Chapter 35
The last week and a half has been incredible. Although, I am still feeling anxious over Griffin’s, “We’re not done talkin’ about this,” promise, but I haven’t heard from him since then.
Since Mason has been gone, I’ve been able to spend more time playing with the kittens and even taking some time to play with Austin. I swear, he perks up and starts hopping in place the moment I pull his toy from the wall and hold it out. He could spend hours swinging that thing around. I sure hope Mason’s dad has taken him out for a bit. This guy is definitely energetic and needs to run.
The rest of my time has been filled with extra chores around the house to keep my father happy, then over at the barn build, earlier than normal most days. It’s worked out well because Jaxon has been cutting his evenings short to sneak us out a few hours together before I need to head home.
His desire to drive me home has become more persistent, but thus far, I’ve managed to avoid it. I’m not ready for him to meet my father, or my father him. Not until I’m gone from the house. Then maybe I’ll introduce them. For what purpose? I have no idea.
Honestly, I’m ready to cut ties at this point. Loyalty rides hard in my subconscious, but the past years with my father have been hell. It’s only been lately I’ve considered what going no contact would be like.
Or if he would accept it.
Shaking off those morose thoughts, I head into the clinic for my appointment. I was supposed to see them last week, but a scheduling conflict arose and they called asking if we could reschedule for today. I had to laugh when I told Jaxon my appointment was changed and his look of disappointment when I mentioned we should probably wait to do anything else until I’m properly covered with birth control.
Me. Me! Needing birth control.
It’s almost comical and as I check in, I can’t help but giggle that I’m sneaking behind my father’s back to get the pill so I can have scandalous sex with a man who wants to actually date me.
“Miss Hughes?”
A nurse calls my name, and I stand quickly, then follow her into one of the back rooms. Handing me a paper gown, she directs me to undress, then sit on the table with a small blanket over my lap. Nervously, I tug on my fingers as I wait for the doctor to come into the room.
Sitting up straight when the door opens, I deflate when I see it’s the nurse again. Holding up her stethoscope, she gives me a friendly smile. “Just going to get your vitals. Blood pressure, temperature, things like that.” Nodding my permission, I sit still as she does all the things she’s supposed to before leaving me alone once more.
Tapping my fingertips on my thighs, I wait impatiently for another twenty minutes before there’s a knock just before the door cracks open. A little old man pokes his head in, then gives me a grin. “Edith?”
“Yes, sir,” I whisper, then clear my throat. “Yes, I’m Edith.”
“Wonderful!” he says, shuffling the rest of the way in. “Let’s get started. My notes say you’re here with a desire to start birth control. Are you having irregular periods, hormonal issues, or pregnancy prevention?”
The whole time he’s speaking, he sits on his stool and rolls himself closer. As soon as he’s finished, he blinks up at me and waits. My mouth falls open, slightly shocked by how fast he’s talking and as if it’s no big deal to talk about periods and my sexual activity.
“I, uhh, I—” Stuttering, unsure how to answer, he pats my knee and laughs.
“Got it. Not an irregularity issue. Well, if you’re looking for a prescription because you’re sexually active, we’ll need to perform a pap. Glancing through your charts, I see you haven’t had one as of yet. How long have you been active, and do you have any concerns?”
My face is probably redder than it has ever been, and this doctor must see it. Gentling his features, he lowers his voice. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. This is what I’m here for. We want to ensure you’re making smart, educated decisions while keeping yourself healthy. So, if you don’t mind, why don’t I call in the nurse? We’ll do a physical, then, as long as I don’t see anything worrisome, we can discuss birth control options. Any chance you’re pregnant?”
“N—” I cut myself off, and my eyes go wide. “I don’t think so? But I suppose I can’t say no for sure because I have had unprotected sex recently, but I don’t think I am. I haven’t felt pregnant.”
With another warm smile and pat to my leg, he gets up and starts rummaging through the cabinets to pull out a little cup and some white, square packages. “Why don’t you do a urine sample for me? We’ll do a quick test and perform your exam as we wait for results. Sound good? We can get you outta here quickly.”
Nodding, I take the cup, then, holding the paper gown closed behind me, I slip out of the room to the bathroom in the hallway he points at. There are instructions on the wall, which I follow to the exact letter, then set my cup on the ledge and tell the nurse I’m finished.
The next fifteen minutes are uncomfortable and embarrassing as the doctor pokes and prods between my legs, taking swabs for samples and dropping them into test tubes.
“All done, my dear. Why don’t you get dressed? I’ll grab results and then we’ll chat, yes? Good.” With that, he leaves the room without waiting for my response.
Rubbing my hand over my chest, I press against my thumping heart and will it to slow. I don’t even know why I’m so nervous right now. It was just an exam and routine tests. No big deal. Once he comes back in, I’ll be able to start birth control and I won’t have to think about doing anything like this again for another year.
