Chapter 22
Nikita
The last thing I want to do is be around the same man I just fantasized about in the shower, but Calvin is insistent on joining me at the beach. I’m determined to show him how unaffected I am by his presence so I don’t object too strongly. I can see he enjoys watching me as off-balance as I am after that intimacy test. Still, after a pep talk between me and me, I’m going to have to pull myself together and remember the reality of the situation.
I hate Calvin - that’s the way it has always been.
Hateis a bit of a strong word. It would be more accurate to describe the feeling as intense dislike and I will keep reminding myself of that whenever necessary. Sure, I can tolerate him, but not when he pushes my buttons like he does.
I place my towel on the lounge chair Calvin has rented for us. Two sit side by side with an umbrella above us. “We could have easily set up on the sand, you know,” I say, eyeing him as he shifts his lounge chair into the shade created by the umbrella.
“You could have, I, on the other hand, could not.”
“Of course not,” I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes, “You’re way too fancy to lie on sand.”
He peers at me over the rim of his sunglasses, “If you want to lie on the sand that badly, Nikita, be my guest.”
“No, no, you went through all this trouble.” I straighten up, satisfied with the way my towel is laid out, “It would simply be rude not to use it.”
He scoffs and even though his glasses are dark and his eyes are shielded, I would bet that he rolled them, “Mm-hmm.”
Without warning, Calvin pulls his shirt over his head, putting his body on full display, catching me off-guard in the process. My mouth goes dry and my body flushes with heat, remembering the fantasy I had conjured up in my mind earlier.
I turn away, quickly diverting my eyes to the sea. There will be no lingering stares, no enjoying the view of him - none of that will continue.
“This is great.” He sighs, bringing my attention back to him where he is laying. He stretches his arms up, vocalizing a groan along with it, “Maybe I should take one of these chairs back to our hotel room. This is far more comfortable than that slab of concrete you’ve exiled me to.”
“Meanwhile, I slept like a damn baby last night because that bed is soooo comfortable.”
He drops his chin, glaring at me again from over his glasses, “You really are a piece of work.”
I shrug, a smug smile on my lips as I pull at the string of my dress around my neck and start to shimmy it down my body, stripping into nothing but my bikini. Self-confidence was something I had taken years to build, and at times it’s fleeting. I have curves - ones that I can thank my mother’s side of the family for - and although I hated them growing up, over the years I learned to love my body. I readjust the string of my bikini around my neck. I can feel the material digging into my skin from attempting to hold up my boobs (#BigBoobProblems) when I feel his eyes on me - something I should shy away from but am oddly invigorated by.
“You see something you like, Rhodes?” I taunt, continuing the game we have started of who can get a rise out of each other first.
“Yes, the ocean looks lovely.”
My eyes roll but I ignore his response, instead taking a seat as I reach for the sunblock in my bag, applying some over my arms and stomach, “I suppose I should be flattered that you’ve chosen to spend the rest of the day with me and not your friends.”
“Is it bad to say that I need a break?”
I chuckle, shifting to apply the cream to my legs. “Considering we’ve only been here for just over twenty-four hours, the answer is yes.”
He removes his glasses, placing them down next to him before placing both arms behind his head, and closing his eyes. “We can go and find them if you’d like since I can see how much you’re enjoying their company.”
My eyes widen before rolling, my face revealing that I would much rather not do that. “If you’ll recall correctly, I was trying to put some distance between all of you, but someone just had to tag along.”
“It’s not safe to let your girlfriend wander off alone in a foreign country.”
Placing the cream back in my bag, I shift to extend my body across the lounge chair, making sure my entire body is beneath the sun, “I’m surprised you’re concerned about my safety. How out of character for you.”
“It’s of no benefit to me, but your brother would kill me if I returned home without his little sister in one piece.”
Closing my eyes, I soak in the feeling of the sun against my skin, “Jay worries too much.”
“That’s your brother for you.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but how are you friends with someone like my brother, but then also friends with the likes of Kenneth? They couldn’t be more different.”
I hear him sigh, but I keep my eyes closed, allowing myself to enjoy the heat on me and the fresh ocean breeze I pull into my lungs.
“We had a lot of classes together in college, but we only really became good friends once Britney introduced me to Violet. We used to double-date all the time.”
“I get that. You just seem like a fish out of water with this group.” I turn my head to the side, opening my eyes and using my hand to shield the sun from them. His eyes are still closed, even though the umbrella above him is shielding the sun from them. Only his legs are in the sun, so I figure getting a tan isn’t the main activity for him.
“It’s only because Violet and I aren’t together anymore.”
I don’t comment any further, and my attention is diverted anyway by the shouting coming from across the beach. “Bolas de Berlim!” Glancing in the direction of the shouting, I see a man in the distance walking with a cooler in his hand.
“I could do with one of those right now,” I say.
“One of what?” Calvin asks, following my gaze to the man as he continues shouting across the beach, the volume of his words increasing the closer he gets, “What is he saying?”
“Bolas de Berlim,” I repeat.
“I don’t know what that is.”
“Are you serious?” My eyes widen as I gape at him, “Oh, Calvin, honey, you are missing out.”
“Is it something you eat?”
“Yes! And it’s delicious. It’s a donut cut in half with a sweet filling inside. Usually it’s custard, but I’ve seen some with chocolate too - those are my favorite.”
That was the one thing my grandmother used to love making. There were many weekends when Jay and I would visit my grandparents and most of the activities would consist of baking many different Portuguese treats. Between my avó and Jay, I wasn’t sure who loved them more.
