28. ALEX
28
ALEX
H aving Charlotte here at home was better than I thought it would be. I wanted my family to meet her—she was the kind of woman I didn’t want to hide from my parents, and it looked like they loved her.
Especially my mom, who’d spent a long time talking to her during lunch, asking her about her career and her interests in ocean conservation.
“You’re taking it easy on the booze today,” Ben said when he came to the bar to refill his drink. I filled a glass of gin and tonic for my mom. She stood with Dad and Charlotte, and from my vantage point, I caught Charlotte’s eye from time to time.
She glanced up at me, and when I grinned at her, she blushed before looking back at my mom, who was talking.
“Yeah, I don’t want to get wasted with Charlotte here. Poor form, you know.” I glanced at Ben.
“You’ve never cared before what women think of you.”
I shrugged and took a sip of the drink I’d slowly been nursing over the past while.
It was true. I never cared before what women thought of me. They all just wanted my money, anyway. But Charlotte was different, and she deserved me to treat her right. That meant not getting shitfaced when she was around, among other things.
“So, you’re serious about her, huh?” Ben asked.
“I don’t know,” I hedged.
“Come on, man. You brought her home—no reason to think that this is just another flavor of the week.”
He was right, of course. I’d never brought a girl home because I knew the moment they saw my parents’ house, she would want me to put a ring on it so that she could cash in on the family inheritance and ride the road to fame along with the family name that everyone knew. But Charlotte had never made me think she wanted my money. All she wanted was someone she could lean on, someone she could share her excitement with, someone she could be with.
And I wanted to be that person for her more than anything.
“Well, she seems to have gotten under your skin, too,” I said to Ben. “You’re actually being nice to me, which is a nice change.”
Ben shrugged. “So, maybe I like her and I think she’s good for you.” He glanced sidelong at me and sipped the drink he’d just filled for himself. “You look happy, and we all deserve that.”
It was nice of him to say. Very nice, actually. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Charlotte was here and I knew she had that kind of effect on people, I might have been suspicious that my brother wasn’t somehow trying to compete with me or nail me with insults.
But Ben and I had had a love-hate relationship from the start. With Chris and Dan, I had healthy sibling rivalry, what I imagined all brothers having. With Ben, it often got a little uglier.
Not when Charlotte was around, though. And I was grateful. Ben was a really nice guy. I knew his bitterness came from shit in his past, and I wasn’t one to judge. I had a pretty shit past, too.
So, we played our game and we did what we did because it wasn’t fair of me to judge him and call him an asshole when I knew very well that I could be one to him all the time, too. And I often was.
The fact we were calling a truce today and he was being so nice to Charlotte meant a lot to me.
Mom came to me at the bar rather than me taking the drink out to her.
“Thank you, honey.” She took the round glass and took a sip. We both glanced toward where Chris joined Dad and Charlotte. “She’s a sweet girl.”
“Very.”
“You like her.”
I nodded, glancing at my mom. I more than just liked her, but I wasn’t ready to put it into words just yet. Besides, my mom knew me better than anyone. She could tell what I felt without me having to say anything about it.
“You know, there’s never any rush to do something,” Mom said. “If you like her, that’s great, but there’s more than enough time to get to know her.”
I smiled. “I know. Thanks, Mom.”
“It will be nice to see her around more often, though. She fits in well with the family. A lot of girls seem to think that we should be worshipped, but she just talks to us like we’re people.”
“It’s part of why I like her so much,” I admitted. “She’s not scared to be who she is, she accepts me for who I am, and she’s not afraid to call it as it is if I step out of line either.”
Mom laughed. “Now that’s a strange thing to say. You would never step out of line.” Her eyes twinkled.
I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “Thank you for that.”
“Danny tells me that Charlotte is Gabriel’s sister.”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s how we met. Gabe’s birthday thing.” I didn’t elaborate on the rest of the night, how we’d ended up sleeping together, and the hostility that had followed before we’d both given in.
“What does Gabriel say about your relationship with her?”
I glanced at my mom. “He doesn’t know yet.” I couldn’t lie to her; she would have known.
She raised her eyebrows.
“I know, Mom.” She didn’t need to lecture me. I already knew.
Mom frowned. “His birthday was a while ago, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah… it took a while before we saw each other again, and it grew from there.”
