Chapter Thirty-Two
Fuck me. I wanted to fucking devour her, hold her, cry with her, and we had no time for any of that. Guess what, that was my fault too.
I stopped at the doorway, my arms laden with clothes, as another thought hit me.
“Fuck. I have nowhere to go.”
She shoved me from behind, and I staggered a step before I caught my balance.
“Jesus, woman! I nearly faceplanted, thanks to you!”
“Finally! You’ve got some fucking explaining to do, asshole!” Micro stormed over to us, snatching the clothes and tossing them into the car.
“Move faster. I need this place empty for final checks before we trash it.”
I stared at him, feeling a little out of place, since I’d walked out and all. What was the protocol for facing my former Pres in this situation? Did I just get to come back, or did I have to jump through some hoops first.
“I uh…”
“Yeah, yeah. A conversation for later. You two are staying at Harley’s flat until we get the temporary stuff in.”
What?
“What about him?”
Micro rolled his eyes. “Obviously he’s staying with Caroline. He practically lives with her now. We kept his place open for when you came back.”
Holy fuck. I was away from here, imagining they’d all just forgotten me the instant I left, and here they were proving just the opposite.
“I’m sorry.”
Micro nodded. “So am I. Shit happened, and a lot of people got hurt. Here’s the thing, you can’t be here right now. You’re not wearing your cut. Club rules.”
I glanced back at my room, realising I hadn’t seen it. Had she packed it?
“I can… where is it? I’ll put it back on.”
Micro shook his head. “Nope. Not gonna be that easy. You’ll earn it back, but for now, go. Get out so we can do all the final checks and stuff. The demo party has to happen this time, we’re already losing money on the hired fucking equipment.”
He pushed me toward the car, as V loaded another batch of stuff, and closed the boot.
“But… what about my cut?”
He shoved me again. “Go. We’ll discuss that later. You’ll get it back, but it’s not just a matter of ‘oh I’m back, gimme my cut’. You walked out on your club, man.”
Fuck. What if they found some reason not to let me back?
“Here are Harley’s keys. The place is furnished, but he’s still got some of his stuff there. He said to work around it, but use it as long as you want,” he frowned, “I’m sure there was some comment about not fucking on his kitchen counters, but yeah… whatever.”
I caught V’s giggle as she slid into the driving seat.
“Pres?”
Micro lifted his eyebrows, waiting for I don’t know what. What was I about to say? I’m sorry? I fucked up? I want to come home? I sighed.
“Thanks.”
He nodded. “You can come back for the demo party, and we’ll talk then.”
Harley’s place was okay. A bit sparse, and too dimly lit for my liking, but maybe that’s because my work routinely strained my eyes so I needed more light to do things.
V stood in the middle of the living space, her arms wrapped around her, and she looked so fucking lost. I had a feeling she was still processing my return, or all the things she wanted to scream at me.
I couldn’t fucking handle it. I walked over and wrapped my arms around her from behind, holding her against my front while she stared at god knows what, finally relaxing in my hold. I should have turned her to face me, but I just wanted to hold her however she’d let me.
“V, I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, I just… guess I don’t really expect to matter to anyone, but it still hurts when it’s actually happening.”
She spun in my hold, her eyes on mine, but there was no ferocity or anger, nor was there that fragility that I’d put there.
“It wasn’t though. If… if this is going to work with us, you need to wait, and listen, and talk things through.
Storming off without giving me a chance to speak is like throwing me away.
I won’t let you do it twice. I’ve been hurt too, okay?
This isn’t just about the failed relationship you had, it’s about mine as well.
Ted destroyed me, and it wasn’t until I lost you that I realised how much you’d been doing to stitch together my broken parts, and…
at the same time, you broke each of them into smaller pieces when you left me. ”
Jesus. “I know. I’m sorry. I broke us both when I ran. I won’t do it again, babe, I’m never fucking running from you again.”
She took a deep breath, her chin lifting a touch as the sass re-entered her eyes.
“I love you, you dumb fucking asshole, so if you throw me away again, I’ll make your life a living hell. I’ll hunt you down, just to fuck up every fucking day for you!”
