53. Scotlind
FIFTY-THREE
SCOTLIND
I’d been back in the camp for four weeks now, and I spent every single night in Tezya’s tent.
The first week, we helped out in the healer’s tent all day and night that we barely slept. More Advenians Tezya rescued had died, most were in worse shape than we thought, but a lot survived too. Many were getting stronger and being discharged.
Some people recognized me from when the King brought me down to their cages. Many thanked me endlessly, and I had to constantly repeat myself—it was Tezya who saved them, not me.
They were the only Advenians who hadn’t seen the broadcast, who hadn’t seen me standing up on that stage. And being thanked when I did nothing felt wrong.
I could feel people staring at me everywhere I went now. I knew it was probably a mix of disgust from what they watched, but another part of me knew it was because of what I now looked like. I knew I had scars everywhere. I could see them on my hands and arms whenever I dressed in the morning. I tried not to look too long and had been wearing long sleeve shirts and pants to hide as much of my skin as I could. But my hands… I co uldn’t not see them. It was like I outwardly became how everyone perceived me.
I tried not to think about it. I tried to put all my focus into helping others so I didn’t have a spare moment to think about myself. It worked until it didn’t. Slowly, the healer’s tent was emptying, and I needed to find something else to do.
By the second week, I started training with Kallon. I was working on my enhancement with her every day, seeing how long we could open her portal. Since I never disclosed the location of the first camp when the King held me captive, we’d been practicing portaling large groups of people between the two areas, testing out how many times we could do it before we were spent.
It also served to get anyone who never experienced it used to the aftereffects of portaling. The crippling nausea was no joke, and aside from Tezya first bringing everyone here, most never portaled in their life.
We knew we’d eventually have to portal everyone to both Lux and Tennebris. It would take too long to travel by foot. We just had no idea when things would happen.
I was surprised at how much I was improving, although it took a lot out of my reserves to widen her portals. I was constantly sweating and developed tremors four days in. Now, three weeks later, it was only getting worse. Tezya told me I wouldn’t be able to fight with my enhancement because of it. I’d have to rely on my combat skills only. But it was working. Every day we were able to portal more and more people.
It also led to more complaints. The more people we portaled, the more who started to question why we didn’t move back to the original Brighta. It was larger and more comfortable, but half the camp was too badly injured to transfer. We were waiting for the Advenians to fully recover from the dungeons before we planned our next move, and once everyone was healed—providing we could figure out the prophecy, and Kallon and I could successfully portal everyone for it to work—we wanted to attack right away. We couldn’t afford the days it would take to move everything. We were stuck where we were, for now. But it gave us the privacy we needed. After Kallon returned everyone who had volunteered to help us that day, Tezya and I always stayed behind to train.
I knew he was working with Wells nearly every day. After the mayhem of the first week, Tezya told me about the ring they found at the bottom of the Ex Cinere Renasci when I was caught. We couldn’t officially attack Lux until Tezya learned how to use it, so figuring out the ring and working on Kallon’s portals became our focus while we waited for everyone to recover.
We stopped going to the communal training rings—or at least I did. I knew Tezya still went to spar Sie in the mornings while I was with Kallon. But by the afternoon, he’d always meet up with me, and his training was relentless. Ten times worse than when he was forced to discover my powers back in Lux.
Week two was also when Dravenburg started mandating meetings to discuss our goals for after the war. We’d talk for hours trying to sort through what we’d want at the end of this.
Even though we all wanted the same thing, we couldn’t agree on the small details. We knew we wanted to ban the ranking system and eliminate the Luxian law of having to marry within your own rank, but other than that, nothing was unanimous.
Dovelyn was the hardest to please. She fought us at every corner, which left most of our discussions unresolved. It was horrendous.
Then, after endless hours of bickering, Tezya and I would walk back to his tent together, and I’d pass out from exhaustion.
It was how I liked it. On the nights I didn’t train hard enough or the meetings ended too early, I’d stay awake, crying in his arms. I hadn’t seen Vallie since she came back, and I tried to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t think about her or Miles. But when I was alone with Tezya, it seemed like everything would hit me, and the guilt of that was even worse. Who was I to cry when I wasn’t the one who lost so much? Sie lost his parents and his friend. Vallie lost her twin. Many Advenians from the King’s dungeons had been separated from their loved ones for decades, centuries even, and most of their families were still in Lux… And here I was crying in Tezya’s arms every night while I was fine. All I had were more scars and friends who resented me.
I jolted awake, unable to catch my breath. My throat ran dry as images played in my head.
I was thrown face first onto the bed, my head slamming into a pillow. Rough hands pulled my ass up by my hips.
