35. CHARLOTTE
35
CHARLOTTE
“ C harlotte,” Victoria said with a smile when I walked into her office. “It’s been a while since you’ve come to see me.”
I nodded. “I’ve been pretty busy.”
“I can imagine. I’ve been getting good feedback about the campaign and your responses.”
I nodded again. The campaign had been going really well. These days, a lot of people were really serious about the “going green” movement, and there had been a lot less resistance than I’d expected. In the back of my mind, I’d had images of those protests that got out of hand, and even though I’d known that the world wasn’t such a crazy place where people attacked each other on a whim or did terrible things to make their point, I’d still been nervous.
It was silly now, looking at the bigger picture. But I guess that was the kind of thing that came with experience.
“How are you doing?” Victoria gestured for me to join her in her seating space rather than sitting at her desk like she was interviewing me.
Or dressing me down.
“I’m doing fine. With the campaign going so well, I feel positive about the future, although I haven’t planned the next steps yet. But that will come, right?”
“It will,” Victoria said. “I remember when I was just starting out. It seems like a lifetime ago now.”
I nodded.
“But I’m not just asking how you’re doing with work. I want to know how you are doing. Personally.”
I blinked at Victoria… and promptly burst into tears.
“Oh, sweetheart.” Victoria put her hand on my shoulder, handing me a tissue with the other. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t,” I said through my tears. “It’s nothing.” For some reason, those words just made me cry harder.
Great. I couldn’t control myself or my emotions. I’d driven to see Victoria Morgan and give her feedback about the campaign with every intention of keeping my personal life out of it. I’d told myself I wouldn’t cry on her shoulder, she didn’t need to know about the mess I’d made of my life and how I felt completely lost and alone in the world.
And here I was, sobbing like a child.
Stupid pregnancy hormones, stupid feelings.
Stupid broken heart.
“Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?” Victoria asked gently.
“It’s nothing you want to hear,” I said through my tears.
“Charlotte, I’ve told you before and I’m going to say it again—I’m not just your mentor and your sponsor. I’m also your friend. I care about you, and if you want to talk to me, you know you can. If you don’t want to, then that’s your choice and I won’t press you. But if you want to talk to me, you know I’m always here for you.”
Victoria had been like a mother to me from the moment I’d met her. I’d always looked up to her when it came to business, but just as a person, she was everything I’d never had. She’d become the mom who’d taken the place of the woman who’d walked out on me, giving me advice, teaching me life lessons.
But it had never been a part of her job description.
“I don’t want to be a burden on you,” I admitted, the words tumbling out of my mouth. I was already having a breakdown like an idiot. I could just as well tell her the truth, tell her what I was thinking, what I was scared of.
“You’ll never be a burden on me,” Victoria cried out. “You are a special person, Charlotte. You’re smart and funny and you’ve had to fight a lot of battles to get where you are now. I have so much respect for you, and I want to help you where I can. You’re going to achieve great things in your life, and I’m honored to be able to say I’m part of that journey.”
I stared at Victoria, turning over her words in my head. Victoria was such an upstanding member of the community, always putting money into good causes, and I looked up to her so much. To hear her telling me she respected me and making it sound like she was the one who had the privilege of being in this friendship we had when it was really the other way around… made me cry even harder.
Victoria rubbed my back carefully while I cried myself out, letting everything I’d held in for days come out in ugly-cry sobs. By the time I’d pulled myself together again, I had a pile of tissues next to me. My eyes felt puffy, and my cheeks were tired of being scrubbed so much to get rid of the tears.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, still sniveling. “I didn’t come here to lose it completely.”
“Never be sorry for being human,” Victoria said.
“I’m pregnant,” I admitted. “And the father isn’t in the picture because I don’t think he’s the right guy for me, and despite knowing that he’s a villain, I’m heartbroken, and I hate it. I hate all of it.” More tears rolled over my cheeks. I didn’t know it was possible to cry so much.
“Oh, dear,” Victoria said, digesting the news I’d broken to her.
“Bigger than you thought, huh?”
“It’s a surprise, I’ll admit. I thought you really liked him, but love… that’s different. And now you’re not together anymore? Tell me everything.”
So, she listened as I told her the story of how things had progressed between me and Alex, about the trip to the island together, about the storm and the secret he’d confided in me. I told her about his decision not to release the eco-line of yachts he’d meant to release after all because his company would suffer and he couldn’t afford to do that.