My father never took me to the doctor when I was younger, so maybe I’m a bit embarrassed that I’m almost twenty-one and I’ve never had an actual physical before. A small cramp makes itself known in my lower stomach and my hand shifts from my chest to lower stomach to ease it away. Pap smears are not freaking comfortable. Goodness.
Sitting back on the table, I swing my legs gently from side to side, reading all the posters on the wall. Some of them detail the internals of a female’s reproductive organs, some of them male. There are stages of pregnancy, symptoms of the cold and flu, and even a poster of different rashes and what they are.
Wrinkling my nose at the sexually transmitted diseases poster, I wrench my eyes away and find something else to occupy my mind.
Finally, there’s another knock on the door and both the doctor and nurse come in once they’ve seen I’m dressed and shut it behind them. The nurse is holding a folder stuffed full of papers, but my eyes are drawn to the doctor, who seems very serious, although his smile is still plastered on.
“Well, my dear Miss Edith, we’ve got some news for you. I’ll just rip off the bandaid because I’m assuming you weren’t expecting this, but you’re pregnant. Now, Kathy here has…”
I stop listening, my ears plugging up with only a high-pitched ringing noise. His mouth is moving, but panic is overtaking me. Every inhale of air feels as if shards of glass are tearing through my lungs.
Oh God…
New visions of the future swirl in my head when my father discovers that I’m carrying a child. I shrink back at visions of his fists flying toward me, screaming curse words and insults that I’m a whore, no better than my mother, trying to trap some unsuspecting man into fatherhood.
“Edith?”
Curling over myself, I gasp and suck in a sharp breath, picturing telling my baby’s father.
Oh my God. Who’s the father of my baby?Griffin and I didn’t use a condom, but we only had sex the one time. People don’t get pregnant during their first time of having sex, right? Mason and I used a condom that first time, but all the times after that? How could I be so stupid? We used a condom when Jaxon and I were in his truck together. So, it can’t be Jaxon’s baby, right?
Visions of his cum running from my body slam through my head, and I remember the condom being yanked off when I threw myself off him, almost being caught by a random driver. A hand rests on my back, pushing my head between my legs as I attempt to draw more air in, but there’s nothing. I can’t breathe.
My father is going to kill me.
My father is going to hurt my baby.
My baby… Oh God, I’m going to have a baby.
“Edith, honey, I need you to calm down.” I’m so far gone I don’t even know if it’s the doctor or nurse murmuring comforting words. Words I don’t want to hear right now.
What am I going to do? How will I know who the father is?
Choking out a cry, I peer up through swollen eyes. “What do I do?”
“Oh, honey,” the nurse sighs sympathetically, rubbing a hand down my back once more. It must have been her touching me the first time. “This isn’t the end of the world. We’ve got a ton of information for you, but first and foremost, we need to make sure you’re okay. Obviously, this has come as a shock, but I hope you can see it as a blessing moving forward. And if you don’t, there are other options you can pursue.”
“Would you like us to call anyone for you?” the doctor asks, and I quickly shake my head.
“No. I’ll be okay,” I tell them, wiping my eyes. It’s as if my body’s decided to tell me there is something going on because I feel a heavy throb through my breasts. Rubbing my hand over my sternum, I do my best to pull myself together. “I’ll be okay. I just wasn’t expecting the news. So, umm… What do I do now?”
Both of them are sympathetic when they pat my back and leg, then take a step back. “For now, we need to schedule your next appointment. At that time, we’ll do a vaginal ultrasound to determine how far along you are. We’ve got a folder here with information you’ll need to read through. Mainly about what to expect over the course of your pregnancy along with foods you should avoid, as well as activities and changes your body will experience. It’ll feel like a lot, but just take a gander through it and we can take this one step at a time.”
“If you’d like, the father can accompany you to your next appointment,” the nurse adds, but her smile slips away from whatever she’s reading on my face. Clearing her throat, she nods once. “Whatever you’d like to do. This is your show, Edith. For now, let’s get your appointment scheduled. We’ve got a sample of some prenatal vitamins we’d like you to start taking, and we’ll get a prescription put in to your preferred pharmacy. Just let us know if your body tolerates them. Some nausea and tiredness are expected, but if you feel as if it’s more extreme, give us a call and we can try something different.”
The rest of the appointment feels as if I’m in a tunnel as they shove a folder full of papers and pamphlets into my hands, and before I know it, I’ve got an appointment card tucked inside for next week.
Next thing I know, I’m standing outside the clinic, staring at the sun, my eyes watering, but I don’t care. I force myself to take one step at a time toward my father’s house, dread building the closer I get.
He doesn’t need to know now, but I do need to let the guys know I’m pregnant and there’s a possibility they’ll be a father within the next nine months. Well, one of them will.
How do I tell three different men that not only could they be the father of my unborn child, but I’ve also been spreading my legs for two more outside of them?
I really am a whore.