Chapter Thirty-nine
I feel the blood drain from my face, my nails sinking into River’s arm where we stand frozen, facing my brother.
His eyes flick lazily between the two of us, his face void of any emotion which makes me more uneasy.
“Marly,” My brother finally speaks to me, seemingly already bored about being here. How did he even know I was here? How long has he been watching? Oh god, did he see what we just did on that park bench? “Come here please.”
River steps away from me, putting distance between the two of us and the space where we were just touching goes cold. Dread sinks in deep, my stomach churning and skin pebbling. This is wrong. Wrong. And I don’t even know why.
“No.” I answer him, hiding the tremor in my voice. I have no idea what will happen next, what my parents are going to do.
My brother smiles like this is a meeting in the park and we are having a pleasant conversation, “You’re choosing him over your family?” He asks. “A Sinclair?”
He knows River? How!? River is so still; I can barely see him breathing.
“I’m not coming with you,” I tell him. “You can’t make me leave.”
My brother laughs, “You think he cares about you, Marly?” There’s a sinister edge to his tone and something crosses his face, it’s the first bit of emotion I have seen from him and it’s certainly not the good kind.
“River,” I whisper his name, trying to bring him back to me but he doesn’t move, just twists his face to me, cold indifference staring back at me.
“He probably just used you to get to me,” My brother continues like I don’t feel my chest caving in.
“What’s he talking about?” I ask River directly and as a few seconds tick by, I watch a war of emotions cross River’s eyes but then he goes cold again and this time, the cruel smile is on his mouth rather than my brothers.
“It’s a shame,” River says, stepping closer but he doesn’t touch me, instead he grabs the Plymouth door and slams it shut. The sound of it, despite the blaring music, startles me, “I was hoping to have you just a little bit longer.”
My brows draw low, “I don’t understand.”
“You and your family disgust me, Marly.” He growls, “I was using you.”
Liam laughs, leaning on his car, “I’ll give it to you, Sinclair, out of all the things to do, you went for the one person who has no idea. You think it hurts me that she spread her legs for you? It doesn’t, the only real shame here is that she’s spoiled goods, no one is going to want her now.”
My cheeks flame with heat, humiliation making my throat feel tight and scratchy.
The earth feels as if it’s caving in beneath me, “But we…” I breathe, my voice small and cracking, “I gave you everything.”
River chuckles, “Sweet, innocent Marly, you’re so na?ve.”
“Don’t do this,” I beg.
“I used you, princess,” He says the pet name with disgust, the word rolling off his tongue like it’s a bad taste in his mouth, “Used you to hurt them. It was always the plan, spoil the good girl, use her the same way they do. I don’t care about you, Marly. How could I, hm?”
I don’t believe him, I don’t. This can’t be happening.
“Ask them what they did,” River starts to walk away from me, “Ask them what they did and if they tell you the truth, I’m sure you’ll understand. You were nothing more than a game.”
He opens his door, his grip on it so tight, the skin across his knuckles has turned white.
“Granted,” River shrugs, “I did expect it to go on a little longer, you were just so easy, figured I could string you along and then deliver you like a little broken doll at their feet but alas, here we are. Best go running back to your brother, Marly, you’re no longer welcome here.”
“River!” I whip my head around to Sadie who is staring at River with her eyes wide, horror and rage twisting her features, “What are you doing!?”
He shrugs nonchalantly, “You didn’t actually think I cared about her, did you?”
“Stop it, River,” Sadie demands.
But River has no remorse, showing me a side to him I’ve never seen or even thought possible from him. He used me, for what? Why is he doing this to me?
I gave him everything! I wanted him to have it, I’ve fallen in love with him. No, this can’t be right, this isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. Jake steps close to Sadie and touches her arm, did he know too?
He can’t bring his eyes to me which tells me he did know.
“Don’t worry too much, Marly,” Liam walks to his door, “I’m sure he hasn’t ruined you permanently.”
I want to vomit.
“I don’t believe you,” I say to River, my eyes burning.
