Chapter 5
Five
Having said what she needed, Victoria finished her tea and retired to her chamber.
Yes, he had commented appropriately while she was telling him about her past. But after, there was only silence.
She had told him so that he would understand and hoped that he would admit that he had been wrong and that he was sorry.
But she should have known that it would not make a difference.
She had even acknowledged that to herself but realized that a small bit of hope of reconciliation had been set aside.
Disheartened and disappointed, Victoria prepared for bed.
After she’d pulled on the nightrail, she lifted the wrapper from the end of the bed and slipped her arms into the sleeves because she knew that it would be impossible to sleep.
She then wandered to the window to look out at the storm, surprised by the violence of it.
Not only did lightning flash, as it had been all night followed by rumbles of thunder, but rain and hail pelted against the house and windows. Wind gusted, bending trees.
Victoria had experienced storms before, though they were rare, but never anything like this and it was almost frightening.
With a shudder, she backed away and began to pace her chamber while she recalled their earlier conversation.
At least she had answers as to why he’d been so horrified, and that it had not been her appearance, which was of some comfort.
Maybe he hadn’t cared at all. Maybe Benedick truly was just a rake who was having an enjoyable sennight, careful not to completely ruin her, and then planned on never seeing her again.
He could have decided and planned that he would react the way he had at the unveiling so that he could separate himself from someone that he might encounter in the future.
Was that the truth or should she believed what he said that it was the horror of what her brother may do and how her rank made it impossible to…?
Victoria gasped and had to grasp the bedpost to steady herself. His words to her had been,
However, a lady would be committing the scandal of the Season if she were to wed so far beneath her, such as the sister of an earl to a son of a missionary with no standing, and in a position that made it impossible for him to support her in the way she deserves.
It was now impossible to pursue you for mar—
Had he started to say marriage? She had interrupted him before he had finished what he intended to say. He had also used wed.
They had not even discussed love and even though her heart had been involved, she did not want to say the words because she had not seen his face and did not know his name.
It just seemed wrong to do so, and so soon after meeting.
Victoria almost didn’t trust that her emotions had been real because the week had been magical and she was afraid that when it all came to an end and she was on her way home that she’d realize that it had been the circumstances and not the person.
Maybe it would have been different if she had ever loved before, but she hadn’t and it was such a new experience.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It had been real. At least to her, and she needed to know if it had been for him as well.
She could also be reading more into the words than he intended. He could have simply been using an example when he had no intention of a courtship.
Either way, Victoria needed to know the truth.
Even if he tried to deny a deeper emotion, she would know the truth by looking into his eyes. She had spent a week staring into those grey depths and came to read his emotions since she could not see his face.
With those thoughts, she crossed the room and yanked open her door. She needed to know tonight or she would never get any rest but just as she started to step into the corridor, the splintering of glass and a heavy thump reverberated through her chamber.
Victoria slowly turned and sucked in a breath. Her window was shattered, glass littering the floor and a large limb protruded into her room. Saturated leaves dripped on her floor as rain drops and hail puddled just inside her shattered window as the curtains billowed in the wind.
A chill swept over her as she backed into the corridor, not even certain what to do.
“Where is he?” Benedick demanded as he rushed from the chamber he had been assigned, clutching a knife, ready to do battle.
He also wasn’t wearing a shirt or shoes.
Simply trousers. Victoria could not help but stare at his bare chest, firm muscles and flat stomach.
There was not an ounce of excess on his torso and her mouth went dry.
Her hands had skimmed up that chest and her fingers had tweaked and teased his nipples as Benedick had moaned in pleasure.
Without waiting for a response, Benedick stepped past her and stopped.
“I thought…”
“It was not that man.”
“Clearly,” he groaned.
“I suppose you can use your knife to cut the limbs for firewood,” Victoria offered with a shrug.
“Maybe tomorrow,” he grumbled and then took Victoria’s hand and pulled her back to his chamber. “You are shivering. Come stand by the fire.”
She may be chilled but that was not why her hands were shaking. It was the question that she needed to ask him and it might also be because she was now alone in his room and he was barely dressed.
* * *
Benedick had been standing at the window and watching the storm, the strongest he had ever seen in his lifetime when he heard the crash across the hall. He was certain that man had found a way inside.
His heart pounded still because he had been so afraid that he would not reach Victoria before irreparable harm could be done.
“You are lucky you were not near the window.”
“No, I was by the door.”
He frowned. “Did you need something?”
Victoria bit her bottom lip and looked at the low flames where she warmed her hands.
“What is it?” he asked quietly. She usually wasn’t shy in anything she said or requests she made.
“You said something earlier tonight and I was coming to ask you about it.”
“What was it?” He certainly could not think of anything that may cause so much concern that it could not wait until morning.
She then repeated his words back to him and Benedick realized he had revealed too much of what had been on his mind.
“I need to know. Were you considering marriage, or simply courtship before you decided that we would not suit.”
Those had been his plans. “It does not matter.”
“It does. To me.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to know if anything you said to me was sincere or if you were simply a rake, a rogue, who enjoyed a week of anonymity while making another conquest. You certainly have the charm to be one.”
His face heated. He had set out to charm her when he’d glimpsed those blue eyes and the very kissable coral lips, as well as how well the bodice of her gown displayed the creamy globes of her breasts to perfection.
Then he had spoken to her. Their humor was very much the same, as were their politics, a topic he had never discussed with a woman before.
They talked about the books they had read and holidays they would like to take.
They spoke of everything except anything that would have revealed who they were, and Benedick had fallen in love.
He still was and filled with desire for a woman he could never have.
A desire that had only grown since he stood facing her at Westbrook House and became painful when he brought her to his chamber and realized that she was only wearing a nightrail beneath her wrapper.
A thin one that allowed him to view the outline of her perfectly shaped body because of the bright flames to the front of her.
He would like nothing better than to take her to his bed and make Victoria his. If only he were in a position to keep her forever, but he was not.
Sadness filled her eyes. “You were a charming rake and I knew that I was likely nothing more than another conquest, but I did not care. I knew that I was taking a chance with my heart, but for that sennight it was worth the risk. I just hadn’t anticipated how badly it would hurt when the rejection came. ”
“I did not reject you!” he yelled.
She smiled sadly. “Yet, you did.”
Given his immediate reaction, Benedick had to admit that he had, even if it had not been his intention. Still, it was for the best.
“I have my answer. Good night, Benedick.”
He watched her leave, closing the door behind her.
His heart ached even more than it had last summer.
His love had not died, even though he had hoped that it had all been an illusion. But what they had shared had stayed with him all these months. It had been real. And, it had been for her too.
Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to go after her.
Except where would she go?
There were only two chambers that were furnished.
He knew that because he had toured the entire house to make note of any entry, window or door, that could be easily entered without anyone knowing.
He also knew that she and her sister had been the only ones to live here and as they had not anticipated ever having guests, they hadn’t bothered to furnish the remaining three rooms.
They had purchased this home for a place to live independently and not in the house her brother, the Earl of Norbright, kept in Mayfair. A place for them to sleep, not entertain.
He strode forward and yanked open the door and went in search of Victoria.