Chapter 14 #2
That was when I realized I hadn’t used Sarah and the kids leaving as an excuse to head out. I’d just been sitting here, enjoying the sun and the sound of the kids not far away. “It’s fine. This is nice.” And I meant it.
He nodded and for the first time I realized he looked tired, a bit worn out as he pulled out a small trash bag. “It’s messy. But yes, it’s nice.” He sat next to Maggs on the blanket. “Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.”
“This—" he gestured where they had gone, “—is not always this. Most days someone’s crying or fighting or slamming doors. Tyler’s struggling in math. Zoe just went through her first breakup. Emma has nightmares about climate change because she saw something on YouTube we didn’t catch in time.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t sure how to respond.
“And Sarah and I . . . we’re good. We’re solid.
But we’re also tired. All the time it seems. We argue about stupid things like whose turn it is to grocery shop and whether we can afford the mortgage if she goes part-time.
Paying health insurance.” He sighed. “What I’m saying is, this moment right here?
This is the highlight reel. This is the version we post on social media.
The rest is just . . . life. Hard and messy and exhausting. ”
I nodded. “Yeah, my Rose and I argue at times.”
“You know the solution, right?” he said.
“What?”
“It’s simple but hard,” Rob said. “Just accept that she’s always right.”
“What?”
“I figured that out about the third year of our marriage. We were fighting a lot. And I kept trying to win. And then one day, for some reason I don’t remember, I tried to figure out what it was exactly that I was trying to win.
Who left the door open? Who didn’t turn the light off? And if I won? What then?”
“And?”
“I surrendered,” Rob said. “I decided that I’d just accept she was right. I’m not saying I was able to do it all the time, but most of the time, I just let go. And, boy, did life get a lot better. A lot less fights.”
“Even if you were right?”
He shrugged. “What did it matter? Whatever it was, was done. If it was something we needed to discuss for the future, I’d wait and bring it up later rather than argue.
But really, to be honest, I just gave up on a lot of things I thought were the way to do it and adopted her ways. And, hey, we’re still together.”
“Like hanging sheet rock?”
“Well, it has to stay hung,” he said. “How it gets that way isn’t as important, is it?”
“But it’s not quite fair, is it?” I asked. Not to argue, but to learn more.
He laughed. “Seriously? Not fair? The whole world is slanted our way, Max. To men. On top of that, we’re white males.
We’re at the top of the pyramid. The world it set up so that we’re intrinsically right.
We’re so used to it you don’t even see it most of the time.
So, it’s more than fair to surrender to someone you love. ”
“Why are you telling me this?” I really wanted to know, because Luke had called me a shit magnet. This wasn’t shit, but I wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe he was just venting to another guy.
“Because you have this look. Like you’re watching us from the outside.
Like we’re something you can’t have or don’t deserve or lost somehow.
I don’t know what your story is and you haven’t shared and you don’t look like you’re somebody who would share.
” He paused. “And I wanted you to know that this, what you see, is not perfect. It’s just .
. . chosen. Every day. On purpose. Even when it’s hard. ”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
“Sorry,” he said. “I overstepped.”
“You're not wrong,” I admitted. “About the watching from outside part.”
“Do you have family? Someone waiting for you?”
“A girlfriend. Rose. And she has a daughter. Poppy. But she’s an adult now. They’re both too good for me, honestly.”
“I doubt that.”
“You don’t know me.”
“I know you stopped to talk to my kids even though you’re trying to make miles.
I know you were patient with my daughter who’s being moody and my son who asks a million questions.
Hell, I get tired of it and he’s mine. I know your dog is well-trained, which says something about who you are.
” He smiled. “That’s enough to know you’re probably not giving yourself enough credit. ”
Before I could respond, Maggs ears went up. I stood, turning toward the trail in the direction Maggs was looking.
The woman who was stalking me appeared, wearing her sunglasses, her pack high on her back. She broke stride seeing me, head swiveling, checking out Rob, hearing the sound of Sarah and the kids not far away.
She looked disappointed. She regained her stride, nodding at us, but not saying anything and passed by. Probably to set up an ambush farther ahead. I noticed a bulge on her right hip, just under the waist strap. She was armed.
Of course she was armed.
A sicario.
“That was weird,” Rob said. “She acted like she recognized you but didn’t want to talk.”
I shrugged. “We’ve passed before on the trail.”
“She didn’t look friendly.”
I didn’t want to get into it because I knew I had to move out now. Track her down and find out what the hell was going on. And I didn’t want to do that with a family around.
I stood. “I’ve got to get moving. Tell the kids I said goodbye.”
Rob was startled. I’d changed too abruptly. I filed that away as a lesson learned in human interaction.
“I didn’t mean to dump on you, man.”
“No, you didn’t,” I said. “Not at all.”
He scrambled for the pack. “Here. Take another turkey sandwich. For later.”
I realized he was trying to make amends for an imagined slight, not knowing my real reasons. I put it in an outside pocket of my ruck, which I then put on. “Thanks. I appreciate it. And it was great to meet you and your family.”
“Stay safe,” he said as I walked away.
I wished he hadn’t said that because I had no doubt the Entity that screwed with my life took notice.
Once out of sight, I put on my jacket since I’d cooled off during the halt. But mainly so I could put my pistol in the large outside pocket. Maggs sensed my mood as we left the family behind. I moved slow, counting on Maggs to give me warning of an ambush as she ranged ahead of me.
Of course, there was the possibility I was letting the woman get farther ahead of me, but I was good with that. If she wanted to meet me, for whatever reason, she could double back. Or wait somewhere else.
This was really taking the fun out of walking the Trail, I thought. Then I realized I’d just thought I was having fun.
Huh.
We plodded on. The time I’d spend with the family meant I didn’t have enough daylight to get to the next shelter; plus, I was kind of burned out on people. So, when the sun began to go down, I searched out a quiet spot far enough off trail and hidden so that any light I made wouldn’t be seen.
I cooked a full meal and split it with Maggs, who wolfed it down.
Then we settled down on my sleeping pad. I kept the bag unzipped so I could have Maggs next to me. I put my pistol next to my head, within easy reach. I lay on my back, staring up through the leafless branches at the stars above. To me that was always magic. Stars at night.