Chapter 24
HAZEL
It’s a cool Monday afternoon, and I’m settled in at a wooden table inside the Berkeley library.
Light streams in through the windows courtesy of the gorgeous California sunshine, casting shapes and shadows on my notes from my recent interview with Marcy, a family advocate who volunteered several hours of her time last month at Safe Harbor and was kind enough to sit for an interview for my research.
Women like Marcy inspire me with the work they do helping families and making sure their voices are heard. She gave me brilliant insight for my dissertation, like how she fights for siblings in foster care to stay together and how court hearings go.
I might be the one with an almost doctorate, but people like Marcy are the ones with all the real expertise from working in the field, and I want to learn from them so I can do my job well.
I can’t help but wonder if Penn and Cassie had someone like Marcy fighting for them, and if that’s how they often stayed together. I hope they did.
My thoughts continue down the rabbit trail, focusing on Penn Matthews and the way he kissed me two nights ago at his birthday party.
I’ve never experienced anything sexier. In a whole year of dating, Chadwick never kissed or touched me that way; not even close.
Penn’s kisses were blistering hot yet laced with something sweet.
In his arms, I felt desired and feminine and safe… I never wanted it to end.
I shake my head, willing thoughts of Penn’s talented lips out of my mind, then type a few more notes on my laptop. I’m glad to see my word count grew by several thousand words today and feel like I had a productive workday aside from getting steadily distracted with daydreams about Penn’s mouth.
With a dreamy sigh, I reach for my paper coffee cup that I purchased from the coffee cart outside the library and take a sip.
I wrinkle my nose when I discover it’s cold.
I glance at the time on my laptop, and my eyes widen at the time.
It’s nearly five p.m. already, which means I bought this coffee hours ago.
I close my laptop and slide it inside my leather bag, pleased with my day’s work.
I worried that spending time with Penn and his friends would be yet another distraction keeping me from the things I need to accomplish, but actually, it’s been the opposite.
Having a work-life balance is making me more productive, and I haven’t been falling behind like I expected to.
I pull my phone out and slide off the do not disturb setting. I have a missed text from Penn and the little notification has my heart lunging inside of my chest.
Penn
No rush, but whenever you’re done working, I have a surprise for you.
He sent it only fifteen minutes ago.
Hazel
I’m intrigued. And I just finished up.
Penn
Perfect. Come outside.
Gathering up my things with a smile on my face, I walk through the library and out the front doors to find Penn parked in front of the building. He’s leaning against his truck wearing a pair of jeans, a white hoodie, and a backwards baseball cap…the picture of cool confidence.
“Hey gorgeous,” he says. “You come here often?”
I chuckle. “Actually, yes. But what are you doing here?”
“I told you, I have a surprise.” Penn grins. “Hop in.”
I took the metro here this morning while Penn was at practice, so the fact that he drove all the way out here to campus to pick me up is very thoughtful, never mind whatever he has planned. This guy is too much.
My boots clomp as I make my way down the steps, and he opens the door of his pickup then steps aside. There’s a red bag sitting on the center console with white tissue paper poking out the top.
I slide in and buckle up while Penn rounds the vehicle and gets in on the driver’s side. He sees me eyeing the gift and waggles his eyebrows. “I got you a belated Valentine’s Day present since I was traveling during the holiday.”
“What? You brought me tiramisu before you left, remember?”
“You thought that was your Valentine’s gift?” Penn looks at me in surprise. “Please, Hazel, I’m a better boyfriend than giving dessert as a gift.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” I reply. Because this isn’t even supposed to be real.
“I wanted to,” he says as he drives through the parking lot and out onto the main road, clearly having a particular destination in mind as he navigates the hills and valleys of San Francisco.
I didn’t even get him a birthday present. As we drive, I rack my brain for ideas of something special I could do for him.
Penn finally comes to a stop in a neighborhood that’s off the beaten path with quiet streets and pretty houses. He parallel parks effortlessly then smiles at me before reaching in the back seat for a picnic basket I hadn’t noticed. “Come on, Bubbles, I’m starving.”
I hurry out of the pickup and follow the man carrying the picnic basket and gift bag. I can’t help but smile as I watch the broad shouldered tattooed bad boy strutting around with a cutesy little basket and present.
“What’s so funny?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I say, finally catching up to him.
He side-eyes me, clearly unconvinced.
We walk along the sidewalk for a few minutes before we reach an opening in the line of trees and bushes. Penn stops to smile at me, then leads me through the opening so we’re standing at the top of a tall row of steps. There must be a hundred steps; they seem to go on forever.
“I thought you’d like the mosaic steps. There are several sets of them in the city, and I think they’re pretty badass.”
I follow him down the first flight of stairs, and when I look back up, I gasp at the beauty. Colored glass is artfully arranged to make a floral pattern on each step that when you see all the stairs at once, it makes a giant piece of art.
“Wow, they’re gorgeous! I knew about these, but I’d never taken the time to find them.”
“I thought that might be the case.” Penn sets the basket and gift down on the landing then takes my hand in his.
We walk down the rest of the stairs so we can see the art in its entirety.
It’s breathtaking with swirls, flowers, and leaves in an array of every color imaginable.
It makes me want to find all the mosaic steps in the city.
“I love it,” I tell Penn.
“Good,” he says, breathing a sigh of relief. “I hoped you would, but I was worried you’d just think I was a huge dork.”
“No way, this is so cool. Plus, I appreciate dorkiness.”
