Chapter Fifteen #3
He was determined to stay in his own room tonight. He could feel the pull from Harris’s room down the hall, but he would resist it. Harris deserved someone way, way, way better than Troy.
Which reminded Troy of his plan to start an official Instagram account, for real this time.
He knew he was going to get shit on in the replies, especially if he actively posted in support of sexual assault victims, but fuck it.
He could handle it. It was such a small discomfort, in the grand scheme of things.
He wondered how to get one of those little blue checks. Harris would know. He could text him and ask. Or walk down to his room and see if he—
No. Troy could figure this out.
He was several minutes into a tutorial video on getting verified when there was a knock at his door.
He opened it, hoping it was anyone but Harris, but also really wanting it to be Harris.
It was Harris.
“Hi. Am I interrupting anything?”
“Nope.” Troy, against his better judgment, let Harris into his hotel room.
When the door was closed, Troy leaned back against it. “What’s up?”
“I think we should talk, maybe.”
Troy wasn’t enough of an ass to ask about what? so he just nodded. “Okay.” He tried to keep his expression blank, not exposing the way his heart was racing, or the way he really wanted to pull Harris into his arms.
“So, about last night,” Harris said with a nervous smile. “Was that your first time? With a man, I mean?”
Even though Troy had already kissed Harris, gotten off with him, and held him in his arms all night, he still had to force the admission out. “No.”
Harris’s eyes widened. “Wow. Okay. So, um...”
Troy crossed the room and sat on the bed. “I’m gay.” He let that hang there a moment. Harris didn’t say anything, just stood in front of him, waiting patiently. “I had a boyfriend. We were together, secretly, for almost two years.”
“Oh. Jesus, that sounds hard.”
“It was, I guess. But neither of us wanted to come out, so it worked. I thought it did anyway. But then he dumped me and now he’s...” Troy sighed. “I guess I can just tell you. It was Adrian Dela Cruz.”
Harris’s mouth dropped open. “Wait. What?”
“Yeah.”
“The actor?”
“Yeah.”
“But when were you dating? Because I thought he said in his Instagram post that he’d been with Justin Green for months. They’re engaged!”
“He dumped me in November. So, yeah. You can do the math.”
Harris sat beside him and placed a hand on his arm. “Aw, Troy. I’m sorry.”
Troy swallowed thickly. He had never talked about Adrian to anyone before. “It sucked, seeing that post. I was in love with him, I thought. I mean, I still think I was.”
Harris took his hand, rubbing his thumb over Troy’s knuckles. “Damn. I was so excited when I saw that post. So happy for him. I had no idea he was a total scumbag.”
Troy huffed. “He found someone better. I don’t know why I was surprised.”
Harris looked at him sternly. “Don’t say that.”
His thumb was still brushing over Troy’s knuckles, steady and soothing.
“I was thinking about coming out for him, if he wanted,” Troy said quietly.
It was something he hadn’t ever admitted to himself, really, let alone said out loud.
He’d only considered it when he’d been in Adrian’s arms, behind the safety of a locked door, but in those rare, perfect moments, Troy had felt brave.
“Do you have people you can talk to about him?” Harris asked quietly.
“No. I’ve never told anyone about him.”
Harris’s thumb stilled. “You’ve been dealing with a broken heart all by yourself?”
Troy shrugged one shoulder.
Harris squeezed his hand. “Oh, Troy. Jeez, you’ve had a rough couple of months.”
Troy gazed into Harris’s warm eyes and offered a small smile. “It hasn’t been all bad.”
Harris’s smile in response was so sweet, it took all of Troy’s self-control not to kiss him.
He straightened his shoulders. “So, yeah. It wasn’t my first time, so don’t worry about, um, that. And obviously we both needed some release after...everything. It’s not a big deal.”
Harris let go of his hand, and his smile faded. “Got it. It was just convenient.”
Troy should have been relieved that Harris understood, but he wanted to grab his hand back. Instead, he nodded and said, “Exactly. I liked it a lot, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not sitting here thinking it means more than it does.” Please tell me it means more.
“Right,” Harris said. He laughed, but it sounded forced. “Me neither.”
Troy stood, because the proximity to Harris, especially while on a bed, was too much. “So, I should get to bed, probably. Game day tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Okay.” Harris stood, and Troy could tell he was hurt. Had he been hoping to stay? To go another round with him? Maybe this time with their clothes off? God, Troy wanted to throw him on the bed and just fucking wreck him. Or maybe just hold him all night and breathe in his scent.
“Good night,” Harris said. He had one hand on the door handle, but he was twisted around to face Troy, like he was hoping Troy would stop him.
“Good night,” Troy said, and turned away. The door opened and clicked shut behind him.