Chapter Eight
When the ladies returned, I think they noticed the awkward silence between us right away, because they exchanged puzzled glances, and Caroline practically wrapped herself around her man, like he was the fucking injured party here.
I was the poor fucker who always got treated like I had no feelings, but whatever, right?
The worst part was V looking at me like she wanted to do something, but had no idea what, because we were practically fucking strangers.
She didn’t owe me anything. In fact, it was the other way around.
She’d gone out of her way to help me with Nixie, and I hadn’t repaid that, had I?
What could I possibly offer this, frankly, kinda dangerous woman, that would make up for her time and effort?
“Did something happen while we were gone?” She asked softly, uncharacteristically so, in fact, as she leaned against my counter.
I glanced over her head at Harley, who was watching me with a little crease in his brow, just like he had ever since our little spat earlier.
I don’t know why it was such a shock to everyone that I had fucking feelings, but I clearly couldn’t change their opinion of me either way.
“Rocket?”
I shrugged, trying to hide how fucking hurt I was by Harley’s attitude.
“Don’t mind me. I don’t have feelings apparently.”
“For fuck’s sake! That’s not what I said. You’re twisting my words, brother.”
I glared at Harley as he approached me once more, tossing my mask on the counter, and naturally sending it bouncing onto the floor on the other side.
“Brother? You call me brother now? I thought I was just some pissant who’s not worthy of licking a woman’s shoes, even though I never even fucking tried.
I just wanted a friend, do you get that?
Someone to fucking talk to! Someone to maybe give a shit if I live or die, but yet again, all I get is being judged and treated like a cunt. ”
Fuck hanging here and putting up with that asshole’s judgement. I moved around the counter, grabbing my cut, for what it was fucking worth at this point, and leaning in to grab Nixie.
“Rocket, wait!”
“For what? More judgement? I can judge myself enough for all of us, don’t worry.”
Did I accidentally leave some of Nixie’s stuff behind?
Of course I fucking did, but I had her carry case, and that was enough for now.
I just needed out of there before I lost my fucking shit.
And no way was I leaving my baby behind, because she had feelings too, and didn’t deserve that.
See? Everyone and every fucking animal has fucking feelings, but apparently that doesn’t matter to some people.
Did I know I was being a petulant prick, as I rode out of there, and left V without even giving her the courtesy of an apology for being a pussy? Yeah, but sometimes the logic thing hits too late to make use of it.
I figured I’d text her once I got back to the clubhouse.
For once, I wished I lived offsite, so I didn’t have to face any of those fuckers right now.
I kept my helmet on as I rode through the gates, with a nod to the prospects, and then I marched right for my room, because I needed time to cool off, and get my head straight.
“Rocket!”
I ignored my Pres, which was an asshole thing to do, but hey, I could blame it on the helmet I was still wearing, right?
“Rocket! Fuck’s sake!”
He was following me, wasn’t he? He caught up with me as I reached my room, so I let Nixie in there, and lifted my visor as I turned to face him. I wasn’t taking the helmet off, because I wasn’t fucking inviting him into my shit right now.
“What, Pres?”
Micro sighed. “What happened, man?”
Like he didn’t know. Like Harley hadn’t been whining on the fucking phone to him the minute I left.
“I’m sure your VP has briefed you,” I said, turning to reach for my door handle again.
“He’s your fucking VP too.”
My shoulders tensed as I turned again.
“So you’re siding with him? Guess I should have seen that coming, right?”
“Siding? What the fuck are you on about? He was worried, brother, we both are.”
Brother. The word burned somewhere in my chest right now, but it had done many times since my life went to shit back at the old club. I’d stopped feeling it, hadn’t I? Stopped seeing any of them as family anymore. Actually no, not completely. Just with most of them.
“Nothing to worry about. Can’t worry about people who have no feelings, right? What is it they call that? Sociopaths? Yeah, that’s me. I don’t feel.”
“Come on, man. Talk to me. He didn’t mean to make you feel like shit, and he’s kicking himself right now.”
So once again it was all about someone else, and how I made them feel? Was this gaslighting? I couldn’t remember all the fucking terms for this shit, but I was so done with being emotionally fucking blackmailed into putting everyone else before me.
