Chapter Fifty-Nine Caspia #2
She flushed deeper, knowing she’d been caught. Again. She bobbed a bow, and a lock of her hair came loose from its own twist as she hastened from the room.
A lock of silky blond hair, the same shade as the little boy from my vision.
It wasn’t the first time I’d noticed. And it wasn’t the first time I’d shoved it out of my mind.
I dragged my fingers through my curls, gripping the strands too hard, until the wave of heartache subsided. Then I turned away from the mirror to face my family.
A thrum echoed my heartbeat, its vibration spreading through my veins with my pulse.
It had returned only hours after the baby was born.
She’d been my reprieve.
A Starling carrying a child could not shift without losing the baby. So the thrum had paused but not stopped. And since its return, it had been as persistent as ever, like it had been lying in wait for moons.
Not yet.
I rubbed at my sternum, ignoring the thrum, just like I did the visions. Then I stood, walking to my husband in the rocking chair.
Andreas looked up from our daughter and gave me a smile so bright it outshone the sun. “I’ve decided on a nickname.”
“Have you?” I threaded my fingers into his soft hair, memorizing the feel of it against my skin.
He looked to our daughter. “Dess. Let’s call her Dess.”
Dess. Short for Odessa.
Named after my mother.
Another thrum bloomed in my heart, like a drum, reminding me that I was nearly out of time.
“Dess. I like it,” I whispered as fresh tears sprang to my eyes.
I walked to the open windows, wiping the tears before Andreas could see.
Why wouldn’t it stop? Why couldn’t it leave me alone? Why couldn’t I keep this life I’d found?
“What is it?” The chair gave a slight creak as Andreas stood, coming to stand behind me. With one arm, he held Odessa as the other wrapped around my shoulders.
I leaned into his embrace, soaking in his warmth. “Nothing.”
“Caspia.”
I loved that he knew me so well. It was impossible to lie to my husband. “I have a feeling that—”
“Majesty.” A steward burst into the room, his face red and sweaty like he’d taken the stairs to the fourth floor three at a time. He dropped to an efficient bow.
“Yes?” Andreas handed me Odessa, settling her into the cradle of my arms.
She began to fuss, like she could sense the mounting tension as we waited for the steward to explain.
“I’m sorry to disturb you, sire,” the steward said as he stood, his panic filling the room. “It’s urgent. There are four Voster in the throne room, Majesty. They demand to speak with you both. Immediately.”
Andreas’s gaze whipped to mine.
The world dropped out from beneath my feet.
“Leave us,” he ordered the steward.
The man was gone as quickly as he’d come.
I couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening.
Please.
Not yet.
“Fuck.” Andreas pulled me into his chest, his heart racing beneath my ear. “It might be nothing. This could be a visit to discuss politics.”
No, they weren’t here for pleasantries with a king.
I held Odessa closer, squeezing my eyes shut.
Another thrum pulsed in my chest.
“Stay here. I’ll deal with them.” Andreas kissed my hair and let me go, rushing to grab his crown and put it on.
“Wait.” I grabbed his arm as he passed, pulling him back. Then I stood on my toes and pressed my mouth to his.
I kissed him like the world wasn’t about to end. Like my heart wasn’t shattering in my chest. I kissed him for all the kisses I was going to miss.
I kissed him like this wasn’t the last.
When I finally pulled away, I couldn’t hide the tears that streamed down my face.
“It’s going to be all right.” He framed my face with his hands, his fingers sliding into my hair. “Breathe. We’ll be okay.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, my heart.” He caught my tears with his thumbs, searching my eyes. His narrowed, like he could read my thoughts. Like he could peer into my mind and see the vision I hadn’t shared.
Four Voster. Dead. Killed by a crux.
A Starling.
“Caspia, what—”
“Trust me?”
He hesitated. “Always.”
I was counting on it.
“Go.” I stepped back, looking to the open door.
Andreas let out a frustrated sigh, then marched from the suite, straightening his crown.
Only when the thud of his boots faded did I hurry for the door.
The guard stationed outside bowed when I entered the hall. “Majesty.”
“Find Margot. Now.”
“Yes, Majesty.” He bowed again, then went in search of my lady’s maid as I closed the door and raced into the dressing room.
With one hand, I unfastened the necklace around my throat. Then I went to the farthest corner, tugging free the board against the wall to reveal the small compartment I’d had built beneath the floor.
Not even Andreas knew it existed.
I’d hired a tradesman in secret when we were preparing this room for Odessa. I’d paid him two pouches of gold to create this compartment and vow never to tell a soul.
I lifted out the journal I’d stowed inside, setting it on my lap. A journal I’d started writing lunes ago in a library’s alcove. A journal I’d added to just this morning with my vision of Emery and Aunt Oleana.
With it on my lap, I dropped the necklace into the compartment before fitting the board closed.
The moment it was in place, another wave of tears flooded. I gritted my teeth, breathing through the pain as I held my daughter.
“Someday, you’ll find that necklace, Dess,” I whispered. “The elfalter will call to you. And you’ll have a piece of me to wear over your heart.”
