57. Sie
FIFTY-SEVEN
SIE
Savannah was true to her word and trained with us every morning. And even though she always complained about needing coffee nonstop or groaned about how the sun wasn’t up yet, she always showed up.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d want, what she’d ask me for that I wouldn’t be able to refuse. I tried to ignore it, but a small pang in my stomach told me I made a huge mistake, a big fucking mistake, and that she wasn’t worth the trouble. I’d regret it as soon as I found out what she’d demand.
But she was helping Vallie. She ran through all the drills we had already taught her, adjusting her form and shifting her positioning in a way Peter and I couldn’t with words alone. And with Savannah helping Vallie, Peter could focus more on Lilia. They were both improving, and Peter was so fucking elated for it that it took some of my edge off.
I doubted I still needed to be here, but I found myself coming anyway.
Today was the first day Savannah was sparring Vallie, and with Lilia working through maneuvers and drills we showed her earlier, Peter and I found ourselves doing the same. But I kept watching them, watching her, instead of my own fight with Peter. I couldn’t fucking tear my eyes away from the onslaught.
“Tighten your core here,” Savannah said as she stood behind Vallie, her arm wrapped around her abdomen as she pressed a hand to her stomach. Vallie flinched, but she didn’t pull away. She never pulled away from Savannah’s touch, and I seemed to not be able to pull my gaze away either.
Savannah’s eyes slid to mine when she found me already staring. “When you engage your core muscles, you can add more strength to your punches.” Why wasn’t she looking away? She was holding my gaze, her eyes never leaving mine as she kept instructing Vallie on what to do, as her hands kept moving over her body and repositioning her… Fuck. I swallowed.
She had a glint in her eyes like she knew she held power over me. I gritted my teeth as I forced myself to meet Peter’s green-eyed gaze instead. He smirked, seeming amused as fuck, as we wordlessly went back to our own sparring.
He threw a kick, just narrowly missing my ribs, before he subtly tugged his ear.
I entered his mind, our signal when he had something to say. What? I snapped, furious even in my own head.
I told you she wants to murder you, he taunted. I threw a punch to his jaw. He rubbed it as he spoke out loud, “Ouch. That freaking hurt.”
I didn’t care. I kept fighting him, trying to ignore the purple hair to my left. Because while I kept looking at Savannah more and more out of curiosity, she looked at me like I was an ant to be squashed. I couldn’t tell if I loved that she wasn’t terrified of me or if I hated that she wasn’t even the slightest bit intimated.
Maybe it was a little of both.
You need to get laid, Peter said as I just narrowly missed his leg slamming into my head.
Fuck off, I spat, this time landing my own hit, but he countered with the same. I ground my teeth as I rubbed my hip where his foot just connected.
He shrugged, then spoke in my mind. I’m just saying, a good shag never hurt anyone.
Worry about yourself, I seethed. W hen was the last time you even touched a girl?
Peter’s eyes gleamed. I can transform into one whenever I need a good boob grabbing.
That’s completely fucked. I don’t even want to know if you’re serious or not.
My eyes—my traitorous fucking eyes—flicked to Savannah again. She let out a hiss as she fell into her own sparring match with Vallie, who just landed a punch to her gut. The slight noise that came out of her had me wondering what sounds she’d make if I fucked her. If I slammed her body against a wall, grabbed her by her throat, and… shit. I was so completely and utterly fucked if this was what my mind was coming up with… with a human .
Maybe Peter was right. Maybe I needed to find a random Tennebrisian girl to screw for the night. I hadn’t had sex with anyone since I met Scotlind, which I didn’t even want to wrap my head around how long ago that was.
But at least the thought calmed my nerves. I didn’t actually like Savannah. Not even the slightest. I just needed to put my dick somewhere and then I’d stop thinking about her.
Peter gave me a smirk, knowing exactly where my gaze had landed. I exited his mind, not wanting to hear whatever taunts he’d throw my way, and went full force into beating the living shit out of him.
Sapphire eyes seeped into me as I picked up my pack from the grass. I had spent all day at the training rings, blowing off steam and fighting whoever was willing. It was all I did lately. Wake up early to train Vallie and Lilia, then grab a cup of coffee—which was a habit I was quickly becoming addicted to—even though I refused to go at the same time as Savannah.
I’d wait fifteen minutes after our early training session before heading into the dining tent, knowing full well she’d already drained her own cup of poison. Then, after I drank the bitter liquid, I’d forced myself to eat something before heading back to the rings. I would fight until I only had a few spare minutes left to shower before the nightly meetings with Dravenburg would start.
My days were simple. Mindless. And I tried my damn best to keep them that way. Most days, the Fire Prince still sparred me, which I hated to admit that I loved. It was the only real challenge I felt, and now that I was exercising every day and was no longer consuming poison, my body was growing exponentially. I could feel myself coming into my strength again, probably stronger than I was before.
I rubbed my rib. Tezya landed a hard kick to the area minutes earlier, and I was pretty certain he fractured it. I was supposed to get it mended. Dravenburg made it clear that everyone should continue to train, but we had to see a healer afterward so we were in top-notch shape for whenever the real fighting would start. But I refused to go. The healer’s tent only reminded me of the one healer I’d never see again.
Besides, I wanted to feel the pain. It was something to think about. Physical injury was better than the mental war that was destroying me from the inside out.
