21. Juniper
21
JUNIPER
A fter Dr. Oldham left, Cord shut his eyes, and his breathing evened out. Hoping he’d remain asleep long enough for me to get my emotions in check, I left the room and made my way to one of the private spaces set aside for families of ICU patients.
“Juni?” The voice sounded so much like Cord’s that I jolted.
“Hey, Buck,” I said, spinning around to face him.
“I just spoke with the doctor. He said Cord’s making good progress. Do you have a minute to talk?”
“Of course.” He followed me into the room and shut the door behind him. “I’m not sure what all they’ve told you,” he began.
“Hardly anything,” I said, shutting my eyes against the tears that threatened to fall.
He sat beside me and put his hand on my arm. “If you have questions, I’ll do my best to answer them. ”
“I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“How about if I tell you what I know so far?”
“I’d appreciate it, but…”
“Go on.”
“Cord and I…”
He studied me but didn’t speak.
“I’m not sure how to put this, but we don’t know each other that well. I guess what I’m trying to say is he might not want me to know. You know?”
His smile was sweet when he reached for my hand. “Sam told me the only thing he’s said so far is your name. At least as much of it as he could get out. I also saw the way his eyes tracked you when you walked in yesterday. You may say you don’t know each other well, but I know my brother. Whatever is between you, you’re important to him.”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, blinking away tears that seemed to fall like clockwork. “Okay.”
Buck told me some of the things I already knew about Cord’s general condition, then outlined the milestones the doctor had gone over with him. His ability to speak as well as move his extremities would be two major steps in his recovery. From there, they could better assess the amount of brain damage he may have suffered.
“The thing is, there’s no precedent for a case like this. Certain tests can be conducted, but they won’t tell us anywhere near as much as what Cord will himself as he continues to recover.”
My eyes scrunched. “The doctor asked him if he recalled what happened, and he blinked twice, which meant he did. It seemed like an odd question, given he’d just asked Cord if he remembered being out in the snow.” I shook my head. “I’m probably making more of it than it was,” I mumbled.
Buck leaned against the chair and rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re not.” He took a deep breath, like I had, and exhaled slowly. “Cord has an injury inconsistent with what we can piece together. There’s more to this than him being stuck out in a snowstorm and losing consciousness.”
I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand.
“Your uncle can tell you more, but there’s an investigation taking place as we speak. ”
“Do you think someone…?” I couldn’t get the rest of the words out, but Buck understood what I was asking.
“Yes, Juni, we do.”
My eyes opened wide when I remembered something Cord told me about the stipulations in the trust that had brought him here. “Buck, Cord said he couldn’t be away from the Lilacs for more than forty-eight hours. He’s been in the hospital longer than that already, and I doubt he’ll be released anytime soon.”
Buck cocked his head. “He told you about that?”
I nodded.
“I’m surprised,” he mumbled, stroking his beard.
“Does this mean your family will lose everything?”
His eyes met mine. “Sorry. Cord sharing that with you stunned me for a minute. Not that there’s anything wrong with him doing so. But don’t worry. I contacted the attorney we deal with and told him what had happened.”
He looked away, and his eyes scrunched.
“What?” I asked.
“I guess there’s no point in not telling you since you know the rest, but he already knew. ”
“Did he say who told him?”
“He didn’t.” Buck shook his head. “Anyway, what he did say was that he was aware of Cord’s condition and the resulting circumstances. He assured me an exception would be made, including allowing him to be moved to a hospital or rehab facility out of state, should it be medically recommended.”
“Can you trust him?”
Buck grinned, but the smile quickly left his face. “Hell, no, which is why I asked him to prepare a legal document stating all that and to forward it to my attorney. By the time the plane Decker and I were on landed in Buffalo, he’d received it.”
He looked away a second time. “I hate to say it, but it included what would happen should Cord not make it.” His eyes filled with tears, and he looked up at the ceiling. “I fucking hate that, instead of being able to focus on the fact that my brother’s life hung in the balance, I was worried about our goddamn inheritance.”
I put my hand on his. “It wasn’t just you. You had to look out for your brothers and sister too. ”
He studied me. “Here’s what I don’t get. You said you and Cord didn’t know each other that well. Yet, he told you about the messed-up shit my father did and that it affects our siblings. All I can say is Cord isn’t one to open up to someone the way he did to you. He trusts you.” He shifted our hands and squeezed my fingers. “I’m damn glad he met you. He needs someone like you in his corner to help him get through this.”
Could I, though? Yeah, he’d confided in me, but that didn’t mean we had enough history for him to allow me to help him. And even if he did, would I know how to go about it? I had no experience with traumatic injury other than my own, and Cord’s prognosis was so much worse. What if he refused my involvement? Worse, what if I failed him?
