Chapter 30
Chapter
Thirty
TIA
O ur traveling party is a nicely distracting group. Just like Noj’me had mentioned, she’s brought along several people. Set’nef and Tal’nef are with us, but R’jaal and Rosalind opted to stay behind. Instead, we have Harlow and Rukh with us, and their two children. Colleen and Natalie from the group of clones are with us, and one of the gladiators (I refuse to call them taters) named Chalath who looks like he’s got some cat genes.
It all starts out decently, with Rukh and Harlow leading the way. Rukh pulls the two children along on a sled behind him, and the rest of us carry packs. Rukh and Harlow have been to the ship many times before, and they insisted upon coming along so we wouldn’t get lost. “Plus, I want to see if the computer is aware of Noj’me’s Oracle pod, and if so, if they’re able to contact one another,” Harlow adds. “If so, we might be able to set up a long-distance line of communication.”
I hope so. Maybe I can check in on Rem’eb when he returns underground. My heart hurts a little just thinking about it.
Rem’eb is quiet as we trek through the snow and into the mountains that encircle the beach cove. He insists upon carrying my pack on his strong, broad back and won’t hear otherwise. Chalath offers to carry the packs of both Colleen and Natalie in exchange for kisses, and both women make disgusted sounds and turn him down.
The brothers—Set’nef and Tal’nef—end up carrying the packs for the women and ask for no kisses. Something tells me they do it just to look better against Chalath’s selfishness. The two women walk with Noj’me, who keeps an endless stream of chatter up, as if it’s her personal responsibility to put us all in a good mood as we travel.
It’s a losing battle. Harlow’s kids are fussy because they’re bored, the brothers are stunned by the scenery around us, Chalath’s a dick, and Rem’eb and I are lost in our own personal misery. We walk behind the others, last in our straggling train across the snows.
“Hey, can we take a break soon?” Colleen calls out to Rukh and Harlow. “My boots are covered in ice.”
“It’s an ice planet,” Natalie points out, gesturing at the tall mountains around us that blot out the sunlight. It’s quite possibly the first time she’s spoken today. I also notice for the first time that she’s wearing her clothing inside-out, with the soft fur on the inside instead of the outside. Weird.
Chalath snorts with amusement, and Colleen scowls at both of them. They all stop walking, though.
Harlow taps Rukh on the shoulder and he nods. She turns to us, bright orange braids peeking out from under a furry round hat. “We’ll take a break and then pick up again in a little bit. How’s that?”
Her mate looks less thrilled at stopping, but Rukh never likes to bother with anyone much outside of Harlow and his kids…or maybe his brother Raahosh. I’m still a little surprised they came with us on the trip, but I think that’s more Harlow than anything. He’d follow his female to the ends of the earth. Or ice planet. Whatever.
Chalath throws down his blankets and gestures at them, indicating that Natalie, Noj’me and Colleen should join him on the furs. I’m kind of amused that all three of them promptly ignore him, sitting on their packs a short distance away. The ancestor brothers sit on a rock, talking quietly amongst themselves and adjusting their boots while Harlow hands snacks to her kids.
Rem’eb sets his pack down and gestures that I should sit on it. “Rest your feet. You need your strength.”
I indicate that he should sit so I can sit in his lap, and a little smile tugs at his mouth. It’s the first one I’ve seen today, and it feels rarer than diamonds. He sits on the blanket, cross-legged, tail thumping, and automatically reaches for me. When I sit in his lap, his arms go around me and he pulls his cloak over the two of us.
I snuggle down against his chest, content.
“Your idea was better than mine,” he admits, lips moving against my hair.
“I have lots of amazing ideas,” I say, even though I know he won’t understand. “Stick with me, baby, and you’ll find out.”
He just nuzzles my head, pulling me close. The wind picks up, snow drifting off of a rocky outcrop in the distance, and my gaze goes to it. Rem’eb’s does, too, and he leans in close to me again. “How big is the above?”
“Very.” I make an expansive gesture with my hands.
“I do not trust it. It is too open.”
“Why?”
“Anything could fall on you from above.” Rem’eb gestures at the sky above us.
I bite my lip to stifle my laughter.
“How high up does this place go?” he continues, feeding my amusement. “If I stand atop that cliff, can I touch the puffy white thing high above?”
