Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
ADA
I t doesn’t get easier to wake up alone. No matter how many times it happens, it still hurts. Which is insane, because I woke up alone every day of my life before Kieran kidnapped me. I have gotten accustomed to his warmth so quickly. The steady rise and fall of his breathing is soothing. I will never say it out loud, but I’ve never slept so well as I do when I'm pressed into his side. I haven’t taken the ring off. I probably should, but I also don’t want to. It’s a very strange blend of emotions.
I dressed and ignored the breakfast that he left out on the table for me. I’m sure that there’s going to be hell to pay for that choice later when he checks the cameras and sees that I outright refused, but I don’t think I can stomach it this morning. I don’t know why, but the nerves are double what they were before now. It’s some strange gut feeling that I’ve never had before. Is it hormones? Something else? It’s a gnawing and restless feeling that has me pacing the room over and over again. Comfortable designer pajamas, a knee length satin robe, and plush slippers normally would have me feeling right at home. They are simple pleasures that I’ve been relishing since he brought them, but now they almost feel itchy.
Is something happening?
Is Kieran hurt?
I don’t think that I can take him coming home bleeding again.
A strange tapping starts to come from the other side of the heavy metal front door. Almost like a ticking? I step closer, curious as to the new sound. Usually, it’s just the computerized beeping of Kieran returning back.
Heavy thudding has me moving away from the door, my arms wrapped defensively around myself. Is somebody trying to break in? That’s impossible. Nobody can know where I am… right? Nobody knows how to get through that door. Kieran said that it was completely impossible.
And yet…
A distant pop, and then a larger one, and the whole fucking door starts to rattle. I glance toward the kitchen. Should I try to arm myself? Would that even do any good or would it just be useless in the long run? I scramble backward as the door bursts open with a small detonation. I scream. I can’t help it as I try to scramble for the couch.
“Ada? Miss Dominio!”
I know that voice.
It feels like a fever dream to hear that familiar tone in here. What is he doing here? Am I tripping and delusional? Have I somehow been drugged or am I still asleep?
No, Alberto is actually here. He storms into the room, checking for anybody lurking in the corners and seemingly wholly shocked to see me standing in the living room whole and untouched. At least, he likely thinks that I’m untouched.
I let myself be pulled into his arms. I hug him tightly, more reflex than anything else as he threatens to squeeze the life out of me. Despite the fact that we’ve become such close friends over the years, it’s a very rare thing that Alberto actually touches me for any reason.
“Are you okay?” Alberto pulls away from me, checking me over. He walks a circle around me, making sure that I’m not injured or bruised. At least I’m not bruised anywhere that he can see with my clothes still on.
I’m being rescued.
It doesn’t feel the way I thought it would.
“I’m okay,” I smile, and let him take my hand.
“Let’s get you out of here.” Alberto starts to guide me to the door. It hits me that either Kieran is dead, or he’s going to come back here and not know where I’ve gone, which means that other people are going to die. I don’t have much here, but the bed that I fall asleep in tonight isn’t going to smell like him. The clothes that he bought me are being left behind.
“How did you even find me?” I ask. I almost expect some sort of magical force field to stop me from actually leaving, but then I’m just over the threshold. Like it was just that simple this whole time.
“Cristiano got a tip on your location. It felt like a trap but he said that he wasn’t willing to risk it without coming here to check. I can’t believe that you were really here all this time. So close. Your brother is never going to stop beating himself up over this one.”
“An anonymous tip?” I don’t want to hear the answer. Kieran didn’t give me back…did he?
“Yes. For now, anyway. We will find out where the tip originated from, never you worry about that now. For now, we will get you home and cleaned up. Whatever you need, you know that it will be yours.”
Home. But they don’t mean my home. They mean my brother’s home, the family home.
Where I’m going to be watched and guarded every second of every day.
I have this horrible feeling that it’s not going to feel like home anymore. That damned hideout had started to feel like home. And Kieran… Kieran had started to feel like home.
I can’t tell my brother that.
Alberto escorts me into the back of his SUV, taking great care to be gentle with me and shutting the door. I hear the locks click into place and the feeling of being trapped grows. I can hear him talking to Cristiano on the phone, but my brother doesn’t even ask to speak to me, he just demands that I be brought home quickly.
It hurts my feelings.
I can’t shake this hollow feeling that’s settling over me, leaving me cold. My leg starts to bounce, and I hold myself tighter as I pinch at the skin over my ribs. Kieran isn’t going to be there to help me eat. He’s not going to be there to help me sleep. The SUV speeds away so quickly that the car jerks my body around. I miss him. I shouldn’t, but fuck I miss him already.
I’m too scared to ask what’s happened to Kieran. They might not even know. I don’t want to hear the bad news. If it’s something horrible, I’ll be better off not knowing. My hand drops, my ring catching the light as my palm flattens over my lower stomach. What’s going to happen? I turn my ring around so that they don’t take it from me, curling my fingers around the stone protectively. I don’t know if I’m ready for what’s coming next.
