Chapter 33 Caspia
Thirty-Three
Caspia
Andreas and Kos were at the dining table when I finally returned to the house after wandering the streets of Roslo.
They were hunched over a sketchbook, Andreas’s arm draped around the back of Kos’s chair.
Kos’s face was the picture of concentration as he drew. His eyebrows were furrowed, and his tongue poked out from the corner of his mouth.
“Good. Now we’ll shape the nose.” Andreas took the stick of charcoal from Kos’s hand, demonstrating for the boy. Then he returned the pencil. “Your turn.”
“Like this?” Kos asked as he drew.
“Just like that.” Andreas smiled, his eyes crinkling at the sides.
It had been a while since he smiled that way. Unguarded. Content.
Andreas had stripped off his coat to the simple white shirt beneath. It stretched over his broad frame, molding to the honed muscles of his arms and shoulders. Yet with all that strength, he had such a gentleness when it came to me. To Kos.
My heart ached, seeing them together. Seeing Andreas with a child.
He was good with the boy. The parent Kos needed. Patient. Kind. Loyal.
In what version of my life did I get to witness him with a child of our own? What promise would I have to make the Divine to change my fate? What did I have to do to make this incessant thrum stop?
I loved him.
I loved Andreas more and more with every heartbeat. Every breath.
It wasn’t fair that I had to give him up already. But I guess he had never really been mine to begin with.
Maybe all I could do now was find a way home. And do everything in my power to spare the people of Calandra from another migration.
At the sound of my bare feet on the floor, Andreas’s eyes lifted and his shoulders relaxed away from his ears. “There you are. I was getting worried.”
I feigned a smile.
His gaze shifted to my dirty, bare feet. “What happened?”
“The slippers hurt.”
He stood from the chair, smile gone as he came to me. “Where did you go?”
“The docks.” I sidestepped around him to peer over Kos’s shoulder. “What is this?”
“Andreas is teaching me how to draw.” The boy grinned up at me, then went back to his sketch of circles and lines, the foundation of what would become a face.
Beside his sketchbook was a small drawing, an example Andreas must have done.
It was my face.
He’d drawn it from memory.
“Kos, that’s enough for today,” Andreas said. “We’ll practice more tomorrow after your lessons.”
The boy sighed and set down his pencil, but he didn’t argue as Andreas ruffled his hair and sent him off to his room, where the nanny was waiting.
“Are you hungry?” Andreas asked.
“No.” I shook my head and trudged for the stairs, my legs heavy as I climbed.
Andreas followed me, and when we reached the second floor, he steered me toward the bathtub with his hand on my lower back.
I watched as he wordlessly drew a bath, filling the tub with enough water to soak my feet. “You don’t need to do that.”
“Humor me.” He held out a hand to help me step inside.
The water rinsed away the dirt. The wounds had already healed.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
I sat on the tub’s edge and pulled the crumpled paper from the pocket of my gown.
“What’s—” Andreas didn’t finish his question as he unfolded the page. He didn’t look at all surprised.
“You’ve seen this already.”
“Yes.” His nostrils flared as he recrumpled it into a ball and tossed it across the bathing chamber.
“You are betrothed.” My voice was flat. A numbness had settled into my bones as I’d wandered around Roslo.
There were many things in the paper to discuss, but at the moment, before I climbed into his bed again, that seemed to be the most important.
He walked to the closest wall, his hand fisted. For a moment, I was sure he’d punch a hole into that innocent wall, but he simply planted it on the smooth surface before hanging his head. “No. I mean, yes. This was arranged by my mother while I was away.”
I’d hoped it wasn’t true. I’d hoped that “betrothed” meant something different in Calandra than it did in Nelfinex.
But now the vision made sense. This was why I would leave.
“I’m sorry, Caspia,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes, swallowing past the growing lump in my throat.
The paperman must have seen me in the castle. He’d speculated in the article about the mysterious red-haired woman who’d been linked to Andreas and what I might mean to his upcoming wedding, which was slated for the winter solstice.
Well, he had nothing to fear. I’d be gone by then. I’d be sailing away on the Malynn.
“Do you love her?”
“No.” His reply was instant. “It’s simply a contract that I need to find a way to void. This woman has no affection for me, beyond friendship. It’s a marriage for political reasons. Nothing more.”
“A marriage is still a marriage.” I stood in the water, then carefully stepped out of the tub.
“I’m sorry.” Andreas grabbed a towel from a hook and brought it over, dropping to his knees to dry my feet. “I’ve been trying to find a way out of it. But it’s…complicated.”
“Complications you should have shared with me. I shouldn’t have had to read them in that paper.”
“I know.” He looked up at me, regret brimming in his eyes. “I’m sorry. There are things to say. I did not expect—”
I pressed my fingers to his mouth.
As frustrated as I was to learn his secrets this way, I didn’t have the energy to fight. If our time together was running short, then I didn’t want to spend it arguing or apologizing.