“I should get in there,” he said, standing. “Are you headed home?”
I hadn’t planned to leave, but since Buck was here, I decided I should give the brothers some time on their own. “I’ll just go in and say good night.”
When we got to the room, a nurse was coming out the door. “Thank goodness you’re back. He’s agitated. ”
I stepped around her and rushed over to the bed. “I’m here, Cord.” I took his hand in mine and stared into his wide eyes. “I just left for a few minutes.” I glanced over at the monitors, watching as his heart rate and blood pressure slowly came down. Without letting go, I sat in the chair I’d been in earlier.
“Hey, little brother,” Buck said, standing behind me. Cord’s eyes didn’t move. “What do you say we let Juni go home and get some rest?”
He blinked three times, and I looked up at his brother.
“He said no,” I told him.
When I turned back to Cord and smiled, I swore he did too.
“I guess that settles it, then,” said Buck, chuckling. “How about if I bring you some dinner?”
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.”
Cord’s eyes bored into mine.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’ll get something later.”
He blinked three times like he had a few seconds ago, but that wasn’t all—Cord squeezed my fingers.
“Do it again,” I whispered, and he did.
“Be right back,” said Buck, racing from the room. He returned a minute later with the nurse who’d said Cord was agitated.
“I heard you moved your hand,” she said to him.
He blinked twice.
“Can you show me?”
This time, the pressure of his fingers was stronger than before.
“Dr. Oldham will want an update,” she said, hurrying from the room like Beau had.
“Thank you, Juni,” he said, resting his hand on my shoulder.
I wanted to tell him I hadn’t done anything; Cord had.
It was after nine by the time Cord fell asleep for more than a few minutes at a time.
“Go get some rest,” Buck said when he saw me struggling to keep my eyes open too. “If he wakes up, I’ll explain why you aren’t here. After the fuss he made about you not eating, my guess is if he could, he’d tell you to go home too.”
“I don’t want him to get agitated again.” I stood and brushed the hair from his forehead.
“I promise I won’t leave,” said Buck .
I’d sent a message to my brother earlier, telling him I planned to stay longer than I’d originally said. He’d responded he’d let everyone know. Now, I texted again and asked to be picked up. A few minutes later, I received a message from my mom instead, saying she was downstairs, but they wouldn’t let her come up.
I responded I’d be right down. Before leaving, I knelt down and kissed Cord’s forehead. “I’ll be back in the morning,” I said more quietly than a whisper.
When I made eye contact with Buck, he nodded once, raised his hand, and waved.
Instead of just meeting my mom when I exited the elevator, I saw my dad and Gray with her. Until they enveloped me in a group hug, I hadn’t realized how much I needed it.
“Come on, June-bug. Let’s get you home,” said my dad, who linked his arm through mine. My mom did the same thing on the opposite side.
“Hey, what about me?” Grayson teased.
“You can read your sister a bedtime story,” my dad joked back.
As we walked, I rested my head on my mom’s shoulder .
“We’ll talk once we’re home,” she whispered.
I nodded and wiped my tears on her jacket.
“Can I have pancakes?” I asked.
She smiled. “Gray, can you make your sister pancakes?” she said over her opposite shoulder.
“Plain or blueberry?” he asked.
“I think we’re out of blueberries,” my mom told him.
“I picked some up this morning,” said my dad.
The conversation was as mundane as they came, but like the group hug, it was exactly what I needed.
My parents sat at the kitchen table with me, and I told them about Cord’s progress while my brother made enough pancakes for all of us.
“I can’t help myself from wondering how they knew,” said my mom.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Cord had no pulse. They could’ve pronounced him dead. How did they know not to?”
“I actually talked to Pete about that,” said my dad. “He told me it’s a relatively new protocol that first responders are being trained on all over the country. ”
“I remember hearing about it,” said Gray. “There was another case similar to Cord’s, where a drunk college student walked home in a snowstorm. They thought he passed out, and they were able to, uh, bring him back to life, I guess.”
“I had no idea,” I muttered between forkfuls of pancakes. “So, um, Cord’s brother said there’s an investigation into what happened.”
My eyes met my dad’s. “That’s right.”
“He said Cord had injuries inconsistent with him getting lost in a snowstorm.”
“Your uncle thinks someone tried to kill him.” My dad reached over and took my hand, and my mom gasped.
“Who would do that?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart, but I can tell you this; Cord has some friends in high places. My understanding is there’s a private firm assisting in the investigation.”
“Decker Ashford.”
“That’s right. Do you know him?” my dad asked me.
“He helped put in the security system at the Lilacs, but I got the impression that wasn’t all he did.”
“Your uncle also told me Cord is not without protection.”
My eyes opened wide. “What does that mean?”
