Chapter 21
PENN
I lean back in the red pleather booth at Moe’s Diner and take a sip of coffee. The scalding, bitter liquid burns my tongue and I wince. “Ouch.”
My sister grins. “Don’t hurt yourself, old man.”
“Please, I’m a spring chicken,” I respond as I reach for a laminated menu.
“Seniors’ menu is on page seven,” Cassie says. “If you need reading glasses, I can ask Donna to lend you hers.”
“Shut it, you little twerp. That’s no way to talk to the person buying you lunch,” I say, but I’m laughing.
It’s my birthday today, and it hasn’t sucked so far.
I woke up this morning to find that Ally had baked me cupcakes, and Fisher and Noah had bought me a book titled “Trivia for Kids.” I hadn’t mentioned my birthday coming up, so I was surprised they even remembered.
“Sorry.” Cass takes a sip of her soda, then smirks. “I’ll respect my elders from now on.”
I’d complain that my teenage sister is a smartass…but I won’t because she definitely gets it from me.
I’m about to ask Cassie how classes are going when Donna—our middle-aged waitress whose hair is so big it looks like a parrot could make a nest in it—comes up to our table and touches my shoulder. “Ready to order, sugar?” Donna coos at me.
I nod at Cassie, indicating she should go first.
“Mushroom omelet, please,” Cassie says, her eyes dancing knowingly.
Donna quickly jots it down on her notepad before turning her full attention back on me. “And for you, darlin’?”
“I’ll have the big breakfast with scrambled eggs, double sausage, and bacon.
Extra hash browns, too. Oh, and a stack of chocolate chip pancakes on the side.
Actually, better make that a double stack.
With whipped cream.” Donna gapes at me, her hand clutched to her chest, and I smile as I add, “Please.”
“My, my, my,” Donna says, shaking her head in admiration as she smacks her gum. “You’re a growing boy, aintcha? I’ll get those through to the kitchen right away.”
She throws me a blue-mascaraed wink before walking away, and Cassie dissolves into giggles, slumping down in her seat.
“Donna’s in love,” she cackles.
“I can’t help that I’m hungry,” I say in my defense.
Cass laughs harder. “You better tell Hazel she’s got competition.”
The mention of Hazel makes me smile—I wonder what she’d think of Donna’s outrageous flirting.
“What can I say? The older ladies love me.” I smirk at Cassie.
“Gross.” She makes a face. “And I keep forgetting Hazel is older than you.”
“Not by much,” I say with a shrug. I’d never even thought about our age difference until she pointed it out when we were hanging out at her place last week.
I’ve always felt older than my age in a lot of ways, anyway—a side effect of having to grow up quicker than most people and look out for my sister from a young age.
“But speaking of Hazel, where is she?” Cassie asks me. “I figured she’d be here today.”
“She’s working,” I say, even though I have no idea if she’s working or not. “Plus, you know I’m not really into birthdays.”
“What if Hazel wants to celebrate you, though?”
“We’ll do something later,” I say with a shrug. I did think about texting Hazel this morning and inviting her for brunch with me and Cass. I’ve missed her this week…more than I thought I would. Especially every time that kiss ran through my mind.
We got back from our trip yesterday, but I haven’t seen Hazel yet—all three of us guys went straight to bed when we got home last night, exhausted after a packed week of games and travel.
But as much as I wanted to see Hazel today, I didn’t want her to feel pressured or awkward when she found out it was my birthday.
She has enough on her plate without having to worry about her fake boyfriend turning twenty-three.
“Hazel’s cool,” Cassie announces, snapping me out of my thoughts. “I like her.”
“Same.”
“No, duh.” Cassie waves her fork dramatically.
“I haven’t seen you this crazy about someone since you were thirteen and had an insane crush on that girl who worked at the frozen yogurt stand.
You know, the one with the braces. You dragged me there on my bike about a million times that summer, even though you hate froyo. ”
I burst out laughing. “Mackenna Maloney. I forgot all about that. I really dug those braces of hers; they had purple rubber bands on them.”
Cassie smirks. “You were so sure you were in with her because she gave you free extra toppings on your sundae once, and then you asked her out and she said no. You almost cried.”
