Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Wynter
It’s been a week and I haven’t heard from Ross.
Not a phone call, text, or email.
Nothing.
Like we haven’t been planning a future together and falling in love and talking about moving in together.
No, he just decided to disappear without a word to anyone.
He quit his job and vanished. His phone is off, because it goes straight to voice mail, and all my texts stay on delivered instead of read. I was hurt the first few days but now I’m beyond annoyed. Worried. Scared.
If I’m honest, I go back and forth between concern and anger.
I didn’t know anything until Harley called to tell me about the letter Ross got and what happened between him and Tommy.
Frankly, I was horrified for everyone involved.
To make things worse, she said Tommy had no idea.
He knew his father had been convicted of vehicular homicide, but his mother divorced his dad and moved them to California right after it happened.
He never knew who was killed or the details of what happened, and he legally changed his name to Thomas Bane when he was nineteen, wanting to separate himself from anything to do with his father.
Thomas Bancroft had been a mean, abusive drunk, so Tommy’s mother was glad to get as far away from him as possible.
And at twelve years old, Tommy was just relieved that no one was knocking him or his mother around anymore.
It never occurred to him to look up who his father’s victims were.
Why would he? By the time he was an adult he completely cut his father out of his life without looking back.
And Ross never gave him a chance to explain.
To talk things out. Instead, he quit his job and literally disappeared.
The band is still reeling about the way it all went down and I’m both worried and hurt because he’s ghosted me as well.
No one has been able to reach him, like he’s dropped off the face of the earth.
Luckily, work keeps me so busy I don’t have time to think about him until late at night, when I lay in bed and start overthinking everything.
Is he okay? Where did he go? Does he have anyone to turn to now that he’s not speaking to anyone in the band?
As far as I know, he’s a loner. Onyx Knight is his job and his friend circle.
He has acquaintances but I’ve never heard him talk about friends or family members he’s close to. People he could go to in a crisis.
That’s part of what makes this so hard. I want to be there for him and it bothers me that he won’t let me.
I understand why he got upset but he should have at least had a conversation with Tommy, gotten the whole story, before going off the deep end.
But even if Tommy knew the details of the accident, it’s not like it would have changed anything.
He was a kid when it happened—it had nothing to do with him.
He couldn’t control his father and went out of his way to distance himself from him once he became an adult.
It was a long time ago, so I truly can’t understand why Ross didn’t give him a chance to explain.
Tommy was as confused and shocked as the others until Sasha filled them in after the fact.
And with each passing day I realize that our relationship probably wasn’t what I thought it was. He can’t possibly be as invested as I am if he could turn his back on me like this.
Can he?
It’s hard to know what to think, and I stare at my phone, willing it to ring.
If he would just tell me he’s okay, that would be enough for now.
I can’t help but imagine him lying in a ditch somewhere.
Drunk. Alone. Blaming himself in the way only a man who’s been through hell and back can.
No matter what, I sense he still wants to know why the rest of them died and he survived.
Even though he’ll never have the answer to that question.
Doctors and investigators gave him their best guesses but sometimes shit just happens.
There’s no rhyme or reason and while his intelligent mind understands it, his heart seems to think something else entirely.
I’m not sure if it’s guilt or frustration or a combination of myriad emotions.
All of it has to be painful, but after nineteen years, he should be past it by now.
Shouldn’t he? Maybe that’s insensitive of me but I’m tired of tiptoeing around the past.
Despite how much I miss him and how much it will hurt if this is the end for us as a couple, I can’t be with a man who’s still hanging on to ghosts. I thought he was on the mend, dealing with the trauma and looking toward a future. With me.
Unfortunately, what’s happening now tells a different story.
And I’m frustrated.
I open the texting app and think for a few minutes before beginning to type.
WYNTER: Hey, it’s me again. I’m sure you’re hurting.
I understand why you’re upset, but how can you just disappear without even letting me know you’re safe?
It’s unfair. How would you feel if I did it to you?
You have every right to be mad—but not at me.
I didn’t know anything about what happened.
I didn’t even know the name of the person driving the truck that hit your bus. And Tommy didn’t know either.
I’m rambling, but maybe that’s what he needs.
Maybe a dose of reality coupled with some tough love.
Because being sweet and understanding hasn’t gotten me anywhere.
I love him enough to try but he has to meet me halfway.
I’m simply not willing to be with someone who’s willing to walk away at the first hint of a crisis.
So, I’m going to lay it out for him without pulling any punches.
He needs to see and hear what he’s doing, even if it hurts him and ultimately means the end for us as a couple.
WYNTER: I don’t expect you to believe me but after all you’ve been through with the band, I’d like to think you’ll at least give Tommy a chance to explain.
I’m not getting in the middle of that part—that’s between you and him—but Harley wouldn’t lie to me and he wouldn’t lie to her.
If he did know, they would have told me, and I would have had some difficult choices to make. But that’s not the case.
Meanwhile, instead of talking things out, I’m sitting here in Bumfuck, New Mexico, working twelve-hour days, wondering where you are and if you’re okay.
I don’t think it’s fair for you to just go radio silent, leaving me to wonder if you’re lying in a ditch somewhere.
That’s not healthy. Not for you and certainly not for me.
If Tommy’s past and his relationship to me is a deal breaker for you, I at least deserve a conversation.
The thing is…I’ve been falling in love with you, Ross.
And this kind of thing makes me wonder if my love is enough.
If I’m enough. I’m not Clara. I’ll never be Clara.
Sometimes it feels like you’re waiting for her to come back.
Or for someone to live up to some imaginary standard that isn’t based on reality.
If that’s the case, please don’t drag this out.
Don’t use this thing with Tommy as an excuse to walk away from me and what we’re building.
I thought we were good together. I thought you were happy.
I thought I made you happy. Instead, you’re letting twenty-year-old ghosts ruin our future.
I’m not some placeholder. If that’s what you’re looking for, then you need to keep looking.
I trusted you, Ross. With my heart, my soul…
with all of me. And you turned your back like I meant nothing to you.
We didn’t even have a fight. Believe it or not, I understand a lot more than you think about what you’re going through, but I can’t be with someone who won’t talk to me.
Who doesn’t trust me the same way I trust you.
It’s been nineteen years.
I don’t minimize your loss but I also refuse to let it drag me down with you. So, you’re going to have to choose, Ross—me or the past.