“I’m so angry at him,” I admitted. “I’m furious that he chose money over doing the right thing. It’s exactly what my dad did, and I can’t believe that I ended up falling for someone who’s like that when I thought he was different.”
Victoria narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think it’s the same scenario.”
“It’s about money,” I said stubbornly. “How is it different?”
But of course, I knew Victoria was right. My dad had done it for personal gain and nothing else. He hadn’t given a shit about the people around him. Whereas with Alex, it was bigger than that. It was about money, sure, but not necessarily about personal gain. It was about money for everyone around him, beneath him, everyone he was directly or even indirectly responsible for.
Which meant that instead of being the villain, it made him the hero.
But if I accepted that he was the hero, it meant that I was wrong.
“I can’t go back to him.”
“Why not? Do you think he won’t accept an apology?”
I shook my head. “He probably will. He’s such a nice guy, such a great person. But he doesn’t want to be a father. He told me so, and I can’t go back to him now and then break the news that I’m having his baby. I can’t be the person to ruin everything for him.” I took a shuddering breath. “I’m going to have to do this alone.”
I told her about Gabe and his reaction, too.
After I told her everything, Victoria was silent for a while, studying my face. I sat back in the chair, feeling exhausted after crying so much, but despite everything, I felt lighter. It was good that I’d managed to get it all off my chest. Even if it didn’t change anything. The mess was still there, but at least I’d managed to cry about it, get it all out.
“You know, sometimes we have to go through things alone, and it’s not always easy to do it. It takes a strong person to brave the world without anyone at your back, but sometimes, choosing who you don’t want to live with is just as important as choosing who you do want to live with.”
I nodded slowly.
“At the end of the day, though, it doesn’t matter who you live with or without… you just have to be able to live with yourself. ” She leaned over and squeezed my hand. “Whatever you choose, Charlotte, make sure you are at peace with your choices, and when you get there, then the rest will fall into place.”
It seemed so simple when she said it, but it hit me like a train.
I blamed myself for so much, but if I was going to do any of this, I had to move forward, decide what was important to me and what I was willing to accept.
And what I was not.
“Thank you,” I finally said. “For everything.”
Victoria leaned over and hugged me.
“My door is always open to you, Charlotte. For business, for advice, for your personal life, anything. I’m here to celebrate in your victories, but I’m also here for you to cry on my shoulder if you need it.”
“I’m starting to see that.”
“Let me know how things go. And when you know what the little one will be… I’d like to be a part of it.”
I nodded and promised that I would share my journey with her, and when I finally left her office, I felt like a different person.
My life was still infinitely more complicated than I’d hoped it would be, and I still had so much trouble. But I could figure it out, right? I just had to decide what was important to me and what I wanted to fight for.
On the way home, I dialed my brother’s number.
“Gabe, don’t hang up,” I said when he answered the phone. “I know you’re pissed at me, but please, can we talk?”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Fine,” I answered, irritated but determined. “Then just listen.”
“Okay,” he agreed. “What do you want?”
“I want you in my life. I know you’re not happy about what’s going on. I know you tried to protect me and you feel like you failed, but you didn’t. I didn’t need you to be a parent to me. I just need you to be a brother. I’m having this baby, and I want his or her uncle Gabe to be around. I love you, and I don’t want this thing to come between us so that my child grows up not knowing their family. After everything…” My voice caught in my throat. “We’re all we have, Gabe.”
He was silent for a long time, and I thought he was just going to hang up on me.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah,” he said softly. “I was a total dick. I was pissed—”
“Rightfully so,” I said.
“But we can figure it out. You’re right, it’s just you and me.”
“I know it’s been tough with you trying to fill the shoes that Mom and Dad never did, but I just need you to be around. Just to two of us. Brother and sister, figuring shit out together.”
“Yeah,” Gabe said. “That sounds… like something we could do.”
“Do you want to come over for supper later? Just to talk?”
“Yeah. That would be cool.”
Relief washed over me that my brother was happy to be in my life again. It made me happy to know that at least I had him in my corner. The next while was going to be tough, and I would have to do a lot of it alone when I wished it didn’t have to be that way.
But at least I would have Gabe.