Chapter Nineteen
I linger after school on Wednesday even though we don’t have band practice.
I know it’s silly—it’s not like my hanging around will have any effect on Sire’s decision about the percussion section leader—but I guess I want to be nearby to find out the news as soon as possible.
I tell myself that’s for the sake of the guard, so I can be prepared if Brody is on the warpath tomorrow, but that’s not the complete truth.
Either way, I take my time outside, rolling the competition flags just so and storing them in our outside shed, making sure to keep my new key close at hand.
There’s no way I’m making that mistake again.
By the time I walk back into the school, I’m one of the last people here.
Brody, Max, Sire, and the assistant directors are all huddled in the back of the band room.
Sire’s head whips around to me. “Sorry, Hazel, the band room is closed right now.”
“Oh, sorry, my fault.” I point to a stray practice flag that someone left leaning against the wall. “I just wanted to, um, get a little more practice in. I’ll go to the gymnasium.”
“I’m pretty sure the cheerleaders are practicing in there this afternoon. But you could try the auditorium stage. There shouldn’t be anyone there.”
“Oh, okay. Thanks.”
Brody eyes me warily, and Max gives me a small nod. I cross my fingers behind my back and hurry out.
I don’t really need to practice, but I head to the auditorium and wander around.
I’ve never been on this stage before because we don’t practice here, but it’s actually not a bad space.
The ceilings are super high, so we could practice tosses, and I even notice mirrors along the back wall, hidden by heavy curtains.
It feels kind of weird lurking in this empty cavernous space, but I decide to stay for a while in case Max comes to find me when he’s done.
Twenty minutes go by while I mess around with some harder flag tosses and try to fill my mind with thoughts of our D&D campaign.
I’m just starting to think that I misread this situation and Max isn’t coming, when the door at the back of the auditorium squeaks open.
Someone steps inside, silhouetted by the bright light from the hallway.
I catch my flag with a snap, then lower it to the ground.
My heart thumps uncomfortably in my chest. I don’t need to see his face to know it’s Max.
Somewhere along the way, I seem to have memorized the outlines of him—long legs and broad shoulders and the perfect waves of his hair.
“How’d it go?” I ask.
“Bad news,” he calls from the back. He strides down the aisle until he’s close enough that I can make out the smirk on his face. “We share a common enemy now. And you owe me ice cream.”
I yelp. “It happened? You’re section leader?”
Max jumps up onto the stage with me. “I am.”
I don’t think, I just throw my arms around him and squeeze. He squeezes me back, holding so tight that my feet almost lift off the floor before he releases me.
I step away, a little shaky. “Congratulations!”
Max sits down on the edge of the stage, and I lower myself next to him, careful to leave enough space between us that he couldn’t suspect how my pulse has sped up since he came in.
“Thanks. I was getting worried that Sire and Mrs. Lewis would be reluctant to make the change so far into the season. I have a feeling Brody didn’t react well when they talked to him, though.”
“They know how talented you are. Actually, I’ve been wondering, how did you get so good at the drums?”
He snorts. “I feel like I should take offense. Are you that surprised?”
“Let’s just say I don’t remember you being entirely diligent when we were younger.”
“One of the best things about our move away was that the new house had a soundproof basement. My parents weren’t always fighting, but there was enough tension that I liked to hang out down there and practice. It’s amazing how good you can get at something if it’s all you do.”
Oof, now I feel like a jerk. The last thing I want to do is bring up more drama about his family now that we seem to be moving past that. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No,” he replies immediately. “You can ask me whatever you want. In fact, it’s kind of nice to talk about it with someone. I couldn’t really talk to my friends at my last school about stuff like this.”
“Well, in that case, how’s your mom doing? I barely saw her on Sunday.”
“She seems…better. Not perfect, but getting there. I’m still a little worried about her, but I think her D&D game is helping. It gives her something to look forward to every week.”
“And you’re…”
“I’m okay.” He turns so he’s facing me instead of the auditorium seating.
“Really. After you and I talked, I sat down with Mom again. We’d never really delved into everything, and she tried to explain why she felt like she needed to leave.
I could tell she left some stuff out for my sake, but I got the basic idea.
I hadn’t known how controlling my dad was.
” He clenches his hands in his lap so hard that the tendons are visible on his forearms. “I’m glad she did it. And I’m glad I came here with her.”
I nod, not sure what to say. I can’t quite believe he’s being so honest with me.
“You’re a really good son for moving senior year to be with your mom,” I say quietly after a moment. “I’m sure it means a lot to her. I don’t think everyone would do that, even if it gave them a chance to join the best high school marching band in Ohio.”
That makes him laugh, which was the goal.
“You’ve caught me—that was my main motivation.” He messes with his fingernails. “How are things with you and your mom? Didn’t you say there was some tension?”
I snort. “Yeah, always.”
“Is that what led you to go into color guard? You’re amazing at it, by the way. I never told you. But I figured I’d come back to find you as first chair trumpet.”
