Chapter 35 #2
And honestly, she didn’t know what was worse, Nash being present and ignoring her, or Rock Giant’s suspicious absence.
They’d been staying in different apartments, but she’d seen the rest of the Black Halo contingent out and about around Fl?m, but not Rock Giant.
There’d been no sign of him at all, and he was a hard man to miss.
Clearly, he was avoiding her. Hardly a surprise, given she’d metaphorically socked him in the teeth.
He probably never wanted to see her again.
Surely, she ought to feel a little bit relieved at that, not as if she’d had her soul snipped from her.
“Balin.” She risked an upward glance. “What is it you think happened in Bergen?”
Her question etched two deep grooves between his eyebrows.
“Ah, yeah. I was kinda hoping we weren’t going to have to get too heavily into the details.
” He took a breath, then plopped himself down on the lower bunk.
“Okay, so, a fourway in my room. Two lasses, a guy, and me.” He raised his hands, then pressed one of them to his heart.
“Nash wasn’t involved. I promise. He categorically did not participate. He barely even watched.”
“Right.”
It wasn’t any sort of news to hear that Nash had gone straight from watching her to watching Balin. His actions did leave her infuriated, but simultaneously strangely cold, almost indifferent to the fact. She felt detached from the event, as if it hardly mattered anymore.
“Honestly, babe. He spent most of the night in the bathroom hurling. Said his stomach was off from the burgers we got, but my guts were fine.”
He wrinkled his elegant nose as if the stench of vomit were assaulting it, but the bunkroom didn’t smell any different to usual, namely the familiar scent of worn socks and residual farts.
“He was verifiably bad, though. He spent the night in the bathtub ’cause he didn’t want to risk shuffling any further than that away from the loo.”
“I wasn’t aware that he’d been ill.”
“Aye, yeah, he was proper sick. Lee was talking about fetching you at one point, but Nash insisted he didn’t disturb you.”
But not because he’d wanted to spare her the sight or effort of having to look after him.
Her silence deepened Balin’s frown. In fact, he started to look downright worried.
“He loves you.”
“Yeah. You said. I know.”
“Thing is, the way you’re looking at me right now, I’m not sure you do know. You guys aren’t going to split over this? Come on. No, that’s dumb. You’re solid. The two of you are getting hitched. I’ve already got my best man speech written.”
Had he?
“Jo. You’re scaring me.” He reached out and grasped her hand between both of his. “Doll, don’t do this. It’s bad enough dealing with Jez and his heartbreak. If you dump Nash, you’re going to fuck up the band.”
Jeezus, was that true? She didn’t need that burden on her head. Bad enough that doing so would make a mess of her own life.
“I’m not going to dump him.”
“You’re not.” He squeezed her hand. “That’s right. Course you’re not. You’re gonna take your Uncle Balin’s advice, and fix this.”
“He’s going to dump me.”
Balin stood and wrapped her in an embrace. “The fuck he is. I’ll kick his arse if he even thinks about it. I’ll go kick his arse for you now if you like for making you suffer.”
Quiet tears slid down her face as he crushed her against his shoulder.
He smelled good. He always smelled good, but no amount of distracting herself with that thought could distract her from the truth.
Life was about to pivot. Unless some sort of miracle occurred, she was going to lose everything.
She curled her fingers into the back of his shirt and held on tight.
They spent the rest of the journey together on his bunk watching a movie on his phone. Leastways, Balin was watching. What was playing in her head was the last few weeks.
When the bus finally rolled to a halt, Lee poked his head around the bunk room door. “Last stop until Trondheim. Guys, you have to see this. We’re staying in real log cabins. There’s grass on the roof and everything.”
“Sounds cool, right Jo-Jo?” Balin stood. He was upright for all of a second before Lee hooked his fingers through the belt loops of his jeans and started tugging him towards the front of the bus.
“I’ll tell Nash you’re not mad,” Balin said to her as he was dragged towards the doorway.
“Please don’t.”
He caught hold of the doorframe. “Wait. So, you are mad?”
“No. I’d just... I’d rather you didn’t say anything.”
“Stop fucking tugging, Lee.”
“How about listen to the lady and stop meddling, Bayley-boodle-oo,” Lee said, continuing with the tugging. “If the lady wants to be pissed at her darling dick-for-brains fiancé, then let her. He probably deserves it. Has cuntface been a cunt to you again?”
“Jeez, Lee, undo all my hard work why don’t you.
” Balin twisted, aiming a swat at Lee’s head, who pre-emptively ducked, then rose, his fingers still hooked through Balin’s belt loops, and lifted Balin off his feet for a second before the loops snapped, throwing them both off balance.
Lee’s back collided with the toilet door, throwing it open.
Balin fell over the top of him and wound up with his hand in the bowl. “Jesus, shit!”
Balin lurched towards the sink and started fiercely pounding the lever on the liquid soap. “I just bought these, you stupid fucker. You owe me a new pair, Murphy. And I did not need to shove my hand down the bog.” He started scrubbing his nails hard.
Lee patted his friend’s calf, while he remained on his back laughing. “Should have stuck to quality Pri-mani, instead of Armani.”
“I don’t do sweatshop wear.”
“Aw, is that why you’re nearly always walking around with your tackle out?”
“That’s ’cause he thinks he’s still in Sri Lanka,” Jez called from the lounge area.
“People don’t walk around naked in Sri Lanka, Starlord,” Balin yelled back. “They wear sarongs.”
“What’s that, thongs? Sheesh, I thought all the panties lying about around here were dropped by young ladies, not that they’d caressed your smelly bollocks.”
“My bollocks are not smelly.”
“Not what she said,” Lee quipped, from where he was still spreadeagled between Balin’s legs.
Balin aimed a kick at his band mate’s head, and yet again missed thanks to Lee’s lightning reflexes. “Excuse me while I throttle him,” he said to Jo, before chasing Lee out into the grassy valley that housed their lodge for the night.
Jodi followed only as far as the bus’s main lounge area.
The lodge was exactly the sort of place that she’d normally have gushed over.
It was also the perfect spot for a romantic getaway or a holiday with friends.
Sadly, right now all she wanted to do was get away.
Away from the questions and Nash’s butt hurt silences.
Away from the pious imps in her head that were flagellating her with tiny whips for her heinous sins, and far away from the possibility of running into Rock Giant and wondering what to say.
That was assuming she could even summon the courage to look at him without breaking apart at the seams, or that he’d acknowledge her.
He’d offered her everything. All the love she could ever want or need, and she’d turned him down.
And why?
Not because of Nash.
Well, yes, because of Nash.
But mostly, because he deserved someone better than her.
Someone who didn’t fuck up everyone and everything.
“Are you going to take Balin’s advice?” Jez asked her. She turned to find him cross-legged in the corner of the banquette, his long wavy hair shrouding his face, and his dogeared notebook on his lap.
“I guess.” That was the only way to make things right and not fuck up the band.
On the other hand, spending forever with Nash seemed less and less like a comfortable plan, and more and more like a recipe for heartache.