“Your family is the reason I have no family,” He snaps at me, “Maybe use that brain of yours and figure it out yourself. And Marly?” His eyes do a slow perusal of me, “Maybe the next time you go ahead and spread your legs for a man, maybe be a little less desperate. You made it far too easy for me, it was disappointing to say the least.”
Hurt squeezes my heart, constricting the airflow and making it hard to breathe. I can still feel him inside of me, my panties are still wet, my body barely recovered from what we just did and he’s looking at me like I disgust him.
I thought he was starting to feel the same way. I thought we…
His door slams shut behind him and the roar of the engine cuts off my thoughts.
No. No this isn’t happening. This is just some sick joke.
My palms slap against his window, “Don’t leave me!” I cry, not even caring how desperate I sound, how much it hurts. I can’t do this.
I love him.
I love him.
He doesn’t love me.
He doesn’t even want me.
It was all pretend.
I used you, Marly.
It was disappointing to say the least.
He starts to pull away, despite my hands on the window, inching forward slowly but I don’t stop following, moving quicker as he speeds up until the toe of my shoe catches on something and I fall, knees hitting the dirt hard and instantly cutting into my skin. I don’t feel the pain.
River’s brake lights illuminate for a second before they go out and he drives away from me, leaving me in the dirt.
I feel my brother staring down at me, but I don’t look at him, I just stare after that bright green car as it takes the trail toward the lookout and disappears into the darkness.
“Marly,” It’s Sadie at my side, her arms coming around me, “Fuck, Marly, I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t understand,” I whisper.
“It’s okay,” She soothes, helping me to my feet. There’s a warm liquid running down my shins, it tickles as it rolls, and I know I’m bleeding but I don’t feel the pain.
“Let’s go,” My brother snaps impatiently. “And don’t get blood on my seats.”
“I’m not leaving with you!” I scream so suddenly and so loudly I catch everyone off guard.
“Walk home then,” He shrugs and gets into his car, backing away without a second thought.
“I’ll take you home,” Jake offers, Sadie’s arm curls around me, it’s only then I realize she is holding me up. My legs aren’t strong enough to do so on their own.
“Why?” I whisper to him, tears rolling down my cheeks.
He looks down at his feet and doesn’t answer.
“Come on,” Sadie starts to walk us toward her car, “I’ve got you.”
“I love him.”
“I know, sweetie.” Sadie says sadly.
“He doesn’t love me back.” My voice cracks.
Her arm squeezes me a little harder and she helps me into the seat of the car, closing my door behind me. He left me here. He humiliated me.
I’m staring ahead but I don’t see anything through the blur in my vision, brought on by the hot, angry tears welling and spilling over my lashes. They leave a molten streak down my cheeks.
Time passes too quickly and before I know it, Sadie is stopping at my house. My brother’s car isn’t in the driveway and all the lights are off, which suggests my parents don’t know what happened tonight.
“Thank you,” I whisper and reach for the handle.
“I didn’t know,” She says before I can get out. “I still don’t understand.”
“I don’t either,” I reply sadly.
“Maybe give him some time, you can work–”
“No,” I answer quickly, cutting her off, “I’m done.”
She frowns, “What do you mean?”
It hurts, so, so bad, this feeling inside of me is twisting me up, making me feel physically sick. It’s a living, breathing thing, so heavy and real it’s like I can touch it.
Everyone uses me in some way. They use me for what I look like and how that can benefit them, they use me for my family name and River’s no different. He’s no different to my father who only sees me as a tool, no different to my mother who only looks at the surface of me or my brother who manipulates and cheats to get his own way.
I didn’t believe River could do it, I thought what we had was real but maybe everyone is just the same. Maybe no one truly cares for what I want or how it makes me feel. River took my virginity, he climbed through my window and fixed my car and said all the right things, and in the end, it was all a lie. I don’t understand why he thought he could use me to hurt my family, they don’t truly care. I’m no one to them. I’m no one to anyone.
He fought a battle I’m not even aware of and for what? To humiliate me in front of my brother? To shatter my heart in front of everyone just because he could?
Yes. I love River.
But I used to love my parents too.