29. Chapter 29
CHAPTER 29
F airfax Hall was lonely at night. Each room filled with guests, no space for even one more person, yet the stillness crept into Alice’s very bones.
She held her dressing gown closer; the fabric providing little protection against the chill of the marble floors beneath her slippers. Her heart thundered in her chest as she glanced behind her, searching for any sign of movement in the darkened corridors. No one could see her—this almost felt worse than sneaking around with Victor, kissing in alcoves.
Miss Eastridge had given her precise directions, and Alice counted doors carefully as she made her way down the hall. When she reached what she hoped was the correct chamber, she stood frozen before it, gathering her courage. Finally, she raised her hand and rapped gently against the wood.
She waited for a beat and heard movement from inside. After trying once more, a voice called out.
“One moment!”
Though she had expected him to be asleep at this hour, she still felt impatient as she hugged herself tightly, listening to the sounds of scraping and movement within. Finally, the door opened and Elias’s face emerged. His dark hair was disheveled as though he had just risen from bed, and he wore a hastily donned robe over his nightclothes.
Upon seeing her, his expression shifted from surprise to confusion.
“A-Alice? What are you doing here? It is hardly appropriate?—”
The words died in his throat as he seemed to notice something in her countenance.
“Remember on the boat,” she blurted. “You told me if I needed to speak to you, if I needed anything at all. I only ...” She swallowed hard. “Anytime, you said.”
“I did not realize anytime would mean the middle of the night.”
“It cannot wait.”
Elias’s face hardened for a moment, then he nodded.
“Of course.” He glanced down the hall to ensure they were alone before stepping out and carefully closing the door behind him. “You look like you need a cup of tea. Come, follow me.”
They moved through shadow-filled corridors, passing doorways in silence. As they descended the grand stairs, moonlight cast a blue glow across half of Elias’s face. They took winding paths through Fairfax Hall until they reached the servants’ area of the manor. He opened a door, leading her into a long room. The kitchens. A large preparation table dominated the center, with a stove and bread oven along one wall. Glass jars lined the cabinets, accompanied by various baskets of ingredients. At the far end stood a long table where staff would take their meals.
Alice hesitated at the threshold, feeling as though she was intruding in a space that wasn’t meant for her. But it was too late for any staff to be about, and too early for the cooks to begin breakfast preparations.
“Sit,” Elias said, gesturing to a stool beside the table.
“Should we not call for someone?”
“I do not think we need a servant to heat water,” Elias said.
He moved to the hearth, where embers still glowed beneath the ash. He stoked the fire easily, adding kindling and small logs until flames licked upward. The copper kettle he selected bore the marks of daily use rather than ornamental display. The familiar domestic motions seemed strange coming from a duke’s hands.
“I have never heard of a duke making his own tea,” Alice said.
He turned to give her a half-smile while poking the fire.
“Perhaps I am not quite what you’d expect from a duke.”
The words made her heart constrict painfully. He was being so kind, so warm and charming. She watched as he went about preparing their tea, fetching simple ceramic cups from the staff’s cupboard rather than the fine china used upstairs. He searched the walls of jars until he found what he sought.
“What are you making then, Your Grace?”
“The dowager’s garden does not just grow flowers. Her herbal collection is one of the most considerable.” He selected a few glass jars. “Sometimes I think people forget that with all her obsession with roses and lilies. Though …” he gave her a knowing look, “I have no complaints about her flowers.”
Alice studied him as he prepared the herbs and strained them, pouring steaming water over the mixture. She had never seen the duke like this—his hair disheveled, collar open to reveal dark chest hair beneath, small circles shadowing his eyes. Guilt pricked at her for waking him, though she wondered if those shadows came from more than just tonight’s interrupted sleep. His hands drew her attention as he worked, sleeves pushed up to reveal arms marked with tiny nicks and scars. These weren’t the hands of a duke raised with a silver spoon—they spoke of experience she knew nothing about. She realized how many layers remained between them, how many secrets her supposed future husband might hold.
But she wasn’t sure she was meant to be the one to uncover them.
He passed her the brew, and she took a careful sip. The taste was slightly floral, with a hint of honey.