I literally felt like the world just brightened around me, like we were both filled with light and happiness, and that’s lame, I know. It’s just… she just gave me everything. She just fixed what I’d broken, with one borderline abusive and threatening statement.
“Fuck me that’s hot. I love you, V. Even if you tear me a new one daily, I’ll still fucking love ya. It’s you and me now, right? Well, and Nixie. Fuck! Nixie!”
I’d left her with Has without a fucking thought. Where the hell was she?
“What did you do with her? Rocket, if you rehomed her, I’ll fucking stab you in the throat!”
Whoa. Still hot, but fucking hell. I dug my phone out and could already see the messages waiting, because guess what, this number wasn’t a fucking secret after all. I’d been fooling myself this entire time.
“We have your dog,” I read out, starting to laugh.
“What?”
I turned the phone to show her. Obviously there was no name against the number, but it had to be someone at the club.
Unknown: We have your dog.
Me: What do I need to do to get her back?
V leaned over to watch my phone as those three dots danced.
Unknown: Be at Harley’s shop in one hour. Come alone. Well, you can bring V, but yeah… your little dog’s survival depends on you following these steps.
V started giggling. “Is that one of your brothers?”
Was it? They were still my brothers, weren’t they? They fucking waited for me, and more than that, they brought me back. They fucking dragged me right back to where I maybe belonged a little.
Harley’s shop looked dimly lit, the only business with the sign still lit up at this time of evening on a Friday evening, so we walked hand in hand to the door.
“If they wanna smack me around a bit, babe, just stand back and let them. It’s all part of club life, I promise.”
She laughed. “I’m not stopping a damn thing. You’re still on my shitlist too.”
I side-eyed her as we approached the door, and I used my free hand to grab the handle.
“What’s a guy gotta do to get off your shitlist? I’m assuming you have other lists?”
She opened her mouth to answer, but the lights flicked on inside the shop and we both fell silent.
There was a whole group of my brothers, and in the centre, was Caroline. She was cuddling Nixie, and looked perfectly at home surrounded by men who’d have terrified her not so long ago.
V
Ihad a feeling shenanigans were afoot here, but I followed Rocket inside, and pulled the door closed behind me.
I couldn’t see Harley anywhere, but I recognised many faces, including Henley, Has-Been, Stag, and Micro.
A sound behind me made me spin on my heel, and there was Harley, locking the door behind us. Uh oh.
There was something sinister in the air, and I didn’t like it. He was going to be welcomed back, right?
“Uh… is there a ransom for getting my pup back?” Rocket asked warily, and Caroline nodded serenely, backing up out of the circle, as Harley moved around the men to join her, tugging her back against his chest, ever protective.
“He was going through some stuff, so if you want to blame someone, blame me,” I said firmly, stepping almost in front of my man, as several of his brothers smirked at me.
“Yeah, we know exactly what was going on, love,” Has-Been said, smoothing his hands down the front of his cut. I saw a few of them doing similar things, almost like they were making a show of their one item of their wardrobe that Rocket didn’t have anymore.
“You walked away from your club, man,” Grease said, shaking his head at Rocket, who had somehow put himself between me and his brothers again. Stubborn asshole.
“I know,” Rocket said simply, not rising to the bait.
“You ignored the wishes of your President,” Micro said, tutting quietly as he glared at Rocket.
“I did. I’m sorry.”
“You abandoned your family, brother,” Stag said, flipping him off with both hands.
“Twat,” Rocket replied, snorting at him.
“You rejected the help and support of your family,” Harley piped up, and Rocket sighed.
“I know. I know all of this. If I hadn’t been in a fucking bad place I would have never walked away.”
Has-Been sighed, stepping into the circle.
“That’s the thing though, brother. You were in a bad place, and you didn’t turn to your family. You didn’t turn to any one of us. You didn’t call. You didn’t show up on a doorstep. You didn’t fucking yell or scream at anyone. You just left.”
Henley cleared his throat, and I watched him tuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans, his Prospect cut standing out as so different from theirs. Missing the many patches and the extra wear and tear of daily life.
