Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ADA
I f only things were that simple. It’s a sweet notion.
If only it was possible to wave his fingers and pet my hair and magically the disorder that I’ve been suffering from almost my entire life will just magically disappear. The lining of my throat won’t be ruined. The stomach acid in my stomach will no longer revolt against my body and then magically, just because he said so, I’ll be all cured.
It’s such a ludicrous idea that I can’t help but take it as an insult.
My arms still feel weak as I push myself away from Kieran’s chest.
“Of course, I never knew that it was so simple.” I whisper, the vitriol from earlier coming back slowly. “I wasn’t aware that a doctorate degree or medical license was among your list of accomplishments. What was I thinking? You will be the expert on bulimia then? Or are you going to drag me to doctors that will just have me committed again?”
The sheer arrogance of his promise grated me the wrong way.
Is it not enough that he feels so entitled to my body and my future, but now he wants to claim my mind? The parts of me that I’ve never been able to fix?
Kieran doesn’t dignify my needling with a response. Perhaps that’s for the best, because anything that I would say to him on the subject would only result in more fighting. Instead, Kieran locks his eyes on me, his expression one of pure confidence and surety.
It’s enough to give me pause.
He doesn’t waver. He doesn’t back down.
What does he know that I don’t? Does he really have an idea of how to fix this? I’ve tried so many things over the years with that singular goal in mind and time after time, everything has failed. I feel conflicting hope and irritation.
“Which part do you have issue with, princess? The fact that you have to trust me, or the fact that if this works, you’re going to have to learn how to live your life all over again?”
He has a point.
My nose scrunches in anger, and I hit his chest out of principle alone. I go to hit him again, but Kieran catches my wrist, holding it lightly.
“The first one was free, princess, the second one is going to cost you. Make sure that you will be able to pay the price if you it again.” Kieran warns, his voice stern as he releases my wrist.
I don’t even give myself time to think about it - I hit him a second time.
“Don’t say that I didn’t warn you.” Kieran says, his hand finding the base of my neck and grabbing me backward. His hand cushions the blow of my body against the floor before he climbs on top of me, pinning me in place as he pushes the stretchy pants that he got me down over my hips.
I struggle against his hold. Pushing, fighting, pretending that the heated blood coursing through me vibrantly isn’t one hundred and twenty percent on board with what is about to happen. I want to vent out every inch of my frustration against his skin. He can take it. He will let me, too, and I know that he will. He won’t have a choice.
Kieran’s hands are bruising as he holds me in place, keeping me from hitting him anywhere important. I have every intention of making that slowly healing scratch on his face a dozen times worse but I just can’t seem to manage it.
Kieran grabs my arm, spinning me onto my belly, the frigid floor of the bathroom a shock against my bare skin and I am shocked for a moment, forgetting to hit him, or fight. Kieran lifts my bare ass up into the air, and smacks it - hard.
He knocks the breath out of me, not because it hurts, but because I’m surprised. I’ve never been spanked before. Not by anybody, not for any reason.
“That’s one.” Kieran says, and I can hear how pleased he is with himself. I try to push up off of the floor, ready to spew more vitriol at him. “Stay down and take your punishment or I’m going to add more.”
I twist, eyes narrowed and indignant, “the fuck-ow!”
He spanks me a second time, on the other side, his large hand rubbing the hot, stinging spot that his hand just connected with.
“What the fuck are you doing? How dare y–”
And again.
“Keep arguing with me. You consented to this, princess. You need discipline, and that means that you’re going to have a very strict set of rules to follow. Say, ‘yes Kieran’ so that I know you understand.”
He’s fucking enjoying this. Sadistic bastard.
“Fuck yourself!”
Another spank. “No, I have you for that now, Princess.”
“If you think you’re ever going to touch me again, I will cut your dick off!” I scream into the bathroom floor. If only his body wasn’t so fucking big then I might have a better chance at fighting him off. He pushes me lower with his forearm to my back. Then, just to prove that he can, he sinks two fingers into my exposed pussy.
I don’t mean to moan. I really don’t.
“Is that right, Princess? Because from how fucking wet you are right now… I think you agree with everything that I’m saying.”
“Arrogant, gloating, piece of shit .” I scream, my throat feeling raw.
His fingers leave me and spread my wetness over the swell of my ass before he spanks me again. It stings all the more.
“Apologize for hitting me.” Kieran says with faux sweetness. “And, then I’ll think about letting you cum today.”
If I could spit right in his smug face, then I fucking would.
