17. CHARLOTTE
17
CHARLOTTE
T he wind was picking up, and the world outside felt as unsettled as my emotions.
I’d tried all morning to focus on my work—I had a whole lot of research papers I wanted to get through, and I wanted to type up a report for Victoria so she would know where the campaign was and what she was spending her money on.
None of that was happening for me. I couldn’t focus. My mind kept drifting to Alex, to our night at his office together.
Whatever was happening between us wasn’t supposed to happen. And I couldn’t help myself.
Something about him drew me. I didn’t believe in soulmates or in love at first sight, in fate and destiny, and all the other bullshit girls liked to believe in when they grew up.
Those things were replaced by an overdose of reality when my mom left, and then my dad turned out to be the villain in the story.
Any idea of happily ever after wasn’t going to come to me by itself. I knew that if I wanted something to have a happy ending, I had to do it myself.
Not to mention the fact that love was a pointless pursuit. Sure, it was out there and people could find it and settle down and live the rest of their lives with their chosen partners, but that wasn’t what I wanted. Not right now, anyway. I didn’t even know if I wanted it… ever. Although, if it was with someone like Alex, who set my skin on fire and made my toes curl and could make butterflies erupt in my stomach by just looking at me…
No. Stop it.
I’d told him before and I would tell myself again now, too—I had bigger fish to fry. Yeah, so I’d talked about emissions when I’d said it to him but that didn’t change facts. I had other things to focus on, and falling in love, going crazy over a guy, just wasn’t a part of my picture right now.
I wasn’t sure if it would be a part of my picture, ever. The thing was that I did like to plan ahead. I was a five-year plan type of person. I liked the idea of having something bigger to work toward, and knowing what I was aiming for in the next five years had kept me on track for a long time.
But that was just when it came to business. I could tell anyone who asked exactly what my plans were for the next five years, but in my personal life, my love life, I just hadn’t bothered to make any plans at all.
The thing about plans was that they could change. And the thing about love was that it could hurt me, and I wasn’t in the mood for that. I’d had enough, thank you very much.
Work was what I would focus on.
Except when my mind drove me crazy the way it did right now.
I closed my laptop with a sigh and stretched my hands up until my back popped. When I looked out of the window, the clouds above were gray and nature called me.
I wanted to head out to the beach.
I got up and grabbed a few things—a roll of plastic bags, rubber gloves, a trash picker, and a bottle of water. I grabbed a packet of cookies from the pantry at the last moment and walked to the street level, where I hopped on a bus that took me to the beach.
I never went to the beach to tan or swim. When I was here, I would do something good for the environment.
Today, my team wasn’t with me. They all had other things to do, too. Jobs, children, husbands… activism was a side hustle for most; it wasn’t their day job or their lifelong obsession the way it was for me.
But I could clean the beach alone. I didn’t need a team to make a difference. Sometimes, just the smallest bit of effort helped.
When I got to the beach, the swimming area wasn’t very full. The strange weather had driven most of the beach-goers away. The season was starting to change. Summer was coming to an end, and fall would be here soon.
I walked away from the swimming area in the direction of where the trash collected and remained untouched with so few people there. I picked up trash as I walked. When I was out there doing something good with the wind in my hair and the smell of the sea so overpowering, I felt like it cleared my mind.
My phone rang in my pocket. Alex’s number flashed on the caller ID, and I stilled. But he probably wanted to arrange a meeting for this week, which had been the idea. I couldn’t avoid him now that he was actually giving me what I asked for. But a part of me wanted to avoid him anyway because when I was around him, I thought things and felt things I wasn’t supposed to focus on right now.
“Can I come see you?” he asked when I answered.
“I’m not at home,” I said, raising my voice a little to be heard over the wind.
“Where are you?”
“Can’t we do it another time? I’m seeing you this week as it is.”
“Yeah… I just wanted to talk, to brainstorm about a couple of things.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’m not in the mood right now, Alex. I have a lot on my mind, and I’m just—”
“Where are you? I can barely hear you?”
“It’s the wind. I’m at the beach.”
“I’ll be right there.”
“No, Alex, that’s not—”
The line went dead, and I sighed and stopped talking. I didn’t want to talk shop right now. I just wanted to be alone. A part of me considered fleeing before he got here, but I saw a bunch more papers and plastic and walked across the sand to pick them up and stuff them in the bag.
