14. Nadia
14
NADIA
I’m afraid to leave my room.
But, I also toss and turn in my bed thinking of what he felt like.
This battle within me is all losers and no winners.
My husband is a really bad man. He killed someone because of me. While I was in the room.
It makes me feel weird. Appalled, and turned on.
And, also intimidated. Would he hurt me? He hasn’t shown any signs, in fact, the complete opposite.
He murdered someone.
Yet, I can’t stop thinking about him. I want him more than ever. I need him to show me what he can do to me. He’s right. I had a taste of it and I am craving more.
My books don’t have the same appeal, not after I’ve experienced the real thing.
Reality is so much better than fiction. But, these stories keep the memories so vivid, I can’t stop reading them.
Why does this have to be this complicated? Is this really the life I want? A man who takes care of me, fucks me any way I beg, and kills for me?
God, when I frame it like that, he sounds perfect.
I just need some time to think. I have a big show coming up, and that’s where I should be focusing my efforts.
Not on how big his cock is.
Or, how good he felt when he fucked my ass. How many times did I get off? Three? Four?
A wave of heat smothers my cheeks. Did I really do that? I’ve always scoffed at it in the romance books. Never thought it could be real.
It should feel wrong, but there’s a part of me that craves more.
“So? You’ve been M.I.A. for days. What’s going on? Are you going to be ready for the show?” Rochelle’s raspy voice is a welcome distraction.
“Things are just, well, complicated.” How do I tell her what happened?
I don’t.
Is this a test? Is he somehow making me choose him or the right thing?
“I know that sound. That’s the sigh of the freshly fucked.” Her laughter tinges on a cough. “I thought you weren’t marrying him for that?”
“I didn’t. It just kind of…happened.” I can’t hide it from her forever.
Her cackle makes me smile. “Like, an accident? Driving along and bumped uglies on the freeway?”
“Um. More like I ran into him and got rear-ended.” I can feel the fire over my face enflame.
She sounds like she’s choking. “Jesus, girl! You can’t just drop that kind of juice on me! I’m gonna die of diabetes from all that sugar!”
I’m laughing so hard I snort. “It was a pretty wild time,” I admit.
“Wild? My idea of that is when my cat gets the zoomies. You went full on safari level.” A fanning noise waves through the speaker.
I can just imagine her sitting there with a piece of paper fluttering it in front of her face.
A loud knock startles me.
It’s him.
“He’s here. I’ll call you back later.” My heart beats faster knowing he’s so close.
“Girl, go. Fill me in when I see you. I want all the details!” she shrieks before I hang up.
What am I going to do?