Elsie
Chapter Fifty
“You were rude to him, Andrew,” I said in a huff as I gestured him into the house. “You embarrassed me.”
His eyes tracked every dusty corner, noting every crumpled piece of paper, half-full mug, and slightly dehydrated plant.
He went to take his jacket off and then thought better of it, probably thinking my unfortunate, middle class space would contaminate his Burberry coat.
“You want to talk about embarrassment? How about Harris and Fawn Cameron’s only child not showing up for Thanksgiving?”
“I’m sure I was hardly missed, what with the dozens of other guests in attendance.” I said, falling back against the couch cushions, not caring at all anymore what he’d think of my posture.
“It looked bad, and you know it,” he said, using that reprimanding tone he’d been partial to since the early days of our relationship. “Your mother was humiliated.”
“I don’t really see how it’s any of your concern anymore. I mean, wasn’t that the whole point of you dumping me? So I didn’t reflect badly on you?”
He hesitated.
“That’s also what I need to talk to you about. I realize now how hasty and unprofessional it was for me to do that without a proper discussion over the matter.”
“Unprofessional?” I snorted. “It’s not a business transaction.”
“But it is, in a way. We always knew that,” he said. “Being part of an important family comes with expectations. Obligations. Our families making that connection would’ve been bigger than both of us. I was wrong to act so selfishly. I apologize.”
I stared blankly at the man who viewed marrying me as taking one for the team.
For the first time, I didn’t really know what to say?
It’s okay? Thanks for the apology? Give my mother my regards?
“What’s done is done,” I said, standing up, a sudden energy humming in my body. “And really, I think you made the right decision for both of us.”
“I didn’t.” He shook his head adamantly. “Elspeth, my family is furious, and for good reason. This marriage was a plan of theirs for years.”
“Yes, I know. I’ve heard the rundown before.
The Camerons and the Hunters have belonged to the same clubs and charities and attended the same universities since the beginning of time, and wouldn’t it be absolutely darling to consolidate two prominent families through the union of their dearly beloved children?
” I cooed, a sickeningly sweet tone as I imagined the pitch my mother had made to me for years.
“What’s the alternative, then? You stay here, your parents cut you off entirely, and you spend the rest of your life slumming it?”
“Why is going against the great dynastical plan slumming it? Why can’t it just be following my own path?”
“You’re a dreamer, Elspeth. Didn’t you realize that was always the problem? If I could just get your feet back on the ground, force you to own up to your responsibilities—”
“I’d been ready to, Andrew!” I exclaimed. “You are the one who humiliated me in front of half of Boston! You walked out the night before our wedding. There were headlines about it! Gossip columns!”
“I know,” he yelled, for once in his life not acting the eternal gentleman. “I know. It’s all my fault. My parents have reminded me every day since. I’m trying to make it right.” He collapsed into a chair, and I would’ve given anything in that moment to tell him I picked it up from Saver’s.
But my heart ached at the desperation in his weary eyes. He looked at me as if I had all the power to make or break the rest of his life.
I never loved him. But I didn’t hate him, either.
In fact, I felt sorry for him.
“Look, Andrew.” I rested a hand on his arm. “I don’t blame you for what happened with the wedding. I really don’t. I was pissed and humiliated for a while, but in hindsight? I think you did us both a bigger favor than you realize.”
“How so?”
“You gave us both a chance to have the life we wanted. And I’m so grateful to you for that, because I’d been too much of a coward to do what you did, and walk away from a situation we both knew was wrong for us.”
He dropped his head again.
“Look at you, you’re here begging for a girl back that you never even loved. And for what? To make your parents happy? What about you, Andrew? I know you must have some spark of passion inside that rigid, tightly wound exterior of yours.”
“I could love you,” he said quietly. “I could try.”
“You shouldn’t have to try, Andrew.” I laughed softly. “And you shouldn’t have to agonize over not being able to feel something that you just don’t.”
But he turned, scowling at my words.
“You think we should just follow our whims, do whatever we want, whenever we want. No regard for the people around us, or how it looks from the outside. Look where it got you, alone in some town, no job, financially cut off, with not even a next step lined up for your life.”
I recoiled.
“What are you even doing here, Elspeth? Is this really the life you want to be living?”
“I don’t know what I want yet. But I do know that I only want to be living it for me, and not anyone else.”
He laughed humorlessly.
“And if it doesn’t work out?”
“Then that’s the beauty of choice, Andrew. I can always try again.”
“So, that’s it then? You’re turning your back on it all?”
“Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t I get a job I like, marry a man I choose, and still have my family?”
“They’ll see it as a betrayal, and you know it.”
“Maybe I see it as a betrayal that they can’t find it in their heart to support their only daughter trying to find some shred of happiness for the first time in her life.”
He stared at me for a long time, as if he thought I might take it back. Promise to go back to Boston with him. Reschedule the wedding. Do it all over again, just for the sake of not getting into trouble with our parents.
When I didn’t, he shook his head sadly, as if the last of his energy was finally depleted.
“I hope one day you learn to grow up, Elspeth.” He stood up and headed for the door. “If not for your family’s sake, then for your own.”
I stared at him, trying to find some worthy parting line. Some plea I might make that could make him see things differently. To force him not to give up on his own life so easily.
But we simply existed on two entirely different planes of existence. We always had. And I knew now, there was nothing either of us could say to change the other. No matter how badly we wanted to.
“You can’t live in your bubble forever,” he said over his shoulder. “Eventually, it’s going to pop.”
He left me there in the dark silence of the house, wallowing in the splash of reality he’d doused me with.
It was true. I’d always been a dreamer. But I hadn’t thought it was a bad thing before now.
I thought other people weren’t brave enough to follow their dreams the way I always wanted to, but maybe they were the brave ones for facing a life where they may not be following their heart, but at least they had money to pay their bills.
I knew what I wanted, that part was easy. But I didn’t know what to do.
So, I did the only thing I could.
I picked up my pen and I wrote.