5. Riley
5
RILEY
R iley couldn’t shake the feeling of Jett’s touch on her as she took an Uber home. She didn’t know what she had been thinking, but she couldn’t regret it.
It had been a while since she had done anything sexual with someone and that thing with Jett was just amazing. Her mouth was amazing, and Riley couldn’t deny the large amount of attraction that she felt toward the other woman. But she couldn’t get involved. She didn’t even know how Jett felt, and Riley felt that Jett was probably just taking advantage of a situation; it wasn’t because she cared specifically about Riley or anything.
Besides, it didn’t matter. Riley didn’t do relationships. Her few attempts in the past had always been pathetic, short-term affairs that always ended before things got too intense. Riley knew that she was the problem. She struggled to open up to others, and emotional intimacy scared the hell out of her. She didn’t know how to be vulnerable and she didn’t want to be either. She was content to be by herself, or so she thought.
* * *
But, God, Jett was attractive. Both physically and spiritually. She was the kind of strong and powerful woman that Riley typically found herself attracted to. Her independence and ability to speak her mind, while annoying to Riley at first, did draw Riley to her. She couldn’t deny that those were traits that she looked for in the relationships that she had had in the past.
But at the same time, Jett felt different. Riley wasn’t used to people apologizing when they were wrong or had hurt her feelings. She also wasn’t used to exposing her feelings in front of other women. She didn’t know why she felt safe around Jett, but she did and it terrified her.
She didn’t know what she wanted from Jett, but her heart hurt at the idea of her just being a fling or casual sex partner. Her heart wanted something more and Riley crushed that idea down the moment it surfaced. Absolutely not , she thought. Whatever had just happened with Jett was never going to happen again. It would just be some one-off thing, and Riley told herself that she was okay with that.
It didn’t matter that Jett was attractive and that something about her drew Riley to her: Riley didn’t do relationships. She didn’t do broken hearts and vulnerability. It was going to be okay. Whatever weird feelings Riley had for Jett would fade, she was sure of it.
And so, when Riley went inside her apartment and prepared for bed, she pushed down any thoughts of Jett, no matter how persistent they were.
* * *
Riley went back to work as usual. She felt immense pride in what she did, and it brought her joy, so she put all of her time and energy into being the best trauma surgeon she could be. Part of her hated the fact that her job often required people to be injured in order for her to be there to help them. But she tried to focus on the positive. She was saving their lives and often helping them regain their life as it was before. It wasn’t perfect, but nothing was.
Riley was naturally a pessimist. She often saw the negatives to a situation, especially growing up in the foster care system where she was often shoved around like a toy. But throughout her career, she had trained herself to look at things in a way that didn’t come natural to her. She was a pessimist, but as she went into surgery to perform something that many surgeons would dare not try, she forced herself to be an optimist.
Just like the construction guy with the compound fracture, if she had listened to the standard advice and waited, he likely would have lost his arm. Instead, Riley was able to walk by the physical therapy office on her way to the Emergency Room and see Dennis waiting there.
She smiled and when Dennis waved at her through the glass window, Riley waved back. She hummed to herself with a little extra pep in her step. This was what she was here for. She didn’t have time for a relationship, not with lives on the line, and besides, all of her past attempts at a relationship had proved that she just wasn’t good at them.
There was no shame in that, Riley told herself. She was an accomplished trauma surgeon. She couldn’t expect herself to be good at every little thing. Besides, her job benefited her—a relationship wouldn’t.
* * *
Riley walked into the Emergency Room and saw Dr. Josephine Mars walking out. Riley held open the door for Dr. Mars, and let her out.
“Thanks, Parker,” Dr. Mars said with a smile before she walked away, and as Riley watched her leave, she couldn’t help but think of Jett and Ember calling her Josephine.
Riley walked into the Emergency Room and saw Dr. Lucinda Everett standing by the nurse’s station, fixing her dark hair into her usual butterfly clip.
Riley walked over. “So, I’m guessing there’s not much to do,” Riley said.
Dr. Everett groaned. “Not a thing,” she said, “which I suppose is good, but I’m bored. I’ve resorted to scheduling myself to help with an appendectomy in a few minutes.”
Riley laughed, and when Dr. Everett almost dropped her butterfly clip, Riley caught it before it could touch the floor.
Dr. Everett stared at Riley in shock and awe. “Damn,” she said, “do you ever fail to impress?”
“I try not to,” Riley said and Dr. Everett shook her head with a small smile.
“Oh, I was meaning to talk to you about something,” Dr. Everett said.
“Yeah,” Riley answered, assuming that Dr. Everett wanted to talk to her about something medical-related, which was a reasonable assumption considering they rarely talked about their personal lives. But, Riley was wrong.
“What was up with you at the hospital fundraiser?” Dr. Everett asked, and Riley’s eyes widened. She took slow breaths in order to keep herself from blushing. She wasn’t sure how well it worked, however, especially when Dr. Everett gave her a knowing look and a smirk.
