Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Wynter
The drive to Vegas takes about five hours, but time passes quickly.
There’s ten of us on the bus today: Tommy and Harley, Z and Presley, Kellen and Jesse, Kingston and Devyn, and Ross and me.
And this feeling that I belong is nice. Not that the band ever made me feel unwelcome, but I always felt like a third wheel, even back when most of the guys were single.
I can’t tell if I’m happy because it’s these specific people or if it’s because I’ve been lonely for so long. Whatever the reason, I’m not going to overthink it.
I’m happy.
It’s as simple as that.
“Is it wrong that I’m enjoying time away from River?” Harley asks, wrinkling her nose.
“It’s not wrong,” Presley says. “We’re allowed to enjoy a little adult time.”
Z chuckles. “Enjoy it while it lasts. My parents are bringing the boys to Vegas tonight, so this is our only break.”
I’m only half-listening as the conversation turns to nannies, sleep schedules, and their plans for the rest of the tour. The tour I won’t be on.
“What’cha thinkin’ about?” Ross asks, sliding his arm along my shoulders.
“Oh, just everything I have to do when I get home.”
“Later this afternoon, after sound check, let’s sit down and look at our calendars.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“Do you have any more travel coming up?” he asks.
“No, it’s all nine-to-five drudgery.”
“Why did you take an office job if you hate it so much?” His voice is laced with curiosity.
It’s a fair question.
I just wish I had an answer.
“I didn’t know I would hate it,” I admit sheepishly. “I was ready for a change, and working in the E.R. can be brutal. I honestly thought this would be easier.”
“Why don’t you look into that travel nurse job, or whatever it was? Does it pay well?”
“It pays really well. The bad news, of course, is that there are often no benefits because you’re an independent contractor. But the good news is that you get to make your own schedule. You take the jobs you want for the length of time you want in locations you want to go to.”
“That could work out well for us,” he says thoughtfully. “You work for a few weeks, make sure your bills are paid, and then come spend a few weeks with me. You won’t have to pay for anything when you’re with me.”
“I have to do some more research,” I admit. “But I promised myself I would give my current job six months.”
“Just remember, there’s no shame in changing your mind. If you’re that miserable, there’s no rule that says you have to stay the whole six months.”
I’ve had similar thoughts, but I don’t like giving up on anything. It makes me feel like a failure.
Luckily, Ross drops the subject, and we start talking about plans for dinner instead. The caterers are making Italian tonight, which is always a favorite.
The next thing I know, we’ve checked into the hotel, and the guys are holed up in Kingston and Devyn’s room, planning tonight’s setlist. We’re staying at The Bellagio, and the rest of us decide to go wander through the casino.
“I want every detail!” Harley says, linking her arm through mine.
“Devyn said we have to wait for her before we have this conversation,” Jesse says, laughing.
“Hey, it’s not our fault she has to work,” Harley says. “You can give her the Cliff’s Notes later.”
“He’s amazing,” I say shyly.
“You really need to be more specific,” Presley says. “Amazing in bed? Amazing on stage? All of the above?”
“C. Definitely all of the above,” I respond.
“So, are you guys gonna be a thing now?” Harley asks. “Or was this just one night?”
“Well, it’s at least two nights,” Jesse points out. “Ya know, since she’s still here.”
“He says he wants to try,” I say slowly. “Even though it’s going to be hard to be long-distance.”
“Oh, just quit your job and come on tour with us,” Harley says. “Carter left me more money than I will ever spend. There’s no reason for you to work a job you hate.”
Harley knows how much I’ve been struggling since I started this new job.
I sigh. “You know how I feel about that.”
We’ve had similar conversations so many times.
“We’re sisters,” she reminds me needlessly. “What’s mine is yours.”
“You and Tommy are starting a whole new phase of your life—the last thing you need is your spinster sister mooching off you.”
“You are neither a spinster nor a mooch,” Harley says firmly. “You’re a nurse, for fuck’s sake, and you’ve always had a job.”
“Z supports a lot of his family,” Presley says gently. “It’s what you do for the people you love.”
I know they mean well, but this isn’t a conversation I’m ready to have, so I deflect. “Come on, you guys. Ross and I have been together five minutes. I might fly home tomorrow and never hear from him again.”
Harley rolls her eyes. “You know that’s not going to happen.”
“Can you just let me enjoy my first man-induced orgasms in over a year?” I demand playfully.
“It’s been that long?” Jesse asks, grimacing.
“I work a lot of hours,” I say defensively. “And historically, I spend a lot of time with River.”
“Sometimes it’s good to take a break,” Jesse says thoughtfully. “And usually that’s when someone fantastic just falls into your lap.”
“Well, he didn’t exactly fall into my lap,” I say, chuckling. “Ross and I have known each other for years. But we lost touch once Harley and Tommy got divorced.
“Yes, but we’re back together now,” Harley says quickly. “So, this is your chance.”
“He carries a lot of demons from the past,” I say quietly.
“You think so?” Presley asks curiously. “It’s been almost twenty years, hasn’t it?”
“He watched the members of his band and his fiancé die right in front of him,” I say gently. “I don’t know if you ever get over that completely.”
“That’s so horrible,” Jesse says softly. “I can’t even imagine.”
We’re all quiet for a minute, until Harley spots a chocolate shop. She makes a beeline in that direction and we trail after her.
“This right here is why I don’t think I can go on tour with you guys,” I say. “We eat too much when we’re together.”
“Eat during the day,” Jesse says, her eyes twinkling, “and work off those calories all night.”
We dissolve into giggles as we buy a ton of chocolate.
“You really need to think about making some changes in your life,” Harley says to me in a soft voice as we wait for Presley and Jesse to finish paying. “Even if things don’t work out with Ross, you’ve been miserable at this job. I know you, and I see the signs.”
“I know.” I chew the inside of my cheek. “But I can’t take money from you. I don’t like how that feels.”
She sighs. “I hate that you feel that way but I understand. It’s just—you’ve done so much for me. You were my rock after Carter died. I don’t know if I’d be here if it hadn’t been for you. You forced me to get help. To push through my grief. And I can’t think of any other way to pay you back.”
“You don’t have to pay me back.”
“But I can make your life easier. You know how much Carter left me.”
We’ve had this conversation so many times and it’s so damn tempting.
To just let her give me money.
Take care of me.
Pay all my bills and let me live a life of leisure.
That just isn’t who I am.
I’m happy to let her spoil me with trips, the occasional expensive handbag, and fancy dinners.
But paying my bills? Letting me stay home and do nothing? It doesn’t sit right with me. And what would that say to Ross? The relationship is new but he works hard and if we’re going to be together, it feels like I should contribute.
Shouldn’t I?
Shouldn’t we be a team, working together to build a future? Maybe even a family?
These are things he and I need to talk about. If only it wasn’t so soon. It’s been a day. Yes, we’ve been friends for nearly a decade but we weren’t close friends. We went from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye.
And in my experience, that’s a recipe for disaster.
He asked me to trust him—to take a leap of faith.
I’m just not sure I’m capable of that kind of trust.
Not even for my teenage heartthrob.