Chapter 3 #2
Varius apparently, thankfully, decided not to press, though, because he continued, "What problems will this cause for you? Tychon didn't interfere when you left before, even if he didn't like it, but now that you've stood against him I can't see him letting that go."
Theira nodded, ripping off a chunk of bread to dip in the soup. "He won't. But he's also not so arrogant that he'll come after me here, where I've had years to control the ground. Certainly not now that I've proved I'm ready."
"Don't take this the wrong way," Varius said, "but is he not powerful enough to take you on head-to-head, even here? I thought that was the whole reason no one rebelled against him."
"Oh, he is," Theira said without offense.
"The Sorcerer Ascendant can draw on enough power to defeat anyone in a head-to-head battle.
He just wouldn't come through unscathed, and I could drain him enough that another sorceress would finish the job.
Which I would, and they would, and he knows that.
That's why you never see him on the battlefield. "
"Ah. I'd always thought it was an aversion to doing his own work when he could force it on others and cull his competition."
"It's that as well, of course. But Korossia needs ever more resources to support the level of sorcery and luxury those at the top have become accustomed to—that is, ostensibly, the whole reason Korossia is in this war.
But if there are fewer high-tier sorcerers to sustain, more of those resources go to Tychon. "
"Making him more powerful with every year that passes without lifting a finger. Elegant."
"Quite."
Varius grunted, leaning back in his seat and ripping off a piece of bread for himself.
He might be fully dressed today, but even the man's forearms were unreasonable, their strength so visibly evident even at rest, unlike her own.
"Not so different from the empire, really, although there are a few more hands at the head to split the rewards.
They can't justify the taxes that keep them in luxury without war, and a holy war against evil sorcery unites all the disparate nations so they don't rebel against the wealthy few. "
"A tale as old as time."
He sighed. "It's no wonder neither side will end this disaster. The ones with all the power are too invested to stop without taking a hit themselves, which they'll never do."
Varius frowned down at the remains of his soup—how had he eaten that so fast? Soldier habits, she supposed—which Theira took heart from. He was brooding on the problem now, and that was a big step up from only yesterday, even if she wasn't sure what had changed for him besides some rest.
Then he said, "So if you ever leave your territory here, Tychon will send sorceresses to hunt you."
Ah. Not brooding, planning. Ever the strategist.
"Yes. But I'm in no rush to go anywhere."
She'd traveled plenty during the war. Seen sights, burned them. Theira was happy to stay in this place she'd carved for herself.
Now, anyway. Later—
"I don't like you being trapped here, though," Varius said. He ripped his bread precisely, a fraction of the force she knew he could exert.
It thrilled her, his control.
And made her want to break it.
Perhaps later, once she had enough energy to do something about an unleashed Varius, though she was feeling more energized every minute in his presence.
Their banter across battlefields—as she surprised him with a new kind of sorcerous trap and got to deliver a prepared quip that had him rolling his eyes in amusement even as he struggled to free all his soldiers, or he surprised her by neatly avoiding it and teasing her mercilessly for underestimating him as she was forced to rapidly improvise new defenses—had always been something she unreasonably looked forward to; she might have expected what he would do to her in closer quarters.
"There's no way for sorcerers to surround me," she assured him.
"I meant you should be free to go where you choose.
" Before Theira had to think of a response to that breathtaking statement, from a former enemy of all people, he continued, "If Caius Sobanus and his ilk were really clever they'd have reached out to you about joining forces once you'd gotten away to end this.
But there's too much bigotry in the empire for them to have even considered it. "
"Be fair, I have also killed quite a lot of your people," Theira said, amused, but then let her smile fall to meet his gaze seriously. "And I don't want the Aurelian Empire to win the war, either. I want both of them to stop their aggression. The nightmare needs to end for everyone."
An impossibly bold idea. People on both sides had been executed for suggesting less.
Varius just raised his eyebrows. "Do you really think that's possible?"
He couldn't even imagine it.
But he was asking. Theira returned, "Do you believe your people deserve to rest?"
"Yes," Varius said without hesitation. "And so do you."
