Chapter Fifteen
Harley kept trying to apologise, and I get it, he was feeling bad about what he said, but that’s the thing with people.
They’ll be assholes, then apologise because they want to feel better about themselves, and it doesn’t undo a fucking thing.
I knew now what he thought of me, as in not good enough for V.
Not decent enough to treat her right. Not smart enough to understand that she’s healing, and doesn’t need more bad shit in her life.
“How were they when they got here?”
I groaned, because the fucker wouldn’t stop talking at me.
“He was a jittery mess, and she was telling him to calm the fuck down.” I sipped some of the shit coffee I’d grabbed from the machine, and Harley sighed.
“I get that you’re pissed at me, and I’ll do anything I can to fix that, brother.
I spoke out of turn, and I’m sorry. I protected her, because she’s vulnerable right now, but that wasn’t fair to you.
I know you’re not a predator, or an asshole, okay?
I’m a dick for making you think that’s how I see you.
It isn’t. I don’t do business with guys like that, and I sure as hell don’t invite them into a partnership. ”
Fuck me. I glanced at the clock on the wall, and how the fuck was it not even eight in the fucking morning yet?
“Look, keep your apologies, because I can’t help feeling it’s only to make yourself feel better. You don’t have a decent opinion of me, and I know that now. Why you invited me into your business is beyond me, but I don’t see it working out.”
Harley gaped at me as I stood up. “Oh come on, man. This is just a misunderstanding. The work thing was going really well.”
I shrugged, feeling belligerent and childish.
“Guess you’ll just have to tell your clients you accidentally partnered up with a cunt, but he’s gone, yeah?
” I started walking out. Why was I waiting around for a President who I barely liked most days, with a VP I’d finally realised didn’t even like me, and with a club that hadn’t really accepted me?
Was there anywhere that I actually fit in?
If not here, and not at the OG chapter, then where?
V and Caroline were sitting in her cage, giggling over Nixie, and I groaned.
I wanted to get the hell out of here, but that meant ousting Caroline, and going inside the hospital was going to be a struggle for her.
I couldn’t just fucking dump her here, no matter how pissed I was at Harley.
It wasn’t her fault her man was being a dick.
I tapped on V’s window, but she was already lowering it to speak to me.
“Everything okay in there?”
I shrugged, because I didn’t have any updates, did I?
“Just wanted to grab Nixie, and I’ll make my way home. You guys can hang or whatever.”
V glanced at Caroline, and pushed her door open suddenly enough that it cracked against my knee, and pain blossomed down my leg, as I cursed and hopped back.
“Fuck!”
“Oh god, I’m sorry. Jesus, I was… I should have been more careful.”
I cupped a hand over the throbbing kneecap as I glared up at her.
“Seriously? How the fuck am I gonna walk home like this? It’s like you just had to scupper my fucking plans!”
I ignored the gasp from Caroline, because the woman who mattered was the one facing me right now, a deep frown creasing her forehead.
“What happened in there?”
Fucking smart, right? Too fucking smart.
“Harley’s a prick, and I’m getting the hell out of here.”
Caroline gasped again, blurting out, “he’s not!
” but what did she know, right? She got his best side.
She got the kindness and… Jesus, I’d had his kindness too.
I’d had a whole lot of fucking support and shit from him.
I was overreacting, wasn’t I? I was throwing away a good fucking thing, because I was a pissy, petulant little twat.
My breath all rushed out of me and I sagged a little, releasing my knee before I toppled back onto my ass.
“Fuck me. No, he’s not, you’re right. I’m pissed, and I’m the one being a dick. He’s a good guy. Just, I’m struggling with not holding his words against him.”
“What words?”
I straightened up, meeting V’s eyes. “The warning not to hurt you, because clearly I’m such a fucking asshole that I’ll take what I can get from a vulnerable woman, with no consideration for her feelings.”
She grimaced, shrugging at me. “I mean, I handed him his ass for that after you left the shop. He had no right to try and defend me like I’m some fucking damsel in distress or something.