“I definitely cried.” I grin. “That girl put a huge dent in my eighth-grade ego. But at least you finally learned to ride a bike properly that summer.”
“True.” Cassie looks uncharacteristically serious for a moment. “So, I got you something.”
“Why would you do that?” I demand.
“Because you’re my brother, and you’ve done so much for me. Including paying my college tuition…and because it's your birthday today and here you are, buying me lunch.” She raises her brows. “I could go on. Want me to?”
“You’re seventeen. It’s my job to look after you.”
She shakes her head. “That’s the thing, Penn, it’s not. It never should have been. Yet you always did everything you could to make my childhood bearable. It’s all thanks to you that I have so many good memories to hold onto.”
My eyes sting with emotion as I swallow back tears and shake my head. “I should’ve done a better job of making sure you had the best life, a better job of keeping you safe, and just being there for you—”
“Penn!” Cassie smacks her palm on the table, making me startle. “With all due respect, shut up.”
I laugh, but the sound is strained. “I’m not wrong, though. Every time I think about you all alone that night—”
“You have to forgive yourself for that night, Penn,” Cassie cuts me off again, but her tone is gentle now. “Nobody blames you or thinks anything that happened was your fault. Except for you, that is.”
My chest tightens. “I just can’t bear the thought that something could have happened to you.”
“But it didn’t. I’m fine. And you’re the reason I’m fine…
because you looked out for me since before I could walk.
I don’t know what I would have done without you, Penn.
I’m so happy you’re my brother.” My sister’s eyes glint with tears, and I sink my teeth into my lower lip to stop myself from crying too.
We’re in public, dammit. “Well, I’m glad I had you too, kiddo. You were the only thing in my life I ever loved.”
“Except hockey.”
“True.”
“And now Hazel.”
I sputter a cough. “We aren’t quite there, um, yet.”
“But you will be.” Cassie pulls a leather-bound book out of her bag, and hugs it to her chest before she blinks at me.
“After you introduced me to Hazel, I could tell right away whatever it is between you has the potential to be serious. She’s the first girlfriend you’ve had in years, and that means something.
Then I thought to myself, what if it is serious?
What happens when one day Penn gets married and has kids—”
“Whoa,” I say with a grin. “Getting way ahead of yourself there, Cass.”
She rolls her eyes. “I don’t mean right now, duh. What I mean is, if things work out with Hazel, you’re gonna make memories together. I want you to be able to hold on to those memories.”
With that, Cassie slides the book across the table.
I look down at it, then crack it open.
It’s a photo album.
The first page has a crumpled, faded picture of me at eight. I’m playing floor hockey with toddler-sized Cassie, who’s wearing nothing but a T-shirt and a diaper.
My eyes crinkle in a smile. I don’t even remember where the picture was taken, but I remember, even at that age, how fiercely protective I was of my little sister.
The next few pages are full of snapshots of us growing up—the better memories; a summer day at the lake, me on the ice with one of my youth hockey teams, Cassie and I one Christmas morning eating cookies in front of the fireplace.
I remember that Christmas specifically, because my dad showed up randomly at our foster family’s home on Christmas morning and surprised me with a PlayStation.
I had to give it back a week later when the police came knocking on the door, but the memory sticks with me because it’s the only time I remember that my dad simply thought of me and did something nice for me—however misguided that gesture might have been on his part.
It makes me think that, in some parallel universe or other life, he could have maybe been a better man had he been given the opportunities to make better choices for his life, like I had after I cut contact with him.
After that, there are more pictures of Cassie and me at Liz and Mike’s place during my last year of high school, followed by numerous snaps of me and Noah in college together with some of our buddies from our team, and some more recent pictures in the loft with Fisher and Ally in them, too.
Finally, a selfie Cass snapped of us while I was moving her into her dorm a few weeks back.
We’re both cheesing in the picture, wearing matching huge smiles.
“How did you do all this?” I ask, touched.
“Liz and Noah both helped me out.” She smiles, then leans over the table and flips to the next page of the album, which is blank. She nods at it. “To fill up with all the good things in your life you want to remember the best moments of.”
