Chapter Forty-five
“O kay, that’s all of it,” Zara huffs, collapsing down onto the couch once she’s dropped the last of the bags onto the floor. We may have gone a little overboard on the shopping spree, but I have nothing here and I’m too afraid to go back to the house to get it all, so I decided to replace everything instead.
“Thanks,” I put my hands on my hips, staring at all the bags, a spark of hope igniting in my chest. These clothes are all my choices, I don’t have to dress up like a doll anymore. Everything is mine.
It’s been a few days since everything went down in the town square and despite several calls and texts from River, I haven’t seen him. He doesn’t know where to find me and other than Zara, no one knows I live here now.
My father and brother have been charged with several crimes, murder and arson being the worst of them, and the town is free from their rule. There have been several other arrests too, including my mother’s. My whole family is going to end up behind bars. I’ve had to go down to the station and make statements and submit all the evidence I had found, including the letter from my grandmother which I was sad to let go of, but I knew it would be for a good cause.
The south side is safe again though I have a meeting planned tomorrow to see how we can move forward with that too, not to destroy but to build it up again. I have so much money I can do it single handedly.
“Have you spoken to him?” Zara asks, looking over the top of the couch.
“I don’t want to talk about River, Zara,” I huff, bending down to pick up a bag to take to my bedroom.
“Okay but you didn’t want to talk about him yesterday or the day before that, you can’t pretend he doesn’t exist.”
“That isn’t what I’m doing,” I stare at her.
“Isn’t it?” She quirks a brow, “Because last I checked you were in love with the guy, and you haven’t even cried.”
“I have cried enough for a year,” I roll my neck side to side to release the sudden tension, “I have no more tears to give. He hurt me and that’s that.”
“He did, you’re right,” Zara concedes but only for a minute, “But you get why. Now I’m not saying he’s right for what he did, in fact I would very much like to castrate him for it but it’s clear to everyone he loves you too.”
“Please stop, Zara.”
She softens, “Marly, it’s okay to forgive him.”
“I have.” I huff.
She purses her lips, “No you haven’t, because if you had, you wouldn’t be torturing the both of you. I’ve never seen you as happy as you were with him, Marly.”
“I thought you didn’t like him,” I point out.
“I don’t but as your best friend and for your happiness, I will tolerate him.”
Laughing, I shake my head, “It’s fine, it’s better this way anyway.”
“Please explain your reasoning behind that statement because I’m not following.”
I shrug and don’t answer because I have no answer. “Shall we order some food?” I ask instead.
“You? Ordering food!?” She gasps in horror, “ Who are you !?”
I walk to the console table and pull out a bunch of menus I’d collected from a couple of places when I went to town for groceries, “River made me try a bunch so I thought we could try the rest.”
Zara is sad for me, I see it all over her face, “Of course I’ll try new places with you.”
“Here,” I hand her the menus, “Pick a place and I’ll buy, I’m just going to go get changed.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I hear her call after my retreating form, several bags in my hands as I take them up. I’ll go through them all tomorrow and put them away but tonight they can stay inside the bags. I find a new set of pajamas in one of them and lay it on the bed before I hop in the shower to wash away the day of shopping. When I’m done, my hair is wrangled into a claw clip, and I pull on my pajamas before I pick up the cell I left on the nightstand this morning and turn it on.
I haven’t looked at it since yesterday afternoon.
Several new messages pop up in the notifications, every single one from River.
My eyes water as I read that one.
I pause before I continue to today’s messages. This has been a constant since the town square, he talks even though I don’t reply. I could block his number, but I don’t want to. I like having this part of him, even if it’s selfish.
“So bad,” I reply out loud, “I haven’t slept in days.”
He tells me he misses me every day.
Putting my phone on the nightstand and leaving every message unanswered, I head back to Zara and plaster a fake smile on my face. “I ordered us Thai food.” She says, getting up from the couch.
“I said I’d pay.”
She scoffs and walks off for a shower, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I’ve never experienced heartache before, never knew what it was like to love and lose and they say it’s better to experience love than to never experience it at all, but I don’t believe that. I didn’t have this pain before I fell in love.
Love has broken my heart and spread cracks through my soul. If love is supposed to hurt like this then I don’t want it.
The food arrives before Zara is done so I plate up our food, a somewhat of a nostalgic feel overcoming me as I take out the plates. My grandmother used the same ones for the entirety of my life and a wave of grief comes over me every time I see them.
When she comes back, we eat and discuss lighter topics, like what I’m going to do now – I don’t know – and if I’ll redecorate this place – absolutely not. It makes the heartache ease a little but when it comes time to go to bed, it rushes back in.
I lay in the huge king size bed, the emptiness of it making me feel cold and I read through all the messages from River. It’s an odd feeling, like he’s here with me but I’ve never been so alone.
So, I cry myself into a restless sleep, like I have done for days.