Chapter 46
“Girl…”
My head flies to the right when I hear Mason’s voice, scaring the daylights out of me. I wasn’t prepared to see anyone when I decided to make the drive home tonight instead of waiting until morning.
Night time at this house was always the most peaceful for me because that’s when my… well, when he would be asleep. It’s when I was the safest. Taking my first steps inside after five months is daunting enough, so doing it when my subconscious is telling me I’ll be okay seemed like my best bet.
I wasn’t prepared to see any of them. Not tonight.
Glancing around, I check for the other two I know have been hounding Ruth for information on me, but I chose to keep everything close to my chest. It’s taken me a long time to process what happened between all of us, and I’m still not sure how I feel. Not good. That I know, and it’s caused a lot of stress while battling debilitating morning sickness which still hasn’t gone away.
“They’re not here,” Mason tells me, picking up that I was checking for them. “Not yet,” he adds and I gulp deeply against my suddenly dry throat.
He’s still inching closer without straying his laser focus from my face. Eyes wide and filled with relief and maybe some pain. I can’t tell. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him, and a rush of memories hit me hard once his scent of clean soap and woods surrounds me like a cloud.
Sucking in a breath, I fight back the ache building in my chest, rubbing at it as we simply stand in front of each other.
I jump when I feel his hand slide over me where I still had it resting on my stomach. It’s something I find I never stop doing. It’s almost always without thought.
His calloused palm grazes over my skin, then gently pushes me away so he can settle over where the baby is sitting.
Eyes still locked on me, he touches every inch of my belly, then widening when she shifts from the movement. Always moving. Always reacting to whatever I’m doing. Always making her presence known.
Without pulling away, he reaches to me with his other hand and brackets the side of my neck, tipping my head back to continue studying me. Slipping into my hair, he threads his fingers through my freshly cut strands, murmuring, “Fuck, I missed you, girl.”
Then Mason Cooper pulls me against him and drops his mouth to mine. I’m so stunned by it, my lips part open in surprise, which he takes quick advantage of, sliding his tongue against mine. Groaning as he holds me tighter, he loses himself in me, whispering, “I can’t believe you’re finally back.”
His kiss is deep, and so much slower than he’d ever done it before, which I’m confused about. This isn’t one from a man who’s just looking to get laid. This is someone who’s doing his best to let me know everything he’s feeling.
His hand is still resting on my baby as if he’s unable to pull away, memorizing every bump and curve. When she rolls harder, his eyes pop open, and he chuckles, then leans away to drop his gaze down.
Every thought I’ve tried to work through in regard to Mason has left me, so when she kicks again and he lets my head go to put both hands on me, I step back.
Following, his hands reach to touch me again, but I hold mine up to stop him. “I need a minute.”
For the first time, Mason seems unsure. “Are you doing good? I can’t believe how big you are.”
That makes me come up short, and I scowl at him. “Big?”
Nodding his head quickly, he can’t stop staring at my stomach, which embarrasses me. Since I have a smaller frame, my baby bump seems more obvious than others, at least to me. “How far along are we now?”
“Twenty-four weeks, almost… and we? Mason, what are you doing here right now?”
Snapping his eyes up, he seems confused by my question. “Are you kiddin’ me? You couldn’t pay me enough to stay away. I told you, I’ve fuckin’ missed the hell out of you.”
“You’re not making any sense!” I snap, then take a deep breath to calm myself. Speaking more slowly, I do my best to rein in my frustration. “Mason, you weren’t exactly thrilled about this situation when I told you. Not a word or sound, nothing.”
He opens his mouth to argue, but I cut him off.
“I’m sure you’ve got lots of thoughts on this predicament.” He narrows his eyes when I say that, but I ignore it. “I just can’t, and won’t, be discussing it tonight. I’m absolutely exhausted and need to attempt to eat something.”
Growling, he focuses on the last thing I said. “What do you mean attempt? I can run next door and grab some dinner for you. Mom always makes enough for lunches the next day. You know what? I’ll do that. Get yourself settled and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“No! Please. I don’t need you to feed me. I’m sure I’ll be able to make something here. I just need—”
The sound of an engine drags both of us away from our standoff, and I shield my eyes when high beams temporarily blind me. Blinking away the dots, footsteps grow louder and before I know it, I’m swept into strong arms and lifted from my feet.
