30. Gavin
Gavin
“Y ou’ve got the number-one album in the country, hell, the whole damn North American continent, but you’re sitting in a dark room with a scowl on your face. Why?”
Alex stood in the doorway, backlit by the fluorescent lights of the television studio where I would perform, with a scowl on his face. A pissed - off vibe radiated from his shoulders.
I shrugged. “I’m in a room by myself, why the hell should I be smiling?”
Suzie had kept her word, but only in the strictest definition of keeping in touch. The last time I’d heard from her, more than a week ago, it was a glowing review of the advanced copy of the album I’d sent to her. Coming from a super fan, it was exactly what I wanted and needed to hear ahead of the release.
Coming from the woman I loved, it was a slap in the face. A clear and present indicator that she did not feel the same.
“Maybe because you didn’t even think you’d be here, doing sound check on your number-one album again. Remember not too long ago when you weren’t sure you’d ever sing again? I’d say this,” Alex motioned around the dressing room, “is a big damn deal.”
He was right. It was a big deal, but I didn’t care about any of it, not the number-one album, not the line that wound around the New York city block just to see me, not the Rolex the label president had sent. None of it mattered without Suzie. “I’ll smile when I’m in front of the cameras and the fans, all right?”
Alex sighed, well over my sullen attitude. “No girl is worth all this, Gavin.”
I glared up at him, hands balled into fists as I imagined myself punching out my agent. “She’s a woman, and if you’d ever had a real one, you would know the damn difference.”
“Fine.” He held up his hands, equal parts annoyed and defensive. “Don’t you think Suzie would want you to be proud of this achievement? Wouldn’t she want you to savor this moment, or is she one of those selfish women who wants to be the only thing you enjoy?”
“Of course, she’s happy for me. She said this was my best album so far, and she thinks I’m a better lyricist than I give myself credit for.” I said the words proudly because they meant a lot to me.
Alex blinked his surprise. “Really?”
I nodded.
“Smart woman.”
His words teased a laugh out of me, almost making me forget that I hadn’t heard from Suzie in too long. “She’s more than smart.”
Alex sighed, knowing when he was beat. “All right. How about I record a song from sound check and send it to her? Will that put a smile on your face?”
It would definitely get a response. “Hell yes.”
“Let’s go.”
I was on my feet, following Alex from the dressing room, past the green room and to the stage where the band was setting up. Other than production assistants and camera and boom operators, the studio was empty.
“How’s it going, guys?”
They grunted their responses, everyone preoccupied with making sure their instruments were finely tuned for when we came back to perform for real. I didn’t take it personally—I was too busy with my own guitar. And vocals.
Alex was right about one thing, every song I sang these days felt like a miracle. It was like winning back days you thought were lost forever. I started with “ Better for You ” because it was a slower, quieter song and we needed to test different volume levels and tempos to see how they played in each venue. “Good?”
Alex gave me a thumbs up as I left the stage and pulled my phone out, grinning like a fool when I saw that I’d gotten a text from Suzie. “Your daughter’s first photo.”
Daughter. I froze, rooted to the spot as I thought of a little girl with my white-blond hair and Suzie’s green eyes, her rosebud lips, and her sassy sense of humor. A little girl with a feminine laugh, who I would love to the ends of the earth. “A daughter.”
I tapped the message and found the promised photo, a sonogram. To me it was just a black and white glob on transparent film, but Suzie had, of course, thought of that. There were two red circles with the words BABY GIRL #1 and BABY GIRL #2 written in block lettering.
Number one and number two? No. It couldn’t be. Could it? I tapped the phone icon and hoped Suzie would pick up.
“Gavin,” she laughed. “I was just watching the video Alex sent me. It’s good to see your face.”
My shoulders relaxed at her upbeat tone. “It’s so good to hear your voice, Suzie Q.”
She laughed again and I felt my heart soar, my smile return. “Yours, too, though you have been everywhere lately.”
“Too much?” It was a genuine question. I hoped she hadn’t seen so much of Gavin the Rock Star that she didn’t want to talk to or hear from Gavin the actual person.
“Not at all.” The smile in her voice was clear and I felt my own cheeks tremble as my own grin widened. “You got my message?”