She had her freedom. But as his steady gaze held hers, Theira realized that for Varius, it wasn't enough. He wanted more—for her.
Her chest tightened again as she leaned forward across the table. "Then so do you."
Varius made a face. "You know, I felt that coming and still walked into it."
Theira laughed, easing back in her seat and popping another soup-soaked piece of bread into her mouth. A bit of soup leaked out, and as she grabbed a cloth to wipe it she noticed Varius tracking her lips.
An excellent sign, if she did say so herself.
So Theira pressed a little. "If you can't imagine freedom for yourself, how can you expect anyone else to hope enough for themselves to do anything about it?"
He studied her. "How did you do it? How did you even imagine you could leave?"
Theira thought. "I suppose I didn't, at first. But I started making plans in case.
To give me something else to think about besides the war.
To see if I could get away with it. And little by little I'd invested enough resources and time in my little side project that I started to believe in it in truth.
So when the time came and I knew I had to get out or die in this war, it—it was still a shift.
But not an earth-shattering one all at once.
Your path will necessarily be different. "
"Because I didn't try."
"Because I had time to adjust, and you didn't."
Varius shook his head. "Even after you left, I didn't quite believe it. And then I thought, of course Theira would be the one person able to find a way to escape this nightmare, and that still wasn't enough of a kick in the pants to get me thinking."
"Now that I don't believe," Theira said firmly. "You thought about it. You just didn't see a way out that wouldn't abandon or hurt your people."
Varius pursed his lips but didn't debate the point.
Theira huffed. So honest, even when he didn't like the answers. That was one of the things that had always made him difficult—he saw too much.
And he proved it as he said, "Whereas you didn't have anyone who depended on your presence, but you hoped they might depend on your absence. What were you going to do, if a house's worth of sorceresses followed you?"
"The table extends to seat more. I have extra chairs."
It slipped out. It wasn't what she'd have said if she'd taken a second to think about it, and she knew that wasn't what he was asking, not really.
But maybe it was, because Varius said softly, "The whole house is like that, isn't it? Ready and adaptable in case anyone else ever dared believe. And you don't just have the craft books because you needed to be able to be self-sufficient."
He did always see too much.
Theira looked around her house that still felt, despite her best efforts, like it was missing something.
And maybe that something was people.
"I wanted them to be able to find something else they could do purely for the joy of it, if they wanted.
That's not a part of our upbringing, sorceresses.
" Oh, that would sound pathetic to him, wouldn't it?
She flashed him a grin in a pitiful attempt to cover.
"If you want to take up pottery, I'm prepared to make that happen. "
"And you?" Varius asked, gaze inexorable, refusing to be distracted. "Did you try something?"
Theira hesitated. Would he laugh? Of course he wouldn't laugh. Unless maybe she laughed, and they could laugh about it together? She wasn't sure what response she even wanted, so she evaded. "I tried a few things."
"What did you settle on?"
Inexorable. He wouldn't believe she'd just given up the effort. Theira shrugged self-consciously and decided to just come out with it. "Painting. I can be as messy as I want and still make something, even if it isn't beautiful. My standards are low."
"No, they aren't," Varius said with a thread of amusement, "but it's not something it matters to be good at. Just that you have the freedom to do."
Yes. That was it exactly.
She tried to make a joke of it. "Some of us need to practice being imperfect."
He snorted. "You refused to continue with something you were naturally better at, didn't you?"
Well. Maybe.
Theira glanced down at her tray for a distraction, but she'd tragically finished all the food already. Curses.
Then he asked, "Will you show me?"
Theira froze. Her eyes darted up to his.
Varius' gaze was steady. "Your art. The house. All of it."
Did she want that? Yes and no.
She wanted to show someone, and him in particular, so desperately she was terrified to.
And that, ultimately, was what decided her.
Not that she could trust him, though she thought she could. But the Sorceress Transcendent didn't cower for anyone, and certainly not herself.
Varius knew what she would answer. He stood and held out a hand.
Not because she needed it. But because he could offer.
She clasped onto him, and let him help her to her feet.