“I joined the family, and then you left. Talk about making me wonder if I smelled bad.”
A few chuckles followed his words, and someone muttered something about him smelling like money.
“You’re all right about everything. I know.
I was hurting, and I felt like I couldn’t…
” he sighed heavily, “it didn’t feel like family to me.
It felt to me like a bunch of people who wouldn’t step up for me.
I’m sorry, but that’s how I’ve been feeling for a while.
At the OG club, before… stuff went down…
I was at home. I was happy. I was part of a family for the first time in my life.
” He took a deep breath, and I could feel the animosity in the room dissipating a little.
“I was out of place. I was suspected of things, and I think for some people, that suspicion never really faded, despite the truth coming to light. I was hurting then, and I’m… I was hurting when I left. All I want is somewhere to belong.”
Someone else stepped out of the darkness then, slapping a hand against the back of Rocket’s head.
“You always fucking belonged, son, you just chose to shut us all out, and run, instead of talking to someone,” Reacher said, “I mean, what we’re trying to build here needs communication. It needs respect. It needs people not running off and being dickheads, when they can do that at home.”
More chuckles. Stitch was now stepping into the circle.
“We were always there for you, brother. Even if you’d done the things you were briefly, and I do mean briefly, suspected of, you’d have still been welcomed back.
I mean…” he gestured at Micro, “family gets second chances. So if you want a family, you have one, right here. We need you to trust your family, and stop running when shit gets difficult.”
Rocket cleared his throat, dragging a hand through his hair, all things I recognised as signs of discomfort, and awkwardness. All things I’d seen from him too often. Would he finally get the peace he deserved?
“And you.” Stitch turned to me, and I sucked in a sharp breath, feeling that intense focus on me now.
“Yeah?”
“You gonna back him? You gonna stand by your man? You gonna smack him upside the head next time he gets dumb ideas in his head like legging it and hiding out like a pussy?”
I forced my lips to stay strong, even though I felt the smile trying to emerge. They were forgiving him, and maybe, by extension, me too.
“Of course, although I prefer to use other methods.”
A few gagging sounds and laughs filled the space now. The tension was dropping by the second, and I knew Rocket could feel it too, as his rigid stance seemed to relax a little moment by moment.
“We don’t need details,” Stitch muttered, holding a hand up, “So are we all agreed?” He was asking the room, not us, so we stayed quiet. There were murmurs of assent, and he nodded at Micro, who stepped into the middle of the group.
“Here’s how this is going to go. For the sin of abandoning your family, and your colours, you’re sentenced to a two week penance period.
During this time, you’ll wear a prospect cut, and carry out prospect duties.
” He paused as more chuckles filled the air, and Henley mockingly fired finger guns at Rocket, who looked stunned.
“You serve your time well, and you’ll get your cut back, but you’ll be on a three month probation period.
You have issues during that time, you’ll prove your trust in your club by speaking to one of us instead of doing something pathetic and cowardly.
Got it? We need to be able to trust you too…
it goes both ways. You wanna run when shit gets tough, then maybe you’re not meant to wear a Phoenix cut. ”
Ouch. That seemed harsh, but Rocket took it all without argument.
“Got it, Pres. Thank you. I’ll stop being such a pussy.”
Someone passed something to Micro and he shook it out in front of him.
The prospect cut. Rocket’s new look for the next two weeks.
He grimaced as he took it and shrugged it on, but from there things turned friendlier.
He accepted back slaps which nearly knocked him over, and bro hugs, and then beer.
We were both holding beers, and chatting with his biker brothers, while Caroline snuggled with Nixie in her corner.
They talked about the club being a family, and for the first time, I could feel it.
I could sense it in the air, in the way they talked and laughed.
In the little asides and snarky comments.
They ribbed each other mercilessly, but it all seemed to be done in a friendly way, and even Grease was bantering with Rocket in a friendly way.
Maybe this would all work out after all.
Maybe all could be forgiven, and Rocket could finally feel like he’d found his home.
I wanted to be part of that. I wanted to be his home too.