61. Tezya
SIXTY-ONE
TEZYA
Kallon was panting, her yellow eyes wide, as she burst into my tent.
“What’s wrong?”
“Scottie, she—” My heart stopped at those two words. Everything stilled. “—she’s okay,” Kallon added quickly. “She was showering in the communal showers, and well… she saw herself for the first time… since Rainer…”
I started running toward the bath house, not bothering to hear what else Kal was going to say. I’d heard enough.
I knew Scotlind hadn’t looked at herself since she came back. She was afraid and had been purposely avoiding it. Hell, I fucking hated looking at her scars. I forced my expression to not change as my hands ran over her stomach, as I felt the raised ridges from where Kole had his hands on her. I forced myself not to show that it was destroying me.
Not that she didn’t look Goddess damn beautiful with her scars. Not that I didn’t love her any less because of it. It took absolutely nothing away from her. Nothing. She was still the most breathtaking fucking person I ever saw. And she always would be no matter what happened .
I hated her new scars for entirely different reasons. I hated them because I felt guilty. Because it was my fault she had them. My fault she went through that pain. Her screams still echoed in my head every single day. I could still feel the agony that rippled through her as his power collided into her flesh. I still saw her body convulsing on the grass. And every night afterward, every time she cried herself to sleep, I felt responsible.
My heart was pounding by the time I made it to the bath house. I sprinted into the girls’ section of the communal showers, not giving one fuck who I’d offend.
“Get out,” I spat venom at the two girls who were finishing up. I didn’t look at them as they yelped and threw towels over themselves. I didn’t even know who it was I was yelling at. All I could see was her.
She was dripping wet, her towel abandoned on the floor, soaking up water. Her long hair was plastered around her face, some strands covering her eyes, but she didn’t seem to notice. She had her hands stretched out in front of her, and although she could probably see better by just looking down, she was staring at them through the reflection of the mirror.
She knew I was there even though her eyes never left her body. I slowly walked toward her. Pressed my chest against her back and pulled her into me. My fingers wrapped around her wrists. Her sapphire eyes just kept staring, blankly. She didn’t react to my touch. She didn’t make a fucking sound until I pulled her arm above her shoulder and brought her fingers to my lips and starting kissing them. Every single one of them. It wasn’t until I put one fully inside my mouth, sucking and licking as I went that her eyes finally— finally —met mine. She gasped a little, seeming to come back to herself. I tried to get her to focus on the sensation I was causing, tried to veer her mind from whatever negative thought she was having.
“You’re beautiful,” I said as I brought a different finger into my mouth. “So fucking beautiful, Scotlind Rumor. ”
She was quiet for a long time. Her eyes now staring at mine through the mirror. I met her gaze, taking my time pulling each finger into my mouth. Then, I gently set her arm down and grabbed the next, starting with kissing each knuckle.
“I love you, Rumor. I love every fucking inch of you. You’re so perfect, do you hear me? You’re perfect.” I shifted my hold on her wrist and held her hand instead.
“I—” she started and stopped. “I’m okay with it. It was just a shock. I hadn’t realized they were on my face too. I think… I think I knew. I knew it was bad. I’d seen Arcane and Kole afterward.” Her eyes drifted back to herself in the mirror. “I knew I had them all over my legs and arms and stomach. I saw glimpses of them whenever I got dressed. I just wasn’t expecting it to be on my face, that’s all.” She paused, and I saw her gaze drift to my scar. “Did you feel this way?”
With our hands connected, I could see into her mind. I could see what she was really asking. Was my scar all people saw?
“In the beginning, yes. Everyone stared at me. Whenever I walked into a room, it was all anyone would talk about. They thought I couldn’t hear them, but I always did. It took a while to get used to. Dovelyn and Arcane are meticulous in their appearances. None of their scars, if they have any at all, are visible. I think it was why it was picked for my punishment that day, why they did it to my face. But it doesn’t bother me anymore because it means I survived. I might have had to fight to get to where I am, but I’m still here.”
She took a deep breath as she looked at her reflection again. “I just… sometimes I think Vallie would have been better off if it was me instead of Miles.”
“—fuck that.” I cut her off as her gaze jumped to mine. “Don’t ever think like that.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it again, before looking back at the mirror.
“Rumor,” I said carefully. “I’m so fucking sorry you have more scars and it’s because of me, but don’t for one second think your life is any less valuable.”
“I don’t. It’s just she’s struggling, Tezya, and I can’t even help her.”
“But she’s alive and so are you. Just because she needs time to heal from what happened to her and her twin, does not for one second take away the worth of your life. I wouldn’t survive without you, Scotlind. I need you.” I squeezed her hand. “Can’t you see that?”
Her gaze met mine. She nodded but didn’t say anything.
I gently brushed her hair away from her face and out of her eyes, tucking strands behind her ear in rhythmic circles. My entire frontside was slowly becoming drenched, but I didn’t care. She was shivering, and it killed me to think how long she’d been standing here in the cold, staring at herself before Kallon got me. I called to my abilities and added flames around us for warmth and privacy, blocking everything out except for us. My hands started tracing her body, willing warmth into her. She watched me from the mirror.
“I love you, Scotlind,” I murmured into her ear as my one hand grazed down her arm. My other was still cradling her head, tucking her hair behind her ear.
I love you too, Tezya, she replied in my mind before turning away from the mirror to face me.
My hands cupped her cheeks. “I think you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my entire life, inside and out.” I needed her to believe it. “Nothing will ever change that.”
She half laughed, but it died on her lips. “I think my looks are hardly important anymore,” she admitted softly. “So many people have died, so many lost worse—”
“Other people’s hardships don’t negate your own,” I said as my hands tightened around her cheeks, and I tilted her head up to look at me. I knew her, she’d push her own struggles down for the benefit of others. “It doesn’t make yours any less. ”
She smiled softly. “The scars don’t bother me, Tezya. I’m serious. I’m fine with it.”
She leaned into me, and I wrapped her in a hug. I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, just holding each other, before I realized I didn’t even believe my own words.
Not all lives were held to the same value because she was my fucking everything— she was my reason for just existing —and I had no idea what the hell I’d do if I lost her.