“What do you want, Rumor?” Tezya asked, his voice husky.
I whimpered, feeling him press against me. “I want… I want…” I was breathless, unable to properly form words.
His hands left my backside and ran up my spine until he fisted a handful of my hair, pulling my head back and turning it to the side. I could feel his breath against my cheek. His chest rumbled against me as he purred into my ear, “Say it, Rumor.”
“I want—” I didn’t know how to articulate what I wanted. I didn’t know what word to use. Cock. Dick. Penis. It all felt wrong on my tongue. “You,” I finally settled on.
That seemed to satisfy him because the next second he plunged inside of me. His one hand still fisted my hair as his other gripped my hip, manipulating my body to allow him in deeper.
The image shifted.
I was on my knees before him, trailing featherlight kisses down his abdomen. My tongue lingering over the small bit of hair that led downward. His eyes were feral as he looked down at me. A brief smile twisted my lips before I took him into my mouth …
I couldn’t stop the ragged pants leaving me. My mind was hazy as I tried to make sense of everything. I shook my head, forcing myself to see what was in front of me. The tent. I squinted. It was still dark, only lit by glimpses of moonlight coming through the cracks of the fabric. Last night came back to me in a blur. That wasn’t real, was it? I felt emotions from whatever I just watched… But I was certain it didn’t actually happen.
I looked down at Tezya. He was stretched out on the bed beside me. His legs were too long for the cot that his ankles and feet were hanging off the low mattress, almost touching the furs laid out on the grass. Our shared blanket had fallen to his hips. He was shirtless, sleeping in just his boxers like he did every night since I’d been staying with him. I sleep naked, Rumor— his words from the first time we went to the mortal territory crashed into me. He hadn’t completely undressed in the weeks we’d been back together, but he always got close.
I usually fell asleep in the clothes I was wearing from the day, too emotional and drained to change out of them. We’d wake up in a tangle of arms and limbs before we’d start our day again. Over and over on repeat. Our simple routine to stay busy while everyone was still healing.
Tezya twitched, and I watched his muscles pull taut. He was still asleep, one hand clutching mine while the other was bunched into the sheets, his veins bulging. I stared blankly down at our joined hands, blinking a few times, before I pieced it together.
He was dreaming. He was dreaming of doing that with me…
I swallowed, hard. Then gently pulled my hand out of his, not wanting to wake him.
My conversation with Sie at the lake came flooding back to me… How everyone in Tennebris believed we went on a sex spree after our wedding. They believed it because it was rumored that a bonded couple couldn’t keep their hands off each other …
I kept staring at my palm. At the two scars there. Was Tezya feeling that way? Had he been fighting the urge to have sex with me? I’d been such a mess since I got back that I hadn’t thought about it. We only had one day together before everything went horribly wrong. It wasn’t even a whole day, just hours before Sie told us Dovelyn was awake, and besides cuddling every night, we hadn’t done anything. Just stolen kisses he’d place on my forehead or cheek.
I looked down at him again, staring at his muscles bunching beneath him as he slept. This time it was my own brain that kept playing images of us together. I saw him pinning me down against the war maps. Then pulling me onto his lap as I straddled him on one of the chairs.
I tried to steady my breathing, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of how he felt as he pressed inside me, filling me completely. Butterflies dropped in my stomach, leading deeper as a need for him was starting to wash over me. My heart accelerated, and I felt flushed all of a sudden. I pushed the little bit of blanket that was still covering me off.
Tezya stirred gently. He turned on his side, his hand reaching out and grabbing onto my thigh. His eyes snapped open, glancing up at me, realizing I was rigid in bed.
He sat up too, running his hand over his face, trying to focus. Then he grunted and shifted the covers over his crotch to block himself. “Could you not sleep? Were you having another nightmare?” His voice had a mix of lust and sleep on his tongue, and I could tell he was trying to shake both feelings off.
I shook my head, unable to find the words to tell him. My throat was still so dry, and my tongue felt heavy. I pulled my knees to my chest, hugging them around myself.
I wanted him.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” He tried to tug me toward him, but halted as soon as his hand met mine. His eyes glazed over, and I knew he was seeing what I just had for the past five minutes.
He immediately dropped his hold on me and moved across the bed, putting distance between us.
“Fuck. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you, or for you to see that.” He stared at me for a moment.
I still couldn’t find my voice. I had to say something— say anything —but when I tried to open my mouth, nothing came out so I just closed it again.
He let out more of a frustrated sigh, ran his fingers through his white hair at the top of his head, then flung out of bed. Bending over, he picked up his fallen pants, keeping his back turned to me. He started stepping into them…
“Tezya, I—”
“Go back to bed, Rumor.”