For the record, I know he doesn’t think you’re a bad person.
He just thinks I’m too broken to risk dating.
Either that or he’s worried I’m rebounding, and if I am, I don’t want you to be the one who gets used. ”
She blinked, dragging her hands over her face. “Fuck me. I just have no filter these days.”
“Rebounding?”
“Of course that’s the part you picked up on. Did you even hear the rest? I’m a mess. I’m broken. I’m…”
“That shit you told me last night in bed…” I trailed off at Caroline’s shocked gasp, but where the fuck did she think we slept?
“Oh god… I told you… oh god, why did I open my mouth?”
I caught her hand as she tried to cover her face, because I liked her face, and I didn’t want her hiding it from me.
“He was wrong. He’s a… I know you hate this word, but that’s what he is… a cunt. He’s a too-stupid-to-know-how-lucky-he-is kinda twat, and he deserves to suffer every day realising that.”
“He got her pregnant, Rocket. She was able to give him what I couldn’t.”
I tipped her chin up as she tried to hide from me again.
“Maybe you weren’t supposed to give it to him. Maybe he wasn’t worthy.”
She gasped, her lips parting as she stared back at me.
“Are you?” Her voice was tiny, but I caught it.
“Probably not. Really starting to fucking wish I was though.”
V
Iactually begrudged Caroline being here to hear this, because it was our personal business, and I had so many things I wanted to say, but not in front of her.
I’d been wanting Rocket a little more, every moment I got to know him, and if we’d been alone right now, I’d probably be climbing his muscled body like a tree.
“I think you could be,” I finally said, softly, hopefully outside of Caroline’s hearing range, but I knew Rocket heard me, because some of the tension left his face, and he stroked my jaw with his thumb.
“Maybe we don’t rule stuff out then? Maybe we just keep doing what we’re doing, and see where it goes. If nothing else, I have a friend now that I don’t want to lose. If that can be enough, then we should nurture that, right?”
He frowned then. “When did I turn into a fucking douche who says things like nurture?”
I grinned though, because I knew he was trying to hide behind those walls again, like stepping out from behind them had been a shock to his system.
Like maybe he revealed too much of himself, and there was some warning siren going off in his head right now.
Warning, warning, heart at risk. Every time he showed me a little of his heart, I wanted more.
I cleared my throat. “Caroline, you need a ride home?” I wasn’t inviting her into anything, I was trying to find somewhere safe to leave her, so I could get Rocket alone somewhere.
“I… I can go inside and find Harley.”
“Nope.” Rocket tapped at his phone, and tucked it back in his pocket.
“I can…”
“Harley’ll be out in a minute to find you. We’ll stay til then.”
I think my heart melted a little more then, at the way he was putting her comfort and safety way up on the priority list, maybe even above me. It wasn’t something I could be jealous of, but something that made me proud of him.
Harley’s appearance was swift, as he helped his lady out of my car, and guided her over to pass Nixie to me. He knew enough about the pup now not to try touching her, but he clearly didn’t want to put Caroline too close to another man either. It was cute, really.
“Rocket-”
“Yeah, it’s okay. It was my bad. You’ve made your apologies, and now it’s my turn.
I get it. You care about women, you care about people, and you try your best. I respect you caring about V’s safety, or whatever, but I know she chewed you a new asshole about that already.
I find that hot, by the way. I’m a fucked up prick.
I’m sorry though. I was… I was hurt, and lashing out.
That’s something I do, for your FYI, but I can’t change that.
I’ll… I’m trying.” Rocket cleared his throat, and Harley waited.
“If it’s okay, I’ll come back to work tomorrow.”
Harley grinned, and slapped him on the back. “I’ll get the coffees in.”
And that was that. Men fixing an argument that burned in their chests for a whole day and night.
Apologies, and back to pretending this shit never happened.
For women it’s harder, but I think their way might be better.
