Chapter Five #3
But that didn't mean that, in reality, she would be able to accept it.
Plenty of women liked things fictionally that they would never tolerate in real life.
Like jacked-up, uber alpha assholes. Like BDSM and menage.
Like criminal heroes who were fun for a few hours in a book or show or movie, a nice escape from reality, a fun way to experience a bit of danger without actually putting themselves at any kind of risk.
Crime, in fiction, was fun, exciting.
Crime, in reality, was raw, ugly, oftentimes full of paranoia and fear and the ever-present anticipation of something happening, someone finding you out, everything getting ripped away from you.
True, this was my past, not my present.
But my present was full of its own fear and uncertainty.
It took a certain kind of inner strength to willingly hitch yourself to someone who knowingly walked into danger every day of their lives.
Women (and men) did it, of course, every day.
Military partners, cops, firefighters, the list of dangerous jobs was endless.
I'd been lucky so far. I'd had some cracked ribs, some bruises, some stitches, but nothing to send me to anything more than a quick emergency medical office.
Or, more often, just having one of my brothers go at me with a sewing kit or some superglue.
But I had heard stories of worse. Much worse.
Life lost worse. Of course, that usually came with bigger clientele.
Which always went to the bigger private security firms.
I would like, someday, to be able to call mine a large operation. Maybe something I could pass on to a future generation. If not my kids, then one of my brother's or Scotti's or even one of the many Mallick kids.
But for now, I was doing well. Well enough that I was considering a house within the next year. Someplace with property for Padfoot. Somewhere to really feel at home.
And maybe I liked the idea of that place being Savea's.
Her ancient, crumbling farm in need of serious elbow-grease and someone who actually had the chance to live there from time to time.
I could vividly picture us painting color swatches on the walls inside, poring over plans to expand to make room for more animals or—dare I even think it?
—kids. I could almost hear her yelling up at me from the ground as I tried to fix the leaking roof.
I could nearly see all my brothers there sweating in the sun, cursing family obligation without any sincerity as they helped dig holes, place posts, pour concrete, hang a post-and-rail fence to keep in the dogs but allow them to run and get their energy out.
That was, perhaps, a foolish direction to let my head go. Especially after only one kiss. Without knowing if she even wanted to repeat that, let alone commit to more.
Maybe her long-standing crush had been washed away from a kiss. Something that brought fantasy into reality, made it lose its dreamy mystery.
Maybe she was over me now.
"You've been silent for like a full five minutes," Scotti announced, jerking me out of my thoughts. "Are you finally realizing that I'm right?"
"I'm considering it," I allowed. There were simply too many variables going on at the moment to come to any conclusions. I needed to get back, feel out Savea, see if I could work in a 'So, what do you think about us giving it a go' conversation into the night.
"You like her, right?"
"I've always liked her."
Scotti's eyes rolled. "Don't be difficult. You know what I mean. Of course you like her, but do you like her as more than a family friend?"
"Yeah."
"And she puppy-dog eyes you. So why not go back and see if it can go anywhere? If it turns out you guys were just trapped and horny and there was no future, no big deal."
"That's true." I had faith that we could both be grown-ups about it if that was the case.
There would be no way around Sunday dinners and holidays.
Helen, the Mallick matriarch, would never allow us to avoid each other by not attending.
She would track us down if we tried. Maybe there would be some awkwardness at first, but that would eventually fade away.
There really wasn't too much to lose if things didn't go the way I might have been hoping they would.
But a hell of a lot to gain if they did.
"Oh, well," Scotti said, pausing outside my office door.
"Well what?"
"Well, there is something to lose."
"Which is?"
"I think if you guys date and it goes south... I think she might sue for custody of Padfoot."
A low chuckle moved through me at the truth of that. Savea absolutely would be the type to demand visitation with him.
"Go on," Scotti said, passing Padfoot's leash into my hand, taking Hannibal's. "I'll drop him home so there won't be any, ah, interruptions tonight," she offered, eyes twinkling as she turned and walked down the street toward her car, the now tired Hannibal sticking to her side with a slow trot.
I took a deep breath, holding it, then letting it out slowly as I pulled the door open, ready for whatever the night had in store for us.