“What do you mean?” Riley asked, playing dumb. She didn’t want to give anything away on the off-chance that Dr. Everett was talking about something other than a tall, graceful dark-haired woman.
“I mean, I saw you talking with Jett Thompson,” Dr. Everett said, “and then I looked away for a second and the two of you were gone for over an hour, and when you came back, you were completely disheveled.” Lucinda raised an elegant eyebrow.
Oh G o d, Riley thought. This could not be happening. This was way too embarrassing. She’d thought that maybe Dr. Everett would ask what she was doing taking to Jett, but Riley didn’t expect her to be so observant.
But then, Riley caught onto something that she hoped would distract Dr. Everett from her question. “How do you know Jett’s name?” Riley asked. The firefighter paramedic wasn’t in the hospital enough to have given introductions to everyone who worked there.
Dr. Everett gave Riley a look, like she knew Riley was trying to distract her, but she did answer. “Jett is my wife’s niece.”
That threw Riley for a loop and she couldn’t help but exclaim, “Is everyone in this town related to that girl?”
Dr. Everett laughed, and it took her a while before she stopped. It was obvious that she wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from Riley, but she understood what she meant.
“It sure feels that way sometimes,” Dr. Everett said. “I married the most wonderful woman in the world and it’s like I know half of the town now.”
Riley smiled. She didn’t do relationships, but it was sweet to hear the way other people referred to their partners.
“Dr. Everett.” A nurse arrived. “Are you ready for the appendectomy?”
“Shit,” Dr. Everett said. “Yes, I’m on my way.” She started to leave, but before she turned the corner and left Riley’s line of sight, she turned back around and pointed directly at Riley. “Don’t think I forgot about you. I’ll get an answer from you later.” Then she disappeared.
* * *
Great, Riley groaned, and looked at the nurse who had been sitting there for the conversation. Of course it was Leah. Riley regretted being so short with her the other day, and sighed. Sometimes her temper got the best of her, especially in high-stress situations.
“Don’t say anything,” Riley said to Leah. “Please. I don’t want all the nurses gossiping about something they don’t know anything about.”
Leah nodded. “Okay,” she said, not sounding too convincing, and Riley knew that she was going to have to do damage control.
“How was your psych patient?” Riley asked.
“Good,” Leah said, “he made a full recovery and is now in inpatient. I don’t know how he’s doing now, but hopefully he’s doing well.”
Riley nodded. “Good,” she said, “and look, I know I was harsh on you for leaving him alone.”
Leah raised her hand. “Don’t bother,” she said. “When Dr. Hudson found out, she made what you said seem like pillow talk.”
Riley pursed her lips and nodded.
“Besides,” Leah said, “I know I messed up. That patient could have died because of me. I just feel horrible.”
Riley nodded again. “You know, it’s a good thing you feel horrible,” Riley said and Leah looked at her in confusion before Riley continued, “It means you’re not a psychopath.”
Leah laughed a little at that. “Yeah,” she said, “but it’s making it hard to focus and do my job.”
“That’s not good,” Riley said, “Look. You messed up. You know you messed up, everyone knows you messed up, but also everyone messes up. And you were lucky; you messed up and no one died. I haven’t always been that lucky. But the thing is, no matter how badly you mess up, you have to be able to forgive yourself and learn from it, because if you don’t learn from your mistakes, you won’t know how to do better, and if you don’t forgive yourself, you won’t be able to act of what you now know and actually do better.”
Leah frowned and nodded and Riley looked at her. “Did that make sense, or did I just sound like some sort of hippie?” Riley asked.
Leah laughed a little at that. “It did make sense,” she said, “but you’re also sounding kind of like a hippie right now.”
“Damn it,” Riley said with a shake of her head. “I’m not good at the whole pep talk thing.”
“I can tell,” Leah said, “but thanks for trying anyway. And you really don’t have to try to make me feel better. I’m not going to gossip about what you and Everett were talking about.”
“Yeah,” Riley said, “but I don’t like leaving people in bad places, even if I’m the reason they’re there.”
“It’s okay,” Leah said, “I forgive you. Plus if you were super nice about it, I probably wouldn’t have taken it so seriously anyway.”
Riley didn’t know what else to say, so she just changed the subject. “Is there really not much to do?”
Leah shook her head. “It’s been incredibly busy all day,” she said in the most sarcastic voice she could muster, letting Riley know that it had been dead today. Every doctor and nurse knew to avoid saying, “It’s not busy,” or it would become the busiest day in memory.
* * *
Riley worked for hours, trying to keep herself busy, and even when the sky turned dark outside, nothing changed. This wasn’t the first time she had had an easy shift, but it was fairly out of the ordinary for the surgeon.
Then, an ambulance came in. Dr. Everett came running through the hallway, passing Riley.
“I call dibs,” Dr. Everett said, making her way toward the ambulance dock. Riley just shook her head and let her. When times were uneventful in the hospital, it was often that the two trauma surgeons would compete and call dibs for patients. Normally, Riley was more competitive, but she just didn’t seem to care today.