The cloud? I chuckle. “No. You need to be a lot higher to touch those.”
“And where does the snow come from? And the wind?” Rem’eb shakes his head again. “Far safer down below, where nothing invisible is blowing air upon you.”
He’s so funny. “It’s just wind.”
“At least below it is warm,” he grumps, and I’m both amused and achingly sad at his words. If he loved it up here, maybe he’d stay longer. Maybe warmer weather could entice him to stay if I cannot.
I just lean in against him, closing my eyes and trying to drown out the world around us. I need to treasure every moment we have left together. I need to remember each minute with clarity so I can think about them in the years to come when I’m alone with our child and he’s back with his people.
Rem’eb strokes my arm with one hand, his fingers moving over my sleeve. “Are you tired?”
I shake my head. “Just relaxing.”
He might not understand my words, but I think he gets my tone. He grunts and is quiet for a moment, then whispers, “I wish I could be like Set’nef and Noj’me. They love this travel.”
Opening my eyes, I glance over at Noj’me, who is excitedly talking Colleen’s ear off while Natalie hugs her knees and gazes off into the distance. Tal’nef and his brother are a bit farther away from our small group, but Set’nef’s wagging tail—and the way he constantly looks around with amazement—makes it clear that he’s enjoying the journey.
But I guess Rem’eb doesn’t. “Not you?”
He glances down at me, his expression thoughtful. “I would give anything to stay in your hut forever. As it is, every step we take feels as if I am walking toward losing you. So, no, I am not enjoying this journey.”
Oh. My eyes fill with tears. I sniff, hating the wetness that cascades down my cheeks because it’s just going to freeze up. I press my face against his chest, hiding my sadness. “Then don’t leave.”
But I know it’s selfish even to ask.
It takes another day of travel before the sight of the old spaceship rises in the distance. It’s on its side, like a tipped-over box standing alone on a flat plain.
Chalath is the first one to spot it. “Is that decrepit hulk what we’re looking for?”
“The Great Oracle,” Noj’me squeals, thrilled. She clasps some of her hands beneath her chin, her others waving excitedly. “It’s so big!”
We all gather together to look at our first glimpse of it. Well, I’ve seen it before, but the others haven’t. I watch Rem’eb’s face as his gaze settles on the old spaceship, wondering how strange it must look to him. He doesn’t even have science fiction movies to go off of like I do.
“It’s so old,” Chalath says grumpily, crossing his arms. “I wouldn’t trust that tech to cook me a meal.”
“It’s on its side,” Colleen points out, staring. “Or am I wrong?”
“You aren’t wrong,” Natalie reassures her.
“There was a big earthquake several years ago that made it tip over,” Harlow agrees. “But a portion of it has settled into a trench so it’s no longer moving, and there are rope ladders in place where it’s too steep to traverse. Just be careful and rope yourself to a buddy.”
Rukh moves closer to the sled he’s been tirelessly pulling, nudging Harlow closer to it. He points at a shadow in the distance. “Sky-claw. Be on your guard.”
“And it’s probably a good idea to rope yourself to your buddy sooner rather than later,” Harlow points out.
“What is sky-claw?” asks Noj’me.
“A bird-lizard,” Colleen says, a hand shading her eyes so she can look up. “A friggin’ huge one if what everyone says is right.”
“Very big, and very dangerous,” I agree, sliding my hand into Rem’eb’s belt. “Tell the others, Noj’me. We all need to tie together because if someone gets swallowed, the other person needs to attack it to let them go.”
“You…you’re not serious, are you? You’re shitting me, right?” Colleen states. “They can eat us?”
“One ate Josie,” Harlow agrees. “She almost died.”
After that, no one can get linked up fast enough. Ropes are passed around and we’re tied in twos. I’m bound to Rem’eb, who keeps a hand on me at all times, as if he’s worried I might get snatched away if he turns his head. Noj’me ties to Colleen, the brothers to each other, and Chalath looks thrilled to be tied to Natalie.
Natalie doesn’t complain. She doesn’t say anything at all. It’s hard to get a read on her, and I remember that she’s one of the ones that has no memories from before. Even her name is one that Flor gave her just so we had something to call her.
