Chapter 10 #2
“Why?” I asked. “Is there a body in there?” There wasn’t one from what I’d seen, but when I was hungry, sometimes I missed things—obviously not a whole body.
Rocco’s smile had me weak at the knees, and my lower back, like he was trying to dip me, as if at the height of a very fancy dance routine. “Just a couple of fingers,” he said.
“Chicken fingers?”
He kissed me again. “You’re adorable, and if you want to pretend, we absolutely can, but if you really want to date me, then I’ll be honest with you.”
Now my stomach really was heavy. Honesty was such a rare commodity these days, I was scared to know what was about to come out of his mouth. “Sure,” I squeaked.
From another kiss, he was able to transport my body nearly entirely towards the sofa where he sat me—almost laid me.
I pushed myself upright and he sat right there, at my side.
“People sometimes don’t deserve their fingers,” he said, pulling my legs over his.
“Sometimes, the wrong people pull triggers of guns that devastate families. And to rectify it, those fingers are removed from their hands completely. I’ve collected quite a few of them. ”
“That’s incriminating,” I said.
Rocco laughed. “They’re not dead. They’re compromised. Especially since they don’t have certain trigger-pulling fingers anymore.”
I didn’t know what to think about that. The idea of it sounded a whole lot like they were trophies, and I’d studied enough people who killed and collected trophies to not know what side of good or bad Rocco was currently on.
Or like he’d alluded to, he was straddling the middle, the dirty fine line of the center.
“Is this all too much?” he asked, staring deep into my eyes.
“I spoke to my brother on the drive, and as much as I think you should quit, go, leave, just cut this off before there’s something .
. . stronger here, he said he saw something in me when you arrived.
He said I was like a lion with its cub.”
Smiling at the idea, I knew Rocco was dangerous. I knew this entire thing could be the worst decision of my life, but he was the first guy I’d found such a natural back and forth with. “I like that.”
“So do I,” he said. “You know, his boyfriend is big into the play scene. He furnished his entire place out with stuff for that. And he offered to give me the websites he used, but I realized I needed to talk to you first.”
I perked up at what he was saying. I was now closer to him, siting right on his lap. “Oh. Like what?”
“He didn’t say, but something about a teddy house for all his teddies—and apparently there are lots.”
“So, he’s a little?”
He nodded. “I think so, is that what you’re into?”
“Kinda. I’ve just—” Like a balloon being stabbed with a sharp pin, my chest sank.
Deflated with thought. “I’ve always been on, been active, and I’ve not been able to regress like I used to, like when I was in college.
I—” I shook my head, realizing I was baring my soul to this man, a man with human fingers in his fridge.
“Finish your thought,” he said.
“I had a whole collection of stuff. A dry-erase whiteboard with my daily goals and stuff, and then I’d also have this end goal of buying new collectable teddies, and I—I don’t have anything now from that time. Being an agent sucks for it.”
“Then quit,” he said, brushing a hand up against my chin. He turned my head to him and kissed me. “It would make all of this a whole lot easier.”
“I can’t just quit,” I said. “But I will probably think about a career change. It all depends on whether my mom’s results come back good or bad.”
He kissed me again. “And if you need help with doctors, specialists, and stuff, you can ask me for that.”
I shook my head. “I’m not going to do that,” I told him. “You don’t have to offer me the world, you know. Also known in some circles as love bombing.”
He pried his head away from mine, and his lips unpuckered. “Is that what I’m doing?”
“A little,” I whispered. “But it’s—you know, fine. I’m just really excited and happy we can try dating and seeing each other.”
“Okay, yeah, and for what it’s worth, when I first saw you, I thought you were hot, and then I realized I’d seen your picture on a list of known agents. You’d recently helped a friend of a friend with that pharmaceuticals case in New York.”
I gulped hard. “Yeah, you know about that?”
“Of course. We kept them hidden here until it was safe for them to testify.”
Part of me had worried there was some big leak, but it was a small one, it seemed—even if he knew everything about me.
The loyal part of me wanted to report it all back to my superiors, but it would come back on Rocco, and I think even if we hadn’t fucked, I still wouldn’t want to tell anyone about it.
“We had a bit of a messy start,” Rocco said. “But we can go forward together and make it not so messy.” He pressed his nose into my neck again. “Do I really smell that good? Or is it just you?”
I had sprayed his colognes on myself, but in the moment, I giggled and said it was just me.
He tickled me a little, wrestling me onto my back.
The soft couch, much like his bed when the pillowy duvet was down, absorbed me in its comfort.
I pulled away when he tried kissing me and my stomach rumbled.
“First thing, we should do something about those fingers in the freezer,” I said. “And second, I need food.”
“What’s the magic words?”
“Pweese, Daddy.”