Chapter Sixteen
A fter the game, the only thing I felt was relieved. We’d won by a decent margin, which meant Zack wouldn’t be in a bad mood. He’d played incredibly well, and my heart felt a swell of pride knowing that he was mine.
Sort of.
As much as I hated to admit it, I knew I needed to ask him where our relationship was going. It was the source of my hesitation about this weekend, and I just couldn’t get my inner critic to shut up about it.
I changed into black leggings and a long sweater to match the lavender heart earrings he’d given me before going to wait for him to get out of the locker room. When Zack snuck up behind me and picked me up in a crushing hug, I nearly had a heart attack.
“Okay okay okay! I need to breathe too!” I squealed.
“Ridiculous,” he smiled, putting me down. He smelled like a fresh shower and spearmint. “You ready to go, pretty girl?”
“Well, you’re certainly overflowing with admiration tonight.”
“But you’re so easy to admire.” I knew I was blushing, and willed my cheeks to stop.
“Yes, I’m ready. If we can ever get out of the parking lot,” I added, watching the crowded exit.
“Nah, I got a secret spot, don’t you worry.”
As I followed, I saw Ethan on our way out and turned to Zack.
“Hey, I’m going to invite that guy to the party tonight. And you’re going to be cool about it, because you threatened him before,” I said. He rolled his eyes but nodded. I pulled him toward Fisher, who was surrounded by several admiring females.
“Fisher,” I stated clearly.
“Vanessa,” he returned cautiously, eyeing Zack.
“There’s a party at the river…you should come. ”
“I’m not really looking for drama tonight. Maybe another time,” he said.
“Hey man, it’s cool. I was being an ass. There will be no drama,” Zack added, though I could tell apologizing wasn’t his strong suit.
He must be in a really good mood. Maybe tonight is the right time to talk to him about us.
“Alright, maybe I’ll see you there,” Ethan replied, though his expression was wary. I briefly explained where on the river to find said party, then I practically skipped away with Zack, feeling like I’d fixed something.
“Thank you for being nice,” I murmured.
“What can I say? I’m a nice guy.”
I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t know if he’d appreciate that.
We finally made it to his Charger, parked in a hidden spot by a low-hanging tree.
When he slid into the driver’s seat, I leaned over and kissed him intently.
He guided me over the console onto his lap, my back against the wheel.
I felt a buzz tingling in my fingertips and toes.
His hand slid under my sweater when suddenly a large human slid across the hood of the vehicle. I hit my head on the roof of the car.
“Jesus Christ!” I screeched.
Zack was laughing hysterically, and I almost screamed again when Vader’s face pressed against the glass.
“Open up lovebirds!”
Zack unlocked the doors and Vader slid into the backseat with Liv.
“I knew you’d be in this stupid secret spot. My car’s blocked in, and it’ll take forever to get out of here. Let’s go, I wanna party,” Vader insisted.
“To the river then?” Zack asked, still in a better mood than I’d maybe ever seen him.
“To the river!” Vader shouted.
When we arrived, the party was in full swing with a bonfire and “ We Are the Champions” playing from someone’s speakers.
“I must have food. Like immediately,” I declared.
“Agreed. I’ll get us some beverages. You want something fruity and pink?”
“Nah, I’ll just have water or a Coke. I’ll be your DD if you want to celebrate harder.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Do I look mad?”
“You sort of always look mad. In a hot way, though.”
I gave a half-laugh and smiled.
“Better?” I asked
“Mhm,” he murmured, kissing my cheek before leaving. Liv managed to score some hot dogs, and we found a place to sit.
“So, Vanessa,” Vader started.
“V.”
“V, I like it that we’re now on an official nickname basis. Tell me, how is my boy Zack treating you?”
“Just fine,” I responded.
“Only fine, huh? Maybe I need to have a chat with him—”
“Hey dude,” Luke interrupted.
“Miller! Now it’s a party,” Vader replied cheerfully. He sort of did everything cheerfully.
“I do bring a certain something to the party atmosphere, I’ll give you that,” Luke replied.
“Sit, sit, you know Liv? And Vanessa?”
Luke almost snorted, but he didn’t sit. “Yeah, we’re acquainted.”
I was somewhat glad to see him until I remembered our last encounter. I rearranged my face into a glare.
“I’m gonna grab something to eat. I did want to ask if Kim was here. I thought I’d take your advice,” he said, eyeing me.
“You’re going to ask her the night before the dance? Nice etiquette,” I said sarcastically.
“I guess it’s a good thing I’m not courting her then. And that it’s not 1805. Is she coming?”