After the sky-claw sighting, we hurry a little faster toward the fallen ship. As we approach the base of the ship, the size of it becomes far more obvious to everyone. I’ve seen it a few times before, but I’m always struck at how something so large manages to fly through space. It’s got to be the size of a cruise ship in length, though not nearly as bulky as the monstrosities that offer vacation packages back on earth. Noj’me falls to her knees as we come to the base.
“The Mighty Oracle,” she weeps, raising her hands to the sky. “How great! Surely all knowledge is contained within.”
“Who’s gonna tell her it’s a shitty computer that probably needs a good power cycle?” Colleen jokes.
“Not me,” says Natalie, and points to Noj’me just a few feet away. “And you just told her. She can hear you.”
Colleen frowns at Natalie, then turns her attention to Noj’me. Her voice is kinder as she touches the other woman’s shoulder. “Come on. You can’t worship that thing. It’s just a really old bucket of bolts with a half-functioning computer.”
Noj’me allows herself to be pulled to her feet, wiping her cheeks. “Com-pew-turr?”
“It’s like a brain,” Harlow tells her. “Full of knowledge.”
Noj’me becomes radiant once more. “Yes?”
“Don’t lead her on,” Colleen protests. “You’re just setting her up for a world of hurt.”
“How would you describe a computer, then?” Harlow’s expression is patient. She kneels in front of the sled, smoothing her small daughter’s pigtails and straightening her rumpled clothes in a motherly fashion as the girl continues to hug her doll atop the sled. Harlow glances back over at Colleen. “She’s not praying to it for rain or asking it to smite her enemies. She thinks it holds a great deal of knowledge. Which it does. What part of all that is misleading?”
“I just don’t like her being led on, that’s all,” Colleen grumbles.
“Let’s just make camp,” I say, interrupting. “It hasn’t been all that long since someone was last here. We can probably use their firepit.” A short distance away, I can see the snow-covered remains of an old firepit and some rocks that encircled it. There’s nothing but a light crust over the pit, which means we’ll set up there. I gesture at it. “This area looks like it falls in the shadow of the ship, which means it’ll be a little bit colder overall, but we’ll also be protected from the sky.”
“We’re staying out here? Shouldn’t we go inside?” Colleen asks. “So, you know, we don’t get eaten by giant birds?”
Rukh takes his daughter off the sled, kisses her round cheek, and hands her over to his mate. His son, he ruffles his hair and stands still while Rukhar links himself to his father’s belt. “We stay down here,” Rukh says, and his tone sounds final. “Smoke keeps away sky-claw.”
“Besides,” Harlow says in a gentler tone. “There’s no level surfaces up top. Once you go up, you’ll see what I mean. We’re here to use the computer, check on a few things, and then return home.”
“Should we sleep in pairs as well, then?” Chalath asks, giving Natalie an expectant grin. “I will make room for you in my furs and keep you warm.”
Natalie grimaces, pulling her rope free from his belt. She walks a few feet over to Colleen and Noj’me and grabs Colleen’s belt, silently tying herself to them as a third.
“No,” says Noj’me. “Three tied together and one alone is less safe.”
Poor Natalie grimaces again and reluctantly holds the end of her rope out to Chalath once more. He takes it and ties her to him again, smirking at all of us as if he’s won a prize instead of being her last choice.
My amusement at their antics dies quickly, because we’re here. My time with Rem’eb is going to be measured by hours now instead of days or weeks. The moment he gets the language beam into his mind, the countdown begins. The knot in my throat grows unbearable, and I want to collapse in misery.
How am I going to do this without him?
I fight back my grief, because this is what I agreed to. I can’t go back on it now. I just clutch tightly at Rem’eb’s hand and hope I have the strength to do this. It’s not like he’s going to be instantly taken away from me, after all. We’ll still have a bit of time together.
I just have to make the best of it.
We set up camp and start a fire. Chalath and Natalie set up tents, still tied together. Chalath does the heavy work while Natalie hands him things. Rukh gets the children settled and unpacks the sled with his son Rukhar while Harlow checks the rope ladders. “Everything looks just as sturdy as we left it.”
“I go up first,” Rukh growls at his mate. “To make sure.”
“Yes, yes, I know. I’m just impatient.” She beams at him, and a small smile curves his hard mouth in response.
