Chapter 18
18
The forecast is hot and clear with a cool breeze and the guests decide not to do anything but swim and get the water toys out again.
While Ben and Liam set up the inflatable slide from the middle deck, I hang out with the boys as they bounce on the floating platform, splashing each other and shrieking.
They’ve all grown in confidence so quickly – it’s lovely.
And it makes me miss my siblings.
Mum told me that Riley’s going on her first residential this weekend, which she feels much too young for, even if it is only overnight.
And Alfie fell off the bed and screamed so much they thought he’d broken something but he was fine.
I wonder what it would be like to bring them on a trip like this.
We could never afford it, but I know they’d all love it.
Marni joins us on the platform and tells me that Noah would like me to take him on the slide.
I beam at him. ‘Really?’
He nods, shyly.
‘Really really?’
His eyes are wide, but he nods again.
‘This is going to be fun!’ I tell him.
He clings to me – his hot little arms around my neck as we climb up the slide and the other boys wave at us from the platform.
Marni shields her eyes with one hand and waves with the other.
‘My mama,’ Noah says in a tiny voice.
‘We’ll slide down,’ I tell him, ‘and then swim over to see Mama, okay?’
He nods and I hold him tightly as we tumble down, splashing into the ocean.
He’s giggling as I lift him onto the platform and the boys all cheer.
Teddy wants a turn next.
And then Arlo and Scout, even though they could totally do it on their own.
I’m treading water, waiting for Noah to decide if he wants another turn or if he’s been brave enough for one day when I feel a sharp pain in my leg.
I’ve only got enough time to register it when pain radiates all the way up my side and then I go under.
I’m swallowing water and can’t catch my breath.
I can see the sun sparkling through from above and I try to turn, to pull myself back up to the surface, but I only manage to break through for a second before a wave hits me like a slap and my ears are ringing.
My throat, the back of my nose, the roof of my mouth are stinging.
My leg feels like it’s on fire and I try to look down to see what’s wrong, to kick it out so I can see, but I can’t make any of it work.
There’s a roaring in my ears and I know I should stay calm, I want to stay calm, but I know I need to get to the surface and I can’t make it happen, I can’t make my body do what I need it to do.
My ribs ache and I can hear shouting on the surface – echoing as if it’s coming from very far away – and then hands are grabbing me and pulling me up.
There’s an arm across my chest and I know someone’s got hold of me, but then we go under again.
I try to remember my training, to stay calm, to relax, but pulling someone else down with me has scared me even more than going under myself.
I kick my legs, feel my lungs burning as I run out of air.
The next time we surface, I hear Adam’s voice saying, ‘Hope. Relax. Can you breathe?’
I try, but the sun is bright and I can hear children crying and shouting coming from somewhere else, everything burns and I’m scared.
‘Hopey,’ Adam says, still calm, ‘I’ve got you.
It’s okay. Relax.’
The next thing I know is I’m being pulled up onto the deck and rolled onto my side.
I cough and spit, trying to wipe my face where salty strings of saliva stick to my chin and cheek.
‘You’re okay,’ Adam says and I can hear in his voice that he’s scared too.
‘It’s okay.’
I try to speak but my throat is tight and sore.
When I try to open my eyes, they sting from the salt water, but when I close them, my head throbs.
Everything hurts.
‘I know,’ Adam says.
‘I know.’
I didn’t realise I’d spoken aloud.
‘We’re getting some painkillers,’ another voice says.
‘I’m just going to pour some water over your leg now.
’
Adam’s holding my hand, squeezing my fingers.
Water runs over my leg, cold and then warm and for a second I’m worried I’ve peed myself.
Someone holds a bottle of water to my lips and I swallow two painkillers, choking a little.
The other voice – Scottish, Ben – tells me he’s going to wrap my leg with a hot towel.
‘It’ll feel too hot to begin with,’ he tells me.
‘Let me know if you genuinely can’t bear it, but it’s the best thing and it’ll cool down fast.’
The pain from the heat is a good distraction from the pain of the sting.
I realise that’s what must have happened: I was stung by a jellyfish.
‘Yep,’ Ben says.
Again, I didn’t know I’d spoken aloud.
‘There’s a bunch of them.
Not dangerous. Just painful for a couple of hours.
’
‘Are the kids okay?’ I ask, my voice croaky.
I hear someone make a sound like a whimper and I blink open my eyes just for a second.
Berry. Berry is there and I’m so happy to see her.
‘I’m happy to see you too,’ Berry says, her voice wavering.
‘They’re fine. The kids are fine.
’
My eyes are closed again.
The light through my eyelids is orange.
It’s nice. I really want to go to sleep.
‘We’re going to lift you now, okay?
’ Ben says.
Hands grip the back of my thighs, arms wrap around my back and then I’m being carried.
‘I can walk,’ I croak.