We’d have our chance for a goodbye. Soon, I would uncomplicate this situation for him. But I wasn’t ready to let him go. Not yet.
So I folded at the waist, replacing my fingers with my mouth.
My lips pressed to his as I kissed them from corner to corner, memorizing the feel of his soft pout.
His hands slipped beneath my skirt to slide up the backs of my legs. A trail of sparks ignited under my skin, and my body came alive beneath his hands.
Andreas touched me, and I knew what it was to fly.
He flicked his tongue against my lower lip, seeking entrance. The moment my mouth parted, I was lost, the world and everyone in it forgotten.
His palms cupped my curves, squeezing and kneading my flesh until I ached for more.
Taking him by the collar of his shirt, I tugged him to his feet. Our mouths stayed fused until it was him who towered over me.
My skirts stayed bunched around my hips as he hoisted me into his arms. I looped my legs around his waist as he carried me out of the bathing chamber.
The evening light flooded through the windows, casting his bedroom with a gentle peach hue. If I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine it was Nelfinex. That Andreas had come with me on that ship and we’d sailed away from this cursed kingdom.
Away from the woman who would become his wife. A faceless stranger whose name might as well be Envy.
Right or wrong, betrothed or not, he was mine. I wasn’t giving up my claim on him quite yet.
I tugged at the laces on his collar, loosening his shirt as he sat on the bed with me perched on his lap.
He kissed the line of my jaw to my ear, nipping at the lobe. “Gods, I want you.”
I rocked against his arousal as it strained against his trousers. Desire coiled in my center as I dragged his shirt up his back so I could dig my nails into his skin. “Take me.”
He growled against my throat. With a fast twist, he laid me on the bed, tearing at my gown until my breasts came free with the sound of splitting seams. Then he flattened his tongue and dragged it over a nipple.
“Yes,” I moaned as he sucked the pebbled bud into his mouth.
Mine. He was mine. The idea of giving him up, of losing him to another woman, made me rage.
I dug my nails harder into his back.
“Caspia,” he murmured against my skin, his mouth trailing along my collarbone before he kissed the space over my heart. Almost as if he could feel that thrum. As if he could chase it away. “My Caspia.”
“Forever.” Even after the Divine welcomed me to Gloree, I would belong to Andreas forever.
We tore at each other’s clothes, tossing them on the floor. He lay down, positioning me on top of his naked body. His muscles bunched and flexed as I straddled his bulky thighs, his hands holding tight to my hips.
He kept his eyes locked on mine as I sank down on his length, slowly rocking us together until he was fully rooted.
“Fuck.” My breath hitched as my body stretched around him, the wave of pleasure so fierce I nearly came apart.
The cords of Andreas’s neck tightened as he closed his eyes, his head thrown back in ecstasy. He thrust up his hips, sending his cock deeper. “Ride me. Hard.”
I moaned, cupping my hands over my breasts to toy with my nipples. Then I did exactly as he commanded. I lifted off his hardness only to slam down on him, bringing us together with such force I cried out his name. “Andreas.”
His hands came to my thighs, his arms helping as I brought us together over and over. The rippled muscles in his stomach clenched as he stared at our connection, watching as he disappeared into my body. “Fuck, you are incredible.”
I bit my lip, my inner walls trembling as I moved faster. Harder. Heat swept through my body, stealing my breath. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.
I forced my eyes open to memorize his face. I let myself drown in his tawny gaze. If only we had a lifetime of moments like this.
He reached for me, threading his hands into my hair as he took me by the back of the neck, dragging me down for a kiss. His tongue fluttered against mine as he flipped me on my back and fucked me with long, pounding strokes. “Let go.”
“Andreas.” I clung to his shoulders as he took me higher and higher. And then I was weightless, soaring to the stars.
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes as the release shattered through my bones and ripped through my muscles. I came apart, head to toe, riding every pulse as Andreas thrust one last time and joined me in oblivion.
We collapsed in a tangle of limbs and thundering hearts.
Andreas wrapped me in his arms, dropping to his side to keep from crushing me with his weight. He buried his nose in my hair and wrapped his large body around mine.
I couldn’t seem to catch my breath, the pressure in my chest unbearable. The feeble remains of my strength fragmented, and the numbness I’d found earlier vanished. Pain rushed in like the tide.
A sob escaped before I could stop it, and I slapped a hand over my mouth. But it was too late.
Andreas lifted onto an elbow, staring down at me as I broke. As I cried for the life I’d thought we would have together.
“I’m sorry.” Andreas held me closer. “I’m sorry, Caspia. I’m so fucking sorry.”
He whispered his apologies in my ear as I cried myself to sleep.
And when I woke to a dark room, to his body still curled around mine, I left him to sleep while I silently moved to the balcony.
I spent the moon staring across Roslo toward a ship with white sails.
I spent the moon listening to the thrum in my chest.
I spent the moon fighting it with every beat.
Not yet.