Just their happiness makes me ache. They know each other so well after years of being together. I’m envious. So very envious.
I take over the fire-making and cooking duties, letting Rem’eb assist me. We’re still tied together, and part of me wants this rope around my waist forever. I’m just being impractical now. My grief over what I’m about to lose is affecting my mind.
“Shall we go up tonight?” Harlow asks, once the fire is blazing and her children are settled in the tent. Her eagerness is palpable.
Her words send me into a panic, though. “Tomorrow,” I blurt. “We can’t go tonight!”
Everyone stares at me.
“It’ll be dangerous,” I point out, forcing myself to keep my voice a little more level, less frantic. “What if something has frayed on the ropes? What if there’s been a collapse in the ship? Best to go when there’s enough light.”
Rukh grunts, nodding. “Tomorrow. The kits are tired.”
“You’re going to make them go up?” Colleen stares at him in shock.
Harlow laughs, shaking her head as she sits down next to her mate by the fire. “Making them? I won’t be able to stop them.”
“Are they good climbers?” Natalie asks, her expression solemn.
“Their father is,” Harlow says. Her hand goes to her mate’s thigh. “And he doesn’t mind climbing up and down twice.”
Rukh gives his mate a look of pure sweet, unadulterated love and I can’t take it. I get to my feet, fighting the need to go cry in private. “I’m exhausted. I’m gonna head to bed.”
The moment I stand, though, the rope around my waist tugs, and I gaze down at Rem’eb. My gorgeous, glorious Rem’eb, who looks up at me with such a knowing expression. He holds a hand out to me and I clasp it with both of mine, because I feel as if I’m about to collapse and break into a thousand pieces.
“She says she is tired,” Noj’me calls out to Rem’eb helpfully.
He nods, and gets to his feet, never letting go of my hand. “We will take one of the tents.”
With an easy hand, he grabs both of our packs and we head to the farthest tent. My throat is so tight that I can’t speak and I don’t know if I want to scream or cry. Probably both. I step in while Rem’eb unrolls the furs and I kick off my boots, then step onto the blankets.
Rem’eb never lets go of me, and when I have my boots off, he shuts the flap to the tent. In the privacy of the interior shadows, he lets out a long sigh.
“I am just as torn as you are, my sweet mate,” he murmurs.
Immediately, I feel guilty. He’s keeping to his side of the bargain and I’m making it worse by grieving. Of course he’s hurting, too. I reach for his face, caressing him. “No,” I say softly, because there are few words I can be certain won’t be misconstrued. “No sad.”
“How can I not be?” His arms go around my waist and he holds me tightly, trapping me against his chest. “You think I will be glad to leave you behind? You and my child, both? My heart will remain here with you. I will not take a single breath that will not be in your name. This agony you feel? It is mine, too.”
Tears slip down my cheeks, and I hold him tight, pressing my face to his front. The leather ties rub against my skin and I suddenly want to feel him against me without all these layers. I pull back and tear at his clothing, jerking it off of him.
Rem’eb growls and pulls at my clothing. “Yes,” he says, and then his mouth is on mine in a hot, achingly sweet kiss. I cling to him as he shoves my pants down, and kick them off when they pool at my feet.
“Sit,” I tell him, tugging him down to the blankets. He does, and I immediately straddle him, my naked pussy pressed against his dick. His pants are still around his ankles, but it’s his poncho that bothers me because it keeps me from rubbing myself all over his warm skin. I shove it over his head, and the leather gets caught in his tall horns, like a veil.
I’d laugh, but I kiss him instead, rocking my hips against his shaft. I want this moment of desperate connection more than anything. Our mouths meet, over and over, mutually devouring each other. He lifts me up just enough to settle me onto his dick and I tremble as he sinks into me. Locking my legs around his waist, I let him lift me up and down upon him, shuttling me over his dick. Our movements are frantic with need, and when he unfurls inside me, the pleasure’s so intense that I burst into tears.
Rem’eb clutches me against him, rocking our joined bodies back and forth.
Here I’d wanted a release with quick, frenzied sex, and I’ve just made myself more miserable. It’s reminded me of what I’m going to be missing, and I clutch him tight, wishing for things to be different and knowing they can’t.