Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
Wynter
Ross is completely enamored with his new guitar.
It’s kind of adorable to watch as he shows the guys backstage and they all fawn over it. I can’t help but chuckle because they’re like little kids with a new toy. Obviously, I’m not a musician so it’s hard to wrap my head around why they’re so excited.
Z lifts it like it’s made of gold and ever-so-gently puts the strap around his neck. He plays a few chords that we can’t hear since it’s not plugged in to an amplifier, but the rest of the band get excited all over again. Even Devyn takes a turn, strumming the strings with a huge smile.
“It’s a beautiful instrument,” Harley says softly from beside me.
“He wasn’t going to buy it,” I tell her, explaining how we stumbled into the little music store.
“It wasn’t until I took out my credit card that he pulled the trigger and did it himself.
That’s not why I did it, I was going to buy it for him because I wanted him to have it, but his ego couldn’t allow it, I guess. ”
“I don’t think he spends money on himself very often,” she says thoughtfully, continuing to watch the band fawn over the guitar. “And he has a huge decision to make so he’s probably trying to tackle one thing at a time.”
“What do you think he should do?” I ask.
She shrugs. “It’s hard for me to answer that.
How do I know what would make him happy?
Honestly, you probably don’t even know, even though you’re a couple now.
I think this is something he’s buried deep in his psyche and he has to be the one to come out the other side with what could be a life-changing decision. ”
“I’m torn too,” I admit. “I’m trying to be supportive, tell him I just want him to be happy, but it scares me a little.”
“Which part?”
“Honestly, everything about Ross scares me. I idolized him as a teenager, and now all those dreams are coming true. Part of me is worried that reality won’t live up to the fantasy. That I’ve put him on a pedestal so high no one could ever meet the expectations I’ve subconsciously imposed.”
She frowns. “Has he let you down in some way?”
“No, not at all, but… who are we when we’re not on tour? Are we going to be able to function as a normal couple when we go home? When we have to do mundane things like clean toilets and wash our cars and go grocery shopping.”
“Do you not want to do those things with him?”
“I do! But what if…” I stop and bite my lip. “What if I’m boring to him in that scenario?”
“If you’re not boring to him now, you won’t be boring then.”
“Come on, you know how it is after I’ve been on a long shift. I’m tired, I put on sweats and become one with the couch.”
“I have to believe that on his days off, he lays around in his tighty-whities scratching his balls and watching TV.”
Our eyes meet for a beat and then we dissolve into laughter.
“Thanks for that very unattractive picture,” I say, shaking my head.
“If you’re going to build a life together, you have to be ready for down time. He’s not going to be Ross Rockit twenty-four-seven. You think Tommy is always on?”
“Isn’t he?”
“Not at all. In the past, yes, we probably lived a bit larger than we will going forward but we’re also older. It’s been more than a decade since we met. And now we have River.”
“I think that’s a good thing, having something—or in this case, someone—to keep you both grounded. You’ve changed and been through hell to find your way back to each other but this life is still hard.”
“Absolutely. That’s why you have to talk to Ross about this stuff, not me. Let him know you’re feeling a little off-balance with the future. Be vulnerable.”
“What if being vulnerable is a turn-off?”
“If being yourself is a turn-off, then he’s not the right guy.”
I sigh, because she’s right.
And I don’t truly think Ross will just get bored with me.
What I’m really afraid of is that he’ll pick the safe option because of me and then resent me for it. He’ll be bored or frustrated with himself, which is a totally different thing, and then potentially take it out on me.
All of this is conjecture.
He’s never done anything to make me feel this way. Hell, we’ve only been together a few weeks. It’s all still new.
Everything.
Me, him, singing with Onyx Knight, the record deal offer, even me losing my job.
We haven’t had time to get our footing as a couple and there are already a million obstacles. Some of them are small, some of them could be monumental, but together they pose potential stumbling blocks.
And he’s too important for me to risk…stumbling.
We’re new but I already know he’s different. Important. Special. I don’t want anything I have control over to fuck it up.
The problem is—there are very few things I have control over right now.
I watch as he laughs and jokes with the band, talking shop, handling his new guitar lovingly. It’s a beautiful sight because he seems genuinely happy. In his element. Doing what he was born to do.
That’s why I’m willing to go back to work and make enough money to support us both.
The jobs in small, out-of-the-way towns pay better because everyone wants to visit fun places like New York and California.
But if I can take the jobs no one wants, it will pay well.
Some places offer accommodations too. They’re usually rudimentary, but I don’t need much.
A bed to sleep on. A place to put my clothes. A TV. A bathroom. That’s about it.
It’s a lot more convenient if I have my car so I have to think about that, but for now, the first job I’m going to take is in New Mexico, about an hour from Santa Fe. It’s for twelve weeks while a nurse is on maternity leave.
It’s perfect and pays well.
That job will end just in time for me to meet up with the band in Paris, where Harley and Tommy are having their wedding.
They’re already legally married—they did that months ago in Vegas.
Now they’re having the wedding. I’m her maid of honor.
Z is Tommy’s best man. The other ladies are in the wedding party and the reception will be dinner at a restaurant inside the Eiffel Tower.
So it’ll be the perfect break for me.
Being away from Ross for nearly three months will suck but I’m willing to try so he can pick up where he left off nineteen years ago.
“Hey.” Ross approaches me with a grin. “Sorry about all that, but the guitar is fucking amazing. Thank you for nudging me to buy it.”
“I could see how much you wanted it. Besides, you work hard. You should be able to buy what you want, when you want it.”
I see a flicker of something in his expression. It was there and gone so quickly, anyone else would have missed it. But I saw it.
The problem is I’m not sure exactly what I saw.
Regret? Worry? Guilt?
“What?” I ask. “You had a funny look.”
“It felt good to be able to spend money without worrying,” he says quietly.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be making good money once I go back to work. We’ll be fine.”
I see it again—whatever it is he doesn’t want me to see—but this time I can’t ask because a radio personality approaches him with questions about tonight’s set list.
And I leave him to it.
Because this is going to be my life going forward.
Ross Rockit is going to be a star again and all I can do is hang on tight.