“Elias—”
“I think I know why you are here.”
“You cannot?—”
He raised a hand, the gesture silencing her despite his casual state. Even in his nightclothes, he carried a duke’s authority.
“I will allow you to speak, but you must hear me out.” He wrapped both hands around his cup. “When I arrived at Fairfax Hall last week, I knew few people. I had previously become acquainted with Lord and Lady Fairfax at a wedding four years ago.”
“Victor and Violet’s.”
He nodded.
“So you know about her.” He released a long breath, shaking his head with a knowing smile. “Not long ago, I asked Victor to assist in finding me a wife. The Dowager Countess ensured there were eligible ladies in attendance at her birthday celebration, so I decided to join Lacey here. Then I met you. After our first introduction, Victor told me to stay away from you at all costs. And then I danced with you and something ... changed within him. I do not know what. Perhaps it was love at first vomit.”
He smiled wryly as Alice blushed a deep shade of red. Then he paused, weighing his next words. “But from that point forward, he was completely obsessed with my courting you. And why wouldn’t I be interested? Despite our rough beginning, you are beautiful, charming, lovely to be around. I was perfectly content following his suggestion.”
He let out a long breath. “I have noticed something between the both of you, and I thought it to be animosity. But still he insisted it was fine, that you would be the best wife I could find, and why wouldn’t I trust my friend? He is the only person I know who has found love. A true love so deep that it caused a pit equally deep when it ended. I think ...” He paused, searching the dark corners of the room. “I think that deep pit kept him from admitting to himself that he had fallen in love again. And instead of facing that fact, he placed that upon me for whatever reasons he had. I know he had only good intentions, but now I see perfectly.
“After church this morning, I sought him out,” Elias continued, his voice growing softer. “I knew something was terribly wrong. Victor has always been disagreeable, but lately ...” He shook his head. “At first, he denied everything. Claimed there was nothing to tell. But I pressed him—I had to know what tormented my dearest friend so. Finally, after what felt like hours, his walls crumbled.”
Alice’s heart thundered in her chest.
“What did he tell you?”
“That he loves you. More deeply, I believe, than even he thought possible. I have known Victor since we were boys, watched him grieve Violet until I feared he might follow her to the grave. But this ...” He drew a slow breath. “I have never seen him so utterly heartsick. The man I spoke with today was a shadow of himself, convinced that his own happiness must be sacrificed for ours. He truly believed he was doing right by us both.”
“Elias ...”
He met her gaze firmly.
“I can see myself loving you. We could grow old together and have a gaggle of children. I could give you the Poet’s Treatment for the rest of my life and still be happy for it. I am not there now, but I can clearly see a future where we build that love and trust. I could give you my heart ... But you could never give me yours. Because it belongs to another.”
She pressed a hand to her mouth, fighting back tears that threatened to fall.
“I am s-so sorry, Elias. I did not mean to do this. There was so much pressure, so much?—”
He left his cup and walked to her, offering his hand. When she took it, he helped her to her feet and drew her into an embrace. His hold was strong but comforting, more like that of a brother or father than a lover. When he pulled back, his hands rested on her shoulders as he gave her a gentle smile.
“I should have known sooner. You two are like alley cats. Very wet, very angry alley cats.”
Alice couldn’t help but let out a tearful laugh, wiping her eyes.
“What about you?”
“I am a duke. I will weather a broken engagement with some finagling. I am more worried about you. This will be in the papers. Are you sure you wish to do this?”
Alice hadn’t considered that aspect. She pondered the social backlash, turning over all the worst possibilities in her mind. But as her thoughts spiraled through every terrible outcome, something strange happened—the familiar darkness did not rear its ugly head. She pressed a hand to her chest and laughed, not quite believing it.
“I ... I do not care.” She looked at Elias as though seeing something entirely new, another tear rolling down her cheek as she laughed again, placing a hand on her head. “I do not care one bit! Ha!”
Elias smiled back, shaking his head.
“Perhaps you both are more alike than I thought.” He patted her shoulder and crossed back to his cup, giving her a conspiratorial look. “And if that is the case, let us talk about tomorrow’s ball.”