Chapter 25
Royal
“You look like shit,” Jeremy tells me.
“I feel like shit. That last match kicked my ass,” I tell him.
I fought last night for the first time since she’s been gone, and I hated every fucking second of it.
She wasn’t there cheering me on. She wasn’t there to hug me when it was over.
She isn’t here cleaning up my fucking wounds like I want her to be.
“You’ve got to stop agreeing to two a night, Royal.”
“What difference does it make?”
“Are you trying to get yourself killed? Is that what this is?” Jeremy snaps at me.
“Again, what difference does that make?”
“Seriously? You don’t think your sister needs you?” She does need me. She needs me to keep providing for her. She needs me to keep fighting so she doesn’t have to live the way I do.
“Fuck!” I roar as I clench my fists by my sides.
“April needs you around, Royal. There’s no way around that.”
“She’s almost seventeen. She can get a job soon,” I remind him.
“So you’re what? Giving up on everyone? Fuck you, Royal!” He yells before I lunge at him. I crash into him, both of us falling to the floor. I pull my fist back, ready to punch him, when I realise he isn’t fighting me back. He isn’t going to either.
I lower my fist and climb off him, offering him my hand to help him off the ground. I’m lucky as fuck he’s my best friend and takes it. I pull him up and apologize.
“I’m sorry, Jeremy. I’m just so fucked in the head right now,” I admit to him.
“Over her?” he asks. Now I nod.
“I can’t stop thinking that we fucked up taking her back there. She didn’t want to be there, and now she is,” I tell him.
“I know. I get it, but you were right. There wasn’t anything we could have done for her,” he says.
“I don’t know. It all just feels fucking wrong.”
“Maybe you should take a break. Go see April,” he suggests. I’ve thought about that. Taking a little time off to see my sister. It’s only five hours away, and it’s not like I’ll have to be gone for long. Just a few days to see how she’s doing. I made enough in the last fight to go.
“I was thinking about that.”
“Fuck it. Hop on the bus and go,” he says.
“What about you?”
“I’m good here.”
“You sure?” I ask him. He nods his head as he lights up a joint and sits against the wall.
“Yeah. I’ll stay out of trouble and keep an eye on our shit,” he offers.
“I wouldn’t stay long, but a few days,” I tell him.
“Stay as long as you want, Royal. It’s not like we have shit to do here,” he says, motioning around us.
He’s right. We don’t have shit to do. We have nothing, but I had her.
And I let her go. I keep trying to tell myself that I did the right thing.
I keep trying to tell myself that she deserves better than this.
And she does. Truly. She deserves a life that she’s always dreamed of, not living on the streets.
“You know what, I might just go,” I tell him before grabbing the joint from his fingers and bringing it to my lips.
“Yeah? It’ll do you good. She’s probably dying to see you.”
“She has asked me when I’d come visit. I’ll put more time on my phone in case anything comes up here,” I tell him.
“Yeah. I’m sure shit here will be fine.”
“You don’t want to come?” I ask.
“No. That’s a family thing, and I stay way the hell out of that,” he chuckles. I nod my head, understanding that fully. Once he left his family, he never looked back. And after what I’ve heard, I can’t say that I blame him for that either.
“I’m not taking much,” I tell him.
“Don’t need much. I got the rest.”
“You sure about this?” I ask him once more. He flips me off, and I laugh.
“Stop asking me. Just pack your bag and go.” I nod my head, pass the joint back, and then pack a small bag. I know the bus runs in that direction, and then I catch the others that keep going. I’ve done it before, but not for a long time.
I fist bump Jeremy and head out, walking to the bus stop. I wait until it arrives and climb on. When I sit down, I glare out the window, watching the world go by.
Knowing that River isn’t here and isn’t going to be here when I get back doesn’t settle well within me.
It hurts. There’s an ache I can’t seem to stop.
It’s amazing to me that someone I just met not that long ago has such a hold on me, but I suppose when you spend all that time with them, every single day, you get attached.
And that’s what I did. I got attached to her.
Knowing she deserved more, I still took her and made her mine.
I rest my forehead against the window and close my eyes.
If things were different, maybe I wouldn’t have taken her back to them.
Maybe I would have been able to help her more than I could.
Leaving her at that hospital had to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
It tore me apart inside. It ripped a piece of my heart off, and now it’ll never be whole again.
I curse under my breath, not knowing what to do with myself. I could scream, but what good is that doing me?
And the asshole I killed? I haven’t heard any news on that either, and that’s starting to wear on me. I know that Jeremy got rid of the gun for me, but that doesn’t mean shit. Someone could have seen us in there. Someone could have seen her with him, and I’m worried about her.
I made her repeat the words to me. Royal did it. I can only pray that when it comes down to it, she remembers what to say. I won’t let her go down for that shit. No way in hell.
I keep my eyes closed as the bus keeps moving.
I don’t know what I’m walking into going back home, either.
What will my mom say when she sees me after all these years?
Will she still hate me? Will she even remember me?
Not that I care. I truly don’t. All that matters to me is April and knowing that she’s safe.