25. River
RIVER
Pandora didn’t go to her morning class.
I know, because I’d waited in front of the classroom until it started, then returned as it was ending to see if she’d snuck in late.
She’s not in her dorm room either. Per her snotty roommate, Pandora was out all night, “probably spreading her legs and catching diseases.”
I’d seen red at the words, and it had been all I could do to stay polite until she’d shut the door in my face.
I know she’d gone out with Blaze and Asch the night before, but I hadn’t thought she’d stay out all night with them.
I pull out my phone and send her a text.
River
Where are you?
Pandora
Student lounge. If you’re coming this way, bring a sandwich or wrap for me? Pretty please?
I want to retort that one of her new boyfriends can get it for her, but instead, I send back a thumbs up emoji. I head to the cafeteria and grab a chicken caesar wrap for her and a BLT for myself, then head to the student lounge.
I don’t know why I’m playing bitch for her.
I spot her in the lounge and cross over to her, giving her a once-over. She looks fine enough — better than she had after Asch had cut her up, a thought that still makes my blood boil — but I can see dark marks on her neck.
“Have a good night?” I aim for casual, but the words come out harsh.
Pandora smiles at me. “I did! You should have come along. It would have been even better.” She pats the spot next to her on the couch. The shoulder of her hoodie slides down, and I get a better look at all the hickeys and bruises on the delicate skin of the nape of her neck.
I grit my teeth, but I sit down next to her. “Yeah, I wasn’t invited,” I say.
Would I have gone even if I had been? I want to say no, that I’d have had too much pride, but I know that if they’d offered even the slightest invitation, I’d have gone.
Pandora takes the wrap off my hands and bites into it. I watch as she chews and swallows.
She’s only eating , but even the simple movement of her throat bobbing draws my attention and makes me want to lick her skin.
“That’s stupid,” Pandora says after her bite. “Just invite yourself next time. I always want you there too.”
The words reach a part of me that I’d thought I’d blocked off ages ago, and I flex the fingers on my left hand to remind myself that one of them is missing because of her. “It doesn’t work that way, Pandora,” I tell her.
“Of course it does.” Pandora wipes her mouth and sets the wrap down on the table, pulling her books closer to herself again.
“I kept wondering what it would have been like with all three of you together. Like, the DP was good, but is there triple pen? I might have to find porn. I mean, I could ask my parents, but I think Mama would explode in flames of embarrassment and Papa would only laugh. Oh, wait, there’s Aunt Lucia too. She’d tell me.”
Double penetration. Triple penetration.
I want to say nothing Pandora says shocks me anymore, that I’m calm and cool, but the truth is, imagining her fucking Blaze and Asch makes my body heat up and my stomach roil.
The image is hot.
But I wasn’t there to experience it.
What did she look like as she was writhing between them? What were they doing, that she ended up with so many marks and bruises?
My hands clench. She wants to get a rise out of me. She won’t.
“I… would not suggest asking your parents,” I say, partially because I agree that her mother would pass out and partially because I don’t want them realizing that I’m in the picture again.
My stomach churns at the idea of going up against Slayer, Damien Rossi, and Giulio Pavone again.
I don’t think I’ve been forgiven. Far from it. I’d hurt their poor, helpless baby girl in the most minor of ways, but they’d made sure I’d never forget the offense.
“Yeah, I don’t need to hear another lecture from them.” Pandora pulls her phone out though, and starts a text to Bitch Auntie . “Anyway, do you have porn recs? For triple penetration?”
I realize we have the attention of a few people around us, and I look back at Pandora. “Didn’t your mom ever teach you about your inside voice?” I ask her, gesturing subtly around us.
Pandora looks around. One of the male students averts his gaze, blushing strongly. Pandora gets a very familiar grin on her face, and I groan.
“You, buddy! The eavesdropper!” Pandora calls out. “You have recs, right?”
The guy covers his face and shakes his head. The woman sitting next to him looks a lot less amused than Pandora.