Mom glanced at Charlotte again, who was laughing so much that she covered her mouth with her hand. She was so fucking beautiful. I loved how she got along with my family. My dad had obviously put his serious look aside, and he was telling her something that made her react that way.
I wanted to be there and hear what it was, but seeing her laugh like that, watching her from a distance, was just as good.
“You should talk to him,” Mom said. “You can’t leave this.”
I nodded. “And I’m going to. He’s out of town now, though. When he gets back, I’ll take him out for drinks or something.”
“She’s a darling girl, Alex, and you deserve someone solid to stand at your side. But you can’t go behind Gabriel’s back. You don’t have sisters, so you don’t understand how protective he might be, but my brother made your father’s life a living hell before he finally allowed Thomas into the family. And Thomas and your uncle weren’t even related.”
I nodded. I knew what she was saying. But Uncle Edward had always been a difficult man; that he’d given my dad uphill about being with my mom wasn’t exactly a surprise.
“You should do this the right way,” Mom said again. “We never do things underhand. It’s not how Blackwoods roll, not in business and not in our personal lives, either.”
“I know, I know.” My mom was lecturing me, and although I knew she was right, I didn’t want her to keep on about it.
I knew it came from a good place. She wanted to make sure I was okay, that I didn’t get hurt, and that Charlotte didn’t get hurt, either. And it was right of her to talk to me. I really had to talk to Gabriel.
She deserves more than guys like me and you.
“Mom?” I said just as my mom turned to walk away.
She turned back to me. “What is it, darling?”
I took a deep breath, hesitating. Mom studied my face, but she didn’t press me to say anything I wasn’t ready to say. Since my brothers and I had arrived in their lives, my parents had never pushed us to do anything we weren’t ready for. That was why it was so easy to talk to them.
They’d always been there for us, never judging, never making us feel like we were less than worthy of the Blackwood name.
But I still had a past that haunted me.
“Do you think I deserve someone like Charlotte?”
The words sounded so simple when I said them, but they went so deep.
“What?” Mom cried out, her face shocked. “Alex, what kind of question is that?”
I shrugged. “I know who I am. I know I’m a Blackwood and I have a lot to show for it. But that doesn’t change where I came from, and I…” I swallowed hard. “I just want to be the kind of person someone like Charlotte should be with. She’s so good, and I’m—”
“Perfect,” Mom said.
I shook my head. “I’m far from perfect, Mom.”
“We’re all flawed, sweetheart. No one is perfect, but your flaws make you human, and they make you beautiful. And I don’t care where you come from—those people were only involved in your physical existence. The rest happened right here.” She waved at the house. “And right there.” She put one hand on her own heart and one hand on mine. “As long as you stay true to yourself, you’re more than good enough for anyone. Never think any different, honey.” Mom put her hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at her.
“Thanks, Mom.”
She smiled, nodding. “Let’s get out there and join them.”
I nodded, and we left the bar, walking back to the barbecue buffet.
I hadn’t warned Charlotte it would be this fancy. I’d worried she would be nervous about how all out my family could go, and then she wouldn’t feel like she fit in. I wasn’t sure if that had been the right call, but she looked so at home between my parents and my brothers now, it was wonderful to see.
My mom’s words had set me at ease a little, but I was still worried about Charlotte. She was such a great person, and I didn’t know if I deserved to be with someone as great as her.
Mom and Dad both always told me that where I’d come from was just the start of my journey, and how I handled myself and the choices I made moving forward were what made me as a man. Of course, in a lot of ways, they were right.
But that didn’t change the fact I had come from people who were lower than low, who were such pieces of shit, and that despite everything I’d done in my life and all the wonderful people who’d surrounded me growing up, I still had those pieces of shit in my DNA.
What if I got married and had kids of my own? What if that DNA, that part of my existence, was carried forward, and I ended up being a fucked-up father when Thomas had been so great to me?
That was what I feared the most.
That I could never live up to my father, that I could never become the kind of father that my children one day would deserve.
I joined Charlotte, and she turned and planted a quick kiss on my lips.
“Are you having a good time?” I asked.
“The best,” she beamed.
I let my worries fade away for now. When I was around Charlotte, it was easy to forget about the bad and focus just on the good.
And she was the best.