“Jesus, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. So fuckingsorry for everything. I screwed up so bad and I hate how I spoke to you.” Jaxon is mumbling his apologies over and over, but I remain stiff in his arms.
Throughout the entire nightmare of those two days, Jaxon’s words cut me more deeply than I even realized at the time.
“I don’t want any fucking part of that kid, especially if it’s got Hughes’ blood in its veins. When you manage to push it out, I’ll submit to a test and if it turns out to be mine, all you’ll get is money. Nothing more.”
I know his speech verbatim at this point. His voice lulled me into a restless sleep for the first two months I was gone. It wasn’t until I started speaking with a counselor who helped me work out my feelings that I was able to move past the hurt. The hurt that someone I loved as a friend, someone I trusted, and was developing deeper feelings for, felt torturous.
Maybe he realizes it, but his apologies eventually drift away until he is left clinging to me in silence. My stomach is tucked against him, his body heat warming me while the rest is left feeling cold.
He leans back to take all of me in. Without me having to say a word, he nods once and gently lets me down until my feet hit the uneven ground. Before fully releasing me, he cups my face and presses a kiss to my cheek.
It’s painful when his lips slip away and I close my eyes to fight the urge to follow. As much as I’d love to just pretend nothing ever happened, I can’t. Besides, he might only be here because he could be the father of my little girl, and I don’t want that.
I know what it feels to be unwanted, and I refuse to watch her struggle when someone who should just love her unconditionally isn’t there for her. She’ll get it from me, though. She’ll get everything I can give her, and I know I’ll have her love as well.
Tears begin to form, and I blink rapidly to get rid of them. It’s been happening far too often and I hate it. I drop my chin and turn away, only to come face to face with Mason once again.
“Edith,” Jaxon calls. I only turn my neck to glance back. “I understand how badly I fucked up. When you’re settled, would you give me some time to talk it through with you? I won’t make excuses, but I promise you, every word that fell from my lips were stemmed from hatred for him. I have so much regret for the hurt I caused you.”
“You did hurt me. I’m not my father and—” I stop abruptly, and sigh. “We can talk later if you want. I just don’t think it matters anymore.”
Guilt punches me when his face falls momentarily, but he pushes past it. “I’ll show you it does. Thank you and I’m glad you’re home. You look incredible, by the way.” Peering at my stomach, the corner of his mouth lifts with a hint of sadness. “How’s the baby? I’ve been following online with growth charts and stuff. I’d love to see pictures and hear about everything.”
“Not tonight,” I whisper, rubbing at my stomach again, fighting off a bit of nausea. Slipping around Mason, I hurry to unlock the door and push my way inside, leaving them behind. There may have been a soft sound of frustration that rumbled out of Mason, but he didn’t stop me.
Taking a deep breath, I slap my hand over my nose and mouth, then bolt for the bathroom. Living in the home of a smoker, you get used to the smell of cigarettes and filled ashtrays, but I was not prepared for how revolting it would smell to me now. Being away for so long and only weeks away from my third trimester made it hit harder than I expected.
My knees slam to the unclean floor and I shove the lid to the toilet up, then recoil at its condition, gagging even harder. Utter panic takes me over and I scramble backwards to get as far away from how unsanitary my father was, but I’ve only got seconds before I either have to run upstairs or outside.
A set of arms pick me up and yank me away with a rushed, “Just hang on, darlin’,” before he hauls me upstairs to my old bathroom. Lifting the far cleaner lid, I’m vomiting before he’s even lowered me to my feet.
I heave over and over, emptying what little was in my stomach from lunch, images of the downstairs bathroom making me gag again. Griffin gently brushes my hair back to hold in his fist, whispering that it’s okay and just get it all out.
“Here,” Jaxon says sympathetically. I’m not what he’s referring to until I feel Griffin press a cool, damp cloth to the back of my neck. The cold distracts me enough that I’m able to stop thinking about every disgusting thing I’ve already encountered in this house. My body crumbles with the last purge, depleting the little strength I had left for tonight.
Turning to the side, I hide my face as I grab the rag from my neck to dab at my mouth, then fold it over so I can press it against my heated cheeks.
How freaking embarrassing. Not even five minutes and I’ve hurled my lunch in front of two of them. Peeling my eyes open, I come face to face with Mason and I groan low. Three of them. All three are here to witness my shame.
