12.
Crystal
We had pizza at the office today, and after work, Rhys and Austin were heading out to meet women, so Theo and I are taking ourselves out for a drink, as we do on occasion when everyone else is occupied. I give the nightly password and push through the heavy, unmarked door of Bourbon and Branch. The dim lighting casts shadows across our path, bouncing off bottles that line the wall like silent sentinels of a bygone era. I inhale the scent of aged whiskey and leather. The ambiance of the speakeasy bar envelops me, a stark contrast to the crisp vineyard air that filled my weekend.
“Tell me everything,” Theo urges as he slides into the booth across from me. “How was Napa with Justin?”
I smile at the memory, the intimacy of being alone and away from the commotion of city life. “It was wonderful,” I confess. “We toured a couple of vineyards, bought some wine, but honestly…” I lower my voice, leaning in. “We mostly enjoyed the quiet. Just us.”
“Sounds perfect,” he says, seeming happy for me.
I nod and sip the cocktail our server brings over from the bar, its complex flavors a welcome distraction from the gnawing concern that always seems to bubble beneath the surface—all the lies and secrets about my health, money, Justin, the guys at work, my job. In an instant, it comes rushing to the forefront.
As if sensing my shift in mood, Theo’s brow furrows. “Why are you two still crammed in our tiny apartment, anyway?” His question is casual, but I hear the underlying point that he’d like to not be sleeping on the couch.
I let out a dry laugh, tracing the rim of my glass with my finger. “I should move out, but with what you pay me…” My voice trails off.
He studies me. “What do you want, Crystal?” he asks, not just as a friend, I suspect, but as someone who holds weight in the decision-making at work.
I take a deep breath, gathering my scattered thoughts. “A measure of respect would be nice,” I say firmly. “And that comes with a share of the company, doesn’t it? If you can’t give me a pay increase, then at least some stake in the company. But ideally…both.”
I look up into Theo’s eyes, searching for a sign of what he’s going to say next. He leans back in the booth, his gaze distant as if sorting through an invisible spreadsheet of possibilities and outcomes.
“Your salary…it’s not something we can adjust on a whim,” he finally says, his voice measured. “SHN gave us a specific amount of money, and it’s taking us longer to figure this out than everyone hoped, and right now, dividing the company further is off the table.”
There is a twist in my gut, the familiar sting of disappointment. But I stay quiet, waiting for him to elaborate.
“See, there’s a divide at the top—whether to remain private or go public.” He swirls the remnants of his drink. “We’re close to really nailing this thing, Crystal. Sales alone could make us billions without having to share a slice of the pie with stockholders.”
I pause, taking in the weight of his words. This is news to me. Justin, despite all our time together, hasn’t breathed a word about these developments. But then again, we’ve been trying to build a relationship beyond the confines of work, seeking common ground elsewhere.
“Justin didn’t mention any of this,” I confess. I recall the scraps of paper and napkin from Austin with hastily scrawled lists of demands—no please, no thank you. A sour taste builds in my mouth. “Sometimes, I feel like just the hired help.”
“Sorry about that,” Theo says with a nod. “It’s disrespectful, I know. I’ll have a word with the guys. We need to do better. You’re an important part of the team these days.”
“Thanks, Theo.” I manage a half-smile, appreciating his understanding. Though I suppose if any of them are going to get this, it’s him. He’s shown the most interest in getting to know me these past months, rather than just tolerating my presence. I consider him a friend. I suppose that makes this a small victory, but it means something that he acknowledges the issue. The promise of change, even if it’s just in how we communicate, seems like a step in the right direction. I take another sip of my cocktail.
“Anyway…” Theo starts with a wry smile. “I think it’s time I admit defeat in the love department.”
“Defeat?” I arch an eyebrow, intrigued by the sudden change in conversation.
“Yup. How am I supposed to bring someone back to our place? It’s like a clown-car situation with you and Justin hogging the double bed and me squeezed on the couch.” He chuckles, but again, I feel the jab. I just don’t know what I can do about it.
I laugh along, imagining the cramped quarters of our shared room. “I see your point. Though if you found someone, maybe you could spend nights at her place instead?”
“Or I’ll keep crashing in your bed while you’re off on romantic getaways to Napa,” he teases.
“Maybe.” I smirk. “The Napa trip was…really something. It’s a great retreat that’s so close.”
“Any news on Justin’s dad?” Theo leans back, seeming to study me for a moment.
“I spoke to him briefly earlier. He’s staying with his mom tonight, and he’ll drive up to the hospital in the morning. All I know is their relationship seems tense, from what little I picked up at graduation.”
“Sounds complicated.” Theo’s face softens with empathy. “You’ll probably be the first to know more. Can you keep me posted?”
“Of course,” I promise. After all, Theo’s more than just a roommate. Justin and all the guys are close friends, not just work partners, and I know they’d do anything for one another.
After a little while, we drain what’s left in our glasses and wrap up the remnants of our conversation, ready to step out into the fall night. The cool air nips at my cheeks as we walk back to the house. I draw my jacket tighter around me, comforted by Theo’s presence beside me.
“My mom was always in and out of hospitals,” I say, breaking the silence that had cocooned us. “She was just kind of fragile, you know? Dad worked two jobs, but it was never quite enough.”
Theo nods, his gaze thoughtful under the streetlights. He knows snippets of this story, the edges that have frayed over time and conversations, but I’ve never laid it all out like this before.
“College was their dream for me,” I continue with a wistful smile. “Their beacon of hope amidst the endless medical bills and worry. But now, with everything… I’m just…” I trail off, struggling to articulate the sense of being adrift on an open sea without a compass.
“Lost?” Theo offers the word gently, almost as if he’s plucking it from the tangled thoughts in my head.
“Exactly.”
“Ever think about going back to school?” he asks as we turn the corner onto our street, the familiar outline of our apartment building coming into view.
“Back to school?”
“Yeah, there are plenty of great places around here. And hey, if applied mathematics isn’t your jam anymore, you could always try something new.”
I nod. “Justin says the same thing. We stopped at Berkeley on our way back from Napa. I just don’t know what I’d study.” I roll the idea around in my mind like a smooth pebble.
“Think about it,” Theo says as we reach our door. “You’ll find something that ignites your passion.”
“Thanks, Theo,” I say, offering him a smile. “I can sleep on the couch tonight. You can have the bedroom to yourself.”
“No. You sleep in the bedroom. I want to play some video games to wind down anyway.
“Goodnight then.”
“Goodnight.”
Later, lying in bed with the soft glow of the moon filtering through the window, I let my mind wander to the possibilities Theo’s words have unearthed. When Justin suggested school, I thought it was just his way of being supportive. Now that Theo has mentioned it, too, I realize maybe that’s what’s missing.
The ceiling above becomes a blank screen where I project images of lecture halls and textbooks, each subject a potential key to unlocking a part of myself that’s remained dormant for too long.
“Marketing?” I muse silently, picturing vibrant campaigns and the psychology behind them. “Creative writing?” My heart flutters at the thought of penning stories, of characters coming to life under my fingertips. “Art history?” I’ve always enjoyed the allure of past cultures and the evolution of beauty across ages.
Each option is a doorway to a different future, and I lie here, caught in the gravity of choice. UC Berkeley isn’t far, and after our short visit this weekend, it seems more appealing.
“Maybe it’s time,” I whisper to the quiet room.