Chapter 25
25
Berry groans as my alarm goes off.
‘Ignore it,’ she says, her mouth against my neck.
‘Let’s stay here. They’ll never find us. ’
I laugh, leaning over the edge of the bed to turn off the alarm.
‘I’m not sure that’s a great plan .
. .’
‘Pack your bags. Let’s steal a jet ski.
Adam and Liam can manage. ’
Adam. Shit. I was supposed to find Adam last night.
‘Although I doubt Liam’s made a bed in his life. ’
She stretches and then rolls on top of me.
‘Tell me you set the alarm early enough that we can . . .’ She ducks her head to kiss my neck.
‘I didn’t. Sorry.’
She pouts.
‘I guess I’ll get in the shower then. ’
She rolls off me. ‘Want to join me?’
God, the thought of joining Berry in the shower is wildly hot.
But I can’t right now.
I need to go and find Adam.
‘He’s gone to collect the tuxes,’ Ben tells me when I find him on deck.
Tonight we’re taking Bec and Morgan to a casino and the dress code is ‘Black he won’t even meet my eyes.
I feel horrible that I forgot to find him last night, but I apologised.
I don’t know what else I can do.
From the courtyard, we’re shown into the Royal Ballroom, which looks like something from a Disney film.
The walls are flocked pink between arched windows.
Gold and crystal chandeliers hang from the cloud-painted ceiling.
The carpet is patterned with multicoloured butterflies.
There’s a row of rectangular roulette tables under black-fringed pendant lights, and a second row of small round tables surrounded by red chairs – some empty, some with people sitting and drinking – and lit with lamps.
At some of the tables croupiers are waiting, wearing white shirts with black trousers and waistcoats.
I feel completely out of my depth.
I’ve never even considered going to a casino before and can’t believe I’m in one now, but it’s also sort of fascinating – who even knew about any of this?
The main room is surprisingly quiet, given how many people are playing.
I guess they’re concentrating on the gambling.
Roulette and blackjack tables are separated by a long bar and we get drinks for Bec and Morgan while they buy their chips.
‘I thought it was going to be louder,’ Bec tells me, looking around.
‘And, I don’t know, sexier?
This is like something from The Crown .
But tackier?’
I laugh.
‘I know what you mean.’
‘Not exactly James Bond, is it?’ she says.
‘Fun though!’
I get the impression that Bec is the kind of person who can find fun anywhere.
Adam, Ben and Liam are the only men in tuxedos.
Almost everyone else is in ordinary suits.
‘Ben is really wearing that tux, though,’ Bec says, gesturing at him across the room.
‘All three of them look great, but Ben . . . ahooga.’
She says ‘ahooga’ with a completely straight face.
‘Worst. Lesbian. Ever,’ Morgan says, drily.
Bec is right, though – Ben manages to look like a film star in his normal clothes, so in a tuxedo he’s absolutely dazzling.
But it’s Adam I keep looking at.
I’ve never seen him in a tux before.
I saw him in a suit at graduation and a couple of weddings, but a tux is a whole different thing.
It’s almost unbelievable to me how different he looks.
I keep thinking how grown-up he is, even though he’s been like this for a few years now, but there’s something about it that doesn’t feel like Adam to me.
It makes me think of when Mum went to hospital to have Mae and afterwards I took the other two in to see her and she was freaked out at how much bigger they suddenly looked, like the toddlers they’d been just the day before had gone and been replaced by these huge kids, all long limbs, that she worried about around the tiny new baby.
Somewhere along the way, Adam grew and changed into someone I don’t quite recognise and I can’t even work out how or where it happened because I’ve been here the whole time.
Bec plays roulette, fully throwing herself into it, cheering when the wheels spins and groaning when she doesn’t win.
I make sure she has drinks and casino chips.
‘Your turn,’ she tells me.
‘Pick a number.’
My mind goes blank.
‘Any number!’ She laughs.
‘Four.’
‘Red or black?’
‘Red.’
She pushes a pile of chips to the square and the dealer spins the wheel.
I watch the ball as it clatters around the top of the wheel, before bouncing into the centre and stopping in twenty-five black.
‘Bad luck,’ Morgan says.
‘Want another go?’
I shake my head.
‘No, thanks. It’s stressful! ’
She laughs. ‘I love it.’
Berry is across the room with Morgan, who I think is playing poker or maybe blackjack.
There’s a tiny line between Morgan’s eyebrows, as she stares intently down at her cards.
Berry looks up, catches me staring at her, and smiles.
‘She’s bad at it,’ Bec says, gesturing towards Morgan.
‘She always loses a ton of money. But she loves it. She’s convinced if she just keeps playing she’ll suddenly get good. ’
‘How long’s she been playing? ’
I ask.
