Chapter 10
My heart goes so fast I wonder if I’m going to pass out on the bathroom floor.
No, no, no. That would be disastrous. I don’t have any panties on.
Argh. “I hate you right now, Diesel. I’m not doing anything with you all night.”
His head tilts, his eyes glimmer and he unleashes a feral, deadly smile. “Ever hate fucked, River?”
“No!” I say on a gasp. “Have you?”
He chuckles, soft and the warm, the deep sound makes chills race all over my skin.
“No. I haven’t, but I’m willing to try if you want to.” He tilts his head, a sly grin flashing. “It won’t be a hardship, I promise you.”
He’s right. Climbing on top of his thick body and getting myself off would NOT be a hardship. The aftermath is the bitch. Like they say, falling doesn’t hurt. It’s the landing.
Anything to do with Diesel is guaranteed to be a crash landing.
“I couldn’t disagree more.” With a grumble, I snatch the pair of black running shorts out of his hands.
My lungs are working hard as I shove my legs into them, making sure I DO NOT show him an inch more skin than he’s already seen.
Course that would be hard given that he saw me in my bra and thong.
Lord above. I can’t believe I didn’t cover up before going to the door. That was such a dumb move.
“Get lost,” I growl, pushing past him to grab his bag so I can shove it into his hands before he thinks of some other excuse to be in my room.
When I turn around, holding his duffel in my arms, he’s got his elbow on the door frame and his eyes locked on me.
God he’s big.
Do not look down, River.
Don’t do it.
But my eyes betray me and I catch sight of what CANNOT be a cock in his pants.
He shifts, adjusting the thing with his hand and my mouth drops open.
“I… I appreciate that shotgun you’re packing, but I’m not in the market. You’re a threat to me, Diesel. You’ve got a neon warning sign that flashes colossal train wreck impending. I won’t be hurt by a man like you. I’m not interested in whatever it is you’re trying to push on me.”
He frowns. No, not really a frown. What is that expression?
For a beat, I thought I saw pain.
But he shakes his head and the calm is back.
“I read you wrong. Got it in my head that you liked what you saw, and even though you loathed the situation, you wanted what I could offer you physically.”
“Oh, I do want the physical part. But I can’t deal with the rest of you.”
I cover my betraying mouth.
Oh, flaming armadillos.
Did I just say that out loud?
The quiet that follows isn’t just awkward, it’s riddled with landmines.
He reaches for me, stroking his thumb over my cheek, sliding along my jaw and I’m completely and utterly weak in the knees. .
One touch. I turn to honey.
The situation gets even worse when Diesel starts to speak in the hottest, darkest, most sultry tone I’ve ever heard.
“You’re under my protection. I’m going to tell you what to do. I’m going to piss you off. You can hate me ’til the end of time, but I’m going to do what it takes to keep you safe.”
Oof.
Gut shot.
For a few seconds, I just look at him and tremble. Until the ripping sensation behind my sternum becomes unbearable. I can’t look him in the face any longer, so I stare at the hollow at the base of his throat.
Do I hate him?
Yes. Maybe.
No.
I despise that my life is out of control.
Dropping my forehead to that spot above his heart, I admit, “I don’t know how to function when things are out of control.”
“I know. None of us do.”
His fingers find their way to the base of my neck, where Diesel wraps that warm touch around my spine. Steadying me.
“You’re not alone to figure this out. I’m here. The team at LSS is good. We’ve got resources.”
When I step back, he doesn’t move his hand. But he does tip my chin up so I’m forced to look at his face.
Diesel’s got those dark brown eyes that are hard but warm, like mahogany wood. His hold a million stories, and hide a million more.
He skates his gaze over all the angles and lines of my face, finally focusing on my lips as his thumb brushes softly over my mouth.
I almost whimper. The ache inside of me is unbearably painful.
I think I want him to kiss me.
“I’d die to keep you safe, River.”
Everything stops inside of me.
My chest suddenly feels hollow, my heart somewhere down by my stomach. “No. Don’t say that.”
“Why? It’s true.”
He scoops me off of the floor, startling the breath out of me. The way he’s holding me is not like before when he was trying to get me to safety. This is cradling and its ridiculously intimate and the exact reason he needs a warning.
“Let’s get that arm cleaned up.”
No other man has ever picked me up like this. One of his muscular arms is behind my back, the other under my knees, the warmth of his forearm pressing to the back of my bare legs.
Every sensation is another overload to my nervous system.
He carries me into the bathroom, gently sits me on the edge of the tub.
Diesel kneels in front of me, which somehow makes the moment worse. More intimate in a way I’m not ready for. Not after he touched my face, brushed this thumb over my lips and carried me tight to his chest.
“Caleb knows I will do what it takes,” he says as he inspects my arm, closer this time.
Diesel reaches across the small bathroom for the first aid kit, pulling out and organizing supplies on the countertop.
“I knew you were military before you told me.”
He doesn’t say anything and I don’t pry. I learned that through Caleb. Don’t ask. Don’t focus on that. Let them be whatever they need to be to carry the burdens of what they’ve witnessed and done.
I let out a tired sigh, the pain in my chest growing stronger the more I think about my only brother.
“I shouldn’t have yelled at him. He’s fighting a war. What if—”
Diesel’s gaze jumps to mine. “He’s going to call tomorrow.”
No worry. No doubt. Just pure belief that Caleb will call tomorrow.
He focuses on my arm again, his hand around my wrist and so he can tilt me toward the light.
“Caleb drove me crazy until he grew up and went into the Navy,” I say with fondness.
“He still drives plenty of people crazy, you’re not alone. This is going to sting,” Diesel warns as he holds up some kind of antiseptic I’ve never seen before.
“I can handle—ouch! What is that?”
“Told you. This stuff is the real deal.”
I grit my teeth as he douses the scrape again. God that burns.
But just like I did when Caleb would see me take a fall on the ranch, I lock my jaw shut, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing me flinch again.
“You fall?”
“Slipped.” I answer truthfully. “I didn’t feel the scrape until we were in the police station.”
I watch him work, studying the way his brows draw tight.
He’s fascinating up close. There are lots of small lines on his face like he’s squinted into the sun on the battlefield for years upon years.
There’s also a small scar that splits his left brow.
I want to stroke my finger over that spot, but I douse the desire, stiffening my spine.
“Three days of you watching me, and I never knew. That’s creepy as hell, you know that?”
He doesn’t look up. “It’s the job.”
“I deserved to know.”
His hands still for just a second. Then he reaches for antibiotic ointment. “This won’t sting.”
The ointment is cool, almost soothing as he applies it using a sterile gauze square. Diesel works precisely. Making sure every inch of the wound is tended.
“Why’d you take the job?”
For a moment, I think he won’t answer. He starts wrapping gauze around my forearm, his movements efficient, practiced.
“Because Caleb called LSS and asked that they bring me in for the case,” he finally says.
I’m more confused than ever.
“That’s it? Because Caleb asked?”
“That’s enough.” He secures the gauze with medical tape. “Hold still.”
His fingers brush my wrist as he smooths the tape and as he does, his attention is laser focused on my trembling fingers.
I feel that look all the way to my pussy.
“Keep it dry. We’ll change it tomorrow.”
But he doesn’t move.