“Can you just give me a bit of fucking time? I’m so pissed right now I could break your smug ass face, and-”
“Jesus, man. If it’ll help, do it. I’ve been punched before, I can take it.
” I guess his dumb fuck offer took a little of the wind out of my sails, because I relaxed a touch.
For a guy I’d hated after what he did to our old club, I had to admit he’d fucking risen from the ashes himself.
He’d ‘died’ a cunt, and come back as a man who actually seemed to give a shit, and this club might still be struggling to come together, but it was getting there. He was doing good now.
“Fuck. Sorry, Pres. I’m… I just need a little quiet time, yeah? I’ll maybe reach out to someone to go for a drink or whatever in a bit. I just… maybe I’m sensitive, I don’t know.”
Micro shrugged at me, not taking the bait I didn’t realise I was dropping right there for him.
“We all have feelings, man, and maybe some of us hide them when we have to, but it doesn’t mean they don’t come back to bite us.
You got shit you’re dealing with, you have options.
You can deal with it alone, reach out to a brother you’re close with, or you can come to me and Harley.
We do have your back, even if you two butt heads almost as often as you and Grease do.
I want this place to be a real brotherhood.
A family. Something many of us didn’t have before.
Sure we’ll argue now and then, beef with each other, wind each other up, but the foundation can be strong.
That takes trust, and I know that I need to earn that, maybe more so with you than the others here.
We were close once, and we could be again.
I’ll prove it to you if you give me a chance. ”
Fuck me. He sounded nothing like the guy I’d once known, and yet the familiarity of him was there too. It was confusing as fuck at times, but I’d been rebelling against him because of what he’d done, and maybe it was time to just drop that shit and give him the chance he’s asking for.
“Fair. Look, I know I’ve been a shit, but maybe we both have some trusting to do, not just with each other but more generally. I’ll dig myself out of this mood and check in with you later.”
Micro took the hint, patting my shoulder as he nodded, and backed up.
“Sure thing, brother. My door’s always open.” A small grin appeared then, and I found myself returning it, not that he could see it.
“Well, you know what I mean. Soph’s not here much lately, but… yeah… later…”
I wanted to ask how she was doing, since she'd been further along than they’d realised back at Halloween, and was now a few days overdue and cranky as hell waiting for the baby to arrive, but clearly we’d moved on.
I headed into my room and sat on the bed, setting my helmet on the carpet beside me.
Nixie climbed at my leg, so I lifted her up into my lap, and tickled those soft brown ears of hers.
Why couldn’t everyone just be as simple and genuine as dogs?
They want something, and they go for it.
They show love without caring who or what you are.
They don’t pretend anything. Why couldn’t people be like that?
There was only one person I could think of right now who’d seen me vulnerable and never judged me. I dug my phone out and sent a text.
Me: Fancy a few pints? I’m having a shit day.
I set the phone down and tucked Nixie into my neck for snuggles while I waited for the reply I hoped for. Some friendships lasted, even when everything else went to shit.
Has: Sure thing, man. Where shall I meet you?
Thank fuck for Has-Been. We’d had our occasional spats, but we’d always been tight.
Both spray artists, both tattooists. We’d worked together on so many projects, like store signage, and complex designs, and we used to do the old lady tats side by side, so our biker brothers and their old ladies got theirs at the same time.
It was a fucking good life, except for the bitch that ruined me.
I sent him the address of a bar just on the outskirts of town, because it would be a little closer to him, and then realised I have a fucking dog and need to account for her.
I checked the bar’s website, and was relieved to see there was a section where dogs were allowed, so that solved that one.
Has would listen and not judge me, it was something he was really fucking good at.
Better than me at least. I tried, but we’re all judgmental assholes at times, right?
“Let’s go, Nixie. Time to meet Uncle Has.”
V
After Rocket stormed out of the shop, I’d turned to Harley and Caroline, wondering what the hell we’d missed, because that was a level of pissed off I’d never seen in him.
“What?”
Harley was on the defensive as he caught me glaring at him.
“Jesus, I should have just stayed out of things. Hang on.” He lifted his phone from his pocket, and dialled someone, holding the phone to his ear as he stepped away from us, but we could still hear him.
“Pres? Yeah, look I’m worried about Rocket. I’m hoping he’s headed home. Can you check on him?”