Chapter 42 Caspia
Forty-Two
Caspia
I set down my quill and closed the cover of my journal. The story I’d set out to write was finished, and I suddenly wanted to take it all back. To rip the pages free from the binding and toss them into the fireplace.
Yet as I stared at the book and its companion, this incredible weight lifted off my shoulders.
The burden of the Starling was no longer mine to carry alone.
I hadn’t filled either journal entirely. I liked that there was room to add more over time.
But I’d written the story of my life. The story of my people and family. I’d even included things I hadn’t shared with Andreas, like how my blood had turned green and that I was stronger and faster than I’d ever been in Nelfinex. That my sight and my hearing had sharpened.
This project had consumed me, but no matter what was to come, at least there was this record.
I stood from my chair, my back and shoulders stiff from the hours I’d been sitting at the table in the library’s alcove. With my stack of books clutched to my chest, I left my quill and ink behind and made my way to Faxon’s desk.
A pair of wire spectacles rested on the curve of his nose as he sat hunched over a book, squinting as he read.
The library was dim, the light that normally streamed through the windows muted by the thick layer of gray clouds that had settled over Roslo.
I missed the sunshine. I loathed the rain.
Andreas had warned me that as we continued toward the winter solstice, the clouds and rain would be constant. But eventually, the weather would clear and the spring in Quentis would make every gloomy moment worthwhile.
“Faxon,” I said, coming to a stop at his desk. “I’m sorry to bother you. But could I ask for a favor?”
“No bother at all, Lady Caspia.” He hopped off his stool and removed his spectacles, leaving them to hold the place in his book. “What can I do for you?”
“I was wondering if you might…” My hands held tighter to a journal. Let it go, Caspia. “Will you hide this somewhere safe?”
His eyebrows furrowed as he held out his hand. “Of course.”
Let it go. I gave him the journal, resisting the urge to snatch it away.
Faxon didn’t open the cover. He didn’t peek inside. And in my heart, I knew he would honor my privacy.
“And the other?” Faxon pointed to my other journal, a twin to the one now tucked in the crook of his arm. “Would you like me to put it away, too?”
“No, I’ll keep this one.”
“Very well.” Faxon nodded, giving me a slight bow, then disappeared somewhere in the stacks to hide that journal on a shelf where it would be forgotten.
Until it was time for Kos to find it.
The vision of him reading the first page had come to me three moons ago. It had been short and blurry at the edges, almost like it had been cloaked in a fog.
Most of my visions had been like that lately. Like dreams.
A mountain forest covered in white.
Countless graves beyond a fortress wall.
A man with black braids and one leg holding his newborn son.
These new visions felt like fragments of shattered glass, and I had to figure out how they all fit together.
Maybe I’d never see the entire picture.
A yawn tugged at my mouth, a side effect of the dreary weather. I headed for the library’s doors, steeling my spine for the walk through the grand foyer.
The novelty of me hadn’t worn off yet. People loved to whisper about my hair. My clothes. My eyes. Mostly, people didn’t seem to understand who I was to Andreas. I’d heard the term mistress a few times, and though we didn’t have that word in Nelfinex, I understood the concept.
In Nelfinex, he would have been my lover. My consort.
In Calandra, I would need a different title to truly belong.
Wife.
We hadn’t spoken of his betrothal contract lately, though I knew he was still working to nullify the agreement. If people were speculating about me, well…I didn’t know. I avoided the papermen and their publications at all costs.
Did the library have a rear exit? I made a mental note to ask Faxon about it tomorrow.
I was in the middle of the atrium when the double doors swung open. The guards held them for a woman wearing a navy gown embroidered with silver thread.
Her golden hair hung in sleek panels over her shoulders. Her tawny eyes, accented with amber starbursts, were so familiar I came to a stop.
I knew those eyes. I woke up to them each morning and fell asleep to them each moon.
Vexx. Andreas had warned me that his mother wanted an introduction. He’d made excuses, but clearly, she was done being put off.
This was worse than the papermen and castle gossips. But at least we weren’t in the foyer.
The skirts of her gown swished as she crossed the space between us. Behind her, the guards closed the doors. They probably had orders not to open them again until she was done with me.
Malynn stopped at arm’s length, her gaze cool and calculating as she eyed me up and down.
White and green jewels dripped from her ears.
A necklace made of the same stones hung heavy around her throat.
Her face was flawless, her skin accented with creams and powders.
She smelled of lavender and rose petals.