He laughs. “Ally makes us run with her every week, and she likes to find stairs to torture us. We’ve run up every set of mosaic stairs in this city.” He huffs a laugh. “Being here for leisure is much more enjoyable…but don’t tell Ally I said that.”
“Your secret is safe with me.” I wink.
Penn pulls on my hand, and I follow him back to our picnic basket, where we sit side by side on a step.
He opens the basket and begins pulling out the items he packed—two sandwiches wrapped in brown paper, two bags of chips, apple slices, and two cans of soda.
It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, so much better than any swanky restaurant he could’ve taken me to.
“Sorry it’s nothing fancy,” he says, handing me a sandwich.
“Are you kidding? This is perfect.” I open the paper and take a bite of my turkey sandwich. “I can’t remember the last time I had a picnic.”
“Me either,” he admits, cracking open a soda and taking a sip.
“Me and Cass used to have picnics when we were kids.” Penn looks down at his uneaten sandwich.
“We had a placement one summer that was particularly…tough. We’d spend all our time in the backyard under a shady tree to avoid being indoors with our foster parents. ”
I frown. “I’m so glad you guys had each other.” Remembering my interview with Marcy, I ask, “Did you have a family advocate?”
“We did.” He nods, smiling like he’s remembering back. “Her name was Amanda. She was great.”
“Good.” I turn to face him, our knees brushing together with the movement. “Today I was going through notes of an interview I had with a family advocate, and I couldn’t help but think of you and Cassie.”
He hums, chewing the bite he just took of his sandwich then swallowing. “I like that you thought of me.” He smiles, looking a bit bashful. “I think about you all the time.”
My stomach does a flip at his statement, and I can feel the heat rushing to my chest and face.
“You should open your present.”
My gaze drops to the red bag at his feet, my cheeks still hot. “Okay.” I lift the bag onto my lap and pull out the tissue paper. I gasp when I remove the gorgeous leather jacket I found last week at the thrift shop.
“Penn, how did you know?” I ask, moving my fingers across the buttery soft material.
“Ally might’ve helped me,” he admits.
I chuckle, swinging the jacket over my shoulders and inserting my arms into the sleeves. It fits just as well as I remember. “Thank you, I love it.”
He beams at me with a wide smile that shows off his teeth.
They’re not perfectly straight like someone who had braces as a kid, but somehow the tiny imperfections add to his rugged handsomeness.
Between the strong jaw lined with a hint of stubble, the intense blue eyes framed with long black lashes, and the full, soft lips, there’s no denying that Penn Matthews is very easy on the eyes. “You’re welcome.”
At some point during this conversation—maybe at the realization of his good looks—I must’ve leaned closer to Penn, because now his face is close to mine.
His mouth tugs up in one corner adorably as he reaches out and tucks a curl behind my ear. “You’re beautiful, Hazel.”
“I was just thinking the same thing,” I mutter.
“You were thinking that you’re beautiful?” Penn teases, his blue eyes dropping to my mouth.
“No, you’re beautiful—er, handsome.”
“I’m glad you think so,” he says with a slight smirk, easing his face even closer to mine.
His oaky scent wraps around me, comforting me in a way I didn’t know a scent could. I don’t want to wait a moment longer, so I close the distance, pressing my lips to his.
Penn’s hand comes to rest against my cheek, his thumb tracing the line of my jaw. He tilts his head, kissing me slowly…sweetly. This is unlike our frenzied kiss during his party. This time he kisses me like he’s savoring it. Something about the tenderness feels even more real than last time.
Penn pulls away slowly, pressing one more soft kiss to my lips. “I could kiss you all day.” He smiles. “But the sun is setting, and I want to get you home before it gets dark.”
Straightening, I glance up at the sky. The hues of pink and orange swirl together in a glorious sunset.
We finish eating in comfortable silence, then pack up the remnants of our dinner and begin our short walk back to Penn’s pickup.
When he opens my door and I scoot inside the truck, he turns to me. “Oh, I meant to ask…are you coming to my game Wednesday?”
His question takes me by surprise because it’s part of our deal that I attend his home games, and I have to wonder if he’s asking because this relationship is starting to feel all too real.
I huff an awkward laugh. “Yes, of course. It’s in our Revenge Rules.”
A momentary look of hurt crosses his face before he disguises it with a chuckle.
I wonder if I said the wrong thing and regret the words.
I should’ve just told him I’d love to come, rather than reminding him I’m obligated to as per our agreement, because while the lines between real and fake are becoming blurrier each day, there’s no denying that Penn is a good man who treats everyone around him well—no matter what my mother and Chadwick have to say about him.
He was so thoughtful with the picnic and the gift, making me feel truly adored and cared for.
I need to think of some way to do something for him, too. Something that’s meaningful and just from me, unlike the birthday party I helped with.
“Oh, right. I forgot,” Penn says, his expression so casual I start to wonder if I imagined the look of hurt on his face a second ago. Or worse, if I was projecting my own growing feelings onto him, in hopes he might be feeling the same.
I shake away the thought and smile at him. “Remember, Penn, rules make everything more fun,” I tease, trying to match his nonchalance so he doesn’t guess what’s running through my mind with one look at me.
Our rules also state that we were going to do this for only six weeks, and now that the deadline is looming faster than I expected, I realize a huge part of me doesn’t want this to end.
Penn smiles. “Some rules are made to be broken, Bubbles,” he says, before he kisses me again, making me wonder if we could ever break the rest of our rules and just be together for real—or if that’s something that will forever live only in my imagination.