His girlfriend, probably .
“I wouldn’t know…” the guy says with a sideward glance at his girlfriend.
Pandora rolls her eyes. “Boring. Then stop listening to my conversations and pay more attention to your girlfriend.”
That makes the woman laugh, and the guy groans loudly before grabbing his bag and leaving.
I watch the woman, half-expecting Pandora to ask her if she has any recs. For once, she doesn’t, and I turn back to Pandora. “Anyway,” I say. “You missed class this morning.”
“Yeah, we were all dead tired and couldn’t get ourselves out of bed.” Pandora meets my gaze. “And I was so sore. All over. But especially my?—”
“I don’t need to know,” I interrupt her tersely, but I give her another once-over. I can only imagine where she’s sore, and it makes jealousy flicker through me all over again. “I hope you were careful, at least.”
“What, you think Blaze or Asch have STIs?” Pandora scoots closer to me and gets her hand on my thigh. “Did you want to give me a complete inspection? To make sure they didn’t damage me?”
I grab her hand and try to shove it off of my thigh, but she refuses to budge. “No. I don’t need to give you a fucking inspection.”
I’m acting like a little bitch, I know. She’s a grown woman. She’s capable of making her own decisions.
I just wish she hadn’t chosen them.
“What’s the matter?” Pandora runs a hand along my jaw and tilts my face in her direction. “I’m not dumping you, River. You were mine first.”
I jerk away from her touch even though I want to lean into it. “Dumping me implies that we’re together, and we’re not. You know why I’m here, and you know what I want. We’re only taking a detour.”
I say the words, but I’m not sure that even I believe them anymore. I want to think that I’ll destroy her as soon as we uncover Rachel’s killer, but …
I’m not so sure.
Pandora smiles at me, that same breathtaking smile that made young me fall for her in the first place. It calls to me, makes me want to follow along with all of her whims.
Whenever I’m with Pandora, I feel thrills I thought impossible.
But as soon as the illusion shatters, I’m left only with broken pieces.
So why can I never pull away entirely?
“Oh, River,” she says. “Of course we’re together. I’m not even fucking anyone else except Blaze and Asch. I looked at that smoking hot guy, Reaper, and didn’t even feel tempted. That means something.”
No one else has ever kept her interest before. She went from one guy to the next in high school, and I’d never gotten jealous because she hadn’t kept them long enough for that feeling to form.
But it’s different with Blaze and Asch, and I don’t like it.
“I’m not interested in being one of three men for you, Pandora,” I tell her.
Pandora’s brows furrow. “You kind of have to. And you like Blaze and Asch, right? You’re frat brothers now.” She leans in to kiss my cheek. “You’re being silly, River. Four is the exact right number of people.”
“Like is a very strong word,” I tell her, letting her lips brush my cheek even though I want to pull away again. I tolerate Blaze and Asch, and that’s partially because I have to if I’m going to get anywhere in the search for Rachel’s killer.
Because that’s what everything is about, what everything is contingent upon.
I don’t know what will happen once we’ve found him, but I know that this house of cards is only waiting for the slightest breeze before it comes tumbling down.
“Anyway. If you don’t want to inspect my naked body, do you want to help me study?” Pandora holds up her tablet. “Intro to Biochem is killing me. I really don’t care about the structures of chemicals.”
“Neither do I,” I tell her. I don’t want to be around her, but at the same time, I feel like I’m a moth drawn to her flame, a planet in her orbit, and I can’t seem to stay away. “Your roommate is a fucking bitch, you know that? Or I’d say we could go there.”
“Eh, she’s okay.” Pandora rests herself against me and sets her tablet on her lap. “She’s got a boyfriend now, I think, so she’s loosened up a bit. Not that I think they’re fucking, but if she found a guy who’s as much a prude as she is, I guess it’s a match made in heaven.”