“Where are you going?”
He turned around slowly, I caught a glimpse of his bulge just before he buttoned up his pants. He didn’t answer right away, his eyes pleading with mine. “I’m sorry I woke you. You weren’t meant to see that.”
“Are you struggling?” I started, then stopped, having no idea how to phrase what I thought was happening. “With the bond, I mean. Is it hard not to…” I let my voice trail off as I looked down at the sheets. We’d been apart for weeks and weeks and then when we were finally back together I tried so hard to shut everything off, to focus on one task at a time. I hated that I was nervous, that I was making this uncomfortable.
“I’m fine, Rumor. Just go back to sleep. You need rest.”
“Where are you going?” I asked again, this time finally managing to look up.
“I’m going for a walk to… cool off.” His eyes were gentler. “Just go back to bed. I’ll be back soon.”
He picked his shirt off the furs and started walking toward the tent opening before even putting it on .
“Tezya—please, don’t go.” He halted, his back turned to me with his hand frozen over the flaps. “Please, stay.” I slowly dragged myself from the bed and started walking toward him. His breath hitched, but he didn’t pull his hand away, didn’t turn around yet. “I want… I want you to stay,” I whispered as I closed the gap between us, wrapping my hands over his exposed abdomen from behind. His muscles moved beneath my fingers, his hands fisting the shirt he was holding. “Why didn’t you tell me you were struggling with this?”
He huffed, frustration radiating from him as he finally turned around to face me. My hands grazed over him as he moved. “Because I’m not. I’m fine, Rumor. I know how to control myself. I just haven’t slept much since you came back, and my subconscious took over when I finally closed my eyes. I didn’t mean to send my thoughts to you while you were sleeping, but I’m fine.”
I stared up at him. Was he purposely blocking me out during the day?
“Do you—do you not want to?” I hated the pathetic tone that came out of my voice, how this one question caused me to panic. My hands dropped at my sides as I diverted my eyes, staring at my feet, waiting for his answer. Did he regret the bond? Did he not want me in that way anymore, but now his body couldn’t help it? Maybe it was how I looked now, maybe he wasn’t attracted to me anymore—
His fingers gently tipped my chin up so I was forced to look at him. “Of course I want to, Rumor. Fuck. You’re all I think about. You’re all I want.”
“Then why…” Why haven’t you tried to touch me? Why are you purposely pushing those thoughts from your mind when you’re awake? Why are you trying to leave right now? I couldn’t get myself to finish any of the questions.
“Because I only just got you back, and you’ve been through a lot. I’m prepared to wait as long as you need. ”
“I want to—”
He shook his head. “Rumor, no. Please don’t say that just because you know it’s what I want. You need to rest. You need to get better…”
“It’s not just what you want.” I could tell he was going to shut me out again. He was still planning on leaving, so I brought my hand to his, our scars connecting. “See,” I whispered, my voice breathless again. “I want it… I want… you. Please .”
I let him see everything, not keeping anything from him. Something snapped in me when I saw his dreams. It woke me up from just surviving each day. It was like I just learned that I wanted to feel—not just breathe and exist, but live .
I gulped, my throat bobbing, as I watched his pupils flare and chest heave.
Slowly, I walked backwards, my eyes never leaving his, scared he’d run if I let go. When my knees hit the cot, I pulled him toward me, twisting us around and moving to stand in front of him, blocking the exit. I let go of his hand only to press mine against the tops of his shoulders. I was on my tip toes, trying to usher him to sit down on the edge of the bed. “Please, Tezya… I want this.”
At my words, he sank onto the mattress. It groaned beneath his weight. I dropped to my knees onto the furs, unsure what I was doing, but I kept thinking about the image from his dream.
Tezya was completely still, unmoving, as I reached for him. I didn’t think he was breathing.
I fumbled over the fabric of his pants, trying to get the button loose, but it wouldn’t budge. He let out a breathy laugh, smirking at my poor attempt to undress him, but didn’t offer to help. Instead he just leaned back and watched me with a glint in his eyes. I knew how to unbutton freaking pants… It was just the way he was sitting. I couldn’t get the angle right, and my ha nds kept shaking. Finally, I let out a frustrated sigh. “I need… help.”
He arched a brow, amused. “I’ll take them off,” he murmured. “But you first.”
My lips parted before I quickly snapped them shut. He didn’t think I would. He was challenging me. Slowly, I stood on shaky legs, my toes digging into the soft furs over the grass. I was still in my clothes from yesterday, having fallen asleep in his arms again. My boots were off and neatly stacked by the edge of the tent. Tezya must have removed them before falling asleep himself.
I pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it on the ground. My pants came next, and I half tripped out of them before I tugged them down my legs. If Tezya was trying to get me to strip for him, this was definitely not how it was supposed to be done. I was messing everything up, but when I looked up to meet his gaze, he didn’t seem to mind. He was transfixed, his eyes sweeping over my body, taking in every inch of me. His breath stilled again. I was down to my bra and underwear, feeling my own chest moving frantically under his assessment.
“Y-your… turn,” I said breathily. I tried to have my words come off as sexy, but it was raspy and anything but. Tezya stood suddenly, his height looming over me. We were only a couple of inches apart, forcing me to tilt my head up to look at him, but I didn’t take a step back.
I watched as he reached for the button and unhooked it with one hand—using only two freaking fingers while I struggled with both hands—then shrugged them down and off his legs. He never put his shirt on, so his boxers came next, and my breath hitched as I looked down. The first time we had sex, I barely got to take him in before he pressed himself inside me, and the rest of the day we’d spent so tangled into each other, I hadn’t noticed what he looked like, only what he felt like .
I bit my lip, then dragged my eyes back up to his. “Sit… sit down,” I stuttered.
He listened.
I let out a shaky breath before I sank back onto my knees. My fingers reached out as I ran them down his abs, feeling him shudder at my touch. I moved them lower and lower until I finally wrapped my hands around the length of him.
His body convulsed once, before he went rigid, completely unmoving. I started shifting my hand slowly up and down his shaft, trying to pay attention to his reaction, not sure if I was doing it right. I leaned forward, pressing a kiss below his belly button, then lower.
He groaned, his chest rumbling under my lips, giving me the confidence to keep going.
I glanced up to meet his gaze, not removing my lips from his stomach. He was already staring down at me, his pupils fully dilated. I kissed lower, then lower, my hand moving slowly up and down as I went.
“I—I want to but—I don’t…” my lips stopped just above where my hands were. “I need you to… show me what to do.”
He nodded, his chest rasping, but he didn’t say anything. He just watched me between his legs. I removed my hands, then replaced them with my lips, taking him inside my mouth like the version of me had done in his dream.
I gagged immediately, having pushed him too far back. “It’s okay,” he half grunted, half moaned. “You don’t have to fit it all. Just—fuck. Yeah, just do that.”
I started moving my mouth slowly up and down him, savoring the reaction I was causing. He swore again when I started moving my tongue in circles while bobbing my head against him.
He fisted my hair, holding me toward him. I didn’t stop this time as I half gagged on him. I kept going, kept taking more and more of him in, listening to him moan and curse above me. I could feel some of my drool drip down my chin, but I didn’t care, didn’t stop.
He moved further onto the bed, dragging me by my hair, my mouth never coming off as he readjusted us. Then he pulled my hips and twisted me so that I was sucking him from the side instead of between his legs. I was on all fours, my elbows straddling his hips to keep myself upright. One of his hands was on my neck, urging me to take more of him while his other unhooked my bra and started palming and teasing my breasts. I moaned as he swiped his thumb across my nipple. I kept sucking and licking him until—
His hand hooked under my knee, pushing my legs apart. I gasped, having to force myself to focus and keep moving my own mouth as he pushed my underwear to the side and found my clit. His fingers moved in rhythmic circles that had me moaning onto him.
“Your mouth feels so fucking good,” Tezya groaned as his fingers shifted toward my opening. I couldn’t control the sounds escaping me, my moans were so loud that I should have been worried that we were in a camp with tents too close to one another, only separated by fabric. But I didn’t care. All I could focus on was what he was doing with his hands. His finger pushed inside of me, working in and out in a tantalizingly slow motion, before he added another. I gasped, the sensation so different at this angle.
“You’re so wet,” Tezya groaned. “Fuck.” He fisted my hair again, pulling me up and dragged me on top of him.
“Why did you stop?” I panted.
“I don’t want to come yet.”
“What do you want—” He didn’t let me finish, consuming my mouth and stopping my words with his lips. He flipped me onto my back as he hovered over me.
Holding my gaze, he pushed my legs apart with his knee. Then he ripped my underwear off, the last thing that was separating us before he thrusted inside me. My head snapped forward at the pressure, my forehead hitting his chest.
His fingers weaved into my hair, but this time it was gentle. His other hand found my cheek. “You okay?”
I nodded, tilting my head up as our lips crashed together again.
“Yes,” I breathed as he made another deep thrust inside me. “Yes,” I said again as my eyes fluttered close, and for some reason, I couldn’t stop saying the word. It was like a plea, an acceptance, and a resignation. I was okay. For the first time since I came back, I let myself believe I was going to be okay.