She let out a quiet whimper, her eyes wide as she stared up at me.
“I love you.” I kissed her forehead, savoring the feel of her weight in my arms. The smell of her skin.
The sound of her gentle breaths. “Be brave, my daughter. Be fearless. Be kind. Be the light. I love you, Odessa. I love you more than my own life. By the grace of the Divine, I will see you again. In this life or the next.”
A sob ripped from my throat as I kissed her again.
It wasn’t fair.
We needed more time.
“Majesty.” Margot appeared in the doorway of the dressing room. “Are you all right?”
I stood, wiping tears from my eyes before I kissed Odessa’s soft cheek. Again and again. I kissed her for all the summers to come.
“Take her,” I ordered. “Please.”
Margot gave me a sideways glance before she reached for the baby.
Except I couldn’t let her go. “You have to take her.”
The color drained from Margot’s face, but she obeyed, pulling Odessa from my arms.
They felt empty.
I bent and picked up the journal, clutching it instead. “Protect her, Margot. Swear it.”
“Majesty, I don’t know what has happened, but—”
“Swear it to me.” I swallowed a sob and held her blue gaze. “Please. Vow it. Press your fingers to your forehead and vow it.”
Margot looked to Odessa, then back to me. She touched her forehead. “I vow it.”
“Thank you.” The air rushed from my lungs as I cried. “Someday, give her this journal. It is a book about who she is. Who we both are. You will know when the time is right.”
She nodded, taking it as I handed it over.
“You love him. Andreas.”
Margot dropped her gaze to the floor. “I’m sorry, Majesty.”
“Do not let him wither.” A sob escaped as my heart seemed to break into smaller and smaller pieces. “He will need someone who loves him.”
Her face lifted, the color draining. “Majesty, what are you saying? You’re scaring me.”
I gave her a sad smile. Then I looked to my daughter. To her red hair and golden eyes.
“By the grace of the Divine.” I touched my fingers to my forehead, then to hers. “I love you.”
With one last kiss to her cheek, I swept out of the dressing room and suite. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I hurried down the hall to the stairs. And by the time I made it to the main floor, the thrum was so strong it was hard to breathe.
So was the pain.
The pain of a body being turned inside out. Every step was excruciating, but I kept my chin held high as I walked to the throne room’s side entrance, waving a hand for the guard to let me inside.
He was young, a newer recruit. He bowed as he pulled open the door.
“Do not go inside. No matter what you hear.”
He blinked rapidly, but I moved past him. That was the only warning he’d get. Hopefully he’d listen.
As the door closed behind me, it felt as if I was stepping into the past. Into a scene that had played out in my mind so vividly, I knew every moment.
I knew the cold of the floor on my bare feet. I knew the breeze that wafted in from the balcony that overlooked the city. I knew the gold dagger, its hilt inlaid with emeralds and sapphires and rubies, that Andreas kept behind his back.
And the Voster.
The pain spiked, and I slowed, a moan coming from my throat. The sound drew Andreas’s attention.
He faced me, eyes wide as they flickered over my shoulder to the door. A silent command to leave.
I kept walking, my hands fisted as the pain grew so sharp I nearly dropped to my knees.
“Brothers, I would ask for a moment alone with my wife.” Andreas took a step toward me, but one of the Voster held up his gnarled hand.
With a twirl of his finger, he shot a blast of air at Andreas that pushed him backward three steps.
Another priest sent that blast of air my direction, forcing me to stop.
I leaned into the wind, eyes narrowing as I glared.
“This will be your end,” I warned.
They shared a look as the wind died and the throne room went eerily silent.
Quiet enough to hear the echo of a baby crying on the fourth floor, her wail drifting from the suite’s open window to the balcony below.
It happened exactly as I’d foreseen.
The four Voster lifted their eyes to the ceiling. Then they scattered, two moving for the doors to go in search of my daughter.
One stalked toward me, the pain of his magic driving through my chest like a blade. But it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. The pain of what I was about to become.
The fourth Voster fixed his gaze on Andreas.
“Stop them,” Andreas shouted at the guards as he threw his dagger toward the priest stalking my way.
The blade sailed through the air, but with a flick of the Voster’s wrist, it was blown away and to the floor.
We couldn’t fight them.
We couldn’t win.
Not as we were.
They would slaughter Andreas and Odessa. They would not allow a Starling descendant or her child to survive. Not when we could take their magic.
They would kill us.
Unless we killed them first.
I looked to Andreas. “I love you.”
His eyes were wild as he drew his sword.
“Straight through my heart, my love. Do not hesitate.”
“Caspia, no,” Andreas roared, but it was too late.
The shift ripped through every part of my body, working its way from the inside out. Tearing and clawing, the thrum became a new heartbeat. The pulse of a monster demanding to be set free.
I closed my eyes and gave up the fight.
Flesh turned to feathers. Arms stretched to wings. Toes became talons.
Golden eyes shifted to black.
The ritus was complete.
I was Starling.
The monster I became let out a scream.
And then there was nothing but death.