3. Shaylee
My heart was hammering,stomach in knots, and just thinking about seeing James…I’m sure this is how a panic attack starts.
How was any of this even possible? The fates, God, Zeus, Anubis…damn. They must all hate the alignment of my stars. I was a walking, talking, end-of-days kind of girl. Or so it seemed.
Shaking myself, even I had to admit, that sounded a little dramatic. Giving myself a mental slap to get my head back in the game, I let out a long breath.
This day had gone from a celebration to…a hot mess of nerves. He was here. He’d seen me with Lola. Did he know just from their brief meeting? My stomach was seconds from making me lose everything I’d put in it over the last hour.
I’d been so nervous to come back up this elevator; to face my past choices head on. Would he be waiting? I’d gotten lucky; he wasn’t waiting, nor did I see him anywhere. I sure hoped my luck would hold out just a bit longer. I could slip in my office, grab the new manuscripts that needed my attention and a couple of folders, then escape this place for the weekend.
Rubbing my hands over my arms, I walked back toward my office. I could handle this. There was no choice actually. It was done, so it couldn’t be changed. He was going to be here for at least two months. Eight weeks. Fifty-some odd days. That was nothing.
Coming to the end of the hall, I noticed Danni wasn’t at her desk. I’d take that as a good sign. If she’d seen him, she’d most definitely remember him. The girl may be married, but she took the ‘you can look, but don’t touch’ saying to heart. Though, now that I thought about it, her husband Chandler was just as bad. When we went to dinner, they seemed to make it a contest. Ogling and booty checks at their best.
Grinning at that thought, I walked into my office, jumping when James’ wide shoulders came into sight. He was holding a picture of Lola. I sucked in a startled breath, and he turned, taking me in.
“What ar?—”
“Is she?—”
“Yes.” The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Tears pricked my eyes as he stood there, looking between me and the picture in his hand.
I wouldn’t lie to him and say no. I hated when people did that kind of shit. Why lie? No way to deny it, not really. It was obvious with him standing right here. Not that I’d had any kind of doubt. I wasn’t a girl who slept around normally. He’d been the only one in a long while.
“I didn’t know—” I stopped, took in a clearing, calming breath, and shut the office door. No one else needed to be privy to this conversation. “There was—this looks really bad,” I stammered. Panic rolled through my gut, my unease growing with each step I took toward my desk. “I didn’t know how to find you. The apartment was empty when I came back. They wouldn’t give me any information.”
I had tried. But I’d had nothing more than a first name and a half-assed description of him from that night. The tequila made things a little less clear too.
“I left for my job in New York the next morning. I never imagined coming back here.” He chuckled. “Turns out, I’m not a big city guy.”
“I didn’t know—I was celebrating getting a job here. You—I didn’t know.”
His gaze met mine, taking in the panic I was trying to hide. He was the CEO’s son. I hadn’t targeted him. I’d read stories of people doing that. Trapping someone so they’d have a better life. If Mr. Whitman found out…would he fire me? Could he?
“Hey, look at me.” When I looked up, he was right before me. “Breathe. None of this is your fault. It’s—” He shrugged. “I’m still trying to process this.”
“She’s the best part of me,” I whispered. “She’s kind, very smart, and she’s going to rule the world one day.”
He chuckled. “From what my father says about you, I can see that. He talks very highly of his best employee.” He took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I think we should start over. Now that I know?—”
“You want to meet her,” I stated, already knowing. I didn’t—couldn’t—blame him. Not one bit. “She’s mine. I won’t let anyone or anything upset her. You can get to know her, within reason, of course. I have to put her needs and safety as my top priority.”
“Understood. I’d not want to do anything to make you uneasy or that could hurt her in any way. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. It wasn’t how I wanted things to go that night. I had no idea.”
His eyes had tears pooling in them. If there was one thing that I was sure of, he was being open and honest with me. His raw emotions were bare to the world right now.
“Neither of us expected that one night to blossom into anything more than a good memory. I, for one, am still in awe of the way things turned out. I’d just landed this great job, and here I was a few months later having to tell my boss that I was pregnant. I was so scared he was going to drop me. Thankfully, he didn’t. I’d be lost without this place; they’ve become family.”
He took a seat in one of the chairs in front of my desk, still holding that framed picture. My lips tipped into a fond smile.
“Her name is Lola Jaymes…”
He slumped over in the chair, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to be that guy.”
“I don’t blame you. This is just as much on me. We both drank. We both decided to have sex.” I cringed at the way that sounded. “I have no regrets.”
“I’m not that person anymore. I’ve not been since leaving here.”
“I’m not either, and I haven’t been since she came along. You gave me the best gift I could ever ask for.”
“I’ll do anything. If you need something. I can give?—”
“Stop. Take a deep breath.” I swear he was about to have a coronary. Though I couldn’t imagine the surprise this was for him. Feeling guiltier than I had a reason to, I went to the chair beside him and took his hand. “Let’s start over, like you said. We will take this one day at a time and see how things go.”
“Deal.” He looked at his watch and sighed. “I need to find my dad; he and Jess are going to help get me up to speed on things. If you need anything, just—well, you know where to find me.” He stood, that picture still gripped in his fist. Reluctantly, he put it back on the desk and walked out.
My stomach was in knots again. For Lola, I would try and let him in. It would take time. There was no inviting him over for dinner and just pretending this was a happy family-in-the-making. Hell, we didn’t even know each other. In the biblical sense, we did, but in reality, we were just two strangers in the same room.
But for my daughter, I would try.