“Why are you all in here?” My question is broken from how sore my throat is.
Griffin runs his hand over the back of my head before he helps me stand and walk over to the sink. To Jaxon, he asks, “Grab her a clean cup from downstairs, would ya, Jax?”
He disappears to do as he’s told, and I catch the familiar way Griffin referred to him. I want to ask, but I won’t. Not right now. With an arm around my waist, supporting my stomach as if he’s been doing it every day with me, he helps me lean forward to scoop water and rinse my face better.
“Cup,” Jaxon says, returning to the bathroom. Mason takes it from him and reaches in front of me to fill it under the faucet, then pushes it into my hand.
“Drink, girl. Rinse your mouth and drink the rest of it down. After all that, you definitely don’t want to risk gettin’ dehydrated.” I roll my eyes at Mason’s order, but I do it anyway. I know I need the water.
Tipping the cup back, I catch Griffin watching me in the mirror carefully. My hand shakes a bit, but I down it all. His chest is pressed against me, so when I try to turn, it’s cumbersome and I can’t do it without having to actually ask him to move.
He knows it too, because his smile spreads quickly, and he drops his chin to my shoulder. “You know, darlin’, you’re absolutely stunnin’. Motherhood looks good on you.”
I snort. No way do I look any sort of anything other than drained and ragged. My biggest issue during this whole pregnancy has been weight control. At this point, my doctor is just happy if I’m maintaining my weight, but we haven’t found anything that’s helped.
“Is this normal? Or was this something out of the ordinary?” Jaxon asks while Mason watches me carefully. I know I can’t lie to them. He’ll call me out for it before I can finish the stinking lie.
“Yes and no.” I push back and force Griffin to release me, then head into my old bedroom. My eyes take in the space as I keep talking. “It’s a problem with the pregnancy I’ve been in constant contact with my doctor about, but this particular time was because of the smell downstairs. Then the—” My eyes fall shut as I inhale slowly through my mouth, doing my best to avoid smelling even a hint of stale tar clinging to probably every inch in this entire place.
“Stay with me,” both Griffin and Mason stay in unison, then glare at each other, daring the other one to back down.
“Why don’t I give Ruth a call, see if they’ve got a spare room for you until we can get this place overhauled? We should have done that before you even got back.” Jaxon is frowning as if he’s fucked up.
Shaking my head, I stop him. “I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to do that. I’m just going to get someone out here to clear his things out and all the junk outside. There’s nothing I want. Then I’ll pack my stuff and find an apartment. I want to get rid of this place as soon as possible.”
And I do. I want nothing to do with this house. I have my clothes and a few items I’ve saved over the years, but even then, there’s nothing really of value that I own. My father’s horse is being taken care of over at Mason’s, which once I get working, I’ll settle the fees with him. Maybe sell him. As much as I’d love to keep him, I just can’t.
“Edith?”
I have no idea who called my name, but it pulls me from my spiraling thoughts. I’ve been doing it so often lately while trying to plan out what the heck I’m going to do now, especially as a single mom.
Eyeing the guys, I can tell I won’t be forced to do it one hundred percent of the time, but to begin, I will. One of them will have rights to her and I don’t really see any of them refusing to see her at least sometimes.
“I’ll call Ruth,” I whisper. Without looking at them, I add, “I appreciate you helping just now, but I would like you all to leave. I’ve got my old phone back, so I’ll reach out when or if I’d like to talk. I’m sure you’re all anxious to know who the father is, as am I, but I decided I don’t want to risk that test before she—”
“She?” Mason’s question is raspy, as if that bit of information just rocked him to his core.
I nod slowly and check to see how the other two feel about it as well. Jaxon’s eyes are swimming with something I can’t identify, and Griffin has another massive smile. I just… I can’t do this right now.
Exhausted and so ready to be done with this entire week, I sit down. “Yes, she’s a girl. So, if you’re just waiting around to check paternity, you’ve got another three months or so. But tonight, I just want to get my things and sleep.”
I am allowed to say no when I don’t want people in my space.
With pleading eyes, I let them see how desperate I am to have them gone. “Please, leave me be tonight.”
They don’t argue, but I know they aren’t happy. In the end though, Mason, Jaxon, and Griffin walk out after soft goodbyes. And I make a phone call.