Alex arrived not too long after. He wore jeans and a T-shirt, and he looked very different from when he wore his suits. I liked it when he looked like this—he looked almost normal. Human, where usually he was so closed off and almost robotic.
Although, under that facade I knew what he was really like.
I flashed on him naked, and a blush crept onto my cheeks as he walked toward me.
“How did you find me?”
“I figured you wouldn’t be where the swimmers are,” he said, jutting his thumb over his shoulder.
He knew me better than I’d thought he did.
He looked at me, his eyes the same color as the sky, a pale blue with patches of gray, as if he was having an overcast, cloudy day, too.
“I really don’t want to talk business,” I said. “I’m sorry that you came all this way, but—”
“Then we won’t talk business.”
I frowned. “I thought you wanted to brainstorm.”
“Not everything has to be about work.”
I nodded slowly.
“Do you have another bag?”
I took the roll from my backpack and handed him one.
“I don’t have more gloves.”
“It’s okay,” Alex said.
We moved along the beach, picking up trash in silence. Having Alex by my side was comforting. It was nice just not to be alone. I thought he would try to make conversation, but no.
After an hour or two on the beach, my back hurt, and we’d filled two bags.
“I think that’s about it for the day,” I said.
Alex nodded. “Come on, there’s a bin.”
He took my bag from me and headed toward a swing bin close to the dunes, and he put both bags into it.
When he came back, he glanced up. “It looks like the weather is starting to settle down.”
I glanced up, too. The clouds had given way to a bright blue sky. We looked back the way we’d come—the sandy shores were picturesque.
“So much better when they’re clean,” I breathed.
“Yeah,” Alex agreed; there wasn’t a joking tone in his voice. He really thought so.
The sounds of the waves on the shore and the seagulls in the distance was soothing, and the sun cast a warm glow over the coastline.
“Do you want to go out?” Alex asked.
“What?”
“The marina isn’t far from here, and I have a small boat there. We can head out to sea, get away a bit.”
I hesitated. It sounded amazing to just escape and be on the water.
“Are you sure?”
Alex nodded and gestured with his head for me to follow. I turned and fell into step next to him.
We walked along the beach, chatting idly about nothing important.
Slowly, the sinking sand fell away as we approached the bustling marina. The beach changed from the natural landscape to the structured environment of the marina, and we passed by rows and rows of neatly parked boats.
The air filled with the smell of saltwater and the faint smell of paint and varnish.
All around us, the marina was alive with activity, with people washing down decks or unloading supplies after coming back from a day on the water.
“I didn’t really think about it, but I guess it makes sense that you’d own a boat,” I said.
Alex chuckled. “Because I’m in the yacht business?”
I shrugged. “Well… yeah.”
He grinned. “We do own a few different yachts, but that’s not what I’m taking you out on today.”
“No?”
He shook his head and led the way through the marina. He pointed out different yachts and boats and told me bits of information about the owners.
Finally, we stopped at a slip in a prime spot. Of course, a Blackwood wouldn’t have an out-of-the-way crappy parking spot.
A small boat bobbed on the water, sleek and well-maintained. The word Windward was painted on the side of the point in polished black letters.
Alex stepped onto the boat and held out his hand. I took it, and he helped me on before he untied the ropes.
His fingers worked with practiced ease, and it was like watching a magician. When he focused on the boat and the ropes and knots, his face changed. He looked at home, here. Relaxed and peaceful. Not stressed and uptight like he did in his office or whenever he had to deal with business.
“What can I do?” I asked.
“Put this on,” he said and handed me a lifejacket.
I put it on and tightened the straps while Alex checked the fuel levels and safety equipment. When he was sure everything was ready, he put on a lifejacket, too.
He started the engine, and it purred to life.
“Ready?”
I nodded, and he maneuvered the boat out of the slip and through the marina. We passed by other boats, and Alex waved at some of them.
Finally, we left the marina behind, and the open waters of Narragansett Bay lay before us, sparkling under the afternoon sun.
I looked at Alex, who was very much in his element, and I hadn’t seen anything more beautiful.
Not the view and not the man, either.