Chapter Four
G abriel stood backstage and watched as the church band finished their set. They had been playing for almost an hour and had definitely done their job of warming up the crowd. He only hoped that he could keep the building rocking for another hour.
A fine tremor of anxiety ran through him and in response, he began tapping the fingertips of his right hand against the side of his thigh. It was a coping mechanism he had developed after his first few gigs more than ten years ago in order to keep anyone who might be watching from knowing how very, very nervous he became before a show.
Before every show.
They had arrived at the first church on his six-week tour mid-afternoon. The pastor had been waiting and helped Sam park the truck and trailer so it was behind the church and out of the way.
After that he and Sam met with the church officials, and after explaining what his plan was for the show, they fully supported his vision. They’d even recruited a handful of volunteers to sell the t-shirts and CDs that filled one of the bunks in the trailer. Alan’s agreement with every venue was that he would receive a portion of the ticket sales and all the money from merchandise sales.
Alan tried to talk him into adding other merchandise with his picture, the album cover, or his signature on them, but Gabriel refused. He was so far in debt to his agent now that he did not think he would ever see the light of day. Maybe in the future they could add other items, but for now, t-shirts and CDs were a good beginning. Alan had also had business cards printed up with the CD cover on one side and online buying information on the other. Those would be handed out to whomever wanted one.
“You okay?”
Sam’s soft, deep voice brought him out of his thoughts and back to the present. How had the man snuck up on him without him realizing it?
On his last tour, when he and Sam had been an unofficial couple, he’d always known where Sam was. He’d usually never been more than six feet from Gabriel’s side, unless he was onstage.
“I’m fine,” he said, forcing himself to stop tapping his thigh. Instead, he clenched and unclenched his hands, stretching the tendons and joints of his fingers and wrists in preparation for the next hour of playing and singing.
“No, you’re not,” Sam said, stepping around him so he stood between him and the stage facing him. “You’re scared to death and we both know it.”
Gabriel looked up into the man’s eyes, but instead of accusation, anger, or hatred, he saw compassion. With his short hair and cleanshaven face, he almost did not look like the same man as the one who had kept him on an even keel for so long. But all that ended when Gabriel had allowed his fame to go to his head and hurt this man so deeply.
Taking a deep breath, he released it in a whoosh before nodding his head. “Okay, yes. I’m scared. Scared to death. I’m about to walk out in front of an audience who may or may not throw rocks, stones, and rotten tomatoes at me. For the first time in three years, I’m going to play music I wrote all by myself, in hopes that I can regain some sort of footing in the entertainment world.”
Sam dropped big, heavy hands on his shoulders and squeezed them tight. While he did not smile, he wasn’t scowling as he had that morning, either. The wall of ice between them seemed to be thinning.
“Relax. They’re going to love you, and the music. They’re going to buy the t-shirts and CDs. They’re going to tell their friends and post on social media and by the end of this tour, you will be bigger than you ever were before.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. I’m always right,” Sam said before moving around to stand beside him. “Now go out there and show them that you have been redeemed.”
A moment later, the applause swelled as the minister finished introducing him and waved for Gabriel to join him onstage. Taking a deep breath, Gabriel forced his feet to carry him out onto the stage and into the spotlight where his three guitars and the church’s piano waited.
As he did, he wondered for a moment why Sam had been so supportive just now. Was this the first sign the man would forgive him for being such an asshole in the past?
****
S am watched Gabriel’s entire show from the wings. He could not tear himself away, even though he knew he should return to the truck and get some sleep since he had not slept well in the last couple of nights.
The problem was that his heart and soul demanded he be there. He needed to see more of this new Gabriel Park, the former rock star turned inspiration singer who had enthralled both him and the audience that filled the church from his first song.
Following Sam around after parking and stabilizing the trailer that afternoon, he saw a very different man from the one he’d known in the past. That morning, Alan had texted him, asking that he keep an eye on Gabriel since Alan was stuck in Kansas City on business for the next few days.
Sam stayed in the background, but remained watchful, as Gabriel met with the pastor and the team in charge of the concert. During the break for dinner, Gabriel retreated to his trailer and ate alone. After that, he met with the group of volunteers who would serve as ushers, security, and salespeople of his merchandise.
The Gabriel he had known before would never lower himself to the meetings he’d participated in today. In the past, the self-absorbed rock star would stay hidden in the trailer. He would emerge minutes before he was to go onstage, not speak to anyone, and go straight to the stage. Afterwards, he and his band would return to the trailer for hours of drinking and partying with a handful of women chosen from the crowd.
Today, Gabriel took time to pose for selfies as well as pictures with various groups of people. He had even spent time with the church band who opened the concert, offering advice. Sam lost count of how many times the words “thank you” came out of his mouth.
The emotional ice packed around Sam’s heart and soul was thawing much faster than he thought possible.
Watching Gabriel as he sang his opening song before conversing with the audience, Sam felt the giant hole in his soul begin to heal. Later, as Gabriel shared the story behind this new solo album, a lightning bolt slammed Sam between the eyes. All at once he realized he was still in love with Gabriel Park.
The distance between hate and love was the width of wish, or the length of a dream. All this time, Sam was convinced that what he’d felt since walking out of the police station years before had been hate, but it wasn’t.
It was love. Love for the man despite the situation that had driven them apart.
Now he needed to figure out what to do about it.
As Gabriel walked off stage for a few seconds at the end of the concert, Sam stepped into the shadows. As the musician returned to the stage for an encore, he slipped around the edge of the backstage area and hurried toward the nearest exit.
For now, he would keep his feelings to himself. If he admitted his feelings and Gabriel did not feel the same, it would endanger their ability to travel together for the next six weeks.