Bitter, hateful words are about to leave my lips, and he puts his hand back. “Fuuu-”
“What’s that? I can’t hear you, baby.” Kieran’s voice twists, syrupy sweet because he’s winning and he knows it. “Are you going to be a good girl now and behave?”
Kieran’s thumb pushes up against my clit, slipping over the skin - I can feel myself dripping down my fucking thighs. What the hell is wrong with me?
Another spank with his other hand. It doesn’t even occur to me that I should try to move. I keep my breasts and face firmly pressed to the bathroom floor and my ass right up in the air, knees spread to keep giving him access to my sex. It feels too fucking good. The blend of the stinging skin paired with his fingers inside of me? Oh God, I’m going to cum way too fucking fast.
Another spank.
“I asked you a question, Princess. If you like being spanked that much, you just have to ask. But if you don’t want me to think of a worse punishment, you will answer my questions.”
“Yes! Okay! Fucking bastard! I will!” I swear.
“Good girl.” He adds a third finger and my mind short circuits. I feel like I’m in heat - my nipples grinding into the rough floor through my t-shirt and Kieran behind me. “Because this body belongs to me, and I take care of my belongings. That means you have to take care of this body too? You don’t want to know what happens to people who hurt what belongs to me.”
From the lethal edge to his voice, I know that he’s serious.
“Don’t you want my princess to feel good, Ada? Shouldn’t my girl’s body be worshiped?” Kieran goads, pushing me further and further to orgasm despite the anger that I still feel.
“Yes.” I say through gritted teeth.
Kieran laughs, mocking my anger. “I guess you need that attitude fucked right out of you, huh baby?”
Oh, fuck him. Arrogant, cocky– oh fuck.
Kieran doesn’t let me answer before he slams into me from behind. It’s so much deeper than before. I don’t have time to adjust to the length of him, the thickness stretching me.
I’m still tender from the last night and yet I need more. My body was made for him, he fits perfectly. Almost too perfectly. Even as his hips slam into the back of mine. All words of protest leave me. All thoughts slip right out of my head as Kieran grabs my hip with one hand and spanks me soundly with the other. I can’t even imagine how red my skin is, but I do know that I’m going to have bruises in the shape of his hands on my hips.
Just further proof that my body belongs to him.
I can’t even moan, the pace is so rough and fast, I just have to take it. My thighs strain with the effort of keeping upright.
“Touch yourself, baby. I want to feel you cum on my cock. Do it now.”
“Yes, Kieran.” My mouth supplies easily as I quickly do what he asked me to. My fingers slide over the slippery skin, barely brushing over the nub before I shatter. My breath hitches as he keeps going as I squeeze and pulsate around him.
“ Fuck ,” Kieran groans. Hot, thick cum fills me. I can feel him pulsating deep inside of me.
I’m still trembling when he pulls out of me, taking only a moment to push his cum back up inside of me with his thumb before he grabs my hair and pulls me up, eye level with his cock. He pushes the tip against my closed lips. Another thing that I’ve never done. Kieran slaps the side of my face with his free hand, softly. Just enough to tell me wordlessly what he wants. My mouth opens and he slides right inside of my mouth. His breathing was heavy before, but he looks almost blissed as he cuts off my oxygen.
My hands brace against his thighs, pushing him away but with his hand in my hair, I can’t do anything but take it. I start to feel his cum sliding out of me, and like a good princess, I snap my thighs shut to keep him inside, like he told me to. I don’t even realize that I’m being so compliant until after the movement is done. My eyes lift to him as he slides slowly in and out of my mouth, tasting the mix of both of us on my tongue.
“Fuck, baby. As much as I would love to feed you my cock exclusively, you have to eat properly. Then, if you’re good, this can be dessert every time.”
His hand in my hair softens, almost lovingly as he massages my scalp.
“Swallow it down baby,” Kieran says, his voice husky as he softly traces the sides of my face, cupping the bottom of my chin as I clean the last of us from him. When I do as he says, he sinks to his knees on the floor in front of me, still holding my face as he kisses me deeply. Something about the way that he looks at me makes me feel so fucking powerful. I can’t put a name to it.
If my body belongs to him, does that mean that his belongs to me too?
My hand flattens over his chest, pushing him off balance until he topples onto his ass, his back against the side of the tub. Silently, nervously, I climb onto his lap and straddle him. My hands tremble with nerves as I reach down between us, closing my fingers around his thickness, and stroking him back to hardness.