“I did.” The words rushed out on an overwhelmed sigh. “So, we’re having twins?”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “Can you believe it?”
“I’m starting to believe it, yeah. How are you dealing with it?”
Suzie laughed softly. “Honestly? I feel a little better knowing that the reason I’m so fat is because there are two babies in there. That sounds terrible, doesn’t it?”
“Not at all. It also explains why you’ve had insane cravings. Are you over peanut butter and mayo yet?”
“God, no,” she laughed again, and I could see her shaking her head. “The problem is that when you butter the outside and toast it, the sandwich is out-of-this-world good.” She giggled, and the sound snaked its way deep in my heart and settled in.
“Does that mean I should try it? I will, but it sounds awful.”
“It probably is in real life, and I might never be able to eat peanut butter or mayo once these babies are born.”
Babies. There it was again, plural, babies. “Daughters. We’re having little girls.”
“Yeah,” she said on a dreamy sigh. “It’s kind of trippy, isn’t it? I mean, I wanted this baby as soon as I found out I was pregnant, and now I’m having two? Wow.”
“ We’re having two,” I clarified.
“Yes,” she answered quietly. “ We are having two babies, Gavin. Two little girls.”
“I hope they have your eyes?”
“Why? Yours are green, too, but with brown and gold flecks that are, well, they’re stunning.”
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “But yours have three different colors of brown that sometimes make them turn a gorgeous greenish-gold color.” I closed my eyes and there they were, her beautiful green eyes, changing colors with her every change in emotion. “God, I’ve missed you, Suzie Q.”
“I miss you, too, Gavin. But I have a meeting in ten minutes and I’m eager to finish your soundcheck video.”
“Okay. I have to get all gussied up for the interview portion of the show, anyway.” I wanted to run out of the studio and jump into the closest taxi and onto the first plane that would take me to Jackson’s Ridge. It was a ridiculous thought. Not only did I have access to one of the label’s private jets, but I had three more interviews in New York before I could leave without ruffling anyone’s feathers. Least of all Alex’s.
I couldn’t go to Suzie, not yet. But that didn’t mean I could be the proud papa that I felt like, the man I sang about in “ Better for You .” I wasn’t that man, not quite yet, but I wanted my girls to know that I’d started working on becoming that man before they made their appearance in the world. I dialed Alex.
“I’m heading out for a while, but I’ll be back in enough time to get ready for the interview.”
“Where are you going,” he asked like a stern father.
“Out, like I said. I’m not pulling a runner, Alex. I’m going out and I’ll be back.”
“Fine. But when you come back, I expect to see a smile.”
“I’ll come up with one just for you, Alex. Promise.” I was already heading out of the studio, sunglasses perched on my nose and a Panama hat on my head so I could at least walk around the city without being swarmed.
I walked a few blocks before I found what I was looking for: a toy store. Specifically, a giant three-story toy store, where I bought everything pink I could find. Stuffed animals, pink dump trucks, a pink microscope, and even a handheld gaming device. It was all pink, but that didn’t mean I wanted to pigeonhole my girls. They could—no, they would —be anything they wanted to be.
“Will that be all, sir?” The teenager behind the cash register asked the question with a smirk.
“Depends. Got anything else?”
“Not in pink. But if you sign up for our newsletter, you can be alerted to all new products, in pink or any other color.”
“I’m good. I need this all shipped to this address.” I scribbled Suzie’s address and smiled as I thought about her expression when the packages arrived. She would be shocked, maybe a little bit surprised, but I hoped that above all else, she was happy that I did it.
She would be less happy that I was getting her something, but as I bypassed boutiques and jewelry shops, shoe stores and other high end shopping venues, I knew Suzie wouldn’t appreciate a gift like that. She would enjoy something a little more personal. Something that mattered to her.
Holy shit.
I knew exactly what she wouldn’t just appreciate, but she would love. “Hey, Alex, I need a favor. It’s big enough that I’ll be wearing a smile forever if you can find someone to do this for me.”
There was a long pause before Alex spoke, probably trying to figure out how to finagle a few more interviews or photo shoots into the deal. “I’m listening.”
“Excellent.” I told him exactly what I needed and made my way back to the studio. To the hair and makeup chair.
To my life as a rock star.