“My parents would have loved that. I think the first time I broke their hearts was when I decided to play flute instead of a brass instrument in fifth grade. Every year they hoped I’d change my mind.
And when I decided to try color guard freshman year, I thought they’d both keel over in shock.
I still play flute in symphonic band, and I enjoy it, but…
I guess I just wanted to do my own thing.
I thought maybe there would be less pressure if I did something different.
” I shake my head. “Joke’s on me. They’re set on me winning the senior MVM award like Mom did. ”
“But you still want it too, right? So it doesn’t matter what your parents want as long as it’s something you care about.”
“Right. Plus, I can’t let you win it.” I smile a little too brightly.
I can’t admit to him that I’m not sure anymore if I want it or even deserve it.
It’s an odd realization. Growing up, I wanted to win everything all the time, no matter what.
I put so much pressure on myself to be the best. The best dancer, the best performer, the best daughter.
And I told myself it was worth the work because the payoff was so big.
But now…I don’t know. Life didn’t change after I won the award freshman year.
It’s not like I could suddenly relax and be carefree for the rest of high school.
And is it even fair to vie for the award again when I’ve already won it once?
Mom would adamantly say yes since she did exactly that, but more and more I’m having a hard time caring.
Mostly, I just want the guard to be happy.
Well, I want that and to win our bet against the percussion.
But I don’t think we’ll win unless I can find a way to help the guard members enjoy our practices.
“I can’t deny it’d be pretty cool to come into this band as the new kid and then steal the title away from the rest of you.”
“Oh my god, you never stop. You’ll have a great shot at it, though. It’s obvious that a lot of the percussion section already loves you. They’ll rally around you.” I shake my head. “I don’t know how you did that, though. I’m—” I cut myself off when I realize I’m about to say too much.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I mimic locking my lips. “Insider secrets.”
“Color guard secrets, you mean? You can tell me. I’m not Brody, you know. That’s kind of the whole point.”
“But Brody will still be part of percussion. And it’s not even about Brody, it’s just…we’re competitors, Max. Our sections don’t get along, and it feels wrong to tell the section leader anything that could give you leverage over us.”
He leans back on his elbows with a furrowed brow and stares out into the auditorium.
“I can’t promise that everything is going to change with me as section leader.
We’re still going to fight to win our bet.
The others are going to revolt against me if they’re forced to perform your guard choreography in front of everybody.
We’ll still want more Superior ratings than you, and more compliments from Sire. ”
I lean back as well, mimicking his position. Nothing he’s saying surprises me, but it’s still disheartening. “I know.”
“But that doesn’t mean I’m going to sabotage the guard.
” He shifts. The side of his pinky finger barely touches mine, and I can’t tell if he meant to do that or not.
“I want to win, but that’s only going to happen by me bringing the percussion together and getting us to perform at our best. Whatever’s going on with the guard doesn’t change that. ”
I glance over at him, trying to read his expression and whether or not he could be lying to me. It’s still hard for me to trust him completely, but maybe I can look at this as a test. If he uses this info against me in the future, then I’ll have my answer.
“It’s just, I’m struggling. I want everyone to love the guard the way I do and to be excited to perform and for us to feel like…I don’t know, a family? That’s really cheesy, sorry—”
“It’s not cheesy,” he says, his expression kind. “I get it.”
I take a relieved breath. “And I can’t figure out how to make that happen. Sometimes I even wonder if they hate me a little bit.” I whisper the last sentence. I’m being way too forthcoming.
“It’s impossible to hate you, Hazel. Believe me, I’ve tried.”
I turn back to him and his smile is warm. And maybe a little mischievous.
“I don’t know if I have good advice for you,” he continues.
He tips his head up to the ceiling like he’s thinking.
“It’s going to be an uphill battle for me now with Brody insulting me whenever he sees an opening.
But, at least for me, it helps that some of us have bonded over video games and quoting LOTR lines to each other.
We’ve even started playing Helldivers together in the evenings.
And we talk music. There’s this drummer I’m obsessed with—El Estepario Siberiano—and now we’re constantly sending each other clips of him playing.
Do you have anything like that with your guard members? ”
I slump. This is such a basic thing—bonding over our shared interests—but I have no idea what most of the others enjoy.
Even those of us who were in guard together previous years never hung out outside of band.
And this year, we’ve been so busy rehearsing that I rarely get to talk to them about what else is happening in their lives.
But then I remember our section dinner and how we all made characters. It was silly, but we had a good time. Maybe that’s exactly the type of thing we need more of. We need something to bond us together.
I nod slowly. “That’s really helpful. Thanks.”
“You can pay me back with ice cream.” He jumps to his feet. “Actually, now that I think about it, you have to pay me back…since you lost your bet.” His smile is wicked. “To me.”
“I knew I’d lose.”
He blinks in surprise. “Then why’d you take the bet?”
“Because it’s really fun toying with you.” My grin matches his as I make little puppet master movements with my hands.
“I’m eating double the ice cream just for that.”