“You need to try one,” I tell Calvin.
“I’m good, thanks.”
I turn my head to face him, “Do you ever try anything new?”
“Of course I do.”
I’m not buying it and my expression tells him just that, “When was the last time you tried something new?”
“Last week when I got myself a fake girlfriend.”
I laugh, “Touché.”
We lay in a comfortable silence for a while and I feel relaxed for the first time in days - scratch that, in months. My anxiety is chronic and while I have learned to combat it on the daily, there are times where it flares up and this last week is one of those times.
With the sun beating down on me, the sound of the ocean in the distance and the fresh air that I’m breathing in, it’s difficult to feel anxious.
I welcome this feeling.
“What does Britney do for her father’s company by the way?”
“Not much, but she does a great job of spending daddy’s money.”
I turn, gaping at Calvin with amusement, “Ooh, is that some hostility I hear in your voice?”
“It’s not hostility if it’s the truth.” He shrugs and glances at me, prompting him to continue his explanation, “Both her and Kenneth have the privilege of not having to work a day in their life, not many people can say that.”
It is a privilege to have that kind of financial security. As someone who has grown up watching her parents do everything they can to give us a good life, but still always fall short financially, I know what it’s like to crave that financial stability. Both my parents had their own businesses - my father with his hardware store and my mother with her salon. They were constantly hustling to provide for us, and I watched the toll that took on them, especially after Jay’s accident. Health care was already unaffordable to begin with, but when that happened, that plunged our parents into hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. My parents paid what they could, but even taking out a second mortgage on their home and my mom’s salon wasn’t enough to cover it all. Years later, I know Jay is still paying the last of those loans. As soon as he got his first job, he took that responsibility off my parents, but when my mother got sick, we were all right back to square one.
Breast cancer is no cheap disease.
“It must be nice to have that kind of privilege.”
“That’s the goal.”
“Do you want to be like them?”I cock a questioning eyebrow at him.
Shrugging, he turns his gaze away from me, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be successful.”
“There isn’t, but it depends on how you measure success.” I turn back, my eyes closing once more, “I wouldn’t call living off your parent’s money, success.”
“Maybe not, but it certainly makes things easier.”
I recall what Jay mentioned about what happened with Calvin’s father and I wonder how much of a role that plays in his decision-making in his life.
“You don’t strike me as the kind of guy who would want that.” I am testing the waters with how far this conversation will go with him. I can’t deny that I have developed a sort of curiosity towards Calvin and I have this innate need to know more about him.
Apparently having his hands on my body is enough to make me curious.
“What I want is to make a success of myself.”
“And how’s that going?”
I feel his eyes on me, causing me to meet them, “Why so many questions?”
“Why not?”
He shakes his head, exhaling a soft laugh, “Should I put you in the hot seat, Da Silva?”
“Ask away, Rhodes. I am an open book.”
“Why’d you get fired?”
My gaze turns into a glare before I shake my head, returning my gaze to the blue sky above me, “Out of everything you could have asked me, you start with that.”
“Would you rather I ask you about your first kiss?” He asks, dryly.
“Yes, actually, I would, since you seem to forget that I came on this little holiday to get away from the fact I lost my job.” A brief rise of anxiety turns in my stomach at the reminder, “Next question.”
“Deflection - interesting.”
“Are you psycho-analyzing me? I thought you were a quantity surveyor, not a psychologist.”
“It is merely an observation.” He lifts his hands as if to surrender before placing them back behind his head glancing towards the ocean, “A correct one, too.”
“Don’t psycho-analyze me.”
“Don’t give me a reason to.”
“Has anyone told you how insufferable you are?” I asked, deadpan.
“I’m impressed, I didn’t think you had that word in your vocabulary.”
“And here I was thinking I would be able to enjoy your company, but I forgot what you were like whenever you opened your mouth.”
He chuckles which only makes my eyes roll. I want him to take me seriously, but that laugh says otherwise. I stand up, readjusting my lounge chair to move more of it into the sun, “Now, I’m going to take a nap which means talking time is over, got it?”
“Loud and clear, princess.”
It annoys the shit out of me when he calls me that which is exactly why he does it . Calvin and I are similar that way. I can admit that I find great amusement in seeing how I can push his buttons and it will appear that it is the same for him too.
I lay back down, this time on my stomach and pull my hair into a bun on top of my head, allowing my entire back to be exposed to the sun.
“Set an alarm there, won’t you?” I ask, “My phone’s in my bag.”
“So is mine.”
I turn my head, resting my cheek against the lounger and glare up at Calvin, “Your bag is closer.”
“I thought you said talking time is over?” He leans over, reaching for his bag anyway. At least he is doing what I asked. I continue getting comfortable, finally finding the sweet spot for my head to rest.
“How long do you want the timer on for?”
“Thirty-minutes, please. Then I’ll turn over and do another thirty.”
I reach round my back and pull at the string of my bikini, untying it and allowing my back to be on full display of the sun. A warning voice in my head is telling me that I need to put sunblock on but the brain that rests between my legs is warning against it. Calvin will have to be the one applying it and we all remember what happened the last time he touched me .
I can’t believe I am feeling this way.
This European air is not good for me.
Shaking away those thoughts, I turn my attention to the way my body absorbs the heat from the sun. Between that and the fresh ocean breeze, I can feel myself relaxing further and I will myself to use this time to nap until the time goes off.
So I did.