Drawing a line under things. Moving on. Forgetting the hurt, or putting it far enough away that it’s easier to ignore. Maybe I should be learning from them.
I handed Nixie to Rocket, and waited for him to get in the car, but then I hesitated, because where the hell were we even going?
“Babe?”
I swallowed hard, remembering that we came here from a night of drinking, none of us showered, hell I never even had a chance to brush my teeth. There’s no way in hell this is turning to sex, so what the hell will it be?
“Just drive, V. Don’t overthink anything. I’ve got no expectations, but I need to be away from here right now. We could go to yours if you like? Or you could just ditch me and go. I’m easy.”
I headed for the town centre, because I wasn’t clear on whether I wanted to take him anywhere and leave him, or take him home to Auntie Pam, and have to try and explain who he is, or what we are. We had no answers to those questions, beyond maybe being friends. Maybe friends was enough for now.
“Coffee shop?” I asked finally, and he groaned, leaning his head against the headrest and squeezing his eyes closed.
“Fuck yes. The stuff in the hospital was crap. I was gonna bring you one, but I figured I’d end up wearing it.”
“I’m not such… okay, yeah, maybe if it was that bad.”
His eyes stayed closed, but I saw a grin appear.
I felt a sense of freedom hanging with him, because I didn’t have to hold back my acidic thoughts, or school my words, because he just took everything I said in his stride.
If anything, I think he looked forward to what I’d say, or relished the bite of each word.
“You’re a masochist, aren’t you?”
His eyes flew open, and I knew this because I was darting far too many looks in his direction while I drove. Definitely not the best way to be transporting us in this thing he rudely called a cage, or even a coffin.
“Are you threatening to spank me or something?” He lifted a hand. “Not saying no just yet. I’m thinking.”
Typical Rocket. Humour lacing every word, while he pushed my buttons, and you know what? Maybe I liked it a bit too much sometimes. Where my ex would have been argumentative and snappy, Rocket leaned into it, added humour, and made it fun.
“You couldn’t handle a spanking from me, Rocket.”
A low chuckle, and then his warm hand rested on my thigh, something that should have made me jump, but didn’t.
“I’m man enough to try.”
I shot him a surprised glance, and realised it was Nixie’s head on my thigh, which couldn’t be comfortable, since she was practically draped over the automatic gearbox. Why did it disappoint me that it wasn’t his hand, after all?
“Babe?”
“She’s got to be uncomfortable,” I jerked a hand at Nixie and he cursed.
“Little bugger. I thought my leg was cooling down.” He tucked her beside his thigh once more, and stroked her little head as she yawned.
“I’d need a shower before I come back to the clubhouse,” I said unexpectedly, because my thoughts were still mostly around what we’d do with ourselves, and not wanting to be away from him.
I wasn’t scheduled to work again until tomorrow afternoon, and that left us plenty of time between then and now.
“We have a shower,” he said, and then grimaced, “yeah, you don’t want to use that. I hate using it myself.”
“You could shower at…” I trailed off, because was I inviting him into Auntie Pam’s place, to get naked? That’d just be weird, awkward, and inappropriate.
“It’s okay. Just, I mean, bring a toothbrush or whatever, but shower at home first.”
I pulled up outside a roadside coffee shop that announced it had cinnamon buns and other pastries. I needed food to soak up this lingering hangover, along with a bucket of coffee.
“The rooms are a little crappy, I mean, I’m guessing they’re all like yours?”
Rocket shrugged as he climbed out of the car, tucking Nixie inside his jacket for warmth from the bite in the air.
It was getting colder again, like a frost was coming.
Great. Still, at least it’d be one of the last before Spring was really truly here, and that reminded me of how long I’d been here already and was nowhere in life, because I’m still a part-time vet, starting afresh with bugger all left in my name.
“Others might be larger, or something, I don’t know. Doesn’t matter anyway. From what I overheard the other day, I think they’re planning to bulldoze the place.”