I was surprised to see it was Scotlind who came up to me, though, and not the prince I despised. She hadn’t been coming to the rings for weeks now. I knew she was training with Kallon, working on her enhancement.
I tensed, unsure what to make of it. I wanted this so fucking badly. Every damn day I prayed that she would have picked me, that she would’ve chosen me instead of him. But I also wasn’t naive enough to think that’s what was happening now. She already picked Tezya. Every person in the entire camp knew it.
“Hi,” she said sweetly.
“Hey,” I replied, not bothering to stop to talk. I started making my way toward the communal bath house with my pack over my shoulder and stifled the wince it caused when it landed on my ribs.
“Sie, I…” I could hear her voice growing louder as she followed me. “I want to talk to you.”
I sighed. I didn’t have the energy for more conversations that I knew were only going to leave me fucking hurting. I could barely stomach the conversation I had with Dovelyn when she said the same thing to me. I had no idea what Scottie wanted to talk about, and I had even less desire to find out. I spent my entire damn day building my walls up and blocking everyone out. I wasn’t about to let her destroy them right now.
“Please,” she added—and her voice, her tone, the way her eyes were pleading with me—I gave in and turned around to face her.
“Fine,” I grumbled, pissed that I still had no control around her. “You can talk while I walk.”
“Where are you going?”
“The bath house.” I needed to bathe, and while most days I didn’t mind the communal showers that everyone had to use—after I figured out how they worked, I found them to be more efficient and sanitary—but today I really wanted nothing more than to soak in a tub, purely for the fact at how stiff my muscles were.
“Okay.” She nodded her head as she came up beside me, and we started walking up the grassy hill together. Everyone gave us a wide berth. No one came within a ten foot radius of me unless they were forced to in the dining tent or if they were crazy enough to spar me while training. Even after Dravenburg set the record straight about all the broadcasts, it didn’t change anything.
“Um, I wanted to see how you’re doing?” she asked, biting her lip.
I smirked. It was only a slight incline, more from annoyance and shock that she had actually asked me that. “Really, Scotlind? If this is what you want to talk about, then forget it.”
“Okay, fine. We don’t have to talk about that .” She twirled her hair around her finger while she continued to bite into her lip. My heart lurched. She was fidgeting. I used to love watching her squirm when she was uncomfortable. I loved being the one who caused it. But now…
“I wanted to tell you I’m really sorry. For everything…” She stopped twirling her hair and met my gaze. I hadn’t even realized we stopped walking and instead were turned to face each other. “I wanted to do something when… when everything happened… I didn’t want to just stand there—”
“I know,” I cut her off. I didn’t need to hear it. It didn’t stop the fucking hurt it caused me when I saw her standing on the stage, and she did nothing as my world shattered, but I knew now she didn’t have a choice. She was being controlled.
It felt symbolic almost, in a sick sort of way. She’d been used her whole damn life, forced into doing things she never wanted to do. Growing up as a Luxian in Tennebris, she’d been compelled more times than I’d care to admit, some because of me. There wasn’t much that Scotlind got to choose for herself. The only thing she did pick was not picking me. The only real decision she ever made was bonding with Tezya…
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said. I couldn’t bring down that wall. I just couldn’t. I tried so hard to not think about the slight possibility that maybe my father wasn’t a complete asshole, and that I never got to meet the real him. I didn’t want to think about how my mother and Moli were now gone. That Greyland and Lilia were orphans with only two fucked-up older brothers to protect them. Or that my brother now had to live the rest of his life missing a fucking eyeball because I didn’t think to check on him sooner. If I had known the King had him…
I shook my head. I didn’t want to think about anything. I just wanted to take a hot shower before I’d be forced into another meeting that didn’t pertain to me.
“Okay,” she said softly, her voice barely audible. “I also want you to know that after this war, I’m going to clear your name. I’m going to set everything straight and make sure everyone knows you’re a good person, that you aren’t the one killing those zeroes. I’ll make sure everyone knows what was aired on the broadcast was fabricated and—”
I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Scotlind, most of it was real. I did hurt my family’s servants growing up. I let my friends compel you for their own entertainment. I annulled our marriage. I gave you up and sent you to the Lux King. I caused you pain. I can see that now.”
“No, no. You don’t get it.” She had tears in her eyes. “Because I get it now. I understand why you did it now. I know what it’s like to have to make decisions like that, and I’m sorry I was mad at you for it. I’m sorry I blamed you…”
I knew this was stemming from something that happened between her and Vallie. No one knew the full extent of what went down when they were captive, but I could see it in her eyes, whatever she had to do, she regretted. Maybe she was cornered like I was with no real options. But now she was apologizing to me? There was nothing for me to forgive. Her anger toward me, her hurt—it was all fucking warranted.
“It’s okay, Scotlind.”
Tears poured down her cheeks. “I’m also sorry that… that I hurt you because I love him. I’m just… ugh,” she swiped at her tears, “I’m so sorry for everything.”
“Scotlind,” I said, and her gaze snapped to mine. “Even though it fucking kills me to see you with him, I want you to be happy.” I sucked in a breath. “I’m going to be fine, and so is your friend.” She finally nodded, her tears slowing. “And you will be too.”
It was a lie, and she knew it. None of us were fine. Not even fucking close.