Bec laughs.
‘About fifteen years.’ She crosses her fingers on both hands.
‘But any day now!’
Waiters walk around with trays of finger food, sliders and prawn tempura and tiny roast potatoes with crème fraiche and caviar.
I don’t take anything, I’m not sure if I should, but Bec tells me to help myself and so I do.
‘What’s his deal?’ she asks me, gesturing at Adam, who is standing at one of the tables where players are seated all around.
‘You’re friends, right? ’
My mouth is full of potato – the crème fraiche coating my tongue, caviar bursting saltily – so I gesture as I nod and chew fast.
‘Yes,’ I tell her.
‘Since school.’
‘That’s great,’ she says.
‘You came here together?’
I tell her how Adam found out about it on TikTok.
‘Oh god.’ She grimaces.
‘I had to ban myself from TikTok. Fourth of July weekend, I sat out on our porch and thought I’d have a quick look with my coffee.
Morgan went out for the day.
When she got back, I was still there.
I’d been sitting there all day!
Just on TikTok! And I’d had, like, four coffees.
She said my eyes were like .
. .’ She makes spirals with her fingers as I laugh.
‘I deleted it from my phone. Sometimes friends will send me a link and from that one link I can lose hours. So addictive. But then it’s designed to be.
It’s like this place.
Some people can just come for a night out and have a good time.
And other people come once and then can’t stop. ’
‘Hey, babe.’ Morgan comes over, takes a potato from the plate, and slings her arm around Bec’s shoulders.
‘Win big yet?’
‘Nope,’ Bec says.
‘How are you going?’
Morgan shrugs.
‘Not great. Fun though. Jeez, these are delicious.’ She reaches for another potato.
‘Are we staying in here or are there other rooms?’ Bec asks.
‘I think the other rooms are, like, slot machines and I think they have electronic poker?’
‘You wanna stay analogue?’
Morgan nods, her mouth full of potato.
Bec wipes a bit of cream from the corner of her fiancée’s mouth and Morgan dips her head to kiss her quickly.
‘Pick a number,’ Bec says, gesturing at the table.
‘Twenty-two,’ Morgan says immediately.
‘Our anniversary,’ Bec tells me.
‘But does that make it less likely to come up? Like a random number is more probable than a number that’s meaningful to us? ’
‘All the same probability, babe,’ Morgan says, which I know is true but feels like it can’t be.
Morgan’s number doesn’t come up either and, after taking another potato, she heads back to the poker tables.
We’ve been there a couple of hours and I’m starting to wonder how much longer we’re going to be staying, when I become aware of someone shouting at the other end of the room.
‘What the fuck, man?’
I stand on tiptoes to see and, when I do, it’s Adam.
He shoves the table where he’s been playing alongside Morgan and it tips over with a clatter of plastic chips and a muted smash as a bottle falls over and rolls onto the carpeted floor.
‘He stacked the deck!’ Adam is yelling, gesturing at the dealer.
Ben is gripping Adam’s arm, trying to steer him away from the table.
Adam’s face is red and he looks like he’s about to cry.
‘Oh dear,’ Bec says, kindly.
‘Too much to drink?’
I can’t even believe what I’m seeing.
Adam’s always been so even-tempered; it’s one of the things I love about him.
I know girls who enjoy volatile relationships, enjoy fighting and making up, but I’ve never been into that.
I hate conflict. I can’t stand raised voices.
‘You’re in on it with him,’ Adam shouts, his Liverpool accent coming out with his anger, as he gestures at one of the other players, pulling himself away from Ben.
The other player stands quickly, his chair crashing to the floor and approaches Adam, his hands held up in front of him.
It looks like he’s trying to reason with him, but then Adam pulls his arm back and I let out a shout as Adam punches him in the face.
The man staggers, crashing into the table and Adam grabs his shirt, as if he’s planning to hit him again.
I feel like I’m going to be sick.
‘Oh shit,’ Bec says.
‘What do we do?’
I don’t know.
I can’t even think. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
Ben steps back as two security guards approach, but before they reach the table, the other player punches Adam back.
Adam hits the floor and then security is there.
One of them pulls Adam up off the ground.
He slumps between them, all his anger apparently spent.
‘Sorry,’ I hear him say.
‘Sorry, sorry. You don’t need to .
. .’
‘What the hell?’ Berry says.
She’s next to me but I don’t know how long she’s been there.
‘What happened ?’
I shake my head as I watch Ben follow security leading Adam out of the room.
‘Are you okay?’ Berry asks me.
‘Do you want to go after him?’
My throat is so tight and I feel like I can’t quite catch my breath.
What happened ?