“Some of the people you see in the ICU aren’t doctors, nurses, or family members,” my dad responded.
“Why not post a guard outside his door?” I held up my hand before my dad could answer. “Never mind, I get it.”
“That’s enough talk for tonight,” said my mom, standing and taking my hand after I yawned twice in close succession. “Juni needs sleep.”
I let her lead me upstairs, and after I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, and got into pajamas, I found her sitting on the end of my bed.
“How are you holding up?” she asked.
When I shrugged and got under the covers, she stretched out beside me.
“Buck said Cord needed someone like me in his corner to help him get through this.”
I felt her nod.
“It almost sent me into a panic, Mom. I mean, I have no experience outside…”
“Of your own? ”
“That’s right. What if I do the wrong thing? Or what if he doesn’t want my help?”
She stretched her arm out, and I rested my head on her shoulder. “As in all things, do the best you can, sweetheart. If you feel overwhelmed, talk to me or someone else. You’re Cord’s friend , Juni. You’re not a nurse or a physical therapist.”
“He gets upset when I’m not there.”
“I would imagine he’s terrified right now, and for whatever reason, you’re the person who soothes him. The more progress he makes, the better he’ll feel on his own.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
She shifted so she could look into my eyes. “What would Nana say to a question like that?”
“She’d look up at the ceiling, mutter ‘God forbid,’ then smack me for saying it.”
My mom rolled her eyes. “She wouldn’t smack you.”
“We’re talking about Nana, not your mom.”
“You’re right. She would smack you.”
The progress Cord made in the following few days far exceeded the doctors’ expectations. He’d gone from being unable to move at all to being able to lift his arms and legs. They didn’t believe he was strong enough to try walking yet, but were optimistic he would be within a few days. What seemed to agitate him the most was that he still hadn’t recovered the ability to speak beyond a syllable. Even that, he struggled with. Frustration was etched on his face, and being reminded it would take time for him to regain various abilities only increased his irritation that bordered on anger.
Remembering how I’d felt, facing what I considered my journey back to “normal,” I knew the last thing he needed was another admonition from me or anyone else, not that it was my place to say anything about it.
A few days ago, Buck had returned to Colorado to be with his wife and baby, and their youngest brother, Holt, came in his place. My understanding was he’d stay for several days, then their sister, Flynn, would arrive.
Sam, Holt, and I took turns being at the hospital during the day. Beau and Gray visited too, and either Holt or I spent most nights there .
“Good morning, Juni,” said Holt, standing and stretching when I arrived in the morning after he’d been on the “night shift.”
“Good morning,” I responded before removing my jacket, then standing by Cord’s bedside. He opened his eyes and looked up at me.
“You’re…here.” He struggled, but that he’d been able to say two words together was progress.
“I am,” I exclaimed. “And you’re talking.”
“He’s been a regular chatterbox,” muttered Holt.
I looked over at him with wide eyes.
“Sorry. I was kidding. He’s only said your name but with increasing frequency.”
Cord’s eyes scrunched at his brother. “Get…out.”
Holt approached on the opposite side of the bed. “Gladly.” He leaned over and rested his head against his brother’s. “Love you, man,” he said before walking out. Two seconds later, he stuck his head back in the door. “Forgot to mention he’s gonna try walking today.”
“That’s great news,” I said to Cord, smiling.
His eyes scrunched at me like they had at Holt.
“What?”
He shook his head.
“Did I say something wrong?”
When Cord didn’t respond and closed his eyes, I pulled out my tablet, sat in the more comfortable chair, and opened the book I was reading. I glanced up at him periodically, standing when I saw a tear run down his cheek.
“What is it?” I asked, stroking his hair.
“So…sorry.”
I shook my head. “Stop this. You’ve nothing to be sorry for.”
He lifted his chin. “Tired.”
“Then, sleep.”
He shook his head again. “You.”
He was right. I was exhausted, and while my dad said my being away from the restaurant wasn’t adversely affecting the Goat, I still felt bad that other people had to cover my shifts. I simply didn’t have the energy to show up after being here all day or night.
Cord lifted his hand, and when I took it, he pulled me closer.
“What?” I asked, but rather than answer, he kept pulling until the upper part of my body was practically on top of him .
“Sleep.”
“Cord, I can’t get in bed with you. There isn’t enough room.” I tried to wriggle my hand from his grasp, but he wouldn’t let go.
“Sleep,” he repeated.
When the orderly came in an hour later to take Cord to rehab, he found me on the bed, stretched out next to him.
“Sorry,” I muttered, shifting to get up.
“Stay where you are. This is the best thing I’ve seen in all the time I’ve worked here. I’ll be back later.”
After he left, I looked up at Cord, who was grinning. “Sleep,” he repeated, closing his eyes.