But first things first. I need to get my hands on a pregnancy test. In secret.
The last time that I felt this nervous to come home, I was being released from rehab. Everything in the house had been silent for weeks after. Meals, hallways… it was like everybody was afraid to talk to me. Everybody was ignoring my condition and thus outright ignoring me entirely. Back then, Maeve had been the only person removed from it all. She was the only person that I treated me like a human being.
Will that still be the case now that she’s married to my brother?
I don’t want to admit that things have changed because of her falling in love with Cristiano, but how could they not?
Walking into the house this time is something surreal. There are so many people everywhere I look. It has become Cristiano’s headquarters since he took over as the head of family when father died. But even with the increased security everywhere, there’s just so many more bodies than I’m used to. They all explode the moment I walk into the room.
People swarm me and it’s instantly overwhelming. Maeve is a welcome embrace, she always is. Lila, my best friend, of course she’s welcome. I see Cristiano holding mother in the background as she cries. Everybody else is talking about how happy they are to have me back. It feels less about actually being happy to see me and more about needing to get onto the next step of whatever plan Cristiano is executing. It’s overwhelming. I want to fully embrace them, but I can’t. Something about this just doesn’t feel right. Something’s missing and I have a sinking feeling that I know exactly what it is.
Lila walks me to my old room. I’m glad that she’s the one to do it.
It’s so much easier to breathe properly when it’s just the two of us alone in the room. I sink slowly onto my old bed, letting my hands brush over the downy comforter. It doesn’t feel mine anymore. It’s not the cheap black one that is on Kieran’s bed, the sort that’s only functional and not even comfortable, but I’ve grown so accustomed to it…
“I can get the shower started for you, if you want?” Lila offers.
I must have been dissociating hard because her voice startles me. “Hm? Oh, that would be nice. Thanks.”
“Of course.” Lila smiles softly and disappears into my ensuite bathroom. I hear the shower start. I know that it’s still fully stocked with all of the expensive products that I love and always make me feel luxurious. My hair is dull and my skin is problematic now that I’ve been using Kieran’s stuff but… it’s going to be strange to not see his stupid soap next to mine. Only one toothbrush.
What is the matter with me? I should be thrilled to be home, over the moon.
Lila pauses in the doorway, leaning against the frame with a smile as she dries her hands. “Want me to wash your hair for you? Get a good scalp massage in? I can do your makeup… make you feel more like yourself maybe? Or just…”
“I think I’m pregnant.” I blurt.
It’s not the words that I meant to say -- but they are the ones that come out.
Lila’s eyes go wide as saucers. “That mother fucker,” her face contorts with rage, automatically assuming the worst. “That fucking bastard! I’m going to kill him. Your brother isn’t even going to get the fucking chance. I will rip his balls off and make him choke on them.”
Lila starts to stomp towards the door, ready to rip it off its hinges and proclaim to the world that she thinks that not only was I raped, but that I’m pregnant. Cristiano will flip a lid. I can’t. I grab her arm, pulling with every bit of strength that I have, pulling her back and shaking my head.
“No, no, Lila please, you don’t understand–”
Lila hisses in pain, and I drop my hold. We both look down at her arm at the same time and see the line of blood that my ring has caused on her arm. Fuck. My ring. Lila snatches my hand, flipping it over to see the massive rock that’s injured her and her eyes start to widen for a whole other reason. Her jaw goes slack as she starts to put the pieces together.
“Is that a–?” Lila whispers like she’s afraid the walls have ears. Hell, they might. But I hope not.
I bite my bottom lip, taking her hand again and leading us both to the bed and sitting on its edge. “Yes. No. Well, yes… it is. I don’t know if it means anything… or just… fuck my head is a mess and I don’t…”
“But you and…”
“Kieran.”
“Your brother just keeps calling him that Doyle bastard. I didn’t even know he had a first name.”
I laugh. “It’s a fitting title for him regardless.”
“And you think that you’re…” Lila trails off, her hands dropping to my navel the same time that mine do.
“I don’t know for sure. I’m late… and I’ve never really been late before. I just…”
“What will you do?” Lila asks gently, her warm hands on mine, her voice filled with concern.
I shake my head, unable to find an answer. The idea of telling Cristiano or even Alberto is out of the question. My brother is already on a relentless hunt for Kieran and I don’t even want to imagine how he would react to this. There would be no reasoning with him. None whatsoever. I’m terrified all around.
“I don’t know,” I admit in a small, trembling voice. “I just… I need to know for sure. Can you help me get a pregnancy test?”
Lila surges forward, her arms wrapping around me tightly.
As Lila hugs me, I feel a small measure of comfort. Together, we will figure it out.