‘I think we’re happy to go too,’ Bec says.
Morgan pushes her chair back.
‘Yeah, I’m done here. ’
‘Hope?’ Bec says.
‘Are you okay, honey?’
I swallow hard.
‘I’m so sorry about this.
I have no idea what just happened, but it’s so wildly unprofessional and –’
Bec squeezes my arm.
‘Honestly, don’t worry about it.
Gambling brings out the worst in some people.
It’s not your fault.
Let’s go and make sure those goons aren’t kicking the shit out of him in the car park. ’
I hadn’t even thought of that and I feel terrified as we leave the room and cross the courtyard to the main doors.
The slot machines are loud, bells ringing, music playing, lights flashing.
It makes it all feel even more surreal, more like a nightmare.
Outside, Ben and Adam are sitting on a stone bench at the side of the path.
Adam with his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.
There’s a pool of vomit on the floor between his feet.
Ben is texting but glances up when we approach.
He stands, apologising to Bec and Morgan, who once again assure him that it’s all part of the authentic casino experience.
I walk around to Adam, put my hand on his back, but he shrugs me off.
My hands are shaking and I just want this night to be over, to be back on board.
To wake up tomorrow and find none of it really happened.
‘Are you okay?’ Berry asks me, once we’re back in the cabin.
I shake my head, the threat of tears closing my throat again and she wraps her arms around me.
I relax for a second and then say, ‘I think I need a shower.’
She squeezes me.
‘Okay. You can do that.’
I strip off in the bathroom, letting my dress drop to the floor.
I don’t bother to take off my make-up; I just let the hot water run over my face, my mascara stinging my eyes.
I’ve never seen Adam like that before.
I didn’t even know he knew how to play blackjack, never mind well enough to be able to accuse someone of cheating.
It makes no sense to me.
It doesn’t feel like Adam.
I never would have expected him to gamble, to start a fight, to punch someone.
A sob bubbles up and I try to swallow it down, hoping that the sound of the running water muffles it.
I can’t believe he punched someone.
And he got punched. A stranger punched Adam in the face and knocked him to the ground and I just stood there and watched.
I didn’t even do anything to help.
I didn’t even say anything.
And then when I tried to comfort him, he shook me off.
Despite the hot water running over my skin, I shiver.
When I wake up in the morning, Berry’s not in bed, but then the door opens and she brings me a coffee, climbing back into bed next to me.
‘How are you doing? Did you sleep?’
‘A bit,’ I tell her.
I dreamt about the casino.
The metallic jangle of the slot machines.
The rattle of the ball on the roulette wheel.
When I woke up I had a second of relief, thinking the fight had been a dream, but then I remembered.
No, it really happened.
It was real.
I blow the top of the coffee.
‘Ben’s up,’ Berry tells me.
‘Seems a bit freaked out by what happened.’
‘Is Adam getting fired?’
She grimaces.
‘He’s in with the captain now. ’
I sip the coffee and it burns as it goes down.
‘I can’t believe he did that,’ I tell her.
‘You’ve never known him to –’
I shake my head.
‘I don’t think I’ve ever heard him shout.
Not in anger. Since we came here though .
. . There was that day he lost his temper with Ben.
He was throwing the lines and kept missing and he stormed off.
I know he gets frustrated when he can’t do something.
But nothing like that.
He punched someone!’
‘I know,’ Berry says.
‘Obviously I don’t know him as well as you do, but it seemed out of character.
Some guys you expect.
Like Liam. If Liam got punched at a club, I’d just be like, well, someone’s jealous boyfriend found him.
But I never got that impression with Adam. ’
‘I think something’s really wrong,’ I tell her.
‘He doesn’t seem like himself. ’
She shifts on the bed, turning more towards me.
‘Was everything okay at home, do you think? Like, you told me he suggested you both do this and then it all happened fast. Do you think he was running away from something?’
I take another sip of coffee before I answer.
‘I didn’t think that before.
I thought he just wanted us to do something cool together, you know?
Because neither of us had found anything we wanted to do back home.
But now I think maybe you’re right. ’
Tears burn the back of my eyes.
‘I overheard him on the phone. It sounded like someone was threatening him? I don’t know. ’
Tears are spilling down my cheeks now.
Adam. My Adam. Who’s always been so gentle.
Berry squeezes my hand.
‘He wanted to talk to me,’ I tell her through my tears.
‘I promised I’d find him the other night after service.
But then there was the karaoke and we came back here and I completely forgot. ’
I shake my head. ‘I let him down. And I tried to talk to him yesterday, but he was avoiding me.’
‘It sounds like it’s something he wants to deal with on his own. ’
I nod. Maybe. I just wish I knew what it was.