Kieran looks confused, but he certainly doesn’t fight me as I position him, and slide down onto his cock. It feels like acceptance, and apology for not trusting him… for hitting him and leaving that mark on his face that’s absolutely going to scar. I lean forward to kiss it softly as his hands find my hips, helping me move on top of him as my legs are exhausted.
It’s slower, deep and perfect as I ride him. He lavishes kisses against my neck, chest, and breasts. The angle that I’m at provides the perfect friction against my clit and I keep going, chasing that sensation. Do I have power here, too? He would have to surrender to me, too… wouldn’t he?
Keiran’s hands are on my ass, lifting me when my legs can’t do it anymore and I place my hand around his neck. No pressure. I wouldn’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt him, not really. With almost no pressure whatsoever, I slap the side of his face, testing the waters. Kieran’s gaze seems to darken, a wicked smirk playing on his features. It’s almost like he’s daring me to do it again, but for real. I’m tempted, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
He waits, patiently letting me explore every part of his body that I can reach. How far will he let me take it? How far am I willing to go? I think the answer intimidates me a little bit.
“More, princess?” Kieran asks, and I bite his bottom lip in answer. “Does my girl want to be filled up again?”
I pause, for just a moment, and nod.
After, when I’m able to breathe correctly again, the pair of us sit naked on the bathroom floor. Something that normally would appall me, but I’m far too satiated to care. My back rests against the cold bathtub, my head resting against Kieran’s shoulder as he absently rubs at the tender muscles in my thigh.
“Struggles of the mind aren’t something easy to overcome. I know that it likely sounds like I have no idea what I’m talking about, but I assure you that I know a little something about these things.” Kieran says, his voice suddenly world weary and heavy.
I lift my chin, looking at the chiseled features of his face as I wait for him to speak.
“From my understanding, my mother had postpartum depression. While my father, God love his soul, did not believe in things like mental health care, my mother needed help that she never got. She snuck out in secret to get treatment as often as she could. Sometimes she took me with her. I know that my mother loved me, she didn’t need to show it, but she could hardly get out of bed most days.”
My eyes widen, my mouth running dry as I struggle in vain to try to figure out what to say. I have a feeling that wherever this story is going, I’m not going to care for the ending.
Kieran’s hands rub my thigh a little more firmly. It’s not uncomfortable but it’s like he’s trying to use the massage as a way to settle his own nerves.
“The depression just got worse and worse. Eventually, my father figured out where she was going and put a swift stop to any attempts at medication or treatment.” Kieran pauses, collecting himself. I don’t think that he’s ever told this story to anybody else before. “I was only thirteen when she took her life.”
The pain in his voice is palpable.
“I was still too young to really understand what had happened. When I found her, my father said that it was just something inevitable. That she had been weak. Of course, he was in the middle of training me to take over for him. My father was very insistent that I could only be the sort of man that he wanted me to be.” Kieran shrugs a shoulder, making his body language seem far more casual than the way he sounds. “As I grew older, I started to slowly grasp the extent of her suffering. It’s not a path that I will allow another to walk, princess.”
My heart breaks for him. I feel the sorrow of it deep within my chest. I can’t imagine the pain that something so life altering would bring upon a teenage boy. The fact that he found her, that he had to be the one to see her in that condition. I don’t need to know how it happened. I don’t want to know. And, more than that, I don’t want him to have to relive that moment.
Kieran’s offering me a glimpse into the wounds that shaped him, the same as me.
It’s a weird, twisted peace offering. A bridge of understanding between us and something to hold us together. A path for this weird hope growing inside of me to travel.
I had misunderstood him. It wasn’t arrogance that made him offer what he did. He’s not helping me because he feels like he knows better or that he can control me, but because he doesn’t want to see another woman facing the same unhappy end as his mother.
“So where does this end?”
The questions leave my lips before I can stop them. “To what end? If I recover and leaving here is what’s best for me, will you let me go? What’s the point in ‘saving’ me if you just intend on keeping me against my will?”
Kieran stops, the moment between us shattering. He lingers, but I can’t read his face well enough to know what he could possibly be thinking.
Instead, he stands, leaving me here against the cold tub as he plucks his clothes out from under and around me to start getting dressed. The distance between us is no longer a bridge, but a chasm that I can’t even hope to traverse. He won’t even meet my gaze.
“I’ll wait for you in the kitchen. We need to find something you can tolerate.” Kieran says as way of goodbye before closing the bathroom door behind him.
I can’t even bring myself to move.
Is Kieran’s promise going to truly be enough to save me from the darkness that’s consumed me for so long?