Her fingernails were polished to a glossy shine. She exuded affluence and authority.
Andreas was not the type of man to flaunt his wealth, and it made it easy to forget this was his life. That his family’s wealth meant power and responsibility.
Like the responsibility of marrying a woman his parents had deemed acceptable.
Damn. I should have worn my nicer dress.
Malynn frowned, and for the first time, her cold exterior cracked. Behind it was sheer disappointment.
I think I preferred her icy glare.
“So you’re the woman who has corrupted my son.”
A storm raged over the sea. Waves with white caps rolled toward the port and crashed against the cliffside next to the city. The ships in the docks rocked back and forth. Sheets of rain fell from the clouds, and lightning flashed.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
Thunder boomed before I reached six. Only minutes ago, it had taken until the count of ten for the crack to reach the balcony.
The storm was moving closer, and I wouldn’t be able to stay out here for much longer, but those angry gray clouds matched my mood.
“On the balcony. We haven’t been out here for a while.” Andreas wrapped me in his arms as he joined me at the rail. “What’s wrong?”
“I met your mother today,” I said through gritted teeth.
His frame locked. “Fuck.”
“She came to the library. She’s very beautiful.”
“Yes, she is.”
Malynn hadn’t stayed long. She’d finished her assessment, clearly found me lacking, then informed me that, “You will be a problem.”
She hadn’t even asked for my name before leaving in a flourish of that expensive dress.
I’d marched home and had spent the rest of my afternoon on this balcony, watching the storm.
“I’m sorry.” Andreas rested his chin on the top of my head.
“You assume she was rude.”
“Oh, I know my mother quite well. She was rude.”
My lip curled. “Apparently, I’m going to be a problem.”
He pried my hand off the rail and laced our fingers together. “She’s upset that I nullified the betrothal contract.”
I whirled, looking up at him. “It’s over?”
“Yes.” He turned me in his arms, hooking a finger under my chin to close my mouth.
“The woman she intended for me to marry is the daughter of her closest friend. I met with her after you and Kos were settled. She wanted to marry me about as much as I wanted to marry her, as in not at all. But she asked if I would keep the facade of our engagement in place until her beloved returned from Ozarth. He went to trade a shipment of grain for the gold needed to offer for her hand. She sent me a message this morning, saying he had returned and together they had informed her parents they were engaged and that she was not marrying me. I didn’t have the chance to find my mother today. ”
“She found me first.”
“I’m sorry.” He twisted a curl around his finger. When he let it go, he dropped to his knees.
Another blast of sound thundered across the sky as I stared down at him. “What are you doing?”
“Caspia.” Andreas took my hands in his. “Marry me. Be my wife.”
My heart skipped. Yes. I wanted to say yes. I would say yes to anything he asked of me. Except I didn’t know what it meant to be a wife.
He must have read the confusion on my face because his eyes softened. “It means you are mine. And I am yours. From now to an eternity together in the shades.”
I didn’t believe in the shades. But I would wait for him in the afterlife. “Yes.”
The word was barely out of my mouth before he stood, capturing my lips with his just as the clouds above us burst.
We laughed, not breaking our kiss as the storm soaked through our clothes. As our tongues tangled, I tasted raindrops on his smile.
“Gods, I love you. I don’t deserve you. But I’ll keep you all the same. Until the end of our days.” He pressed two fingertips to his forehead. “I vow it.”
“As do I.” If all we ever had was this moment, promises made to each other beneath a torrent of rain, it was enough.
He spun me in circles and kissed me until I was dizzy, then carried me inside, a puddle forming beneath our feet as he set me down.
“Whatever you desire, all you have to do is ask. We’ll find your cousin.
We’ll avenge your sister. I’ll send someone to track down the silver-eyed man.
And if I need to trap every bariwolf in Calandra, then so be it. ”
“No.” I threaded my fingers through his hair. “I don’t want vengeance, not anymore.”
Maybe that silver-eyed warrior had saved countless lives by taking hers. Maybe he’d had no choice if she’d become a monster.
And while I did want to find Xandra, it would mean locking her in a cage.
Maybe it was better to let her roam free.
“I want to keep spending time in the library. Keep searching for clues until I find it.”
“Find what?” His forehead furrowed.
I took a deep breath. There was a reason that my sisters and I had been raised by Aunt Oleana. A reason my mother had never returned to Nelfinex. And I had a feeling that reason was tied to everything I’d learned since coming to Calandra.
“The truth about my mother’s disappearance.”