who showed their devotion to me ever so vividly last night.
How could I give in to the impulse to kiss Rheave? I don’t think I can blame my magic for that lapse of judgment.
This is insane, though, isn’t it? He’s an ageless spirit creature in a conjured body. I don’t even know how to explain it.
Curse it all. How can I look them in the eyes now?
But I have to. For them and for Rheave.
I might not know what to make of all the feelings he’s stirred up, but I’m completely sure that I never want to see him pushed to the desperate brink again. He needs to know that we all want him here.
When I reach the edge of the small clearing Stavros picked out, the three men all glance over from the shelter they’ve already started constructing out of branches under the former general’s guidance.
Casimir’s forehead furrows as he takes in the arrows I’m holding. “What happened to Rheave? Isn’t he coming back?”
“He is,” I say, setting down the quiver next to the bow.
“He was just upset after the incident at the temple, feeling that he’d put us in a bad situation, and he was thinking of…
” My throat constricts for a moment before I force the words out.
“Of killing his body so the scourge sorcerers can’t control it anymore. ”
Alek jerks to his feet with a flash of distress crossing his dark face. “He shouldn’t do that. He’s got as much right to the life he has now as any of us do.”
His immediate support warms me despite the churning of my stomach.
“I told him that as well as I could. I think he was already struggling with the decision—he didn’t really want to go through with it.
He’s taking a little more time to gather himself, but I made him promise that he’d return in one piece. ”
Casimir’s gaze glides over me, his deep blue eyes turned darker with worry.
“And when he does, we’ll do everything we can to assure him that we all value his company.
I’m glad you were able to talk him down, but that must have been difficult to witness.
I’m sorry you had to handle it alone. I could go find him now and start the rest of the conversation. ”
My skin itches with self-consciousness. Great God filet and fry me, I can’t let Casimir apologize to me when I’m the one who fucked up.
“I think we should give him some space,” I say. “He asked for a little time alone.”
Stavros frowns. “Are you sure he won’t do anything drastic now?”
“I believe his promise.”
The way he looked at me when he said he’d never hurt me on purpose. The memory of his brilliant eyes sears through me.
I sink onto a fallen log at the edge of the glade. The only honorable thing I can do is spit out the truth.
“There’s something else. When I was talking with him, he got so emotional, and I just wanted to show him how much everything he’s done means to me—I don’t know…”
Stavros turns to fully face me, his frown deepening. “What is it, Ivy?”
I look down at my hands. “I kissed him. I’m sorry. It was just supposed to be a quick peck—not that even that would necessarily be all right—but he kissed me back and it ended up going on a little longer. And then I realized I was being an idiot and pulled away, but… what’s done is done.”
There’s a moment of silence. It’s broken by a soft laugh that tumbles over Casimir’s lips.
My gaze flicks upward with a jolt of surprise.
The courtesan shakes his head at me, nothing but fondness in his expression. “I was wondering when it’d come to that.”
“You thought— But I’m with the three of you—”
“I don’t think any of us could quite match the daimon’s level of dedication,” Casimir says lightly.
“He’s proven his devotion to you dozens of times over.
And he’s proven himself an essential part of this group as time’s gone on, I think.
He’s brought a different sort of light. I’m not surprised you were drawn to him. ”
It’s easy for him to see things so casually when he’s had dozens, maybe hundreds of past partners. Sharing never gave him the slightest hesitation.
“I still shouldn’t have acted on what I was feeling like that.” I glance at Alek and Stavros. “I don’t want him instead of you. I don’t even know how much I actually want him. Nothing else needs to happen. I’ve been so happy with what we have… I don’t want to ruin it.”
Alek hesitates and then speaks in a careful tone. “How exactly do you feel about him?”
I run my fingers back into my hair, which is tangled from this morning’s riding.
“I don’t really know that either. I haven’t let myself pay that much attention—I’ve had plenty of other things to worry about.
There’ve been moments when I felt attracted to him.
I appreciate how much he’s helped us. There’s something special about the way he looks at the world. But—gods help me, he’s not even human.”
“In some ways he is, now,” the scholar says. “He’s become more than a daimon. And Casimir is right—he’s also become part of… whatever we are, working together like this. I trust him. I respect his judgment, even if sometimes it’s odd.”
I stare at him. “Where are you going with this?”
Alek offers me a sheepish smile. “You’ve been able to handle three of us. If you decide you could have something real with Rheave too, I’d understand it. I wouldn’t be angry. It seems wrong to shut him out of that one aspect of what we have together, if that’s what you both end up wanting.”
I have no doubt about whether Rheave would want it. At least, the physical side. What do daimon know about actual relationships, romance, any of that?
But his expression when he talked about how much he wanted to matter to me, how much I mattered to him… It was the emotion in his face and in those words that drew me in.
He’s always been beautiful, but I had no idea anything that intense was going on in his head.
Argh. This is so ridiculous. I have so many more important problems to sort out.
I press the heel of my hand to my temple. “If no one’s pissed off at me, I think it’d be easier if we just pretended this never happened and never let it happen again.”
“But it did happen.”
All of our gazes dart to Stavros. The former general looks only at me, unwaveringly.
I can’t read his expression, but my heart starts to sink.
He’s been the most hesitant about Rheave’s presence in our lives. He had the most trouble accepting his own feelings for me. I don’t think any of us has a clue how he’ll react to this situation.
Without another word, he crosses the short distance between us and cups my face between his hands, flesh and metal. The next thing I know, his mouth has captured mine.
He kisses me deeply, lingering in the moment until I can barely remember there’s anyone else in the world, let alone anyone else I’d want to kiss as well. When he eases back, his hands drop to my shoulders.
One corner of his mouth crooks upward. “Obviously you figured I didn’t have enough competition for your affections. You’re so set on making me work for it, hmm, Lady Thief?”
A blush flares in my cheeks. “I didn’t purposefully—”
He chuckles and brushes another kiss to my forehead. “I know. And I told you I wanted you to be selfish more often, didn’t I? Maybe I haven’t reminded you of that fact often enough. I’m not going to start caging you now if there’s more happiness you could find.”
My heart is suddenly thumping twice as hard. “You’re really saying…”
When I can’t find the rest of my words, he answers the implicit question. “You’re not sure. That’s fine. We’ll see how it goes. But you’re more than worthy of four paramours. As Casimir would probably say, you should have all the joy you can get in your life while it’s there for the taking.”
Something about his tone and that last sentence sets off an ache in my belly. None of us know how much more life we’re going to get, and mine has always been especially precarious.
Is that the only reason he’s giving his approval? Because he thinks I need to stuff as many experiences as I can into the little time I might have left?
I have the sense of Julita beaming in my head. I knew I’d chosen well. Other than the matter of Benny. Three out of four excellent men is still quite a success.
I swallow the sputter of a laugh that tickles up my throat.
Before I can figure out what to say next, a shout and a crash in the underbrush bring me leaping to my feet.
“Rheave?” Casimir calls as we all rush in the direction of the sound.
The continuing noises of a struggle make it easy to find the daimon-man, just beyond a shaking bush some fifty paces away. When we reach him, Rheave is pinning the hands of the man he’s tackled to the ground.
“He’s like me,” he says, his voice a little ragged from the exertion. “Daimon in a conjured body. He must be from the march.”
My pulse hiccups. We draw in around the fallen man, who stares up at us defiantly.
“What are you doing here?” Stavros demands.
The man’s flat tone sounds a lot like Rheave’s did when I first met him at the college. “I don’t answer to you.”
Rheave scowls at him. “You don’t have to answer to the ones who made that body. Your spirit is still your own. You can claim the body and shake them off. I did.”