“Surprises me that there are any prudes left at this point,” I remark, watching Pandora and wishing I could shake some sense into her. Blaze and Asch aren’t good for her, and Zayden’s crusade against her is bound to cause problems.
Not that I think Blaze is going to take Zayden’s rules into consideration for much.
Does Pandora even know she’s banned from the Kappa Alpha house?
“Did Blaze and Asch mention…” I trail off, not sure how to say it delicately enough.
“Mention what? How hot I am? How into you they are? The current weather?”
I glance down at her tablet, watching her tap through the pages of the textbook, instead of looking at her. “You know Zayden isn’t thrilled with you, right?” I settle on.
Pandora lets out a small laugh. “Who cares what Zayden thinks? He’s like an annoying yappy dog, begging for treats from Blaze.”
“He’s technically in charge of the frat,” I point out.
And he’s going to be pissed when he finds out I’m not only hanging out with Pandora, but that we’re this close, too.
Physically, at least.
We’re never going to be close mentally or emotionally ever again.
“Sure, technically.” Pandora stops on a page and mumbles under her breath as she reads .
In her mind, the topic is done. But even if she doesn’t think much of Zayden, his word is still law at Kappa Alpha, and the other frat brothers wouldn’t dare disobey him. After hearing what she’d done to Declan, most of them hate Pandora too.
The only reason nobody has tried to report her is because Declan’s secret stash would then also be revealed.
I take a deep breath and say, “You’re banned from the frat house, Pandora. You aren’t allowed at any of their parties, nobody’s supposed to associate with you. I could get kicked out if they see me with you.”
Pandora pulls away from me so she can look me in the eyes. “Uh, what?”
“You heard me,” I say steadily. “You’re persona non grata with Kappa Alpha. I’m risking all of this by being here.”
So why am I here?
She rolls her eyes very pointedly. “No, you aren’t. Blaze won’t let them kick you out. And if somebody tries to snitch, you know the saying. Snitches get?—”
“Stitches,” I say, right when she concludes with, “murder.”
Of course she’d say murder. Why wouldn’t she?
“We try not to skip right into the murder parts,” I tell her. “Then we’d have to…”
Would you help me bury a body?
I remember the question all too well. I remember telling her I’d bury the body of Rachel’s killer, no questions asked, too.
“Then knock a few teeth out, or cut out a tongue. I don’t know. Be creative!” Pandora catches somebody staring, and she waves to the other student. The student picks up her bag and walks away, probably wondering if Pandora is being serious or not.
It’s a good thing she doesn’t ask me, because I’d probably tell her the truth.
Pandora is always serious when she’s talking like this.
I underestimated that once, and I will never, ever do it again.
I remember that I’d grabbed my own sandwich, but my appetite is gone. Still, I pull it out, wanting to give myself something to do. I take a tasteless bite, chew and swallow, then I tell her, “I guess you’ll have to be creative enough for both of us.”
Pandora pats my knee. “I’m always creative.
Which is why you should come with us next time.
But you and I can do something creative together, too.
Asch mentioned there’s a boxing gym in town, and they sometimes host fights.
We could do that. Oh, and when’s your next match for the school? I’ll be there to cheer you on.”
“Next Tuesday,” I tell her before I think about it. “But you don’t need to be there, and we don’t need to do anything together.”
It’s a bad idea on so many levels.
“It’s a date!” Pandora says. She gets up, hefting her schoolbag over her shoulder. “And now I’ve got to get to class. Professor Richter already doesn’t like me, for some reason.” She bends down to kiss my lips. “I’ll see you around. Don’t leave me on read again.”
Then she walks off, obviously not even caring what my response is.
“I’ll leave you on read if I feel like it,” I mutter to myself, but I’m being more childish than anything. I sigh, getting up. I toss the rest of my sandwich in the trash, unable to take another bite, then grab my bag.
I’m unsettled, pissed off, and jealous, and it’s not a combination I like. When I feel like this, there’s only one place to go.
Class can wait.
I have a date with a punching bag.