“Wait, you little stinker. Come back here!” I laughed as I jogged after Lola.
A deep chuckle came from the man on the picnic blanket behind us. Traitor. He’d let her escape with nothing more than a diaper on. We were at the Battery enjoying a Sunday of laughter and good food…and now, I looked like a crazy lady with a baby on the run.
Scooping her up, I started to tickle her sides.
“No tittles, Mommy!”
She giggled and was still squirming as I plopped down on the blanket. I grabbed a clean sundress from her bag with my free hand. I dare not let her go until it was on. She was fast for having such short legs.
“Here, let me help.” James took the dress and with expert swiftness, got it on her before she could fight it. “There you go, all done.”
This kid hated clothes and shoes, especially socks. It was a fight most days to get her to stay dressed. Not that I blamed her, but we were in public, after all.
“Wun, Mommy. Wun.”
“Mommy is too tired to run.” I laid back on the blanket, watching James as he tried to sidetrack her with a piece of strawberry. It worked, giving me a minute to catch my breath. I swear, you need to be an extreme athlete to keep up with kids these days.
Over the last few months, we’d been able to connect, learn about each other, and become really good friends. Was there more there? Maybe, but it was complicated.
I wanted to make sure any choices I made would have Lola’s best interest in mind. Like I’d told him when he’d first found out about her, she was my first priority. She was the reason I worked so hard. She was my everything. But, he was slowly worming his way into my heart.
“You all right?” he asked, leaning over me slightly. His gaze met mine, never wavering.
Smiling, I pushed any doubts I had about him away. He was a great dad, friend, and boss. Man, that just made it weird. Well, how did you meet your husband, ma’am? In a bar, drunk off my ass. Turns out he was my boss’s son. Crazy, right?
I was losing it again. “Yeah, just a little nervous,” I admitted.
“Why? They already love you. It’ll be okay.”
Easy for him to say, he was their son. They’re required to always love him. I was the one who’d had a baby with him, knowing nothing but his first name. I looked at my watch and sighed. His parents would be here any minute now, to join us for our picnic.
They’d be meeting Lola as their granddaughter. Not just the ‘office girl’s baby.’ Was I overreacting? Possibly. Most likely—definitely. It’s something I did whenever I was truly stressed. Can we say, nutcase, party of one? That would be me.
“You’re overthinking again.” He chuckled.
My retort was cut off when Lola pushed between us and sat down on my chest. “Nacks, pweese.”
“Snacks?” I sat up, jostling her into my lap as I kissed her head.
“How about another strawberry?” James offered. She took it, squishing the wedge of fruit in her fist. I pulled a bib to me and slipped it on her, tying it in the back. I’d brought a red sundress just for this. If anyone ever says kids aren’t messy, they’re lying. She gets forty percent of every meal all over her. Some nights, I let her eat in just a diaper ‘cause I know we are going straight to the tub.
“Will you grab that blue container from the lunch bag? It has goldfish crackers in it.”
“Fisses!”
“Why are they all different colors? Isn’t it supposed to be orange?”
Grinning, I took the small bowl. “Originally, yes. But they have these now as well as some others. They’re the same goldfish crackers we know and love, they’re just a rainbow of colors.”
“Huh, that’s cool. I feel out of the loop.”
“Just shows you’re not a lifer in the junk food category.”
“I don’t consider crackers junk food,” he said, his gaze going behind me. I heard them moving closer.
“There you three are. We had to park all the way on the other end. Everyone had the same idea today it seems.”
“Mom, Dad, please have a seat.” James was laying out another blanket beside ours.
“I hope you’re hungry. Lola helped make sandwiches for today’s lunch. If you find a random goldfish on them, well, she is good at hide and seek.” I wanted to facepalm myself; I sounded like a doofus.
James reached over to squeeze my knee. Yeah, I was not going to talk; let him do that.
“Why are you acting so shy today, Lee?”
I shrugged.
“There’s something we want to tell you guys,” he started. “I knew Lee before she worked for you, Pops. Briefly, but…” He looked at Lola, laughing as she dropped another goldfish. She was great at playing hide and seek, I swear.
My attention drew back to the two people sitting before me when Mr. Whitman shifted in his place.
“We had a fling…” I blurted out. “I didn’t know he was your son at the time. Honest. Not a clue.”
Good lord, just kill me now. I’d be better off. Who just blurts that out? It wasn’t even that much to it. We had a few drinks, danced, and then went to his place and made a baby. Happens all the time.
It was Mrs. Whitman who broke first. Her laugh drew me from my panic. I just gawked at her. She held out a hand, waving off James’ “Mother.” His admonishment doing nothing to help the situation.
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. You just looked so worried. Don’t be. You’re both grown, and grown folks will do things. Even if you knew who he was, that is between the two of you.”
“We made a baby; that’s not just doing things,” I huffed out. “I didn’t know who he was, that kept him from knowing her.”
“You made a beautiful, precious baby. It may have come full circle in a roundabout way, but look at where you are now.”
“We put it together the day we saw you both in the office. One look and Carmen knew. Then my mom has been saying since Lola came along that she looked just like James.” Mr. Whitman chuckled. “I thought she was just living in a fantasyland. Seems she really does know all.”
“We are happy that you’ve been able to reconnect. I can only imagine how things have been, adjusting to a new normal. We are happy to have you in our lives. You’re more than an employee now.”
“You always have been. And this little angel, you know we already love her.” The Whitmans shared a smile, and something in me broke. Happiness rolled across me, whipping away the worry.