That didn’t change, either, when Riley saw who was helping wheel the stretcher in. Riley’s breath stopped for a moment as she stared at the woman she was trying to forget. Riley didn’t know what she had been thinking. It was obvious the two would see each other again. After all, they had worked together twice before. Riley really should have prepared for this possibility. Instead, she walked into the closest room, which just so happened to be the trauma bay that the paramedics were taking their patient to.
Riley looked up like a deer in headlights when she saw Jett helping the other paramedic carry in the patient while Dr. Everett followed.
“Hey,” Dr. Everett said, “I called dibs.”
“Right,” Riley said, “sorry.” Riley went to leave the room and as she was leaving, she felt Jett’s eyes on her and she couldn’t help but hear Jett speaking to Dr. Everett.
“Lucinda,” Jett said, “do you need me here? Or am I good to go?”
“You may leave,” Dr. Everett said, and Riley walked as quickly as she could, trying to lose Jett, before she walked into one of the on-call rooms.
However, it didn’t take much for Jett to find her, and when she did, Riley looked up at the other woman and tried to keep her calm, even though her heart was racing and she felt anything but calm.
Jett closed the door to the on-call room and walked toward Riley. Her hips swayed and every curve of her body and her lips was deliciously tempting. Her brown eyes were pools of melted chocolate. “Running away from me, sweetheart?”
“No,” Riley lied, not wanting Jett to know how much she affected her. “I just needed a moment to rest.”
Jett gave a short laugh; clearly she didn’t believe Riley, but Riley tried not to let that affect her either.
“Poor thing,” Jett said. “Would you like some help? I can tire you out.”
“I—no,” Riley said, crossing her arms. “And what makes you think that I would let you top for the second time in a row?”
“Are you saying that it’s your turn?” Jett asked. “Okay.”
Riley’s brain buffered. All of her attempts to forget Jett and convince herself that what they had was a one-time thing were being thrown out of a window.
She couldn’t deny the attraction that she felt toward the other woman, and how badly she wanted to feel their lips pressed together. Jett took another step toward Riley, and Riley couldn’t help herself. She took a step toward Jett and within an instant, the two were kissing passionately.
Riley pushed herself forward and put her hands on Jett’s waist, forcing Jett backwards until Jett hit the wall of the on-call room and gasped.
Riley took this opportunity to bite Jett’s lip and reach her hands toward Jett’s waistband. She was going to be the one getting a taste of Jett tonight.
She unceremoniously pushed Jett’s pants and underwear to the ground and felt Jett’s hands reach under her shirt and toward her bra, reaching for the clasp.
Riley bit Jett’s lip harder, and yanked her hands off of her. This time it was going to be Jett who would be naked. Riley wanted to see her, to feel her, to hear her.
“What was that about, sweetheart?” Jett asked, pulling away from the kiss for just a second before she put her lips back on Riley’s.
“I want your shirt off,” Riley said, doing the same thing, except instead of putting her mouth back on Jett’s, she put her mouth on Jett’s collarbone, leaving gentle kisses. She wanted to leave hickeys, but she would have to wait until Jett’s top was off. She didn’t want to leave proof of what they were doing where other people could see and question it.
Jett hummed and then laughed. “If you want my shirt off, then I want you to beg, sweetheart.” Jett’s brown eyes offered a challenge.
Absolutely not, Riley thought, and she pushed Jett against the wall as hard as she could, using her torso to pin her to the wall as her hands reached for the buttons of Jett’s shirt. However, before she could even undo the first button, Jett reached toward Riley’s hands and held them in her own.
Riley struggled to get out of Jett’s grip, but she was too strong, and Riley was not weak. She couldn’t help herself from thinking about how hot this was, distracting herself from her mission of undressing Jett.
“What did I say?” Jett asked. “You want my shirt off, you’re going to have to beg.”
Riley couldn’t believe that she was even considering it. She never begged, but she couldn’t deny how hot this entire situation was, and she felt the heat from their interactions through her entire body.
Riley opened her mouth and watched as Jett smirked at her, but before Riley could even say anything, her pager went off.
For fuck’s sake! Of all the times to ruin a quiet day in the ER.
Both of them knew exactly what Riley’s pager meant for their on call room time.
Jett let go of Riley’s hands and went for her pants and underwear. And even though Riley couldn’t help but spare a glance at Jett’s long legs as she reclothed herself, she did almost instantly look for her pager.
“Shit,” Riley said. Apparently calling dibs didn’t mean much. Dr. Everett ended up needing Riley’s help with her patient. “I’ve got to go.”
“Yeah,” Jett said with a nod, “but I’ll see you sometime later, right?”
Riley blanked, remembering the promise to herself that what happened on the roof was just a one-off thing, and how she almost just broke that promise. She didn’t even answer Jett. She just walked out of the on-call room and went to the trauma bay.