“This is amazing,” I tell her. “Seriously, Cass. Thanks.”
I have a ton of pictures on my phone, but there’s something about the people in my life I love in print, stored in the album in front of me, that makes me feel a little emotional. Physical proof of all the love I’m lucky enough to have in my life.
“The first thing you have to do is add a picture of you and Hazel. Noah didn’t have any pictures of you and her together, so you’re going to have to do that part, because she needs to be in here.”
“She does,” I agree. A part of me feels guilty lying to Cass, but honestly, it’s not really a lie in some respects.
Hazel might not be my real girlfriend, but she’s become a real friend over the past few weeks.
Someone I love spending time with. No matter what we are, or aren’t, I want her in the book.
After we’re done eating, I pay the bill—Donna leaves her number on the check in a heart, which cracks Cassie up again—and the two of us spend the afternoon wandering around China Town, Cassie dragging me into tons of quirky little shops along the way.
I take a ton of pictures, resolving to print them all out and add them to the photo album.
It’s probably the best birthday I’ve ever had.
When it starts getting dark, I drop Cassie off at the metro station and give her a massive hug. “I love you, you know,” I tell her as I hug her tight.
“I love you, too, but please get off me,” she complains. So, of course, I hug her tighter.
I’m in a great mood when I get back to our apartment building. Maybe I could text Hazel after all, see if she wants to watch a movie or something. I haven’t heard from her much since yesterday afternoon when I got on the plane in Pittsburgh. I want to see her and hear her laugh.
I pull my phone out of my pocket with one hand while sliding my key in the lock of 3B with the other. I’m completely distracted when I turn the door handle and walk in with my head down and nearly jump out of my skin when I hear…
“SURPRISE!”
When I look up, I’m in total shock to find the loft fully decorated for a party and packed with people.
“What the hell?”
Fisher steps forward and presses a cold bottle of beer into my hand. “Happy birthday, buddy. Welcome to your Canada-fest.”
I laugh as I look around to realize the decor is all Canada-themed.
Like, ridiculously so. Red and white streamers and balloons are taped all over the ceiling.
Canada flags are strung around everywhere, and little statues of Mounties are strewn across the kitchen counter.
Fisher is even wearing red sunglasses in the shape of maple leaves.
“There’s a poutine bar and everything,” Noah adds, gesturing to the stove, where there’s a mountain of takeout boxes stacked.
Fisher makes a face. “We even got your disgusting ketchup chips.”
“You guys are too much,” I say with a shake of my head as I look around to see our whole hockey team squished into the loft, as well as a bunch of their girlfriends, and some other friends and acquaintances we’ve made in our months living here in San Francisco.
Fisher cranks the music and dims the lights, and someone pops a bottle of champagne.
Party atmosphere set, I make my way around the room, saying hi and thanking everyone for coming.
My eyes keep spontaneously looking around the crowd, seeking out a familiar freckled face and head of curls.
I don’t see her anywhere, and my stomach dips in disappointment.
Was she too busy to come? Or did she not want to come? Either way, it feels wrong that she’s not here, and a knot tightens in my stomach.
Ally, dressed to the nines in a white dress with a red bow on the back, gives me a hug. “Do you like your party?” she asks.
“You know I love a good party.”
She grins knowingly as she steps back. “Hazel and I worked really hard on this.”
“She helped?”
“Oh yeah, she came up with the theme and everything.”
“So…where is she?”
“She was supposed to be here an hour ago.” Ally shakes her head. “I’m sad she missed the surprise, but I just texted her, and she said she’ll be here soon. She was really excited about tonight, so I’m not sure what’s holding her up.”
Chadwick.
My blood cools, the knot in my stomach growing by the second. Maybe she’s just running late or working on her dissertation before heading up here…but maybe that asshole’s involved. And that’s a chance I’m not willing to take.
“Everything okay?” Noah asks as he walks up to us, sliding an arm around Ally. He’s relaxed tonight, smiling and holding a beer.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell them, already striding towards the front door.
She giggles in amusement. “Where are you going?”
My jaw sets. “To get my girlfriend.”