“Yeah, she’ll be here. Make sure she knows you’re asking as a friend,” I added hastily. Kim had a tendency to be a little…obsessive.
“Okay, Boss,” he snapped back before walking away.
“I’ll be right back. I’m gonna find my date,” I told Vader and Liv, though I didn’t think they’d miss me. While searching for Zack, I caught a glimpse of Luke chatting with Ethan, who’d apparently decided to show after all.
Now there’s an egotistical match made in heaven, I thought.
The amusement stopped when I saw Zack sitting on a truck tailgate with Jenna nearby, leaning flirtatiously onto the truck bed, giving anyone with eyes a clear view down her shirt.
What the fuck?
I sauntered up slowly.
“Did you get lost?” I asked, trying to keep my tone neutral, though my face probably overshadowed it. I really wished my hair wasn’t in a giant glittery ponytail, it was hard for me to even take myself seriously.
“Nah, just catching up. Sit with me,” Zack said, holding out a hand. “Here, I got you a Coke.”
Jenna made a hasty exit.
“So, should I drag you out of here and kick something over? What’s the protocol when I think you’re flirting with someone else?”
He cleared his throat uncomfortably.
“Guys, can you give us a minute?” he asked his teammates, who left without question.
“What’s wrong?”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. She came over while I was talking with those guys. I didn’t say anything to her; she just inserted herself into our conversation. Typical Jenna bullshit.”
“Were your legs broken? Were you incapable of walking away? It annoys me that you stayed here so long knowing I was waiting for you, and I find you over here looking all cozy with her.”
“I wasn’t being cozy. I don’t even know what that means.”
The words came out before I could second guess myself. “I need to know what we’re doing. I can’t wonder if you’re trying to get back with her, or if you like me, or what.”
I realized my timing couldn’t be worse. In the middle of a party, the night before homecoming. This was going to be a disaster. I wished I could rewind the past two minutes.
“We’re gonna do this now?” he hissed.
Unfortunately, I did not have a time-machine. “Looks that way.”
“Can we at least go to my car?” he asked.
“Sure,” I agreed with a sigh. This wasn’t looking good. We walked to his car in silence.
“Can we get through one event without you trying to fight with me?” he said through clenched teeth as we approached his car.
“I don’t have to try. It just comes naturally,” I replied.
“Don’t be a bitch. Jesus.”
“That might be easier if you—”
“Stop! Just get in the car.”
I glared at him.
“Fine. Please get in the car.”
The glare remained as I slid in the seat.
“So, talk then,” I said, knowing this was about to go up in flames.
And you lit the fire yourself , I chastised.
He leaned back against the seat, staring at the ceiling.
“Where do you want this to be going?” he asked, resignation in his voice.
“I just want to know you’re with me. Or not. I can’t keep guessing.”
“How can you think I’m not with you? I’m with you all the time. I don’t know how I could be with you more. ”
“Stop saying the words ‘with you.’ They’re losing their meaning.”
“What words do you want me to use?”
I rolled my eyes. “Stop pretending you’re stupid.”
“Not pretending anything. Just tell me what you want.”
“I want you to tell people I’m your girlfriend.” I hated the words as soon as they left my mouth. There was no way to play it cool, and I’d just handed him the ammunition needed to reject me.
“People already assume you’re my girlfriend,” he muttered in a non-committal tone. Hurt resounded in my chest as his reaction really landed.
Okay then.
“Fine, whatever. We can be done here. Sorry for ruining your good mood.” I clicked the door handle and turned to go, praying my tears would stay trapped inside long enough for me to find a ride home.
I felt his fingers around my wrist, but I wrenched my arm away.
He was out of the car and standing in front of me before I made it three steps.
“Stop, okay? Just stop. I know that’s what you want.
And I’ve known that for a while. I’ve thought about it a lot, actually, and I just…
I don’t feel like it’s the right thing to do.
Until I feel like I can be the kind of boyfriend you deserve.
A real boyfriend, who is all in. I swear to you I’m getting there; I’m just screwed up after what went down with…
well, you know what I mean. I almost took that guy’s head off when you were talking to him in the cafeteria.
I get that that is not normal. I’m not trying to blow you off.
I like you; I’ve told you that. Can you get where I’m coming from? I want to be good enough for you.”
My heart raced as I tried to evaluate his sincerity. He looked genuinely uncomfortable, biting his lip. I tried to put myself in his position and not let the sting of rejection overtake me.
“I’m trying,” I finally answered.
“Does it help if I say I’m having fun? It’s been a long time since things have been like this with a girl. Are you having fun? With me?” His expression was so earnest, evident even in just the moonlight.
“Most of the time,” I admitted.