‘Give over,’ Adam says.
I think I’m laughing, but I sob instead.
I wake up in my bunk.
My head is still banging, but nothing like earlier.
I’m aware of my leg – it feels scratchy, almost like it’s vibrating – but the intense pain is gone.
I got stung by a jellyfish.
And rescued by Adam?
And carried back to my cabin by Adam and Ben.
And Berry was there.
I can see her looking down at me, the blue sky behind her.
Her eyes wide with fear.
I lurch over the side of the bunk and throw up salt water onto the floor.
The door opens and Berry comes in.
‘Careful!’ I croak. ‘I’ve just puked, sorry.
’
‘Okay, don’t move.
’
The door closes again and then Berry’s back.
She cleans up, disappears again, and returns with a glass of water.
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Kind of like I got run over by a truck,’ I tell her.
She crouches down next to my bed and reaches over, resting her cool hand on my forehead.
It feels really nice.
‘You scared the absolute shit out of me,’ she says.
‘Out of everyone.’
I blink my eyes open again.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘God, no, don’t apologise!
Are you okay? For real?
’
‘I’m fine, I think,’ I tell her.
She reaches for my hand, gently squeezes my fingers.
‘Captain Liz says take as long as you need. Oh, and I’ve got some more painkillers.
’
She takes a bottle out of her pocket and shakes two into my hand.
I prop myself up on my elbow and take them with the water and then lie back down.
‘I’ll come and check on you later,’ she tells me.
The next time I wake up, it’s the following morning and I feel fine.
Well, my leg feels fine; my head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton wool and my mouth feels worse.
I need coffee.
I swing my legs out of bed and Berry says, ‘Hope?’
‘Sorry.’ My voice is both rough and feeble.
‘Did I wake you?’
‘No, I’ve been awake.
I was worrying about you.
’
I stand up and lean against her bunk.
‘I’m okay,’ I tell her.
‘I just need a coffee. And a shower.’
‘Call if you need me,’ she says, as I step through into the bathroom.
While the shower warms up, I check my leg.
There’s a red weal down my thigh and behind my knee and it feels tender when I touch it, but apart from that it seems okay.
‘I made you a coffee,’ Berry says when I come out.
She’s sitting on the floor, legs outstretched.
‘Angel.’ I take the coffee, blow it and as soon as I take a sip, I realise I’m incredibly thirsty.
‘I’m going to get some water,’ I tell her.
‘Want to come and watch the sunrise with me?’
From the sun deck, the sky is swirled with pink and blue.
‘Were you scared?’ she asks me.
I run my fingertip over the raised red mark on my leg.
It makes me shiver.
I nod.
‘Not the sting so much as the . . .’
‘Almost drowning?’
I huff out a laugh.
‘Yeah. That wasn’t fun.
Imagine if no one noticed.
Like the guests and the kids were all having fun with me just quietly drowning a couple of metres away.
’
Berry leans against me.
‘God, don’t say that.
Fuck.’
‘Would’ve ruined their holiday.
One star on Tripadvisor.
’
She snorts and then says, ‘Stop it. Tell me properly.’
‘There isn’t really anything to tell.
It was scary and then Adam had me and I knew that it was going to be okay.
Like, I didn’t think I was going to die of the sting or anything.
’
‘They were so calm. Both of them, Adam and Ben. It was pretty hot.’
I laugh.
‘So while I was almost dying, you were questioning your sexuality?’
‘Absolutely not. I just have, like, a competence kink, you know? Adam saw you, he jumped in, he saved you. He got back to work. Totally chill.’
‘I can’t believe they carried me.
’
‘Adam looked terrified.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ I say.
‘He’s the reason I’m here.
He’d have to explain to my mum that I’d been offed by a jellyfish.
’
‘The more you joke about it, the more I think you’re hiding deep trauma.
’
‘You’re so American.
This is how Scousers deal with trauma.
’
She looks at me.
‘I’ve been meaning to ask why you’re called “Scousers”.
’
‘It’s to do with sailors actually,’ I tell her.
‘Obviously Liverpool was an important port. And I think the sailors ate this, like, stew? Made with lamb, I think, cos it was a cheap meat back then.’
‘When was this?’
‘God, I don’t know.
’ I wave my hand. ‘You know . . . olden times.’
She snorts.
‘I’m familiar.’
‘The stew’s called “scouse”; you can still get it now.
’
‘So they were Scousers because they ate a lot of scouse?’
‘I love the way you say “scouse”,’ I tell her.
‘There’s no “zed” in it.
’
‘Scouse?’ Berry tries again, dragging out the second ‘s’.
‘That’s it. And yes, I think so?
I should probably google it.
’
We sit in silence for a few minutes as the sky and the sea shimmer golden in the morning sun.
‘I’m very glad you’re okay,’ Berry says.
Me too.
She leans against me. And I lean back.